The Smallest Things
by mariel123
Summary: Sometimes just the smallest things take us from being friends to something much more. A/U, Buck/Lou romance.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Young Riders; just taking them out to have some fun.**

**A/N: This is my first story! Thank you to all who read it for me, gave constructive criticism, and provided reassurance to the nth power, you know who you are. I have taken major liberties with events and timelines;it is set during the third season in Rock Creek. **

As far as I was concerned, Teaspoon's announcement came as a blessing in disguise. Oh, the boys made faces and gave a collective groan when Teaspoon summoned us to the bunkhouse; they sensed what was coming. And they had good reason: an emergency run, two nights for two guns to Fort Laramie. But I wasn't about to complain; Ike never usually complained much; and Buck - well, of all of us Buck complained the least.

"Any volunteers?" Teaspoon addressed the group with his characteristic Texas drawl. "Lou? Good. Anyone else, or - he plucked several straws from the broom leaning against the wall, " shall we let Fate do the choosing?"

Noah, Jimmy, Kid, and Cody exchanged uneasy glances; they all hated overnighters. Ike glanced quickly at Buck with a raised eyebrow; Buck almost imperceptibly shook his head. Teaspoon had the straws at the ready, tucked into his fist and was saying "Short straw gets the ride, boys" when a quiet voice spoke.

"It's all right, Teaspoon, I'll go."

It was Buck who had spoken and I breathed an inward sigh of relief. Oh, Ike's company would have been fine - what he lacked in a spoken voice, he made up for with a razor-sharp wit and uncanny perception. And unlike most of the others, he knew when enough was enough. But given the way I'd been feeling lately, I was glad to be riding with Buck. I always felt completely safe when I rode with him; he was quiet and usually serious but had a subtle, appealing sense of humour and was the best tracker in the Territory.

I quickly packed my gear, adding an extra blanket and a rain slicker in case the unpredictable weather turned ugly. I headed to the barn and saddled up Lightning. Outside at the hitching rail I was tightening the cinch strap when Rachel joined me. She handed me a most welcome piece of baggage: a canvas satchel packed with sandwiches for supper and muffins for breakfast.

"Thanks, Rachel" I said gratefully. "This'll help shorten our trip since we can ride longer without having to stop and cook our food."

"You're welcome, honey. I thought I'd pack some of Buck's favourites" she said with a smile and a wink. The light breeze ruffled her honey-coloured hair; she tucked a stray lock behind her ear.

"You're not sweet on him now, are you?" I teased.

"I love all of my boys the same - and my girl most of all" she teased back. "But something's weighing heavy on his mind and I hate to see him so sad. It breaks my heart to see him hurting and not be able to help."

"What's wrong?" I asked, leaning against the rail. "Has he told you anything?" I'd been so wrapped up in my own affairs I hadn't noticed much else going on around me, let alone Buck.

"I don't know what's bothering him and he hasn't said anything - not to me anyway. Ike, maybe. I'd love to help him, but I don't want to pry." Rachel looked troubled.

"Lots of hurting going on" I said soberly. "I'm not sorry to get away from here for a couple of days. I need a break from - uhm, this place." I quickly looked away, sharp tears suddenly pricking my eyes, but I'd be damned if I let anyone see me cry, even Rachel.

"This business with the Kid has really been hard on you, hasn't it?" Rachel asked gently.

"Well, yeah." I dug a hole in the dirt with the toe of my boot. "I just need to separate myself from all of it for a bit. It's like I miss him but I don't miss him at the same time." I lowered my eyes. "Pretty silly, ain't it?"

"Not at all" Rachel said with a rueful grin. She bent down and picked up a second package she'd placed on the ground beside her, and handed it to me. "Here - I got this for you some time ago. I wanted to wait until the time was right."

I was all set to rip it open right then and there but she hastily laid a hand over mine. "Promise me you won't open it until you get to Laramie?"

I did something then that I almost never did with anyone: I threw my arms around Rachel and hugged her hard.

"You'd better get a move on, honey. Buck and Spirit are waitin on you."

With that I mounted up, no longer feeling like plain old Lou McLeod who dressed like a boy and sometimes forgot she was even a girl. Buck rode over to us.

"Ready?" he asked with the shadow of a grin.

"Yep" I grinned back. We cantered off to Rachel's call of "Ride safe!"

The afternoon remained cool and we were able to cover more miles than we'd originally hoped. Midafternoon, Buck signalled to me; we'd come upon a fast-flowing creek where we'd be able to water the horses and fill our canteens.

I dismounted and led Lightning over to the creek's bank where Buck had already dismounted from Spirit. I wasn't sorry to take a break from the saddle; my lower back and lower front were both aching to beat the devil. I groaned softly and stretched, arching my back forwards and backwards. Buck looked up at me; he'd been filling his canteen at the creek's edge.

"You all right, Lou?" he asked quietly. "You look kind of pale."

"I'm okay, just didn't get much sleep last night is all." No way was I going to tell him what the real problem was.

"Cody's snoring kept me awake, too" he chuckled. It struck me then that I'd never noticed before just how his eyes lit up and his mouth crinkled at the corners when he laughed. "Here, I'll fill your canteen too."

I handed it to him when I was struck by a cramp as swift and savage as a lightning bolt. I silently doubled over.

Strong hands held my upper arms until finally the pain subsided, leaving me trembling and sweaty. I shakily drew my hand across my mouth. Buck, bless him, made no comment, just handed me my canteen.

"Have a drink - the water's cold and fresh."

It was indeed. I thanked him, then sat down in the shade of an ancient willow. I watched as Buck walked off in the opposite direction, probably to take care of personal things, I thought. It felt good just to rest even briefly. The pain in my back and front had settled to a steady, dull ache; bearable, I thought, for a couple or three more hours of riding. A hot campfire was something to look forward to. I tried to make myself look presentable and made my way over to Lightning. He nickered and nuzzled my shoulder and I scratched his ears, something he loved.

"Just a few more hours today, big fella" I rubbed his head on my arm. Presently Buck joined us.

"Got a few more hours left in you, Lou?" His tone was light, his eyes serious. They seemed to have darkened somehow.

Why was I only noticing these things now, when I'd known Buck for so long already? I pondered this as we mounted our horses and cantered off. I trusted him to keep a sharp watch as we rode, something I knew came as natural as breathing to the Kiowa part of him. I knew in my gut that I could trust Buck with my life.

He was by nature a quiet man, except when he was with Ike. He showed me and Rachel the utmost respect, unlike the others who usually treated me as a sometimes-annoying sister. Not that that was a bad thing; when my secret had been revealed I'd been terrified that the boys would rat me out to Teaspoon. But they hadn't.

Wait just a minute here - I thought of Buck as a man while I thought of the others as boys? Why was that, anyway? All of us had fought like men in some damned desperate situations, we'd fought to the death when we'd had to...we'd die for each other, too, if it came to that. We were all we really had. We were family through and through.

And Buck...I didn't even know how old he was; I'd heard that the Kiowa didn't keep track of birthdays like we did. If I had to guess I'd say Buck was about my age, maybe a year older, as were the others. That didn't make him a man but other things did - he wasn't cocky like Cody or arrogant like Jimmy...or judgemental like Kid...

Damn. Kid was the last person I wanted to be thinking about. I pictured the look of shocked surprise on his face and all of my anger, shame, and hurt boiled up inside of me all over again. I was ready to spit venom, just like an angry snake.

"Lou...LOU!"

"What?" I replied curtly.

"Want to make camp for the night?" Buck indicated a riverbank with a grove of trees for shelter. I nodded to him and we reined our horses in first to a trot, then a walk.

"Looks like as good a spot as any." I dismounted and began to unpack my saddlebags, as did Buck. "I'll take care of the horses if you'll see to the fire" I offered. I felt bad for having been short with him - he had nothing to do with my relationship problems or the pain I was in.

"Thanks, Lou. Sure." Buck gave me a brief smile, the first one in a long time. He had a beautiful smile, real and honest, that started somewhere in his eyes. A smile that made me feel all tingly, made my stomach drop.

Not wanting to be caught staring, I quickly set about buckling my saddlebags closed again.

"What's in the package?" Buck's voice came from somewhere near my elbow and I jumped.

"Ahhh...Just something Rachel sent along. She - uh - wants me to drop it off in Fort Laramie for her."

"Oh." Buck's voice sounded a little doubtful, but then again my answer had sounded pretty feeble. I started to unsaddle the horses; Buck went off to gather firewood. I gave both Lightning and Spirit a good rubdown and soon Buck had a large fire burning.

Finally, we both washed our hands in the creek. I splashed water on my face and neck; the cold water felt so good, helped to revive me a little. Drying my hands on my trouser legs, I walked over to the fire where Buck was opening the satchel of food that Rachel had sent with us. The sandwiches were a little squashed but still tasted wonderful. At length, our stomachs full, we set our bedrolls down on the ground by the fire.

Buck threw on more wood; I watched the sparks rise up to the darkening sky. The first stars were just coming out. I hooked my arms around my bent knees and sighed.

"Long day" Buck said, taking off his hat and shaking out his long hair.

"Yeah...good riding, though. We've made good time so far." I reached for my canteen and took a long swallow. "You want some coffee? I'll make it" I offered.

Buck shook his head. He reached for a cup sitting on a flat rock at the edge of the fire. To my surprise, he handed it to me.

"What's this?" I asked, puzzled.

"It's raspberry leaf and willow bark tea" he replied quietly.

"What's it for?" I held the cup in my hands and inhaled the rising steam; it smelled good, aromatic and fruity.

"It'll help your monthly cramps."

I stole a glance at Buck; the firelight flickered gold on his brown skin. I could barely meet his eyes, I was so embarrassed, but to my surprise he was not - he looked as though he had just stated that the sky was blue.

"It's not a shameful thing, Lou. Nothing natural is shaming."

The burning in my cheeks gradually subsided. I sipped the hot brew.

"It's really good, Buck. Thank you" I said gratefully. It was.

"The Kiowa women believe that one who suffers so will someday bear many children" Buck said with a grin.

"I believe what you're sayin, Buck, but right now havin babies is the last thing I want to be thinkin about" I said dryly.

Buck laughed heartily, a most welcome sound. I didn't know if he was laughing with me or at me but I didn't care. I began to chuckle and soon i was laughing right along with him.

At length our laughter slowed. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and drank down the rest of the herbal tea.

"How're you feeling?" Buck asked, poking the fire up with a stick.

"I really do feel better, Buck. Better than I have in - well, a real long time." My gaze faltered and I looked down at my feet. "I guess you know Kid and I broke up."

"I knew" Buck said somberly, eyes dark in the firelight. "Getting away for a couple of days was a good idea. You can sort things out better if you're away from Rock Creek."

"I don't know what there is to sort out" I said, staring at the flames. "I don't plan on getting back together with Kid again. Ever."

"You don't have to be telling me this" Buck said gently. "Not unless you really want to."

"I do, though. That's just it - you're the only one - "

"The only one what?" he asked, raising a fine dark eyebrow.

"The only one besides Ike who'd really care enough to listen" I whispered. Tears began to track down my cheeks; I swiped at them angrily. "Kid - thinks I'm not - _good _- enough, for him."

This was met with stunned silence. "Why?" Buck asked finally.

"Because I'm damaged goods, Buck" I said bitterly. "No man is ever going to want me."

"That's horseshit" he snorted. "Why would he turn you away for having been with someone in an act of love - "

"But it wasn't." My voice was harsh and low. I stared into his eyes defiantly. "I was taken against my will. I was raped."

The tears began in earnest; I couldn't wipe them away fast enough. I covered my face with my hands and sobbed in anger and shame.

Buck muttered an oath. He came over and sat down close beside me, then I was held tight in his arms.

"Lou" he whispered and kissed my temple. "Lou, don't cry. I know how much it hurts."

"No you don't" I sobbed. He stroked my hair and held me even closer, if that was possible.

"I do...my mother was raped by a white man. I am the result of that."

His words were so bare, so stark. He had known this all his life, had had to live with it every single day, and the implications were huge.

"God, Buck...what has your life been like?" I whispered, chastened.

"The Kiowa don't trust me...to them I am white. " He spoke bitterly. "To the whites I am just a low-down half-breed. Even Red Bear, my half-brother, would side against me in most things. Until I came to the Pony Express I didn't fit in anywhere. Ike has been my only friend, ever."

"Buck..." I was truly at a loss for words. I had heard, of course, of Buck being referred to as half-breed, but I had never thought of the implications until now. "You are such a fine man...such a good friend...why can't anyone see you, past your skin?" The tears ran down my cheeks...I didn't care. I put my arms tight around him, rested my forehead against his shoulder.

He half-turned to face me...our faces were so close. He tipped up my chin with his hand and touched his lips to mine. I let out a small sigh and managed a smile, for this was so very welcome. He gave me a half-smile and touched my lips with his again, longer this time.

I cupped his face with my hands, stroked his hair. His eyes closed and a small smile played about his lips. He leaned forward. his forehead resting against mine. We sat in a long, comfortable silence, not needing words to express how we felt. What I had said to him was true - I felt better than I had in a really long time.

"Would you do something for me, Buck?" I asked quietly. He nodded.

"Anything, Lou."

"Would - you bring your bedroll over here tonight? I...don't want to be alone."

I felt shy asking him this; I wasn't used to asking favours of anyone, and in this I was being bold for I had realized something. I harboured feelings for Buck, not just the usual brotherly-type I felt for all of the boys. This was different, something deeper and darker somehow...maybe like a woman felt for a man. Maybe...

I shook out my bedroll in case any of the big desert spiders had crawled inside then laid it out on the ground, Buck doing the same. I stretched out on the blanket and then I was joined by my companion. It felt so good to have a man sleep right next to me, his arms wrapped tight around my body. I was able to slide into sleep without trouble or worry.

**Let me know what you think! Sorry to all the fans of Kid out there.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Young Riders; just taking them out for some much-needed R and R.**

**A/N: Thank you to all who read and reviewed** **Chapter One: Jenna, Kristina, Rosie, Anita, CindyPio, Tabou, Brankel1, and Gina. Your reviews encourage me to keep posting! **  
**Iran on T have taken major liberties with timelines and events; this story doesn't follow the series in the order of events as it V. I have also taken liberties with Kiowa beliefs; they are not necessarily based on fact.**

The next morning I was awake before the sun had even begun to peek over the horizon, even before Buck had begun to stir. He lay on his back, still sleeping peacefully, and I looked down at him. He looked happy and contented; gone was the guarded expression he usually wore. Very quietly and carefully I leaned down and pressed a light kiss to his cool forehead.

By the time he was awake I'd built a fire and was brewing a pot of coffee. I splashed water on my face at the edge of the creek while Buck was busy at the fireside; when I returned he wordlessly handed me a cup of the same tea he'd brewed for me the previous evening. I smiled at him in thanks, and he gave me a crooked grin in return.

It didn't take us long to hit the trails; we drank the hot coffee and made short work of Rachel's good muffins. We were both cheerful, having slept well; even my cramps had miraculously disappeared and I was able to ride for long stretches at a time without the usual discomfort. Buck was impressed, I could tell, but he kept his silence. He gave me one of his rare radiant smiles when, dusty and dishevelled, we dismounted at the livery stable in Fort Laramie late in the afternoon.

"I'll get us rooms at the hotel if you'll see to the horses" I said to Buck, unbuckling my saddlebags and tucking them under my arm. He nodded in agreement and led the horses inside to the stableboy.

I got into a heated argument with the hotel clerk, a skinny pasty-faced little man with dandruff and a ridiculous pencil mustache.

"We don't rent rooms to undesirables" he sniffed haughtily.

"And just who are you calling undesirable?" I forced myself to speak in a low, even tone.

"I am referring to your travelling companion - that - " he coughed, " half-breed you rode into town with."

"That 'half-breed' " I hissed "is a Pony Express rider, a valued employee of Russell, Majors, and Waddell, to whom you most likely owe your livelihood as we Express riders are your most reliable customers. Without our business you'd be shovelling manure over to the livery stable right now as we speak." I leaned forward, pressing my palms flat on the counter and pushed my face up close to that of the clerk. "Tell you what: you rent us one room in my name. The nicest one you've got, with clean sheets on the bed, a fire in the fireplace, and a hot bath with a great big stack of clean towels. Do that and your boss will never know we had this little chat."

The seconds ticked by. I stared at him; he stared at me.

"Sign here" he said reluctantly, then handed me a key. "Room twelve, last door on your right."

"Thank you" I said sweetly. "Oh - and have the porter send up a changing screen as well." I slammed the front door behind me as I went off in search of Buck.

I saw him walk out of the livery stable. He took one look at me and whistled. "Someone's ruffled your feathers good" he said with a grin. "I hope you gave as good as you got."

"Yep" I said. "Don't nobody mess with me."

"I know better" he said. He did know better.

We made our way back to the hotel. Buck raised his eyebrows when I informed him we would be sharing a room but said nothing. I wondered how many times this very thing had happened to him, how many times he'd slept in a barn or a stable with the animals because he'd been turned away. Probably far more often than I'd care to know.  
I was glad I'd stood my ground.

Climbing the front stairs, we found our room at the end of the hallway where it was most quiet. I was glad of this; the saloon downstairs was noisy and and bustling with loud music and drunken customers. Inside, our room was small but cozy with a big double bed. The maid and porter had come and gone; the changing screen was in place between the bathtub and the bed, the tub was filled with steaming water, and a pile of fluffy towels topped with a bar of soap sat on the floor beside the tub.

"Go on ahead while the water's hot" I said to Buck. He began to protest, but I shot him a very direct look. He took off his hat and gunbelt, unstrapped his knife, toed off his boots, and stepped behind the screen.

"Don't holler at me if the water's full of trail dust" he said.

"I'd get it just as dusty if I went first" I reminded him. Since he couldn't argue with that, he stripped down and got into the tub; I could hear the rustle of clothing being taken off and the splash of water from the bath.

I took off my hat, gunbelt, and boots and set them beside the chest of drawers. While Buck bathed I sat at the writing desk and stared out the window down at the busy street below. I could hear splashing sounds form behind the screen as he scrubbed down. Feeling restless, I got up and lit a lamp; it cast a warm glow throughout the room. The bed had a fancy brass headboard and was piled with several quilts and two white pillows. I thought about sharing the bed with Buck and shivered a little; my arms broke out in goosebumps. I hugged myself, a picture growing involuntarily in my mind of a lean, hard, brown-skinned Buck naked as the day he was born.

"Lou?" His voice broke through the pleasant daydream I'd been lost in. "I left you some hot water..." He frowned. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine...I'll - just - " I grabbed Rachel's package, my saddlebags, and disappeared behind the screen. I couldn't force myself to meet his eyes.

I'd seen all the boys shirtless many times, seen them in just longjohn bottoms, hell I'd even seen a few of them naked. But this was different - Buck was naked save for a white towel that covered him from navel to thighs. He was glistening with stray water droplets and looked like a living work of art. My imagination was getting way out of hand here - I needed to get into that tub fast.

I washed the dust from my hair and scrubbed down with the flowery-smelling soap that the maid had brought. Once I was dry I put up my hair as best as I could without Rachel's help, then opened the package she had sent with me.

It was a dress - the most beautiful dress I'd ever seen, in velvet the colour of early twilight with creamy crocheted lace at neckline and cuffs. She had thought to send along a silky chemise and pantaloons to wear underneath; with my lace-up boots the outfit was complete. I fastened all of the buttons in the back that I could reach then realized I just couldn't get the last few by myself.

"Buck?" I called. " I can't get these buttons...can you look in the hallway and see if there's a maid around someplace?"

I came out from behind the screen. Buck had been sitting at the desk gazing over at the fire; seeing me he rose hastily. A peculiar expression crossed his face and he swallowed hard.

"Uhm - " he cleared his throat, "I'll get them, Lou, really - if that's - that is, um... if you don't mind?"

Smiling my thanks I turned my back to him. I felt his warm hands shake ever so slightly as they brushed against the skin of my back. I turned to face him again.

"Thanks, Buck" I said with a shy smile. Our eyes met and locked. He closed the distance between us, put his arms aroung me.

"You're beautiful, Lou" he said softly, and kissed me gently on the lips. I looked up into his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes that darkened almost magically. His freshly-washed hair was tied with a buckskin thong and he was wearing a dark blue shirt with his black vest. He was handsome beyond belief.

"Ready for something to eat?" he asked with his characteristic crooked grin.

"I'm starved" I grinned back. He placed a hand at the small of my back as we walked to the door; we stopped long enough to lock it behind us as our gunbelts and Buck's knife were still inside the room. We exited by the back stairs, bypassing the saloon, even noisier now than it had been earlier. We tried to talk but found we couldn't even hear each other.

Out in the main street, though noisy, was quiet enough for conversation. We walked along leisurely, my arm tucked firmly in Buck's, and I think we both were relieved that no one approached us, offended by the sight of a white woman in the company of a half-breed. We eventually found a small restaurant tucked away from the hustle and bustle of the main street. Inside were a few empty tables and we were seated immediately.

I was relieved; although we were seated at the back, the customers all looked to be family members or courting sweethearts out for a fine dinner and conversation. There were no fancy women or drunken cowboys here. Buck looked more happy and relaxed than I'd ever seen him. He seemed to have shaken off the sadness that had been shadowing his face for the last while, and we talked and talked. He began to open up about his past, about his life after he left the Kiowa; he made me laugh when telling me about how he and Ike had played endless boyish pranks on the nuns at the mission school they had attended together.

"You're so lucky have have found a friend like Ike" I said wistfully, cradling my coffee cup in both hands.

"I don't think it was luck" Buck said. "I think the Spirits guided us."

"Like it was meant to be?" I asked. "Yes. Like that." Buck leaned his forearms on the table. His eyes darkened in the lamplight and I shivered a little, my nipples tightening, for Buck's expression was having a strange effect on me.

Something was happening here...I'd never felt like this when I'd been with Kid. When I looked across the table at Buck and met his eyes, I felt something pass between us, some kind of alchemy like sparks flying.

"I've never had a friend like you have with Ike" I said quietly.

"Not even when you were little?" Buck asked. The server reappeared and once again filled my coffee cup, and brought one for Buck as well.

"No...mama died when I was just eight...Jeremiah and Theresa weren't much more than babies when we went to the orphanage. Then I had to look out for them, make sure the older kids weren't mean to them 'cause they were so little. I had to grow up quick" I said, remembering the long-ago past. "The nuns beat me sometimes 'cause I talked back to them. They said I needed to have the wickedness beat out of me. So when I got old enough, I ran away. I found work, doing laundry in - in a - brothel."

I looked down, ashamed; I felt my cheeks burn. "That's where I was raped. I wasn't no fancy woman" I said, quietly defiant.

"Was that when you ran away?" Buck's voice was quiet, nonjudgemental.

"Yes." My voice steadied. "One of the women helped me to cut off my hair, got me some boys' clothes...I did odd jobs, got by as best as I could...then I found the Pony Express. It's the first place I ever felt like I belonged. Even if the boys drive me crazy sometimes."

I grinned; Buck grinned back. We laughed and laughed until tears ran down my cheeks. Buck handed me a handkerchief and I wiped my eyes.

"What a bunch we were" Buck said, still laughing. "Teaspoon must've thought he'd scraped the bottom of the barrel for sure when he saw all of us."

"Well, I remember Teaspoon bathing in a horse trough while Lightning was drinking out of it, then wiping off his face with a horse's tail. And the bear grease - yuck."

"Indians use bear grease to keep the insects away - we don't rub it into our armpits." Buck made a face.

The server appeared yet again; I looked around the room and realized that we were the last customers left. Buck and I each paid for our meals and I left a tidy sum for the server who had been so gracious with us.

Outside, the main street was marginally quieter than before. We walked along until we came to the town hall. The front door was open and music and laughter spilled out into the street.

"Do you want to go inside?" Buck asked me.

"Do you?"

We regarded each other in the moonlight.

"Half-breeds generally aren't welcome in places like that" Buck said, his face stony. "I only go to the dances in Rock Creek because Teaspoon says it's good for the Express riders to go to local social functions. I hate always standing around at these things."

"Tell you what...why don't we just keep on walking? It's a beautiful night out tonight."

It was indeed a most beautiful night, cool and with a full moon climbing higher in the sky. We walked until we found ourselves out back of the church. We sat on a wooden bench beneath a canopy of tall trees. Our silence was comfortable, companionable, but at length I felt the need to speak.

"Can I tell you something, Buck?" I asked tentatively. I suddenly felt shy, and a little nervous too.

"You can tell me anything, Lou" he said with a friendly smile.

I looked down at my hands folded in my lap. "When I look at you, I don't see the colour of your skin. I don't think of you as 'half-breed'." I smiled into his eyes. "I just see Buck, my friend...my brother."

Buck sat, silent; I began to wonder if I'd offended him somehow. Then he picked up my hand and held it in both of his.

"I see Lou who's honest and brave and spunky."

I leaned in close to him and brushed his lips with mine, then pulled back and looked into his eyes, warm golden-brown. He reached for me and held me close, kissing me in a way I'd never been kissed before. I liked it.

I felt my body respond fiercely when I parted my lips and felt his tongue slip inside my mouth, caressing the most sensitive places. I closed my eyes and relaxed into his embrace; he let my tongue enter his mouth and do some investigating of its own. He didn't seem to mind.

We broke the kiss when we both ran out of air. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"You said I could tell you anything, right?"

"Uh-huh." Buck picked up my hand again.

"Well, I gotta tell you, I've never been kissed like that before." I flushed a little.

"I've never been kissed like that before, either" he admitted with a crooked grin.

"Oh, come on. You're funnin' me" I teased.

"Honest." He held up both of his hands, hesitating before he continued. "I'd never even considered kissing a girl like that."

"Really?" I was intrigued.

"Yep." He actually blushed.

"You know what?" I asked.

"What?" he stammered out.

"I liked it. A whole lot." I grinned again to show him I meant it.

"I didn't mess it up?" he asked teasingly.

"No. Oh, no. It felt - so right." I meant it. Suddenly something occurred to me and I wondered why it hadn't occurred to me before. I looked straight into Buck's eyes. "You've been lonely."

Again, he took his time answering, but that was all right. I didn't expect a private person like him to spill out everything to me all at once.

"I missed her" he said finally. "I didn't realize just how much until after she'd come and gone, again." He looked so forlorn. My heart ached for him. "If only I hadn't gone with the hunting party..."

"Buck" I said quietly, picking up his hand and squeezing it, "they would have killed you if they'd found you there with the women and the children." He made no reply. "White people see captive white women as nothing more than slaves to their captors. They can't imagine that any Indian captive could possibly be more than a slave, or even have a better life with the Indians." I stopped speaking. Buck's face remained impassive. "Buck, you know you can't go on blaming yourself any more."

He stood with his back to me, thumbs hooked in his pockets. "Knowing that is one thing. But believing it - that is something else entirely."

I stood and reached for his hand. "Did you love her?"

He looked down at me. "Yes" he said softly. "To Little Bird I wasn't a low-life half-breed. She didn't treat me the way everyone else did, like I would murder them in their sleep given the chance. She wasn't afraid of my white blood or of my Indian blood."

We began to walk slowly, hand in hand, back towards the hotel.

"She was very special, then" I said, my eyes tearing over. "It sounds like she loved you a whole lot, too."

Buck stopped and stared up at the moon. "I always believed that no woman would ever want me. Until Little Bird."

How much he had lost! There were no words that could ease his pain, nothing I could say to make him feel better. But I still had to try. "I'm so very sorry, Buck." I squeezed his hand gently.

"I know you are, Lou" he said with a sad little half-smile. "I sometimes wonder if the Spirits will send love my way ever again."

"I pray that they do" I whispered. "You're a good man who's worthy of love, Buck Cross."

Much later that night we lay side by side in the big double bed in our room at the hotel, both of us dressed in our longjohns and not saying much. I couldn't fall asleep; I watched the firelight flickering on the walls and thought about Kid.

I wondered if breaking up with him, much as it had upset me, was such a bad thing after all.

Buck apparently couldn't fall asleep either. He lay quiet with his arms behind his head , also watching the firelight. At length he turned on his side to face me. "You okay, Lou?" he asked very quietly.

"Oh...yeah. Just thinkin about things is all." I didn't feel the need to elaborate on this.

"Are you thinking about Kid?"

How did he know that? "Yeah, I've been thinkin about him...thinkin breakin up wasn't a bad thing after all. I can't be what he was tryin to get me to be. That's not who or what I am. I don't think we're right for each other."

Buck pondered this, then said "You'll find love again, Lou. I know it in my heart."

I reached over to him and pressed my hand to his cheek. "I hope so, Buck. I have so much love to give."

I rolled to lay on my side and slipped into sleep, wrapped into the embrace of a man I was coming to love.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. Just taking them out for some fun.**

**A/N: Thank you to all who read and reviewed the first two chapters. This is my first story and with your support and (usually) gentle humour, it's turning into a success! As promised, I will crank up the heat this time around; if you are offended by smut, please do not read. If you enjoy smut, please do read! Any and all comments, suggestions, and reviews are welcome; they are soul food. And I am (still ) HUNGRY! ;)**

I returned from Fort Laramie feeling as though my mind had been swept clear of dust and cobwebs. I wished I could say I was a new woman but I knew better than that; I was still stick-straight Lou McLeod with a short fuse and a stubborn streak a mile wide. Still, I hadn't left Laramie completely unchanged, Buck had seen to that. He had looked beneath my exterior and found the good in me, and just accepted me the way I was. I wished more people in my life would do just that: accept me, that is. But patience was never my strong suit.

One thing sure hadn't changed: the near-constant clashes with Kid. Breaking up with him had been my idea, not his, and he was not at all happy about it. He just refused to accept that I would not change to suit his needs, to keep him, to eventually marry him. He refused to accept that I just didn't want him, period, and nothing I said or did would get through to him. Life became awfully damn difficult, living and working in such close quarters with him. As well, there were the other fellas to think of; they didn't need to be stuck in the middle of our constant bickering. I actually considered moving in with Rachel, I was that desperate, but once again stubbornness won out. I had always lived in the bunkhouse with the others, so why should I rearrange my life around Kid?

As the days passed, though, tempers did cool down some and Kid and I began to argue less. Eventually, we seemed to reach an unspoken, albeit uneasy, truce, and I was glad. I was also just plain tuckered out.

Early spring became mid-spring. The days grew longer and warmer; the brood mares foaled; Rachel planted a garden. The distance continued to grow between me and Kid and also between me and the other fellas. I missed their company, but it wasn't worth the constant tension that inevitably built when we were all together. I missed Ike's comfortable company, his sweet and gentle ways. And, I missed Buck.

I missed him terribly. We had struck up a friendship built on respect; the friendship had begun to grow into something more. But even as I became more solitary and distant, I noticed that Buck, in his own quiet way, stood by me. He always seemed to be by my side doing chores in the barn, carrying firewood, loading the wagon with supplies. His presence calmed me, gave me faith that things eventually would change for the better.

Soon it grew parchingly hot and we were subject to the thunder and lightning storms we always got out on the prairies. Our Express station was lucky; none of our buildings were struck by lightning. Rock Creek on the whole wasn't as fortunate, for several buildings and two homesteads were hit and burned to the ground. Two children and their grandmother were lost in one of the fires and I cried, thinking of Jeremiah and Theresa in the orphanage. Our rides were fewer in number, leaving us to helping Rachel get supplies and doing chores around the station or, more often than not, our own company.

It was a difficult, prickly time for me. This time last year Kid and I had been inseparable to the point of the boys telling us to "get a room", avoiding us, or just putting up with us. We had gone out riding together, on picnics, swimming, and just hung out in the bunkhouse. This year everything was different. My rides and picnics were solitary affairs except for the odd time when Rachel was free, and we would share tea or a picnic lunch. I very seldom went swimming with the boys any more; I shied away from their laughing and shouting and rowdy games.

"Come on Lou, don't be a spoilsport" Cody complained one very hot day when the boys had decided to go swimming and I had declined. I turned on my heel.

"Back off, Cody. I mean it."

Something in my tone and expression must have scared him for he did back off right away, something he almost never did. "What's with her?" I heard him complain and mutterings of "Beats me" and "I dunno" followed. I had just sat down at the table when I felt a hand on my arm. It was Kid.

"Lou, come on. We just want you to come with us and have some fun for a change" he said, his brow wrinkled.

"I'm fine, Kid. Leave me alone." I felt no need to explain or even to be nice to him. I just wanted to be left alone.

"You've been moping around like a dog with a tin can tied to its tail ever since that overnighter to Fort Laramie" he said. "About time to buck up, don't you think?"

"Back off, Kid" I said in a low voice. I was dangerously close to exploding. "I don't need you of all people butting in and telling me what to do!"

"Lou - "

"Stop it!" I shouted, not caring who heard me. "Just - go - AWAY! Go find yourself a pretty, frilly, clingy little woman who's GOOD enough for you! Someone who's not damaged goods like me!"

I stormed past Kid, his jaw slack, past the other boys all with startled expressions. From the corner of my eye I saw Buck and Ike exchange worried glances but I was beyond caring. I stomped over to the barn and saddled up Lightning as fast as I could then, mounting up, cantered off in the opposite direction of the swimming hole.

After a few minutes of pushing Lightning to gallop faster and faster, common sense took over and my temper began to cool as well. Reining him in to a walk, we made our way over to a deep, fast-flowing creek bordered by willows. We both drank from the creek; I unsaddled him and looped the reins over a branch in the shade. I found a low, broad branch and lay down.

I stared up at the leaves of the ancient tree, light and shadow playing alternately on my face. I closed my eyes and began to slip into sleep when a familiar quiet voice awoke me.

"Don't go to sleep. I brought you lunch."

I opened my eyes to see Buck, still mounted on Spirit, smiling down at me. The sight of him made me smile; I sat up and rubbed mt eyes.

"Buck, what in Sam Hill are you doing here?"

"Rachel packed me a picnic and I'm looking for someone to share it with." He dismounted and led Spirit over beside Lightning, then unbuckled the saddlebags and produced a canvas satchel and a blanket. "Where's a good spot?" he asked, handing me the blanket.

"Over here by the creek. It's cool in the shade." I spread out the blanket and we sat. Buck opened the satchel and set the food on the blanket. Rachel had packed sandwiches and cheese and cookies, and had filled Buck's canteen with lemonade. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I began eating; then, I devoured my share. Buck laughed at me.

"I knew you'd be hungry after your outburst" he said with a smirk.

"Oh? How'd you know that?" I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

"You didn't eat breakfast this morning...and you gave Cody most of your lunch." His face still bore that maddening smirk; it infuriated me."That's why you're so cranky today."

"Running Buck Cross...you - " I fumed. "I am NOT cranky!"

"Oh, yes you are" he smirked.

"Ooooh - I am going to wipe that smirk right off of your _face - _"

I launched myself at him; although Buck was much taller and heavier than I, he hadn't ever experienced the full force of my wrath.I surprised him and knocked him onto his back. I promptly straddled him and began raining blows that hit wherever they would land. To my exasperation, he merely laughed his head off.

Of course, this infuriated me even more. "You - " I fumed, red-faced.

"Lou - stop it - I can't stand it-"

So I stopped suddenly, my chest heaving. Buck was still laughing. I changed my strategy and began to tickle him instead.

He stared up at me , openmouthed, then gasped "Lou - no, don't do that - please, I won't laugh at you any more - "

Of course, I kept tickling him. Then -

His hands and fingers found my ribs, the one place I was fiercely ticklish. I gave a girlish shriek and began to squirm and writhe in his grasp. I fell over on top of him. We lay there grasping each other, gasping for breath. Our eyes met and locked.

I was suddenly aware that I was laying on top of his growing desire for me; I felt it pressing, hard, against my stomach. His hand reached up and cupped my cheek. I moved up and pressed my lips to his; suddenly, we were kissing - deeply, passionately, urgently. I twined my fingers in his long silky hair, loving the texture, the feel. His hands caressed my back, pulled my shirt out of my trousers. I wasn't wearing an undershirt, just the silky chemise Rachel had gotten for me. Buck rolled to his side, bringing me with him. I began to unbutton his shirt, running my hand over the smooth skin of his chest. His eyes closed and he sighed.

"Lou?" he whispered.

"Uh-huh?" I had his shirt fully unbuttoned and pulled free of his trousers.

"How long - until your next monthly?"

"Umm...about three days. " I paused. "We won't make a baby if we do this."

He looked at me and stroked my hair. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I regarded Buck's face, his beautiful eyes, and I knew.

"I am sure, Buck" I said softly, placing my hand over his heart and feeling his strong heartbeat. "Are you sure you want to?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. Just taking them out for some exercise**

**A/N: Bwahahahaha! Yes, I am evil for leaving you hanging like that! **

He looked at me and stroked my hair. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I regarded Buck's face, his beautiful eyes, and I knew.

"I am sure, Buck" I said softly, placing my hand over his heart and feeling his strong heartbeat. "Are you sure you want to?"

He smiled down into my eyes. "Yes, Lou." He stroked the hair from my forehead. "When I'm with you, I feel things I haven't ever felt before."

His eyes had gone very dark. I stood and pulled off my boots; Buck reached to unfasten my trousers and I slipped out of them. I slid Buck's shirt off, then unfastened the ties of his buckskin trousers with shaking fingers. My heart hammered as I slid my shirt off, as I watched Buck shuck off his boots and pants. Stepping closer, he reached his hands to run them down my sides, over the silky chemise that barely covered me. Finally, he tugged it up and over my head.

I had seen naked men before; I had occasionally seen them at the brothel when I brought bath water up to the rooms. I had seen a few of the other riders naked, although they didn't know that. So a naked man wasn't a complete surprise to my eyes.

But this was Buck - and we stood, naked and innocent as children, regarding each other with new eyes; and he was proud and tall, lean and hard and brown like I had imagined he would be. My mouth grew dry, my head dizzy at the sight of him, so magnificent, thinking of how good about myself he always helped me to feel. I let my eyes wander freely over him even as I felt him take in the sight of my naked body. He reached for me and drew me down with him onto the blanket.

We kissed, long and slow and deep...his tongue caressed mine, found all my most sensitive places and I felt him smile, felt him moan when my tongue slipped into his mouth. My hands skimmed and stroked his body everywhere they could reach; I bumped up against the male part of him that had grown so much bigger and he jumped ever so slightly then pressed himself into my hand. His hands roamed over my body, caressing my skin, and he kissed me everywhere he could reach: forehead, eyelids, the tip of my nose, the hollow at the base of my throat. I sighed with pleasure as his hands stroked my breasts; I moaned throatily as as he drew a nipple into his mouth and stroked with lips and tongue.

I felt hazy and warm, and swollen somehow, way down low, as though part of me was softening, liquifying, warming in the sun. I drew a leg up as he kissed his way down my body, giggling when he stuck the tip of his tongue into my navel. He laughed up at me then kissed his way back up to my lips. I twined my fingers once again in his hair and stroked his tongue with mine. Then he took me by surprise.

His hand slipped between my legs at the very top of my thighs, into that secret place. I felt myself tense, but he touched me so gently, so carefully, that I relaxed and closed my eyes. He spread me open with his long fingers; I was slick with silky fluid. I moaned softly, rocking against his hand, and drifted on a warm sea of sensation as the pleasure grew greater and greater.

It built and built, and he found that little nub of flesh that was the center of all my pleasure. I moaned and tossed restlessly, rocking hard against him, until it all ran together and I bucked up hard, crying out. He held me in his arms, whispering to me, soothing me, until I came back to myself. I managed a shaky smile; I whispered "Make love to me Buck, please...please..."

And then I was on my back, Buck atop me, the tip of his manhood pushing gently, then more insistently, into my entrance. He was big, yes, but so gentle and I was so ready for him that he found his way inside me easily, without pain. He moved in a seductive rhythm, stretching me, and I began to move with him. My hands held his buttocks and I drew my legs up to wrap around him. He gasped; a fine sheen of sweat broke out on his forehead, his chest, his smooth back, and our stomachs rubbed together. The rhythm quickened; a hazy golden warmth built inside me where we were joined and began to spread all through me. Buck was moaning, his movements jerky and forceful, and he gave a sudden sharp, hard thrust. I cried out his name, shattering into flaming pieces, as Buck gave an inarticulate cry and his seed spilled deep inside me.

We lay, still joined, sweaty and panting. I wrapped my arms around Buck's warm back; his weight on top of me felt good. Presently, though, he rolled to his side, bringing me with him. He stroked my sweaty hair and a smile began deep in his eyes.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" he whispered.

"No... oh, no, Buck." I kissed his neck, kissed behind his ear, and he moaned softly. "I never knew it could feel...like that." "So good..." he murmured. He wrapped his arms around me tight and kissed my eyelids and my throat. I pulled him against me even closer with my leg. He was still inside me, and I felt him begin to stir. My eyes widened in surprise.

"Buck" I whispered into his ear.

"Mmm-hmm?" He was caressing my back.

"Roll over...onto your back."

Buck's eyes widened and he looked at me, questioning, but I nodded. Still tight together we rolled and I knelt astride him.

I began to move slowly, languidly; I arched my back and let the sun warm my breasts. Buck gave a long, groaning sigh of satisfaction then drew up his knees. His hands settled at my waist and we rocked in perfect time together. I felt myself tighten around him and the feeling took me by surprise - I didn't know that could happen. Buck began to thrust upward, and this time the feeling was different: sharper, darker, more defined. I began the long climb to the pinnacle but when I got there I thrust sharply and arched my back, closing my eyes to the sun.

I collapsed on top of Buck and could have fallen asleep right then and there, but I knew I needed to get off of him. I lay on my side beside him.

He looked as sleepy as I felt but had the presence of mind to walk over to the creek, still gloriously naked, and splashed water on his face. He beckoned to me. "Come on over - the water's fine!"

I managed to get to my feet and make my way over to the water. I knelt and drank thirstily before splashing my face. Then I felt cold water running down my back. I shrieked, of course.

Buck stood laughing at me, and that served to fuel my fire. I splashed water on him as fast as I could and he ran, laughing all the way. When I caught up to him I dunked water all over his head. It didn't seem to bother him; he reached for me and pulled me in close.

"Running Buck Cross - "

"What?" He leaned down and kissed me on the lips.I began to shiver and he wrapped his arms around me. "Running Buck Cross what?"

"Don't stop doing that, ever" I whispered.

"Mmm..." He nuzzled my hair. "I think I became a man today."

"You'd never been with a woman before?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"Erm...No." He actually blushed.

"I'm glad I was your first" I said softly.

"I'm glad you were, too" he whispered. I felt something poke my thigh then my belly. I looked down to see his full arousal. "I think it wants us to make love ...again" he said, red-faced. "But we've been gone so long someone's bound to come looking for us."

"Yeah" I began to walk back over to the blanket, and pulled on our clothes. I put the canvas satchel and blanket back into Buck's saddlebeags and saddled Lightning when I felt Buck's hand on my arm.

"Wait, Lou" he said quietly.

"Sure" I said, turning to him. "I'm in no hurry to get back."

He leaned down and kissed me lingeringly. "I'm not sorry we did this" he said, looking into my eyes. "I love you, Louise."

"I'm not sorry either" I said softly. "I love you, Buck Cross."

**A/N: Mmmmmmm...post-coital bliss. Need chocolate. Let me know what you think, please? I will give bribes for reviews (soul food) ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Don't own, never will (darn!)**

**A/N: This chapter comes with a pure fluff warning. The other riders were complaining that I never take them anywhere. You are forewarned!**

We rode at a leisurely pace back to the station, stopping at the barn to feed and rub down our horses.

After we had washed up for supper and sat down at the table, it appeared as though Rachel was the only one who had even missed us.

"How was your picnic?" she inquired as we helped ourselves to potatoes and carrots.

"Swell" I said.

"Great" Buck said, buttering a roll.

The other boys exchanged glances; Cody gave a brief snort, Jimmy sported a smirk, Noah grinned and waggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Ike laughed silently. Only Kid remained expressionless.

"Lou, you look like you got a touch of sunburn" Teaspoon drawled, scrutinizing me closely, then Buck. "You too, Buck. You might want to put some salve on that."

"They could rub it on each other" Cody sniggered, causing snorts of laughter from the others.

"I'm surprised at you two - staying out in the hot sun that long" Teaspoon grumbled.

I opened my mouth to speak, only to be intercepted by Cody. "Without any clothes on, I bet" he muttered.

"What was that, Cody? I couldn't hear you" Rachel said pleasantly.

"You didn't want to, trust me" I said through gritted teeth.

Jimmy and Cody exchanged glances across the table; Cody batted his eyes at Jimmy, who promptly choked on a mouthful of carrot. Kid obligingly whacked him on the back.

I was starting to get good and fed up with the carryings-on. Noah made goo-goo eyes at Cody, who blew him a kiss back. Buck glared and I felt like giving them all a good kick. Ike just looked from me to Buck, shook his head, and laughed.

"What is wrong with y'all tonight, anyway?" Kid asked, exasperated.

"Nothing" three voices answered and Ike signed.

"Can we eat dinner in peace, then? You're acting like little kids."

"Oooh" Noah murmured, "I'm scared."

Silence fell, and we continued to eat dinner. "Jimmy, would y'all pass me the carrots? Pretty please?" Cody simpered folding his hands together under his chin and batting his eyes again. I shifted in my seat - I was building up a good head of steam - when Buck set his hand on my knee, warning me to calm down.

"Buck, will you get your hand off Lou's knee? This is a dinner table, not a boo-doir" Noah said in mock disgust.

Buck stood up suddenly and glared at Noah.

I slammed my cutlery down, hard, on the table.

Ike jumped to his feet.

"Noah! " Rachel exclaimed. "That was very unkind."

"Buck, what are you doing with your hand on Lou's leg?" Kid demanded.

Cody and Noah clutched each other like scared schoolgirls. "Help us, Teaspoon! " Cody squealed. "Lou's gonna kill us!"

Jimmy fell off of the bench and rolled on the floor, he was laughing so hard.

"It's my leg and Buck can put his hand there if he wants to!" I hollered at Kid.

"Cody, get outside RIGHT NOW or I will fill your bunk with rattlesnakes!" Buck shouted, jabbing a finger right in Cody's face.

Ike signed desperarely *Stop! Stop!*

"What on earth is going on?" Rachel wailed, bewildered.

And Teaspoon leaned back in his chair and, smiling broadly, surveyed the proceedings.

"Ain't love grand!" he drawled.

Of course, that was only the beginning.

Later that night I tossed and turned restlessly in my bunk; I was far too wide awake for sleep. I'd thought all the boys were asleep until Jimmy's voice came from below.

"What's wrong with you, Lou? Someone fill your bunk with ants?"

"Sorry, Jimmy" I muttered.

"Looks like Buck went to put them in my bunk but got Lou's by mistake" Cody drawled.

"No, I put tarantulas in your bunk, Cody" came Buck's voice.

"Go to sleep" came Kid's annoyed voice.

"Y'all heard him - go to sleep now, hear?" came from Noah's bunk.

"Don't be stupid, Cody. Buck knows perfectly well where Lou's bunk is" Jimmy laughed.

" 'Specially now that they're ridin' double" Cody snickered under his breath.

Buck leapt out of bed, crossed the floor, and jumped up onto Cody's bunk before any of us knew what happened. Ike sat bolt upright in his bunk, a look of alarm on his face.

"Riding double?" Kid yelled at Buck, who was busy pounding on Cody. "Buck Cross - why, you - "

"Stop it, Kid" I hollered. "Mind your own business!" I shouted at Cody.

Ike jumped out of bed and tried to pull Buck off of Cody, who was desperately fighting back while hollering "Tarantulas? You know I'm a'scairt of them big hairy spiders, Buck - oof!"

Kid jumped on Buck and started pounding on him. I jumped on Kid and tried to pull him off of Buck. Noah threw a bucket of water over us all. Jimmy, roaring with laughter, fell out of his bunk and rolled on the floor, howling.

"WHAT THE BLUE BLAZES IS GOING ON HERE !" Teaspoon bellowed from the doorway.

Of course, the bunk collapsed with all of us in it.

A short while later, with Cody sleeping on the floor until his bunk could be repaired, I started to slip off into sleep. That is, until Cody's voice drifted up from the floor.

"Hey, Buck?" he said.

"What?"

"Can I come on your next picnic?"

**A/N: Let me know what you think! Buck and Lou will be back in action in the extremely near future. Promise!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Young Riders, never will. I am just taking them out to have some R and R and maybe a sasparilla.**

**A/N: Serious fluff and smut ahead! If you are offended by either, do not read. If you enjoy fluff and smut, please read...and enjoy!**

**Thank you to all who have read and reviewed: Jenna, Anita, Rosie, Kristina, CindyPio, Vandy, Fran, Brankel, Tabou, Gina and anyone whom I haven't **

**mentioned. I love your comments and reviews and appreciate them very much.**

The boys' teasing did continue for some time, but I had expected that. It was just part of their natures to be good-naturedly annoying; it also occurred to me that they could very well be curious - none of them except for Jimmy had ever been with a woman, unless Cody's tales of his exploits with saloon girls were true - and maybe even mildly envious.

So, I got used to the whistles and catcalls when Buck and I were caught in the middle of a kiss or an embrace. Rachel bore it all with good grace; even Teaspoon, in his gruff way, seemed tolerant enough of us so long as we kept it to the confines of the station or a good distance away, for obvious reasons. Buck and I knew this, of course; if word ever got back to Russell, Majors, and Waddell, we two would be out of a job. We wondered, much as we didn't even want to think it, if Kid would turn us in. That never did happen, and we wondered if Teaspoon or the other boys had spoken to him. In any case, I know I was grateful that it never came to pass.

As for Buck and I, we enjoyed each other's company as much as two people possibly could. We knew that we couldn't spend every waking moment together, true. We did spend time with the other riders again. But there were times when we most definitely needed to be alone.

Truth was, most of the time it was awful damned hard to keep our hands off of each other.

I loved being intimate with Buck, no two ways about it, and he definitely felt the same way about me. The problem was that of privacy. We shared a bunkhouse with five others; someone was almost always around. We tried using the hayloft, only to find that should anyone come inside the barn they were afforded a clear view of the hayloft and whatever might be going on up there.

Luckily it was Rachel who found us. Later that day, she complimented Buck on his splendid backside. He promptly turned purple with embarrassment and couldn't look her in the eye for a week.

The swimming hole was also out; the other fellas went there every day during the summer. We began to get extremely frustrated.

Finally, one day when Buck and I had finished our chores and all of the others except Ike had gone with Rachel to Tompkins' store, we packed a lunch and rode out of Rock Creek in a direction we usually didn't take. It was warm; we rode at a leisurely pace for a good mile. Buck halted suddenly and pointed to the north. "Look" he said with a wide smile.

I caught my breath, then laughed with delight: we had stumbled upon a wide expanse of trees, behind which stood a large, flat rock beside a fast-flowing creek. We had no need for words, simply reined our horses in the direction of the trees. We let them drink from the creek, then unsaddled them and set picket lines in the shade.

Buck quickly spread the blanket over the rock, then pulled me in close to him. "Which do you want first?" he breathed in my ear, making me shiver and my nipples tighten.

It didn't help that he was stroking my breast through my shirt, or that I could feel his hardened manhood pressing against my back. I turned in his arms and ran my tongue slowly over his lower lip. I squeezed his member gently and he gave a strangled moan.

"I think" I whispered throatily, "I want to make you scream."

Buck couldn't undress fast enough. He pulled off my shirt before I had it fully unbuttoned; several buttons flew off and landed God knows where. I tugged impatiently at the ties of his pants; one snapped off. We didn't care - finally, we were alone, with no one else around for miles.

We found our way down onto the blanket and into each others' arms. Buck's hands and lips were everywhere at once, it seemed; I arched my back with delight as his mouth found first my breast, then my nipple. But then I reached down and grasped Buck's manhood, the hard flesh straining beneath the hot skin. I moved my hand slowly up to the velvety purple tip and slowly back down to the thick base. Buck moaned and closed his eyes and a sheen of sweat stood out on his foreheado

"Lou" he said with great difficulty, "Lou...you'd better - stop - stop - "

I didn't, though. My hand moved a little faster, a little faster, until Buck went rigid and cried out. His seed spilled over my hand in hot spurts and he lay panting. I leaned over and kissed his forehead, stroked his hair off of his face. He groaned and, finally, opened his eyes.

"Sorry" he said, looking at my hand and reddening.

"Don't be" I said, kissing him on the mouth. "It's a part of you."

He managed a grin. I got to my feet and, extending a hand, helped him up. We walked to the water's edge; Buck drank thirstily while I washed my hands then drank my fill.

Slipping my shirt on - I didn't want Teaspoon commenting again on the state of my skin - I spread out our lunch on the blanket; we both were ravenous. Afterwards we lay stretched out, holding hands and watching the fluffy clouds in the sky. Buck rolled onto his side and held me close. I snuggled up to him, drawing up my leg, and kissed his warm chest. "Thank you, Buck" I said softly.

"For what?" he asked, puzzled.

"For not letting me scare you off" I said. "I've been - well - bitchy. Pretty hard to live with."

"You don't scare me, Lou McLeod" he growled, and I laughed softly. "I don't know how you stand living with six men."

I laughed outright then. "At first I just wanted to shoot you all" I said honestly and Buck chuckled. "But, y'all just grew on me somehow. Even Cody. I can't imagine any other life now."

"It's good, isn't it?" Buck asked, kissing my throat.

"It's good" I whispered. "So very good." I buried my hands in his silky hair. "_This_ is good."

"Mmmm" he murmured, stroking my cheek and running his tongue along my lower lip. I parted my lips and his tongue slipped inside my mouth; my tongue teased his, and we both moaned. I closed my eyes and arched my neck as Buck kissed behind my ear, down my throat, down my chest...kissed the sensitive skin on the undersides of my breasts. My hands moved down his body to his smooth buttocks, kneading the firm muscle. He kissed his way back up to my lips and slipped a hand between my legs.

The sensations he evoked were exquisite, and even more so because it was he who was causing them. He opened me to the sun, his long tapering fingers knowing just how to touch, how to caress...He moved down my body and knelt before me; I rolled onto my back, my legs falling open, ready for him. I wasn't ready for what he did next.

He bent his head down and kissed along the tops of my thighs, running his hands down the backs of my legs. He held my hips and kissed my belly, nuzzling my navel, then moved down to kiss the insides of my thighs. My eyes flew open and I leaned up on my elbows.

"Oh - Buck, no - "

"It's all right, Lou" he said softly, his eyes warm pools of dark brown velvet. "Do you trust me?"

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and lay back down, reaching my arms up over my head. Buck stretched out and I felt his warm breath stir the dark curls covering my most private parts. His large warm hands spread me open.

I stiffened at first, then relaxed as his mouth moved, slow and gentle, over my inner lips. I moaned, feeling a sharp _ping!_ as his tongue swirled over the hard nub of flesh, the center of so much pleasure. I rocked my hips in rhythm with him, as he increased the speed and pressure, as he kissed and swirled over my slick and silky skin. I stiffened as he placed an open-mouthed kiss on the most sensitive place of all, then suckled ever so gently and massaged with the flat of his tongue. I bucked up hard, my hips lifting clear off the blanket, and I cried out his name, clutching with clenched fists.

I felt like I was turning inside out.

He held me close as I rocked and panted and cursed...and came back down to earth. "Oh, my _Lord,_ Buck Cross" I panted. "Where on earth did you learn to do _that?_ "

Buck laughed, kissing me on the lips; I could taste myself. It was strange, yes, but not entirely unpleasant - rich like butter, sweet like honey, astringent like wine. "Red Bear. When I was twelve and became betrothed to Little Bird, he decided I should know how to pleasure a woman. I was so embarrassed - and I didn't even understand some of it."

"Well, some of it sank in, Buck, trust me" I chuckled. He laughed and rolled me onto my back.

"If you say so, Lou" he whispered as he positioned himself over me and suckled first one breast, then the other. I held his hips and wrapped my legs around him, feeling his manhood push inside me and stretch my walls. We moved together in a rhythm old as time until warm wave after warm wave washed through me and Buck moaned as his seed spilled inside me.

When the sun sank to the level of the treetops, we knew that we had to get back to the station; chores and supper would be waiting. As I dressed, I reminded myself to ask Rachel for a needle and thread and some spare buttons. I hoped that no one would notice the state of my shirt until they could be replaced. I packed the blanket and satchel in my saddlebags, mulling thoughts over in my head. Finally I turned to Buck, who was tightening the cinch strap around Spirit's belly.

"Buck" I said, placing my hand on his elbow. He turned to me. "What is it, Lou?" he asked, his eyes warm golden brown in the sun.

I stuck my hands in my pockets and stared at the ground for a moment. He stepped closer to me.

"Is something wrong?" he asked quietly.

"Well...no. At least, I don't think so. Not yet."

"What is it, then?" He paused, looking at me. "Your monthly hasn't been late, has it?"

I looked up at him then. "No. Oh, no" I said in a rush. "No, nothing like that, we've been so careful and it just ended two days ago. No, it's something else." He raised his eyebrows at me, waiting for me to continue.

"Buck, I'm worried...about Ike. Does he seem the same to you?" I shifted my feet, feeling anxious.

"He seems the same to me as he's always been. I don't see anything different." He tilted his head to one side and regarded me. "If there's something on your mind about Ike, talk to him. He loves talking to you, Lou."

Buck gave me that lopsided grin I loved so much and pulled me in close to him. I laughed and tilted my head up to receive his kiss, long and slow and deep the way I loved.

We arrived back at the station in time to feed and water the horses before supper. From the next stall over Buck flashed me a quick smile and a wink ; I giggled to myself and felt my face flush, thinking of our afternoon together and what we had done. But as we washed our hands before sitting down to supper with the others, I resolved to have a talk with Ike...very soon.

**A/N: let me know what you think! Reviews are** **the chocolate that feeds my soul ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Young Riders; never have, never will. Though if I did, I'd let them out for some fun a lot more often!**

**A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews, each and every one of them. I love hearing from fellow readers and writers.**

That afternoon while Buck and I were still alone together, I had told him that I thought Ike seemed different somehow. I couldn't tell him exactly what I thought was different about Ike, for I couldn't quite put my finger on it; Buck himself hadn't noticed anything different. So, that evening at supper I did something I very rarely did: I kept my mouth shut and my eyes and ears open.

I listened to the conversation going on around me. As it was Saturday, talk centered around who was going to the saloon that night and what they'd do while they were there. I laughed silently, listening; there was nothing I hadn't heard a hundred times before. Cody was going to make the acquaintance of Annabelle, the newest and prettiest saloon girl, and captivate her with his charm and wit; Kid was looking for a card game to sit in on; Jimmy was going along to keep an eye on both Cody and Kid. Noah was on an overnight run and wouldn't be back until Sunday afternoon, and Ike had the Sunday morning early run and planned to stay at the station. Buck had already told me that he planned to go with the others, that Ike would likely be suspicious if both of us stayed back. When Rachel inquired as to why I wasn't going with the others, I told her that I had a headache and just wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet. She gave me a searching look but was gracious enough to not pursue the matter any further.

I really did have a headache; while I helped Rachel wash up, Buck thoughtfully brewed me a cup of willow bark tea. He handed it to me when I went back inside the bunkhouse. I sipped at it, smiling; he had added sugar to the bitter brew. I set the cup back down on the table and turned to him, my arms going around his neck.I stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the mouth.

"What was that for?" he asked, smiling.

"For making me the tea" I said, kissing him again, "and remembering to put sugar in it so's I can actually drink it." He laughed and I kissed him again. "And for the best afternoon, ever..." I kissed him lingeringly.

We broke apart when the sound of several throats clearing came from the open doorway. "You comin' or not, Buck?" Cody asked impatiently. "Didn't you two get enough of the mushy stuff earlier?"

"See you later" I said, squeezing his hand. "Y'all stay out of trouble for once" I said to the group. "Give Teaspoon the night off." They laughed and headed off towards the hotel and saloon.

The bunkhouse was unnaturally quiet after the fellas left; the entire station was quiet. Teaspoon was on night duty, and Rachel had departed to take a plate of supper to him over at the marshall's office. Ike was nowhere to be seen. Sighing, I walked inside the barn, making sure Lightning had both hay and water for the night. The only sounds in the barn were those of the horses munching hay, occasionally stomping a hoof to shake a fly loose, and the cooing of the pigeons that roosted in the rafters above. I walked to the far end of the barn and climbed the ladder into the hayloft.

I opened the hayloft door to let the breeze in and sat on a pile of freshly dried hay.I tilted my head back and let the air blow gently on my face, the early evening sun warming me. The combination of quiet, fresh air, and Buck's tea was making my headache go away. I drew up my knees and closed my eyes, thinking of the afternoon Buck and I had spent alone together. Mostly, I thought of Buck.

I smiled, thinking of him...I couldn't help but smile. In his quiet way he had won me over, made me realize that I trusted him not only with my life but with my heart. Buck wasn't a man of many words - he never had been since I'd known him - but was more apt to stand back and quietly watch first before making a move. He had known on the ride to Laramie what was wrong, why I was feeling so poorly, and made me tea that cured my pain. He had known that I'd needed to distance myself from the fellas for a while until Kid and I were able to get along again, but had still let me know that he was there for me - without saying a word. Even making the tea for me this very evening, he'd known that something was amiss.

Earlier he had asked me if I trusted him, and I had let him know by my actions that I did. I trusted him enough to lay myself as bare as I could be before him...I had allowed myself to be completely vulnerable to him, to his scrutiny, and he had not abused my trust. And I loved him for it.

I had become so relaxed that I began to doze off. The sound of someone climbing the ladder to the hayloft woke me; I opened my eyes to the sight of Ike's head and shoulders in the doorway.

He was as surprised to see me as I was to see him.

*Sorry Lou, I didn't know you were here. I'll leave you alone* he signed.

"Don't go, Ike. I'd really like your company." He raised his eyebrows, questioning; I nodded. He climbed inside the loft and sat beside me on the hay.

"I couldn't think of where else to go" I said softly. "The bunkhouse is so quiet with everyone gone."

Ike laughed his silent laugh. *This is the first time I've been alone since I was a kid, hiding in the barn from my ma* he signed, giving me a wide grin.

"Was she gonna give you a whuppin, Ike McSwain?" I teased.

*Yep...I was always gettin in trouble.*

I laughed outright; Ike's shoulders shook with his hearty laughter. Tears began to track down my cheeks, and Ike handed me a kerchief. I wiped my face dry.

"This is the first time I've been alone since I can remember" I said, musing. "Since I joined the Express, anyway." I turned to Ike. "We're never alone...someone's always around."

*It's comforting to know someone's always here for us* Ike signed, giving me a gentle smile. *I've missed you, Lou.*

"Ike" I said in surprise. "Oh, Ike...I've missed you, too. Truth is..." I glanced up at him through my eyelashes, "I thought you'd be mad at me. I mean - well, you haven't spent too much time with Buck lately. And that's been because of me."

Ike reached for my small hand and squeezed it with his large calloused one. *Sure...I've missed Buck, he and I have spent a lot of our lives together. But I've got five brothers...and only one sister. I miss having you around to talk to.*

"I'm sorry, Ike" I said softly. "I fell so hard for Buck that I've forgotten everyone else."

*Don't be sorry, Lou. I'm so happy for Buck - he never thought that a woman could love him, after Little Bird. I've never seen him so happy. You're really good for him.* Ike was earnest. *I know he's good for you, too, you're so happy now. Even you and Kid are getting along.*

"I love Buck so much, Ike - I never knew someone could love me the way he does" I said quietly. "He just accepts me the way I am and doesn't try to change me. That means so much." I looked at him, quiet, for a moment. "Is it hard for you - seeing us together all the time?"

Ike sighed and shook his head; the expression on his face broke my heart. "Ike, what is it?" I asked. "You can tell me anything."

He hung his head for a moment and I was almost afraid of what he would say. *I'm not jealous of you and Buck, honest I'm not, Lou...just, I want so bad what the two of you have. I want a woman who'll love me the way you love Buck.* He looked at me directly. *I want to be a husband someday, I want to have a family, I love children! But who'd want me?*

He looked so defeated; I did the only thing I could think of. I got up on my knees and hugged him hard. He hugged me back. "Oh, Ike" I whispered. "You are a good, good man." He clung to me for a moment then released me and held my hands. "What is it?"

*There is someone...her pa was killed and she just moved here, bought the schoolteacher's old place. I don't even know her name, just seen her in Tompkins' store.*

"Her name is Emily...Emily Metcalfe" I said. "I met her one day, she needed to post a letter to California." I smiled at Ike. "I have a feeling you and Miss Metcalfe will be seeing a lot of each other...once you've been introduced."

Ike looked happier than I had seen in weeks. We sat in a companionable silence, not saying much, until the stars came out and the boys came home.

Buck and I didn't have a real chance to talk for a full week and a half; rides were once again increasing in number and, as well, I had had an overnighter to Willow Springs, Buck to Fort Laramie along with Jimmy. But once chores were finished, supplies gotten and unloaded at the station, and the others went swimming, Buck and I headed off to our special place, our picnic rock.

We were so glad to just be together that we didn't tear each other's clothes off right away; instead, we sat down to the picnic lunch and talked and laughed, simply enjoying being with each other. When lunch had been eaten and we'd splashed in the creek for awhile, getting thoroughly soaked in the process, we stretched out side by side on our blanket. Buck had stripped off his shirt and hung it up to dry from a nearby tree branch; I had done the same, leaving on my chemise. Buck held out his arms and I snuggled up close to him, my head resting on his chest.

I breathed deeply, inhaling the warm, clean scent of his skin. Buck always smelled of saddle leather, new hay, fresh air, and a warm skin smell unique to him and very pleasing to me. There was no other place I would rather have been than right there, lying on the blanket in his arms.

"I missed you" I whispered, cupping his cheek with my hand. "I'm glad there's no more overnighters for a while now."

"It wouldn't bother me - if we had one together" Buck chuckled. "Jimmy makes good coffee and all, but - well, it's just not the same as being with you."

I laughed softly and Buck held me closer, kissing the tip of my nose. "Did you have a chance to talk to Ike?" he asked, rolling onto his side.

"Yeah...the last time you all went to the saloon." I related my talk with Ike, what had been weighing so heavy on his mind. Buck looked at me with something like admiration shining in his eyes.

"I told you he loves talking to you" he said, stroking my ears with his thumbs. I closed my eyes and sighed with pleasure. "He never would have told me any of that."

"Sure he would" I said, drawing up my leg and kissing Buck behind his ear. He moaned softly. "Well - most of it. Some of it."

"Very little of it." Buck began to unbutton my chemise, kissing the exposed skin as he went. "Men don't usually talk about such personal things."

"Too bad" I laughed softly, tugging at the ties of Buck's trousers. He lifted his hips and we pulled off his pants.

"Speaking of personal things - is it a safe time for us to make love?" Buck's hand rested at the waistband of my trousers.

"Yep" I answered calmly, lifting my hips to slide off my pants. "Now all we need to do is get the two of them properly introduced. I think they'll be just fine if they let nature take its course."

"We'll be just fine, too, if we let nature take its course" Buck growled softly in my ear. He guided my hand to him. "I want you, Lou."

I wrapped my hand around his tight manhood. "I want you, too." I squeezed gently and leaned in close, running my tongue along his full lower lip. "You just can't see how much I want you, not from the outside." I plunged my hands deep into his silky hair; his hand snaked in between my legs. "I love you, Running Buck Cross."

"I love you" he whispered next to my ear and proceeded to show me just what he meant.

**A/N: Ah, young love...there is nothing so sweet! Let me know what you think!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Nope, not mine, never will be.**

**A/N: Response to this story has been positive beyond my wildest dreams! Your reviews and comments are so very welcome and, yes, a source of inspiration **

**as well. I love hearing from you. **

**The other riders are complaining - AGAIN! - that I never take them anywhere, never let them do anything, never let them have any fun. Even Rachel, **

**of all people, is complaining! So. I'm turning them loose; I'll be back in the morning to pick up the pieces. Enjoy - and Kristina, since you are at least **

**partially to blame for this, this is for you! You'll see what I mean :)**

July slipped lazily into August, easily the hottest month in Rock Creek. We rose at dawn, not because we were early risers by nature, but because we took advantage of the early morning coolness to get as many of the heaviest chores out of the way as we could. By seven o'clock we had the stalls mucked out, the horses fed and watered, and had shod those who needed shoeing. After breakfast other chores were delegated by Rachel, and the list was endless: fires built and stoked for the laundry cauldrons; water pumped and carried; clothes to be washed and hung out to dry; firewood to be chopped, carried, and stacked; fruits and vegetables washed, peeled, and cut up both for our meals and for preserving. I had more respect for Rachel than just about anyone I'd ever known; she ran a tight ship with a balky crew and did it so well she made it look easy.

One brassily hot morning in early August found me and Ike readying the wagon for a supply run. List in hand, I climbed aboard beside him. Releasing the brake, Ike flicked the reins and the wagon began to roll.

"Have you and Emily been introduced yet?" I asked Ike. He shook his head "no".

"I don't think she's always around" I said, musing. "She's a midwife and a travelling nurse - I think that's what it's called - and she helps out Doc Barnes. Visits folks who need care but not serious enough for a doctor. Her hours are like his - not real regular."

Ike looked at me, eyebrows raised; he was impressed, I could tell.

"Don't worry, Ike - Rock Creek's a small place. You're bound to meet her someday soon, I know - she needs supplies like everyone else."

He grinned at me and nodded in understanding. We pulled up in front of Tompkins' store and I jumped up onto the boardwalk. Ike opened the door and we walked inside, into the middle of what looked to be a flaming row in progress.

Tompkins, red-faced and hands on hips, stood in front of his modest selection of hand tools. Toe to toe with him, finger jabbed right into his face, was a dirt-smudged and fiery-eyed Emily Metcalfe dressed in a man's shirt and britches. Her light-brown hair was wildly dishevelled and clearly she was madder than a wet hen.

"It broke, I'm telling you!" she hollered at Tompkins. "Handle split clear down the middle soon's I hit a nail on the head!" She rummaged in her pocket and pulled out a hammer handle split into two pieces.

"What do you call this?" she fumed. "I call it broke and I want it replaced!"

"Miss Metcalfe, please." Tompkins raised his hands, trying to soothe the irate young woman. "I'm sure we can work something out - "

"There's nothing _to_ work out!" Emily was clearly losing patience, and fast. "I need a new hammer, and I need it _now_ !"

Ike looked at Emily with admiration. Tompkins' face turned an ugly shade of purple.

"You should replace the broken one, Mr. Tompkins." Reverend Carswell's wife had slipped in unnoticed. "You know, the same thing happened to old Mr. Dogue not two weeks ago. You wouldn't want to gain a reputation as an unfair businessman, would you?"

Ike and I exchanged glances; Emily glared at Tompkins; Tompkins glanced at Mrs. Carswell and shuffled his feet. He harrumphed and picked up a new hammer.

"Miss Metcalfe" he said, red-faced, handing her the hammer. "I trust you will find this satisfactory."

Emily took a deep breath and held out her hand. "Thank you, Mr. Tompkins" she said sincerely and shook his hand. "I appreciate this very much." She smiled through the dusty smudges on her face. "Now I can fix my front steps before I break my neck on them. Good day. Ma'am" she nodded to Mrs. Carswell, who winked at her.

"I'll be with you in a moment" Tompkins called over to me and Ike. He turned to Mrs. Carswell, who handed him a list.

Emily was looking through Tompkins' display of calico goods; seizing our chance, I grabbed Ike by the sleeve and dragged him over to where Emily was browsing.

"We haven't been properly introduced" I said to Emily. "I'm Lou McLeod, and this is Ike McSwain."

She held out her hand and I shook it. She turned to Ike, her hand extended; I gave him a poke and he shook her hand, beaming.

"I'm Emily Metcalfe. I bought the old schoolteacher's homestead" she said, nodding first at me then at Ike. "I've heard about you Express riders" she said with a wide smile. "You've quite a reputation in this town!"

"Yeah...well, don't believe everything you hear" I said wryly as Ike shook with his hearty, silent laughter. "We're really not bad people when you get to know us."

Ike was signing rapidly. "I understand some Indian sign, but not when it's that fast" Emily said.

"Ike just asked how come the teacher's homestead hasn't fallen down around you yet" I translated with a grin. "It's in real bad shape."

"I knew that when I bought it" Emily laughed. "But I'm handy with a hammer and nails, and I'm not afraid of hard work."

Ike began signing again, slower this time.

"Would I - like some help? - help with repairs? Did I get that right?" Emily asked Ike, who nodded, beaming. "I would never turn down an offer of help, Mr. McSwain. I can't pay you, but I'll feed you and keep you supplied with lemonade."

*Please, call me Ike* Ike signed to Emily. *May I see you home? I can help fix your steps.*

When Emily consented, Ike turned to me. *Can you tell Rachel where I've gone? She doesn't need me until later on this afternoon.*

"Sure, Ike" I smiled. "And take your time - both Jimmy and Kid owe you a favour or two. You go on ahead." I was thrilled for Ike, that he had finally gotten his wish. "The others can help me unload the wagon."

Ike gave me a wide grin and signed his thanks. "Emily" I nodded as Ike opened the door for her. "Nice to have met you." Mrs. Carswell followed them out. I touched my hat brim and nodded at her. "Ma'am." She gave me a broad smile and a wink in return.

I turned to Tompkins when Cody burst inside, Noah on his heels. "Lou, Teaspoon wants you over to the marshal's office on the double" Cody panted, clearly out of breath; Teaspoon must have put the fear of God into him.

"Did he say what fer?" I asked, handing Noah the list.

"Nope - just said to get yerself there _right now_."

"Huh - see y'all later" I called over my shoulder as I ran out the door Noah was holding open for me. I dimly heard Tompkins holler "Shut that door now - you're letting flies in!" as I ran across the dusty street and into the marshal's office.

To my surprise, Buck was also there. Teaspoon, for once, sat straight in his chair; his expression was grave. "Close the door, Lou" he said quietly.

I did as he asked, then went to stand beside Buck, who gave me the briefest of smiles. I stood, fidgeting a little nervously as Teaspoon stared at us for a moment.

"I suppose you're both wondering why I've asked you here" Teaspoon said, looking from Buck to me. We both nodded.

"Are we in some kind of trouble?" I asked tentatively.

"Is something wrong, Teaspoon?" Buck asked quietly.

"No on both counts, I'm happy to say" Teaspoon answered. "But I'm giving the two of you a special assignment that requires the utmost secrecy. Do you understand that means you do not speak of it to _anyone_ - the other riders, Rachel, Barnett, even Reverend Carswell if he were to ask?"

Buck and I swiftly exchanged glances. "Yes" we answered together.

"Well then" Teaspoon said with the ghost of a smile. "You two will be riding to Green River. You will ride as fast as you can safely; you will stop to switch horses at every station along the way. You will do nothing to draw undue attention to yerselves. Now, I know you two young'uns are all crazy fer each other, but that'll have to wait until the delivery has been made and you're on your way home. Understand?" Teaspoon fixed us with an eagle eye.

"Yes" we answered.

"Good" he said, looking a little more cheerful."Now. You will be carrying documents from the government in Washington for the Union Army. When you reach Green River, they will be handed over to Major John Paul Calder at the Union Army outpost. You will ask for the Major; they must not be given to anyone else under any circumstances."

Teaspoon sighed and looked at us candidly. "This is going to be a long ride for you, and it's going to be dangerous as well. It's a long, lonely stretch between Big Sandy and Green River, and the Confederates know that - they have spies out searching for these documents. If they even suspect that you have them, they won't hesitate to shoot to kill. And for once, I'm telling you to not run like hell. You shoot back until every last one is dead or you can safely get away."

Teaspoon leaned forward and rested his hands on his thighs. He once again looked at the two of us for a long moment. "Both the government and the Union Army have asked the Pony Express to deliver these documents. You know the territory almost as well as the Indians. And, you are far less suspect than any government or Union emissaries." He sat back. "Any questions?"

"When do we leave?" Buck asked.

"Be here, ready to ride, at five minutes of noon. Rachel will have supplies and lunch ready for you when you get back to the station. Anything else?"

I gathered my courage together. "Why Buck and me, Teaspoon?"

He rose and walked over to us, setting a hand on my shoulder and on Buck's. "Because" he said, "you, Lou, are smallest and lightest and can ride the fastest on any horse. Buck, you know the territory as well as any Indian, and you are the best at sensing trouble and dealing with it. And to tell the truth, no one will be expecting a half-blood Kiowa and a young boy to be carrying government and military documents."

We couldn't argue with that.

"Hurry back to the station now, Rachel will be waitin on ya. And be back here at five minutes of noon on the dot, hear?"

We nodded and left the office. A buckboard wagon pulled up at the station; to my surprise it was Ike and Emily, and a young boy riding in the back. Ike jumped down from the wagon, which sped off.

"Ike!" I called, and he turned and waved at us. "What are you doing back?"

*Baby* he signed with a grin and went inside the bunkhouse.

Rachel met me and Buck out front of the station house. "Buck, go get both horses ready now. Lou, come with me, I have your supplies ready and waiting." She spoke in clipped tones, very unlike her usual self; Buck and I looked at each other. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get a move on!" she snapped. Buck ran towards the barn. Rachel looked near tears, and it occurred to me she wasn't angry; she was afraid. I wondered how much she knew.

Inside the kitchen, she had our saddlebags set out on the table; we began packing them with food for the trip and the gear we would be needing. We wouldn't be carrying the mochila on this trip.

"I think we should carry the extra ammunition in our pockets" I said, more to myself than to Rachel. To my great surprise, she burst into tears.

"Rachel?" I asked, wide-eyed. "What's wrong?"

"Lou, I'm sorry." She hastily wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand. "Teaspoon told me as much as he could. He couldn't tell me everything, but - I just have a very strange feeling about this ride."

I hugged her hard. "I'm afraid, too" I said softly. "But I'd be even more afraid if Buck wasn't coming with me. I trust him with my life."

"I know, honey." She gave me a watery smile. "Come on - let's get you loaded up."

We carried the saddlebags outside to the hitching rail, where Lightning and Spirit were saddled and ready to go. We buckled the saddlebags onto the backs of the saddles.

"Come get lunch before you go" Rachel urged. "I made sandwiches for you and Buck." We walked along the boardwalk to the bunkhouse door. We were about to enter when I heard the sound of laughter coming from inside. I paused, setting my hand over Rachel's as she went to lift the latch. I put a finger to my lips; she smiled and nodded. We listened quietly, ears to the door.

"What I don't get is why Teaspoon picked you two, anyway" Cody's voice rose, strident, above the others. "With you two ridin' together, the delivery'll never get made!"

"Hey, come off it, Cody!" came Noah's voice.

"You're just tiffed 'cause you wanted the extra money" Kid added.

Ike must have added something; there was a moment of silence then a burst of laughter.

"Ike's right" Jimmy laughed, "Buck'll keep his pants on 'til the job's done."

"Thanks, Ike" Buck said wryly.

"Well, I wish he'd put his pants on now" Cody said plaintively. "Cover that thing up, would you? Bad enough we have to see it every morning and every night."

"Jealous?" Buck asked; I could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

I snorted into my hand; Rachel was giggling madly, her hands over her mouth.

"What you doin' lookin' at it anyway?" Noah asked, followed by hearty guffaws.

"I'm tryin to figure out how he hasn't split Lou in two by now."

My jaw dropped and my face flared. I was set to storm inside and tear a strip off of Cody but Rachel grabbed my arm. She shook her head vigorously then whispered into my ear. I nodded and giggled silently. We stepped inside.

We were greeted by startled looks on six faces; clearly, they wondered how much we had overheard. I sat down at the table, where Rachel had set out sandwiches and milk for me and Buck. "You eat yet?" I asked Buck, who shook his head. "I'm starved."

Buck sat down beside me and reached for a sandwich. I ate a sandwich and quickly downed my milk. The bunkhouse was, for once, quiet. Buck and I, finished, rose to leave.

"Hey, Cody" I said conversationally, "I'm sorry I got this run instead of you - I know how much you need the extra money."

Cody had been reaching for one of Buck's sandwiches; his hand stopped dead in mid-reach.

"But you know," and I patted his shoulder, "Buck and I work real well together. We do all kinds of things real well together."

Cody's face turned chalk-white. The other fellas glanced at each other uneasily.

"See, we're real good at waitin, too. That's why we'll wait and keep our pants on 'til the job's done."

Beside me, Buck gave a brief snort. Ike grinned widely. Cody looked to be sweating just the tiniest bit. But I wasn't finished with him.

"And your concern for my well-being - well, that's downright touching." I leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. I had been right - he was sweating. "But y'all got nothin to worry about. See, Buck could split me in two any old time he felt like it, it'd be real easy for him. But no, he don't do that. He knows _just_ how to handle that Warrior of his, and he does it right." I stood on tip-toe and kissed a grinning Buck on the mouth. He stopped grinning when I grabbed the front of his trousers. "I ain't got no complaints with either of them."

I walked over to the door; Buck followed at a safe distance. From the table, the fellas just stared at me. I buckled on my gunbelt, as did Buck. "Thanks for lunch, Rachel" I said cheerfully.

"You're welcome, Lou" she smiled. "There's something you forgot to tell Cody, though."

"Oh?" I raised my eyebrows.

Yes. Cody" she began sweetly, "someday you're going to take a lovely young woman to her marriage bed. And soon as she gets one look at big little Cody, she'll see that you were blessed with a double helping of the manly goods."

A mouthful of sandwich hit Kid square in the chest; he muttered an oath in disgust. Jimmy and Noah howled with laughter; Ike's eyes streamed and he pounded on the table. Cody, speechless for once, looked at Rachel imploringly.

"Close the curtains before you get changed" Rachel said, piling plates together. "Ride safe, you two."

Buck closed the door behind us. He had, I was pleased to see, an enormous grin on his face - and a downright swagger to his walk.

We mounted up and headed for Teaspoon's office. It was just shy of five minutes of noon.

**A/N: Big Sandy and Green River were Pony Express stations, located three and four stations respectively west of Rock Creek. Major Calder, the Union Army**

**outpost at Green River, the Army's and government's use of the Pony Express to deliver documents, and Confederate spy activities are all fictitious.**

**I know this chapter has dealt with a lot of the mundane; however, the mundane is a large part of everyday life so I have tried to inject some humour!**

**More drama, action, and yes, lovin' to follow. As always, let me know what you think!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. Never will be. Dang it all.**

**A/N: Thanks for sticking with me. Would you believe this story has taken on a life of its own? Is that normal? When I wrote up the first draft way back when, the characters, by now, were all living happily ever. Huh. It seems that The Muse has other, far different plans, than what I/we started out with!**

**So, hang onto your hats; we're in for a rough ride here. This story was originally rated "M" for sexual content; this chapter contains offensive language of the NC-17 variety, violence, and disturbing content. If this sort of thing offends you, please do not read - you have been warned!**

The door closed behind us with a snick. The office was dim even at the height of noon and smelled of dust and worn old wood, of age. The very air was stuffy and still, the only sound that of a fly buzzing on the smudgy window pane. Teaspoon rose from his chair as Buck and I approached him.

"Buck, Lou. I'd like ya to meet Lieutenant Harper. He will tell ya all ya need to know. Lieutenant Harper, this is Buck Cross and Lou McLeod; they will be making the delivery."

The Lieutenant stepped forward from beside Teaspoon; he looked at me and Buck appraisingly, as if sizing us up, before extending his hand. "Mr. Cross...Mr. McLeod."

Lieutenant Harper was dressed in clothing like that worn by any of the men in Rock Creek on any given day. He stood tall, taller even than Noah, with thick black hair and bright blue eyes. He looked as though he had spent much of his life working out of doors; the callouses on his hand attested to that.

For some reason I felt could trust him. I wondered if Buck felt that, too.

"Mr. Hunter has already briefed you, I believe, on the nature of this mission" Lt. Harper began in his deep voice. We nodded and he continued.

"I cannot stress enough the need for secrecy and that the documents be delivered as quickly as possible. I cannot divulge to you exactly what it is that you will be carrying." He paused, then turned to Teaspoon.

"Mr. Hunter - do your riders harbour prejudices against the Union, conceal sympathies for the Southern rebels?" He fixed Teaspoon with his piercing blue eyes.

"Lieutenant" Teaspoon said, hooking his thumbs in his suspenders, "why don't ya ask them fer yerself?"

Lt. Harper looked at Teaspoon for a second longer, then turned once again to me and Buck.

"Do you, Mr. Cross, harbour prejudice or ill feeling towards the Union?" He held Buck's eyes with his for a long moment.

"No. I do not" Buck answered firmly.

"Mr. McLeod?" He fixed me with his gaze

"No. I do not." I spoke with absolute conviction.

"Do you, Mr. Cross and Mr. McLeod, harbour sympathies for the Southern rebels?" He looked from one to the other of us.

"No" Buck answered.

"No" I spoke firmly.

"Will you remain loyal to the Union for the duration of this mission and afterward?" the lieutenant asked.

"I will." Buck and I spoke at the same time.

"Very well." Lieutenant Harper handed Buck a rectangular envelope with an elaborate red wax seal holding it closed. "This, Mr. Cross, is to be carried in your saddlebag and remain there at all times. Upon arrival at Green River, go straight to the tents of the Union Army outpost. Ask for Major John Paul Calder - he will be expecting you tonight. Major Calder stands six feet two inches tall, has silver hair and brown eyes, and a chip out of the inside of his right front tooth. By these things you will know him."

The lieutenant walked over to the door. "You are performing a great service to your country. Be swift, and be vigilant. Southern rebel spies may lie in wait; the usual point of attack lies between Big Sandy and Green River where the country is sparsely populated and cover is abundant near the river. Shoot to kill." Once again he extended his hand. "Godspeed to you both."

Teaspoon joined us at the door. "Buck, Lou...there's nothin I can tell ya that ya don't already know. Be wary, ride fast. Keep yer eyes and ears open and don't stop fer anything along the way." He opened the door for us. "I don't want to see ya back here for another three days - yer goin ta need some time to yerselves afterwards and sides that, ya just plain deserve it." He looked at us and sighed."Ride safe" he said so quietly only we could hear. The door snicked shut behind us.

My boots made hollow sounds on the boards beneath my feet. As I walked along with Buck to the hitching rail, I slowed for a brief moment and looked at the scene before my eyes, at the main street of Rock Creek with its storefronts and children running into Tompkins' to buy penny candy. I untied Lightning, checking that the cinch strap was snug, and smelled all that was familiar: horse sweat, dust, manure, wood, smoke, cooking food. I mounted up and as I wheeled Lightning around beside Spirit I drank in the sounds of children laughing, horses neighing, shouts of greeting, faint piano music from the saloon. Poised for flight, I turned my head to meet Buck's eyes watching me intently.

"We'll be back, Lou" he said quietly, with conviction.

Was that what I had been thinking?

"Aim own p'ayle doe, naw mahyehn." His voice carried with it his quiet strength. He raised his eyebrows at me; I nodded, determined.

We kicked the horses into a gallop westward towards South Pass.

The sun beat down heavily from a pale blue, brassily hot sky. The landscape was completely dry, void of anything truly green; even the leaves on the trees were a dusty grey colour. The hooves of our galloping horses raised a cloud I was sure could be seen for miles around, and I wondered if the fellas could see it all the way back in Rock Creek as a puff of dust on the horizon.

We arrived in South Pass without incident. It was a small station, really just a cluster of wooden buildings. We pulled up at the hitching rail, which thankfully was in the shade, and unbuckled the saddlebags from the backs of our saddles. Tears sprang to my eyes as I whispered goodbye to Lightning; he nickered and nuzzled my cheek. From beside me Buck spoke in Kiowa to Spirit; she rested her head against his chest.

The stationmaster appeared, leading two fresh horses: Buck was given a wiry bay gelding named Thunder and I was handed a spirited red and white paint mare named Flash that reminded me much of Katy. The stationmaster was a burly young man named Goode. He had run the station since it first opened and knew of any and all happenings for miles around.

Goode and Buck spoke back and forth as we buckled our saddlebags to the backs of our saddles. I half-listened to them; I was more curious to know what it was that Buck had said to me in Kiowa just as we left Rock Creek. Then, while I drank from my canteen, my ears pricked up at something Goode was saying.

"Keep your wits about you" he said. "My riders comin back from west of here say they'd been watched. Couldn't say by who and ain't none of them been attacked, just a real strange feelin. Like they was waitin for somethin to happen. Don' know if it's Injuns or the war comin this way...somethin's gonna happen, and soon."

Buck and I quickly exchanged glances; I felt a shiver down my spine and his eyes darkened. Feeling grim, I mounted Flash. Beside me Buck mounted Thunder; we wheeled the horses around.

"Take good care of them for us" Buck called.

"They'll be waitin for ya when ya get back" Goode said cheerfully. "Ride safe!" he called as we spurred the horses into a gallop.

The dusty miles rolled away beneath the horses' hooves. From South Pass we rode into Pacific Spring; from Pacific Spring to Dry Sandy. We were given water at each station and fast, reliable horses. The landscape began to change bit by bit as we rode on, becoming gradually greener and a little more lush. We stopped at the Big Sandy river to let the horses drink; Buck and I stretched and drank from our canteens.

The sun was still well above the horizon and that bode well for us; the longest leg of our journey still lay ahead. "What do you think?" I asked Buck in a low voice; I was loathe to speak any louder. No one knew what lurked in the trees and the undergrowth around us.

"I don't hear anything. I don't feel anything." He raised his head and remained stock-still. "The land here is still at peace" he said very quietly. "It is best that we go and get to Big Sandy quickly while it is still day. The longer we take, the greater danger we will be in."

We galloped off, following the river and the sun. We came upon Big Sandy, a small town on the river. The Express station had a bunkhouse and a home house as well; it was large and clean and well-kept. Tom Southem, the stationmaster, greeted us at the hitching rail with our horses: Twitch, a strawberry roan, and her brother Blink, a blue roan.

"They're good and they're fast" Tom said. "They can wheel on a dime and blast outta the gate in a heartbeat" he said with pride; he had bred and trained them himself.

"Good - we need to get to Green River before nightfall" Buck said honestly. "Have you heard of any ambushes between here and Green River lately?"

Tom looked thoughtful. "No ambushes, no attacks in the last few days. All the riders is been sayin's that they been watched. Can't see who's watchin 'em. They feel eyes watchin, so they just ride through fast's they can. Spooky, like." He looked at me and Buck. "You best get goin, it's a long stretch from here to Green. Ride fast through the trees along the river; when there's been trouble that's where it happens. Your horses'll keep you on their backs, they don't let their riders down." He patted his horses on their necks. "Do your job" he said to them.

We mounted up for the last time that day. "Godspeed to you both" he said as we turned the horses to the sun.

We rode hard, harder than I'd ever ridden even for the Express. I concentrated grimly on the task at hand; I knew in my gut somehow that we would not finish the ride unscathed. I knew that Buck, even as we galloped, was watching and listening intently for any signs of trouble or even just other travellers along the trail. It was a well-travelled route, used by Express riders, the Union Army, and travellers heading both east and west. We were also in Indian territory - Cheyenne, Arapaho, and Sioux, Buck told me. I was more grateful than ever that it was Buck I was riding with, for he spoke the Lakota language of the Sioux.

Strangely, though, the trail was all but deserted. We passed families travelling by wagon from Green River to Big Sandy, both men and women armed, and hastening to journey's end before dark. We stopped to let the horses drink often, and out in the open. They seemed to know the trail well and I guessed that Southem's horses often travelled west, to Fort Bridger and Salt Lake City and beyond.

The air very gradually began to grow cooler, degree by degree, as the sun slipped lower in the sky. I began to feel glad to have the hot dusty journey coming to an end. I guessed that it was past supper time, was past after-supper chore time; I wondered which of the fellas would be heading over to the saloon. Cody had the early-morning run; he'd be disappointed that he couldn't stay out late without paying for it the next morning. I wondered how Emily liked Ike, when they'd see each other again.

I gave my head a shake; I had no business thinking of anything except the job at hand. We had just over an hour of daylight left and if we wanted to make it to Green River before dark we needed to push hard. I turned my head to Buck and opened my mouth to speak

my eyes grew wide

my jaw dropped

Buuuck!

I called from a great distance away

Twitch shot forward like a bullet

Blink on her heels

shots behind us angry shouts

it's just a breed and a kid

search em dammit

I shook with fear oh God if they find out I'm a woman they'll rape me they'll kill Buck Twitch come on girl PLEASE girl RUN Buck where are you

fire men with torches men in brown men in grey they talk with an accent ...where have I heard...? THEY'RE FROM THE SOUTH THEY'LL KILL US

around us all around us Southerners oh God horses the horses fire Twitch rearing BUCK WHERE ARE YOU man tall man grabs reins

Twitch pranced nervously but the men with torches had drawn back. A tall man with sandy brown hair and rot like moss on his teeth jerked the reins. From the corner of my eye I saw another man holding Blink's reins.

"Who are you, boy?" the tall man snarled at me in a thick Southern drawl. He seemed to be the leader. I opened my mouth to speak but found I couldn't. The man grabbed my collar and pulled me down towards him.

"I asked you a question, boy" he snarled into my face; his breath stank like rotten meat. "Who are you? Where you goin?" He gave me a shake. "Well?"

"Leave him alone" Buck said from beside me. "He's just a boy - I'm taking him to his family in Fort Bridger."

"Shut up, you." The shorter man holding Blink's reins spat in Buck's face. "I ain't talkin to no low-down scum-suckin breed" he sneered. "You one o' them dirty cock-suckin

Sioux bastards thet been givin us so much trouble? Huh? Is yore mama a squaw, Injun? White man done fucked yore mama an' you's what she got? Huh?"

"Leave him be!" I shouted. "He ain't done nothin to you! He's my guide - he's taking me to my family in Fort Bridger!"

The tall man backhanded me across my face. "Shut it, you puny little shit bastard or I'll cut of yore nuts iffen I can find em." His eyes glittered with malice. "Might jest cut em off anyhow."

The group of men with torches was growing restless, I noticed. There were about eight of them, ten men in total, and my heart sank - we were well and good outnumbered. The Southerners wouldn't let us go forward at any cost - they would drive us back with the torches, get us off the horses, search the saddlebags, and kill us. I felt sick inside. It would take a miracle to get us away from them.

"Come on, Leyrisse!" one of the men shouted. "Get on wi'it awready! They's just kids - useless bastards!"

"Shut it, Bouchard!" the man holding Twitch's reins shouted back. " I'm done when I says I'm done! An' I'm jus' gettin' started." He turned to me. "You - get off yore horse." I hesitated and he backhanded me again. "Do it, boy!" I stumbled down off of Twitch and fell to my knees, grabbing her mane as I went down. "Get up" Leyrisse hissed.

""Get down here, Injun" Buck's captor snarled. Buck slid down from Blink's back. I caught Buck's eye; he looked grim and mad as all hell, but not afraid. He gave an almost imperceptible nod but I didn't know what it meant.

"Hands on yore head, boy" Leyrisse hissed. I quickly set my hands on my head. "You too, Injun" he snarled at Buck; he put his hands up. "Y'all jes' stay put now an mebbe you won't get hurt."

He searched my saddlebags and found nothing but my gear and a change of clothes. He swore and jerked his head in Buck's direction; I felt my blood turn to ice as his saddlebag was opened and searched as well. His gear was torn apart and scattered all over the ground.

"Cocksucker!" Leyrisse screamed. "Damn it to hell!" He handed Twitch over to the man holding Blink. "We'll keep the horses - they's good'n'fast. But these two - they's got to go. Take the food an' their clothing - an' their guns."

Two of the followers picked up our scattered belongings, and I was glad I wasn't carrying anything of value for these scavengers to take. But what on earth, I wondered, had Buck done with the letter? Why hadn't the Southerners found it? And were they going to take us prisoner or just kill us outright?

Just then Leyrisse kicked me in the shin, and I doubled over in pain. "Stand up, Yank scum" he hissed. "Take off yore gunbelt. You too, breed" he snarled at Buck. We unbuckled our gunbelts and threw them on the ground. "Gimme thet purty knife o' yorn" he said to Buck, who untied the sheath from his boot and set it on the ground beside his gunbelt.

"Thet's good, Injun, thet's right good'n'propah." Leyrisse grinned at Buck. "Let's see how good thet purty knife works. Bouchard, Nelson" he jerked his head at the two men. "Hold him."

They handed off their torches, then grabbed Buck by the arms, pinning him. Leyrisse advanced on him, holding up the knife.

"Sho' do got lots o' purty hair, Injun. How many men you done scalped with this here knife, huh?" Buck stayed silent, impassive. "I asked you a question, boy." When Buck refused to answer, Leyrisse punched him in the stomach so hard he vomited. "Ah don' like you" Leyrisse hissed in a low, deadly voice. "Ah think you should die now."

He drew up the knife to Buck's throat and held it, poised. Suddenly I was screaming, screaming; Leyrisse was crazy, a madman, a cold-blooded killer and he was going to kill Buck with his own knife.

Leyrisse howled in rage and grabbed me hard, shook me until my teeth rattled. I fought him though there was nothing I could do and he covered my mouth with his filthy hand. I bit down, hard, and he released me. I grabbed at the knife as it dropped from his hand and lunged at him; blood dripped down from his face.

He shrieked in rage and pain; the men holding Buck let go of him and rushed at me; Buck grabbed the knife and swung round in a circle, opening their flesh as he went. Leyrisse screamed at his men, who dropped their torches and ran at us. I was pinned to the ground, the madman's blood dripping onto me. He groped my chest.

"Ain't nothin' but a woman kin scream like thet" he said with a venomous hiss. "Ah'm gonna fuck you so hard you split in two then I'm gonna blow yore fuckin' head off, cunt."

The world exploded around me. The thunder of hooves shook the very ground, the screams of men and horses filled my ears. A booted foot kicked Leyrisse under the chin and he rolled off of me, dead, his neck snapped like a dry twig. Buck's strong hand helped me to my feet. He gave me a push. "Run!" he shouted.

I stumbled off towards the trees and cover. Dazed, I took in the sight of men shooting and falling, of fire all around, of dead bodies, of Indian warriors on horseback.

And then they were gone.

One lone warrior remained. He walked up to Buck, leading Twitch and Blink. Buck took the reins from him and began leading the horses to the water. I scrambled to my feet and ran to Buck; he dropped the reins and held me tight, tight in his arms. "Lou" he said in a low voice. "This is Red Bear. My brother."

I turned to the tall warrior, proud and noble, so much like Buck. "You saved our lives" I whispered.

The tall proud man regarded me. "My brother has chosen well" he said, his voice deep. "He has chosen a woman of beauty, strength, and great courage. You have the heart of a warrior, little one." He turned to Buck. "Come to my village in the dawn, when your mission is over. Follow the fork of the river that turns north."

He mounted his horse and, without looking back, disappeared into the trees and was gone.

There was nothing left to do but go on. We picked up our gunbelts and Buck his knife; we salvaged all of our belongings that we could. I checked Twitch for any sign of injury; miraculously, there was none. Buck likewise checked Blink, who was also unharmed. He touched my cheek and despite his gentleness I flinched.

"I wish I could have killed him myself" he said in a voice I'd never heard. "Red Bear killed Leyrisse."

"Buck, why - ? How did they - ?"

"I honestly don't know, Lou" he said, looking into my eyes. "I can only guess that they've gradually been pushed back further and further west. But how they happened to be here at this very time - I don't know."

We let the horses drink at the river's edge, and we drank from our canteens. "We'd better go while there's still any light at all" I said in a low voice.

Buck nodded and we mounted up. The fires from the torches were all but out. Turning, we urged the horses into a gallop westward.

The sun was a fat reddish coin poised on the horizon as we cantered up to the Union Army outpost at Green River. Reining in the horses, we dismounted and asked the first soldier we found where Major Calder might be found.

"Private Grissom" he said with a grin, by way of introduction. "And you are - ?"

"Buck Cross and Lou McLeod of the Pony Express. We have a delivery for Major John Paul Calder."

"Right this way." Private Grissom led us to a large tent slightly removed from the others. He stood at attention and called "Major Calder, sir!"

A tall man with silver hair and brown eyes stepped to the open flaps of the tent. "What is it, Private Grissom?"

Private Grissom saluted the older man. "Buck Cross and Lou McLeod of the Pony Express, sir!"

The major returned the salute. "Thank you, Private. That will be all."

"Thank you, sir!" The private saluted and quickly departed.

"Mr. Cross...Mr. McLeod...I am most happy to meet you." We shook hands. "I see that your journey has not been without event."

Buck and I exchanged glances. "Yes, could say that" Buck said with a slight grin.

"Do you know who it was that attacked you?" the Major asked, concern showing in his eyes.

"It was a small group of Southern rebels, sir. They ambushed us between here and Big Sandy along the river where the trees are thickest" I said.

Major Calder raised his eyebrows. "You're fortunate to have escaped" he said, impressed. "The Confederate spies are thirsting for information and are nothing short of desperate. Others besides yourselves have been ambushed, and not fared out so well."

"We had help, sir. Indian scouts saw us and saved our lives" Buck said.

"Do you know which tribe it was that helped you, son?" Major Calder asked respectfully.

"It was the Kiowa, sir. My people" Buck said with quiet pride. "All they want is to be able to live out their lives in peace, as they have for generations."

Major Calder shook his head regretfully. "No one wants this war to happen, boys. All these good people just want to live in peace. But the time has come for us to stand up for the freedom we believe in." He sighed. "Now. I believe you have a letter for me."

"Yes, sir." Buck stepped outside the tent to the horses and the Major and I joined him. Buck unbuckled his saddlebag and dug down to the very bottom. He slid his fingers into a nearly invisible slit in the leather near the seam and drew out the envelope, slightly the worse for wear. "Here you are, sir."

"Very clever, son - a false bottom in your saddlebag. I'd be willing to wager your saddlebags were searched." The Major's eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled. I saw the tiny chip on the inside of his right front tooth.

"They were, sir." I shivered, remembering the terror I'd felt as they searched Buck's saddlebags.

"Boys, you are more than welcome to stay here tonight as the guests of the Union Army if you so desire" Major Calder offered.

Buck and I looked at each other. "That's a very generous offer, sir, but I think Lou and I are ready for a steak dinner and hot baths at the local hotel" Buck said with a grin.

"I thoroughly understand, boys. I give you my most humble and grateful thanks for a good job well done. The Union Army thanks you."

We shook hands with Major Calder one last time, then mounted up and rode into the town of Green River.

The horses were soon bedded down at the small livery stable. Buck and I were fortunate to have gotten the last available room at the Green River hotel; we soaked in a hot bath together before dinner downstairs.

"I could go to sleep right now" I mumbled, leaning back against Buck's solid chest. He held me tighter in his arms and kissed the back of my neck.

"You need to get something to eat first, love" he whispered in my ear and I shivered as his warm breath caressed my skin. "Would you like me to wash your hair?"

Buck washed my hair, then I returned the favour. When we were dressed in almost-clean clothes, we ate dinner in the small dining room downstairs.

"You were right." I smiled at him across the table. I wished I had been able to bring a dress with me; I so wanted to look nice for Buck...but the thought of Leyrisse finding a dress in my belongings gave me a cold shiver down my spine.

"Right about what?" Buck raised a dark eyebrow at me.

"About getting something to eat. I feel like a new - person." I'd had to remind myself I was still dressed like a boy. "Do you want to take a walk - or go back to the room?"

"I think I've seen enough new scenery for one day" Buck said with his lopsided grin. We paid the server and went upstairs.

Buck locked the door as I drew the drapes closed. I turned and looked at my face in the mirror.

I had large purple bruises down one entire side of my face where Leyrisse had twice backhanded me. Buck came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, tight. He had a long cut starting at his temple and running down to his chin. I shuddered, thinking of what had almost happened to us both.

"Put it from your mind, Lou" he whispered. "It's over - we're safe now."

"I know" I said, turning in his arms and putting my arms around his neck. He leaned down close and kissed me long and slow and deep.

I began to unbutton his shirt, kissing his smooth brown skin as I went. He unbuttoned my shirt and slid it off, drew my silky chemise over my head. I untied his trousers and they pooled at his feet. My trousers were the last to go; when they were off, Buck picked me up and carried me over to the bed. He gently set me down then got in beside me. We drew the covers up partway. I snuggled deep into his arms.

"I am so very glad to be here with you, Buck Cross" I said, kissing the hollow at the base of his throat. "I'm glad it was you I was riding with today."

"I never want to see you in danger, Lou" Buck said. "But I'm glad I was with you. Red Bear is right - you are a woman of beauty and strength and great courage. I love you, Lou." He kissed me behind my ear.

I arched my neck as his mouth found my breast, smiled and gasped with delight when his lips suckled and his tongue swirled around the hardened nipple. All of my blood rushed down to that place between my legs, where I was hot and swollen, lush and liquid, so ready for him already...I had never felt so alive as I did right then.

I reached my hand down to grasp his manhood, long and hard and thick, and caressed him. He moaned and arched his back, thrusting slightly into my hand, and I drew the foreskin back to expose the purple tip. I moved down his body and took the head of him into my mouth, tasting the slightly bitter source of his warrior's strength.

"Lou..." he whispered hoarsely, his fisted hands grabbing at the sheets. I drew my tongue along the underside of his member to the cluster of skin bunched under the head and to the very tip of him. Releasing him, I moved back up his body and he opened his eyes; they burned with the fire of passion. His hand moved between my legs and found the center of all my pleasure; at the pinnacle of ecstasy he plunged into me and I clutched him as we moved together hard and fast and rough. Our slick bodies rode out the storm as Buck thrust up against the mouth of my womb and I gave a strangled cry.

We lay in each other's arms, sweaty and panting and sated. I got up, moving stiffly, and poured a glass of water from the pitcher on the desk. I drank thirstily and poured out more for Buck, who drained the glass in one long swallow. I got back into bed and nestled into his arms.

"We'd best get some sleep" I murmured into his ear. "We've another journey in the morning."

"Yes...I am so glad that Red Bear has asked us to come to his camp" Buck said quietly. "My heart wept when he dismissed me the last time I saw him...I thought we would never meet again in this life." He turned and kissed me on the mouth. "Aim own p'ayle doe, naw mahyehn."

I looked up, into his eyes. "Buck...?"

He closed his eyes and drew me in closer. "I love you, Lou."

**A/N: Whew...what a ride! That's one ride they'll never forget; I know I won't! **

**As I said before, everything except the Pony Express stations is fiction. And I made an error last time around; Big Sandy and Green River are the fourth **

**and fifth stations west of Rock Creek, not third and fourth. I have been reading up on American history, especially the Civil War, and discovered that **

**soldiers from California were dispatched east to New Mexico and Arizona to get rid of Confederate forces that moved in there. So I thought, wouldn't**

**it be neat if the Express riders helped deliver the orders from Washington out to California? Just an interesting little diversion!**

**On to Red Bear's camp...as always, let me know what you think!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Young Riders; never have and never will...though, a girl can dream :)**

**A/N: Now that their difficult and dangerous mission has been successfully completed, Buck and Lou are due for some well-deserved R and R. But before**

**anything else, they will be riding to Red Bear's village, as he requested they do. And who knows what may happen...? I think this chapter will be an**

**interesting mix; hang on for a little fluff, a little smut of the tender loving kind, and a little of the mystical. My Muse made me promise to not divulge**

**any more than that for the time being...So, please do read on and let me know what you think! Your comments and reviews are soul food of the best**

**kind :)**

I awoke sometime while the night was still dark and dawn was far off. I had sensed I was alone, and I was right: Buck wasn't in the bed beside me. Throwing the covers back, I stood and looked around the room, then out on the balcony. Buck had pulled on his pants and was standing outside; he seemed to be scanning the street and the horizon. I pulled the chamber pot out from under the bed and quickly relieved myself. Seeing that Buck was coming back inside, I got back into bed and sat up, hugging my knees.

Buck pulled the door closed again and, turning the key, locked it securely. He came over to the bedside and turned the lamp down low. Seeing that I was awake, he left some light burning before taking off his pants and getting back into bed beside me.

"I'm sorry I woke you" he said, pulling up the blankets. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine...I guess I knew you'd gotten up and wondered if you were all right" I said. "I got up for the same reason you probably did."

"Oh" he said with his crooked grin. "I can't get back to sleep unless I get up and take care of things. Have you been able to sleep all right?"

"Yes...I thought I'd be having nightmares about the attack but I was too tired to even dream." I smoothed his hair back from his face and kissed his slightly stubbled cheek. "I sleep better with you holding me."

Buck chuckled almost inaudibly. "I sleep soundly when I'm with you, Lou. I'd never been able to sleep through the night, until that overnighter to Laramie...that was the first time I can ever remember sleeping through the night."

"Mmmm...I put you to sleep" I teased gently, kissing the tip of his nose. "I'm flattered."

"You also keep me awake" he chided, pulling me down beside him. A large warm hand found my breast and cradled it lovingly. I chuckled softly. "What?" he asked, kissing my neck.

"Your hands" I explained. "They're so big and calloused, but so loving and gentle. You have beautiful hands, Buck."

He gave me one of those rare smiles that made my heart melt and my stomach drop. "You're a beautiful woman, Lou" he whispered in my ear.

I snorted softly. "Me...I'm just flat plain little Lou McLeod who dresses and talks and acts like a boy. Sometimes I think I AM a boy."

Buck moved in and kissed me on the mouth, his tongue finding its way inside and stroking mine. "You're all woman, Lou. Don't ever doubt that. Whenever I see you I just want to drop everything and take you right there. Makes things awkward sometimes."

I snorted again as a picture grew in my mind of Buck trying to get on his horse in that state. "I can see how that might be true" I laughed. I pulled him down on top of me. "At least I don't have anything that shows on the outside."

"Ike's started calling me 'Rutting Buck' " Buck said dryly.

"I like it" I said, running my tongue along the outside of his ear. "You could take me here, where there's no one to see." He grinned and I let my hands wander all over his body, listened to him sigh, smiled when he moaned as I touched a certain place. He leaned up on his forearms and rested himself in the cradle of my open legs and kissed me long and slow and deep. I wrapped my arms around his warm smooth back and kissed him with abandon; before I knew it, Buck was thrusting into me, gently at first and then with more speed and power. I heard moaning and realized that it was me making those noises, the sounds of a woman experiencing deep pleasure. I hitched up my legs and Buck thrust deep and hard. My hips rose up off the bed and held him as his body stiffened and shuddered.

Afterwards, we rose with one accord; we knew we had a journey to make and couldn't linger. I washed quickly at the washstand and combed my messy hair. Buck didn't have time to shave; he settled for washing up and combing his hair. We quickly pulled on the cleanest of the clothing we had, gathered up our saddlebags, and headed downstairs. Buck went on ahead to the livery to alert the stableboy to have our horses ready in twenty minutes and I ordered breakfast for both of us.

We had the restaurant to ourselves; the sky was still dark, the street outside quiet. The bartender's sleepy wife served us freshly brewed coffee that smelled and tasted like heaven, fried eggs, bacon, and toasted bread. We ate quickly and quietly, thankful that neither the barkeep nor his wife was feeling talkative. I was beginning to feel apprehensive about going to the Kiowa village.

I hadn't really had a chance to think about it the previous evening, but now I began to wonder what awaited us. I was glad of the invitation for Buck's sake - I knew how much this meant to him. But I had never had any dealings with Indians and what little I knew of their ways I had learned from Buck. I remembered Ike's ordeal with the Kiowa of Red Bear's village, how they had held him captive and shown him no mercy. Still, I guessed that they wanted us for peaceful purposes since they had been scouting the Green River for some time and not attacked, only intervening when Buck and I had been attacked by the Confederates.

Finishing our meal, we paid and left a handsome tip for the barkeep's wife who had had to rise early to serve us; I hoped she was able to go back to bed and sleep a while longer. We rode out of town, following the Green River north. The sun rose in about an hour and a half, and I thought of Rock Creek and home, of the fellas doing chores in the barn and Cody riding off on the early run, of Rachel cooking a big hot breakfast. I realized right then that I finally had what I'd always wanted in my life: a sense of friendship and more, a sense of family. I glanced to my right and smiled to myself, at the realization that I also had the greatest thing of all, someone who loved me no matter what, in spite of my short fuse and stubborn streak and all my other flaws. I loved this other misfit, this handsome man, quietly stubborn and prone to fits of insecurity and black silences when provoked. We were as unlike as two people could be, yet this seemed to work in our favour and I was content with that. I dared to wonder what would become of us, what would happen to us when the Pony Express ended as we all knew it would with the telegraph slowly but surely moving westward. Would our odd little family stay together in Rock Creek, finding other work; would we each go our different ways in the world, never to see one another again?

That thought shook me to my very core, frightened me deeply. We couldn't let that happen; I could not let that happen! We were all we really had in the world. The thought of losing Teaspoon, the only real father I'd ever known; of losing Ike, my sweet, gentle brother; of Kid and Noah, Jimmy and Cody, my cantankerous and sometimes annoying but loyal brothers; of Rachel, my wise older sister and confidante - the thought of losing any of them was a death blow to my heart. And, I wondered what I myself would do once the Express came to an end - would I have saved up enough money to get Jeremiah and Theresa out of the orphanage? If I had, what would we do then, where would we go? I would still need to work to continue to support us all. What work could I, as a woman, find that would supply enough to live on? My mind reeled; though stunned with the realization of the responsibility, I was glad that I'd at least begun to think of planning for the future.

Twitch stopped suddenly and neighed; beside us Blink also stopped. In the near distance I could see the outlines of tipis, the smoke from cooking fires. Looking off at it, a shiver ran through me, and Buck looked at me.

"Don't be afraid" he said quietly and I realized that, although they were hidden from view, we were surrounded by Kiowa sentries. "My brother and his people will not harm us."

I looked at Buck; his expression was one of quiet anticipation. I decided to ask him that which had been on my mind.

"Why has Red Bear asked us to come, Buck? Why both of us, and not just you?"

Buck thought for a moment before answering me. He shifted in his saddle and tipped his hat back slightly before turning to me.

"I've thought about it too, Lou. I can't be absolutely certain, I can only guess. And my guess is that Red Bear or the shaman of his village has had dreams or visions concerning us. Both you and me. I guessed that that was why they had been watching the Green River between the two stations but didn't attack anyone. That that was why they were there when the Confederates attacked us. They knew that it was going to happen but couldn't know exactly when."

I mulled this over for a moment. "Buck, do you think that there was more to their dreams or visions? That concerns both of us?" I asked, looking him straight in the eye.

"I'm almost certain of it, Lou" he said, smiling. "Something concerning both of us is weighing on Red Bear's mind and he wishes to speak of it to both of us." He looked at me for a moment, considering. "Are you scared?"

I looked down at my saddlehorn, then up into Buck's face. "Yes. I am" I said softly. "I'm afraid because I don't know what to expect when we get to the village. How do the Kiowa treat white women? Will they separate us? I don't want that to happen, Buck!"

I felt wetness and realized that tears had begun to track down my face. I hurriedly scrubbed them away with the heel of my hand, ashamed of my own cowardice. I swore softly.

Buck reached for my hand and squeezed it tightly. "You're going to be stared at, Lou, by just about everyone. Most of the women and children have never even seen a white woman. If you had been captured, you would need to be afraid - the women would beat you and spit on braves and warriors would not be gentle and would likely try to violate you. You would probably be kept as a slave, or sold to another tribe as a slave. But Red Bear has asked that you be here, so you will not be harmed. And I will not let them separate us unless the shaman asks that it be so." He reined Blink in close bside Twitch, leaned over in his saddle, and kissed me, cupping my cheek in his palm. "It's going to be all right" he whispered.

I gave him a watery smile. Buck spoke in Kiowa to the sentries, six of them, who rode out of the trees and undergrowth. The leader spoke to Buck.

"Red Horse has asked if we are ready to go" he said to me. "Are you ready, Lou?"

I sat up straighter and nodded to Buck. We cantered off in the direction of the village.

As we drew near, the sentries reined their horses in to a slow trot and we did likewise. We followed a narrow trail that led from the river to a more sheltered area close by a bluff. We slowed the horses to a walk as the trail wound like a street between the tipis, the cooking fires, and frames that held animal skins to be scraped and strips of meat to be dried. Women and girls stared at us as we rode along; some nursed babies, others held small children. The older children ran alongside us, calling out to the sentries and Red Horse swung a young boy up onto his horse with him.

"His son, Spotted Pony" Buck said with a smile.

At length, we came upon a clearing in the center of the camp. At the far end of the clearing stood a small tipi, outside of which sat an aged man with white hair and skin with fine wrinkles like spiderwebs. I guessed that he was the shaman. On the left side of the clearing stood a large tipi with its flaps open. Red Bear stood in front of the tipi; beside him stood a lovely young woman, heavy with child. Red Bear spoke to the sentries; they each struck their chests with a fist and rode off.

"Welcome, Running Buck. Welcome, Louise Heart of a Warrior."

Red Bear's voice was deep and powerful but not menacing, and for the first time since we left Green River I began to relax. We dismounted from our horses, and Red Bear motioned to a young brave who had been standing quietly off to one side. He took the reins and began to lead the horses away.

"Gray Wolf will take care of your horses while you are here with us" Red Bear explained. "They are fine animals and well-cared for. They will be kept safe." He turned to the young woman, who stepped forward with her head bowed. "My wife, Morning Star. She carries our son, who will be born before the next phase of the moon."

Morning Star stepped forward, a slight blush staining her dark face. She turned to Buck and kissed his forehead. She then turned to me, and surprised me by first looking into my eyes, as if reading my thoughts. She embraced me and kissed my forehead.

"Welcome, Louise Heart of a Warrior. May your coming here be a joy and a blessing."

Morning Star spoke quietly so that only I heard her. The shaman, who sat a short distance away, motioned to us to come and sit with him.

"We have seen you in our dreams, Running Buck, brother of Red Bear. You were told to leave and never look back. But the Great Spirit showed us that you and Heart of a Warrior needed to be kept safe, that you would complete your dangerous and difficult mission for the Great Chief in the east of the land and the Dog Soldiers. You have helped to protect us all from a great evil which would spread like wildfire across this land and enslave all those whose only wish is to be free. You have done well, son and daughter. We wish to thank you, if you would have it so."

The shaman regarded us with far-seeing, almost-black eyes. He turned to Buck.

"You, my son, have led a life that took you far from us at a young age. But the Great Spirit has called you back to us at a time that is very crucial to you. Life as you know it now, Running Buck, is about to change forever. War is coming to us from the east and south of this land. Brother will kill brother. You and your white foster family will be changed forever - unless you and Heart of a Warrior intervene. You have the power to change the lives of those around you for the good, my son."

"And you, Heart of a Warrior, have led a life of danger, pain, and sorrow. Yet you have found that which you sought from childhood - a family to love and protect you from harm and the true love which comes only once in a lifetime. Yet your life is about to change also - and when it does you can never go back."

The shaman smiled then. "You both are young and pure of heart. You share a love which few are ever fortunate enough to find. If you so wish, we will lead you on a vision quest, providing that you, my daughter, are not at your time of the moon."

I quickly shook my head.

"Much may be revealed to you, where your true destinies lie and with whom. Is this your wish?"

"It is my wish" Buck said quietly. "It is my wish also" I added.

"So be it" the old man said. "Running Buck shall come with me and Red Bear to be made ready. You, Heart of a Warrior, will go with Morning Star to be made ready. Let us go."

I watched Buck leave with the men, but I wasn't afraid. Morning Star put her arm around my shoulder; her touch was light as a bird's, yet I could feel her great strength.

"It is a great honour to be asked to experience a vision quest" she said in her quiet voice. "Many women ask, and most are denied. Only a few are ever chosen."

"Will Buck - Running Buck - be there with me?" I asked hesitantly.

"He will be with you, little one, as will Red Bear and Eagle Who Flies Far. I will not; I need to save my strength for the birthing of our son very soon." Morning Star smiled. She was lovely as the sunrise. "I hope he will be born while you and Running Buck are here, that you may assist at the birth and learn. That you will know for the birthing of your own son when he comes."

I glanced at her then but she shook her head and smiled. "I cannot say more now. It is not my place." We entered the tipi and she closed the flaps behind us. "I will help you to bathe and dress for the ceremony, little one. Do not be afraid."

I looked at her in astonishment: I had only felt the slightest pang of fear at undressing before a stranger. Yet she seemed to know my very thoughts before I spoke of them.

"Are you - a seeress?" I asked timidly, toeing off my dusty boots. Morning Star smiled.

"I have the gift of sight, yes, and the skills of a healer. My twin sister, Evening Star, is a midwife. She will help me birth my son." I unbuttoned my shirt and slid it off, drew my chemise over my head. Morning Star stroked the silky material. "Running Buck must find this very beautiful."

I looked at her, red-faced; her eyes danced with mischief. I couldn't help but laugh.

"He does" I whispered, giggling. I unbuttoned my trousers and drew them off. Morning Star poured rose-scented water into a large bowl and dipped a soft cloth into it.

"He is a good man" she said, washing my back. "He loves you very much."

"I love him very much" I whispered. Morning Star turned me and began to wash my chest, then my stomach. When she reached the juncture of my thighs, I stiffened.

"Do not fear my touch, Heart of a Warrior" she said quietly, reassuringly. "I can tell much about you this way." I relaxed slightly and she continued to wash me with the sweet-smelling water.

"You have come to us fresh from Running Buck's love" she smiled. "That is good." She placed a strong hand on the skin over my womb. "You are not with child now." I nodded, smiling. "When you wish to conceive, go to your love on the evening of a new moon - you will be ripe then."

Morning Star rinsed out the washcloth and set it aside. She picked up a tiny bowl and dipped her figer into it; a familiar scent filled the air and I smiled in recognition.

"Do you like the smell of sage?" she asked me, drawing her finger across my forehead.

I nodded. "Buck always smells of sage - he burns it during his morning prayers, I think."

"Ah" Morning Star smiled. "Sage will be used during the vision quest to help clear your mind and prepare it for whatever visions may come." She set down the bowl of crushed sage and picked up another tiny bowl. She dipped her finger into it and this time rubbed it onto the skin of my left breast. This herb smelled sweet and aromatic.

"This is wild thyme" Morning Star explained. "It will assure that your heart remains pure. Now, you will dress."

She picked up a white garment that lay folded on a spotlessly clean animal skin. As she held it up, the dress unfolded and I drew in my breath. "It's beautiful, Morning Star" I breathed reverently, drawing my fingertip along the intricate beadwork embellishing the neckline.

"It is doeskin" she smiled. "Those who undertake the vision quest must dress in a fashion that honours the spirits whose guidance they seek." I lifted my arms up and Morning Star slipped the dress over my head and into place. "You are very lovely, Heart of a Warrior. Someday this might be your wedding dress also." She picked up a hairbrush that was made of what looked like porcupine quills with a wooden handle, and brushed my hair until it was free of tangles."Now" she placed white mocassins at my feet and I slid my feet into them, "you are ready. But I would speak to you here, before we join the others."

She reached out and took my hands in hers. "I cannot foretell all that will be revealed to you today. But this I know - you will be shown your heart's desire, and in time you will be joined as husband and wife. There will come a time when he will both anger and disappoint you, and you will wonder if you have chosen rightly. You may doubt his love for you. But know that he loves you with all his heart, and that all will be made right again in time."

I looked up into Morning Star's clear, far-seeing dark brown eyes and held her gaze for a moment. "Are you feeling brave, little one?" she whispered.

"Yes" I whispered back.

"Then let us go."

Morning Star led me out of her tipi into the bright sunshine of the August morning. We walked along the path, past numerous other tipis; a young woman, the mirror image of Morning Star, called out and Morning Star answered her in Kiowa.

"My sister, Evening Star" she explained. "She has just delivered a daughter for Soaring Hawk and his wife Prairie Dove."

At length we came to a small lodge made of branches and covered with bark, not unlike the sweat lodge we had had in Sweetwater. Morning Star led me up the path to the entrance and kissed my forehead.

"I must leave you now, Heart of a Warrior. I leave you in the care of Red Bear and Eagle Who Flies Far, and Running Buck will be by your side. Do not be afraid of what the Spirits show to you, for they love and care for all of their children who honour them. Go now."

Morning Star turned and began to walk back the way we had come. I turned to face the cave-like entrance, drew in a deep breath, and stepped inside. Darkness immediately enveloped me as the entrance was firmly sealed to keep out the daylight. I could faintly see the tall figure of Red Bear, the white hair of the shaman. The shaman motioned to me and I came closer; he motioned for me to sit and I sat on the ground to his right. Buck sat on his left, with Red Bear between us. Warriors sat along the walls; they held drums which they began to beat gently.

"Welcome, Running Buck and Heart of a Warrior" Eagle Who Flies Far said in a voice strong for someone so aged. "You are well and properly prepared for your inner journey. The sacred fire shall be lit now and stay alight for the duration of your journey, to guide you on the paths that the Spirits have chosen for you." He leaned forward and struck flint; a small blaze flickered and I glanced over at Buck. He wore buckskin pants and mocassins, and a shirt of buckskin embellished with what I guessed to be quillwork. His hair, brushed until it was gleaming, had been braided on the left side near his ear and wrapped in fur. He was so handsome he took my breath away. He raised his eyes to look at me and his eyes widened at the sight of me in the white doeskin dress.

Eagle Who Flies Far sprinkled something into the fire; immediately, the sweet smell of burning sage filled the lodge. I smiled to myself; I associated the smell with Buck. Red Bear produced a small bag made of animal skin and held it up , moving it in six directions. He then held it open to Buck, who removed a small handful of its contents, and then to me. I followed Buck's example and removed a small handful, realizing it was tobacco.

"Make your offering to the Spirits, Running Buck, to pay them tribute." Buck threw his tobacco into the fire. "Make your offering to the Spirits, Heart of a Warrior, to thank them for keeping you safe." I threw my tobacco into the fire. A second sweet smell mingled with that of the sage, and I began to feel ever so slightly light-headed.

The warriors began to beat the drums very slightly louder and chanted very softly. Eagle Who Flies Far produced an ornately decorated clay bowl from the ground at his feet and held it up, moving it in the same six directions as had Red Bear. He then held it up over his head.

"Drink of the water of life, that you may embrace your inner child and let him take you by the hand." He drank from the bowl, then handed it to Buck, who drank and handed it to Red Bear. Lastly, I was handed the bowl and I drank from it.

The liquid looked like water, but it had a faintly medicinal taste. The men all began to chant, eyes closed; I didn't know the words they chanted but I closed my eyes and let my mind drift where it would.

I felt as though I was beginning to slide into sleep, yet I was not sleeping. I was able to move freely, and I realized that I was looking down at myself, at my body laying on the ground. Eagle Who Flies Far and Red Bear sat up, eyes closed and chanting softly. Buck appeared to be sleeping. I held up my hand and I was able to see the sacred fire through it. I looked down at the rest of my body; although I was naked I could see the glow of the sacred fire within my breast and realized that this was my very soul set free for a time.

I held up my arms and immediately the lodge, its occupants, and the fire vanished. I saw before me a bed, and in the bed a lovely, though very pale and thin, woman. I saw a very young girl wipe her mother's brow with a damp cloth...the mother smiled and said her last goodbye. I turned...

...a summer's day, the sound of happy male voices; the smell of horses and their sweat, of raw meat and uncured, heavy animal hides...a narrow, winding trail leading down into a valley...death and desolation, the fires of destruction still smoking...the frames where tipis once stood...the smell of charred flesh...a young brave vaulting off of his horse before it had stopped..."_kaw _" he whispered, anguished...

...a young girl...huge brown eyes and long shining brown hair, a simple homespun dress...tall women in black, black veils with white...canes of green wood in their hands and they beat the girl over and over to make her repent...she would not cry...

...the young brave, taller now...dressed in the clothing of the white man...tall women in black, black veils with white...canes of green wood in their hands and they beat upon his outstretched left hand over and over to cripple his use of the devil's hand...he would not cry...

...a beautiful young woman, crouched in a narrow, dimly lit room...the door opens and he comes...he looms over her, unbuttons his pants...you're a woman now, he croons as he forces his way inside her...she wipes up her blood that he spilled...the tears of fear and pain she would not shed...

...the young brave, tall and lightly muscled from years of heavy labour...his companion, silent, a bandana covering his bald head...the drunken men beat them, over and over...they do not cry...

...a skinny young boy...short choppy nondescript hair...baggy raggedy clothing, round glasses...a Navy revolver in a gunbelt...holding in the tears of loneliness and despair...

...the tall brave, hair chopped short...standing in a line with his silent companion, the skinny boy, and three others...he holds back the tears of despair...

...the boy is a girl...

...the brave is a warrior...

...she rides like the wind of the storm...she lifts her face to the sun...

...the hooves of his horse lightly skim the ground...for the first time in his life he is free...

...they ride across the prairie together, matching stride for stride...they sit at a campfire...he hands her a tin cup...they sleep in each others' arms...she kneels astride him as he laughs up at her...they kiss urgently, passionately...naked, they touch tentatively, timidly, then boldly...their lovemaking is pure and joyous...

...and the scene shifts...

...fire, and a tall white stone building...two wooden crosses side by side...

...tall poles that seem to travel in a line as far as the eye can see, miles of wire...

...the warrior dressed in his ceremonial buckskins...the young woman in her ceremonial white doeskin...

...they lay together naked in a bed on a night of no moon, the breeze swaying the white lace curtains...

...he and his silent companion, sweating in the hot sunshine, hammers in their hands...he claps the silent one on the back...

...a barn, and a corral full of horses...

...she sits at a wooden table in a bright kitchen...a young round-faced woman reaches out to hold her hand...

...his face bruised purple and blue under one eye...he rides west across the prairie...she sits, alone, in her kitchen...the rain falls...she weeps...

...a young man, his hair long and brown, and a dark-haired woman...she clutches his arm...

...a young man, hair curly and chestnut-coloured, punches the other, long-haired man in the eye...the dark-haired woman rides with him...the Dog Soldiers shooting...the dark-haired woman rides, shooting...the dark-skinned man falls from his saddle...the yellow-haired man clutches him to his chest, weeping...a cemetery and a freshly-dug grave...the long-haired man rides off with the dark-haired woman...the yellow-haired man rides with the Dog Soldiers...

...and the scene shifts...

...the silent one and the young round-faced woman lay beneath a tree...sun and shade...they kiss passionately...they share their love...

...the warrior returns, chastened...she weeps into his chest...

...she lays in a bed, face contorted in pain...he whispers to her in Kiowa...the round-faced woman is frightened...a young Kiowa woman lays her hands on her...she draws forth a squalling infant...it is a boy...

...the silent one and the round-faced woman lay together in a bed...she whispers into his ear...his face lights up in joy...

...her round face twists in the agony of childbirth...the warrior's woman draws forth a silent infant...

...and the light begins to fade...I know no more...

Back in my body again, I sleep soundly, Buck beside me.

**A/N: Another roller-coaster ride, phew! The Muse gave everyone, myself included, a real workout with this one. Thanks for sticking with us!**

**It's been like pulling teeth to find info on Kiowa beliefs, rituals, and ceremonies, so I've had to go with information about Native Americans in general. I did find that most tribes allowed women to participate in the vision quest ceremony so long as she was not "at her time of the moon" - so that much was true.**

**As always, let me know what you think! Red Bear and Morning Star are getting ready for the birth of their son. As for the visions...well, we'll just have to wait and see how things work out.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own 'em.**

**A/N: I wonder how Lou and Buck will feel after they wake up? I wonder if they had the same visions? Will Morning Star give birth while Lou and Buck are**

**there? Read on; I promise a gentler ride this time!**

I opened my eyes and slowly sat up. The first thing I laid eyes on was a person close beside me, deeply asleep. It was too dark to see who the person was at first; I leaned down and took a closer look. It appeared to be a young man, and looking closer, I saw that it was Buck.

I looked all around me, not recognizing my surroundings. Then, I remembered - the Kiowa village. Red Bear and Morning Star. Eagle Who Flies Far. And, the vision quest. It must be over, I thought; Buck and I were no longer inside the ceremonial lodge. I was dressed in a simple buckskin dress, Buck in a loincloth. My eyes had adjusted to the gloom, and I saw that we were alone in a small tipi. I looked up and could see stars and the night sky through the smokehole. I wondered how much time had passed.

I carefully tried to stand. I was a little unsteady on my feet which, I saw, were now bare. I was both hungry and thirsty and wondered where I could find food and water. I also needed to take care of personal matters, and wondered where I should go. I heard a rustling sound and looked down to see Buck stirring. He rolled onto his back; his eyes slowly opened.

I lowered myself to the ground again and sat down beside Buck. He raised himself up onto an elbow and rubbed his eyes.

"Where are we, Buck?" I asked him. "This isn't the ceremonial lodge - it must be someone else's tipi."

"The warriors and Red Bear must have carried us here after the visions ended" Buck said. "It looks like they changed our clothing for us, too" he said, indicating the loincloth.

"I like it" I grinned, "it looks good on you. "But it's real late, I think, and I need a - um, I need a - uh, privy." I felt my face flush bright red and wondered why I was so embarrassed; I mean, Buck had seen me naked as the day I was born and right up close and personal, too. But I was embarrassed anyway.

"Come on" he smiled, slowly getting to his feet. He extended a hand to help me up. "I'll help you out. Maybe we can find something to eat, too. Are you hungry?"

"Starved" I said. "I didn't think I'd want to eat again until around Christmas after I drank that - stuff - from the bowl." I made a face.

Buck untied the tipi's flaps and stuck his head outside. "Someone left us food and water" he said, handing me a clay pot full of water and setting down a parfleche on the floor.

"Maybe it was Morning Star" I suggested. He looked at me and smiled.

"Do you like her?" he asked, helping me through the door.

"Yes. I do." I grinned as we walked along under the stars. "She's a seeress, and a healer. I've never met anyone like her before." I remembered what she had told me before we left for the ceremonial lodge, and looked up at Buck's handsome, noble face. "She told me a lot of things" I said thoughtfully.

Buck stopped walking and put his arms around my waist. He looked down at me, smoothing back my hair. "What did she tell you? or - can you tell me?" he asked quietly.

I swallowed. "She told me I might assist at the birth of her son" I began. "That - I may know, for the birth of my own son, when he comes." I took Buck's hand and began walking again. "I'm sorry, Buck, really - I just need to - "

"It's all right, Lou." Buck had led us to a slightly secluded area away from the tipis and the river. He pointed towards a dense thicket. "I'll wait for you here."

I quickly took care of my needs. I thought of Morning Star's words while I washed my hands in the river; she had said I would find my heart's desire, but he would both anger and disappoint me, and I would wonder if I had chosen rightly.

I wondered if Eagle Who Flies Far had said any similar thing to Buck. I wondered what Buck had seen, in his visions. Had they been the same as mine?

Once inside the tipi, Buck opened the parfleche and smiled. "We have fry bread, and bowls of buffalo stew." He handed me a clay bowl and a chunk of still-warm bread, and a utensil very similar to a spoon. He then handed me a ladle, and the pot of water. I drank thirstily, then passed the pot to him. The bread and the stew, though new to me, were delicious and I wished to thank whoever had left it for us.

Th servings were large, but we still managed to eat everything - breakfast had been a long time ago. I gathered the dishes together and put them back inside the parfleche; I wanted to wash them at the river but Buck stopped me.

"Set them just outside the tipi" he said.

"But shouldn't I - "

"Those who sent the food will come back for the parfleche" he explained. "My people show their hospitality this way."

I set the parfleche on the ground outside, then sat down beside Buck. I looked at him; he looked at me.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" I asked, feeling suddenly shy. "It really is a beautiful night."

Buck smiled over at me. "I was just going to ask you the same thing" he said with a touch of his old shyness.

"Come on" I said, getting to my feet. "We can walk down to the river."

We walked along the path down to the water. It must have been very late; the village was very quiet, save for a barking dog and the cries of a hungry baby. The first-quarter moon had risen and shone down on us, lighting the way. At length we came to a clearing, hidden from the village by a band of trees. We stopped walking and sat on a grassy area not far from the water.

"It's so beautiful here, Buck" I said softly. It was. The moon shone down from a cloudless, starry sky, reflecting like an only slightly rippled mirror in the water. Crickets chirped somewhere in the grass; night birds cried off in the distance. I snuggled up close to Buck. He put his arms around me and nuzzled my hair, kissed my neck.

"It is" he whispered in my ear. "I always wondered what it would be like to bring the woman I loved to a place like this."

"Now you know" I said simply. I turned in his arms and got up onto my knees; when I lifted my arms over my head, he drew off the buckskin dress. I held his face in my hands, and drew it down towards me. His lips latched onto a nipple and suckled there. I let my head fall back and moaned softly. His hands held my buttocks and squeezed; he began to kiss down my front.

A hand snaked down between my legs, and I spread my knees open wider. His fingers worked their sweet magic on my flesh, but I wanted more. I sat back on my heels then lay down on the soft meadow grass; I bent my knees, and let my legs fall open. Buck looked puzzled at first; then, a slow smile spread across his face. He lay on his stomach on the ground and grasped my hips with his hands. He bent his head down to kiss my stomach, nuzzled my navel and dipped his tongue inside, laughing when I giggled at that. But I soon discovered he meant business, as he spread me open gently and ran his tongue along my sensitive inner lips. I arched my back at that, my hands balling into fists. His tongue swirled around my desire, and I cried out his name softly. I felt his breath scorch the flesh of my inner thighs as he kissed and nipped there; I rose up onto my elbows and let my head fall back.

Buck held me firmly and kissed his way back to my center, his mouth settling down over the hard nub of flesh, lapping at it. He placed a warm, wet open-mouthed kiss there then suckled gently, and all sensible thought left me. A steady stream of gibberish flowed from my mouth in a babble until all the feelings swirled together and I bucked up hard against him, shuddering and contracting inside and out. He held me close until, sweaty and breathing hard, I was able to think and to speak again.

We lay back on the soft grass, a warm breeze cooling my damp skin. When I shivered, Buck wrapped his arms around me, warming me. He stroked the sweaty hair from my forehead and kissed me, letting me taste my sweet, tangy musk. I rested my head on his arm and sighed softly.

"Are you all right?" Buck whispered next to my ear.

"Yeah...I'm all right...just thinkin, is all" I answered. "It's going to be hard, being in Rock Creek again."

"How do you mean?"

"We've had so much freedom , the two of us, being away from there like we are now. For one thing, we've had lots of privacy, me and you."

"I haven't minded that at all" Buck admitted with a chuckle.

"Me neither" I laughed. "It's so nice to be able to make love wherever and whenever we want. And I like just being able to be me, Louise. It's nice to not have to pretend to be a boy, and to hide how I feel about you from everyone."

"It's got to have been so hard for you all this time" Buck said sympathetically. "Can I tell you something?"

"You can tell me anything, Buck, you know that" I said, smiling gently.

"When I learned for sure that you were a girl, I really admired that about you - that you'd be willing to give up so much to be able to ride for the Express" Buck said. "It doesn't seem right that there is so little work for a single woman - other than the saloon or the brothel. You gave up everything for your brother and sister."

"I know that the Express is going to end one day soon" I said glumly. "With the telegraph coming, and all. We won't be needed."

"Do you know what you're going to do then?" Buck asked, holding me close.

"No. I don't" I sighed. "I've been trying to figure that out lately, and I still don't know." I leaned up on an elbow. "What about you - do you have any idea what you'll do then?" I held my breath inwardly; I had been wondering if he had seen a marriage ceremony in his visions, if Eagle Who Flies Far had spoken to him of such a thing. I wanted so badly to know - but was for some reason afraid to come right out and ask.

Maybe he didn't want me. Maybe he didn't want to be with me, the way I wanted to be with him. I began to feel very afraid.

Buck hesitated before answering me. "I have thought about it" he said quietly. "For a long time, long before the Pony Express, I wanted to run a horse ranch. I've always wanted to breed my own horses. I was always on a horse, growing up with the Kiowa - and when Ike and I were in the mission school together and I saw how good he is with horses, I talked to him about it, too. We decided that if we ever left the Express, we would try to get enough money and horses together to start our own ranch."

"Oh." I swallowed hard and closed my eyes, fighting to keep back the hot tears that threatened to spill. I am not going to cry in front of Buck, I told myself sternly. I will not cry in front of Buck.

We lay, quiet, until finally Buck spoke again.

"But, I want other things, too" he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked, my heart suddenly beating very fast.

Buck drew me down on top of him. "The visions, Lou" he said. "I saw a wedding. _Our _ wedding, you and I dressed in Kiowa ceremonial clothing. I saw you labouring to birth our son, I saw Evening Star draw him out of you."

"You saw that?" I breathed.

"I saw many things, Lou" he said, kissing the tip of my nose. "But I saw that. Did you?"

"I did see that, Buck, just the way you said" I said softly. "But Morning Star told me I would find my heart's desire."

"What else did she tell you?" Buck asked calmly.

"Wha-" I stammered. "I don't under-"

"Eagle Who Flies Far told me the same thing" Buck said, still calm. "But he didn't stop there. What else did Morning Star tell you?" He regarded me levelly.

"She told me that there would come a time when you would both anger and disappoint me, and that I would wonder if I had chosen rightly." I swallowed; my mouth was suddenly very dry. "That I would doubt your love for also told me that you love me with all your heart, and that all would be made right again, in time."

"Eagle Who Flies Far told me those things" Buck said. "He didn't say how I would hurt you, or when." Buck swallowed then, his throat making a clicking sound when he did. "I love you, Lou. I think I always have." His brown eyes were very dark, even in the moonlight. "I - want to be with you, always." I could feel his heart racing in his chest. "Thing is - could you be with a breed? Could you stand the prejudice that people have against me? Could you stand the stigma, stand being called a breed's whore?" He seemed to be holding his breath.

"Buck" I said in a very low voice, "are you asking me to - "

"Will you marry me, Lou?"

I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. "I love you, Running Buck Cross" I said, tears streaming from my eyes. "I never want to be parted from you. Ever." I laughed joyfully. "Yes. The answer is yes. I will marry you."

Buck closed his eyes. "Tday, naw tane doe aim own p'ayle doe day" he whispered. "I love you with all my heart."

His arms wrapped around my back, and he rolled so we lay beside each other. I reached a hand up to his face, stroked his long hair, put my hand behind his head and drew him to me. Our lips met, touching gently, and I looked up at him, into his face that was both joyful and at peace. We kissed, and it was like the first time we ever kissed, by a campfire on the prairie on the way to Fort Laramie. Buck was so gentle and loving; it always astounded me how a man who had had so little love in his life was capable of showing so much love. He deepened the kiss then and I opened my mouth to him. His lips were so soft, and I closed my eyes, just feeling him. His tongue slid inside my mouth, sweeping gently but thoroughly; I felt my body begin to respond to him. I reached down to his hips and pulled the ties keeping his loincloth in place. His manhood stood proud and tall and I wrapped my hand firmly around the tight shaft, moving slowly from base to tip.

"Not tonight, Lou" Buck whispered, rolling me onto my back. He moved on top of me, and we kissed long under the moon. When I bent my knees and let my legs fall open he rubbed his manhood along my slick center; we both moaned softly and I smiled up at him. He entered me then, and we made long, slow love on the soft meadow grass.

When the moon began to set, I pulled the buckskin dress back on; the dew was coming out on the grass and it began to get cold. Buck tied the loincloth back on around his narrow hips. Back at the camp all was quiet, save for a dog that barked briefly when we began walking along the path. Buck spoke sharply to it in Kiowa and it became quiet, laying down again. As we approached our tipi I could see Red Bear's tipi, a little further along. Buck was untying the flaps when I heard women's voices. Evening Star emerged from Red Bear's tipi and approached us. She greeted Buck in Kiowa, then turned to me.

"Welcome back, Heart of a Warrior!" she laughed, brown eyes dancing with mischief. "Once again you come to us fresh from Running Buck's love." I felt my face flush bright red; I looked to Buck and he, too, was blushing but chuckled at her directness.

"Do not worry" she said, "I am only - how do you say? - teasing you. But I am glad to see you both. Morning Star has begun labouring and you, Heart of a Warrior, shall help us to birth her son. You, Running Buck, shall stay with Red Bear as he waits for his son to be born. It will not be a long labour; she has drank partridgeberry leaf tea every day for two weeks now. Running Buck, go to your brother and tell him that the pains are coming close together - he will soon be able to hold his firstborn son. He is waiting down by the ceremonial fire ring."

Buck turned and gave me a quick kiss on the lips as he squeezed my hand. He then jogged quickly along the path back the way we had come. Evening Star turned to me and smiled.

"Running Buck is a good man, Heart of a Warrior. He loves you more than life itself, and he will be a good husband to you and father to your children." We began walking back to the large tipi.

"I love him too, Evening Star" I said softly as we entered the tipi. I closed the flaps behind us. "It's - well, it's just kind of scary, thinking of getting married and having babies. I don't know if I'm ready for all that."

"Do not fear" said Morning Star, who squatted on a low pile of animal skins. She was perspiring lightly and Evening Star wiped her brow with a soft-looking cloth. "You will be ready when the time is right." She took a deep breath then and panted, then let the breath out in a long sigh. I had always heard that the pain of childbirth was terrible, that it felt like being split in two from the inside out. I was amazed at how calm Morning Star was.

"Does it hurt real bad?" I asked timidly, afraid that I should not speak of such a thing. Evening Star laughed, and Morning Star's eyes widened.

"Of course there is pain" she said quietly, "the womb must work very hard to set the child free. But it is a very welcome pain - a new soul is coming to join us. It is not to be fought against, or feared." She took a deep breath again and panted, then let out a long sigh. Evening Star once again wiped her brow.

"Mother Earth tells us to welcome the pain and to embrace it, not fight against it" Evening Star said. "The Kiowa woman does not scream or cry out like a small child. It is our way. Every pain brings the baby closer to birth." Morning Star's eyes had opened wide, and she appeared startled. Evening Star asked her a question in Kiowa, then reached a hand up to search between her sister's legs. She withdrew it and washed her hands in a clay pot, drying them with a square of cloth. She smiled widely.

"The mouth of the womb has opened wide, and the baby's head will come through it. You may push when you feel the urge now, my sister."

Morning Star sighed, as if in relief. Evening Star produced a thick length of buckskin, and gave one end to her sister. She then knelt and sat back on her heels, holding the other end.

"Go and sit behind my sister, to help her balance when she pulls" Evening Star instructed me. "She will pull hard, to help push out her son!"

I scrambled around behind Morning Star, sitting on the ground and holding her waist lightly with my hands. Immediately she took a deep breath and pulled, hard, on the buckskin just as Evening Star had said she would. She did not cry out, but grunted and strained with the effort. It must have been a long pain; she pulled and pulled. When it was over she panted lightly. Evening Star reached for the cloth and wiped her face.

"I wish I could do this when I have monthly cramps" I remarked. "It might not cure them, but it would sure take my mind off them!"

Morning Star and Evening Star both pealed with laughter, Morning Star holding her belly. "You should try it, little one" she gasped. "Show Running Buck the great strength you have."

"Oh, he already knows" I laughed, thinking of how I had launched myself at him so hard I knocked him onto his back. "He makes me raspberry leaf and willow bark tea when I have cramps."

"I told you he is a good man" Evening Star laughed, pulling on her end as Morning Star pulled hard once again. "It is the smallest things that strengthen the bond between man and woman."

"He told me that Kiowa women believe that one who suffers every month as I do will someday bear many children" I said, remembering sitting by a prairie campfire with him. "Is that true?"

"It is true, Heart of a Warrior. It means that your womb is very healthy and capable of nurturing a child for nine moons. You are a tiny woman in stature, but you have space between your hips to carry children" Evening Star said calmly, relaxing her hold as Morning Star finally stopped pulling. "You must be getting close, my sister. Do you feel the child moving down?"

" I do" Morning Star panted. Evening Star got up and once again knelt before her sister, examining her. She got up and washed her hands, and sat again.

"You are very, very close" she said, her eyes bright. "Heart of a Warrior, you will listen as Morning Star and I pray to the Spirits now."

I nodded, and watched as Evening Star pulled on the buckskin and said prayers in Kiowa. Morning Star whispered in Kiowa and pulled with all her might; I could feel the muscles at the sides of her belly clench hard, hard, hard as she grunted and strained in a huge effort. Evening Star suddenly got up to her knees and said something sharply in Kiowa. Morning Star stopped pushing and panted lightly. And then -

- Evening Star had her hands below her sister; I could see her holding something with one hand, the other hand outstretched and then drawing forward. She held a tiny body, letting its head hang down low, and fluid flowed from its mouth and tiny nose. Holding it expertly with one hand and arm, she tickled the baby's lower back, legs, and finally its feet. And then -

- a loud, indignant gasp, and the lusty cries of a newborn with its first taste of the air he would forever breathe. I laughed out loud, Evening Star joining me, and Morning Star cried out in Kiowa and wept tears of joy. "Come here with me" Evening Star said, "you will hold the child as I cut the cord that nourished him." She handed me the baby, red-skinned and slimy with white gooey patches, wriggling in my arms like a wild thing and crying to beat the band. Evening Star tied a buckskin thong around the cord away from where it joined his body, then cut the cord with a sharp knife. She then took the baby from me and wiped him off with a soft cloth and cold water and handed him back to me.

She knelt once again before Morning Star, placing one hand on her belly. "Push" she said gently, pressing down with her hand, and the afterbirth was delivered. It was big and flat like a liver-coloured flapjack; looking at it, I wanted to throw up. Instead, I looked down at the newborn baby boy, his eyes scrunched closed and fists waving in the air. He had stopped crying and was making mewling noises like a newborn puppy. Evening Star took him and gently handed him to Morning Star, who cuddled him close before placing him at her breast. "Tickle his cheek with your nipple" Evening Star suggested: when she did, his head turned to her breast. His mouth opened wide, and she placed her nipple in his mouth. He started to suck vigorously, and she gasped a little.

"It will hurt in your womb a little" Evening Star said, "but his suckling will help lessen the bleeding you will have." Morning Star nodded; she knelt, and Evening Star slipped a large cloth between her legs to catch the trickle of blood coming from her. We helped her to her feet, and led her over to a pallet of soft furs. She lay down gratefully, lying on her side as her son suckled at her breast. We partly covered her with a calfskin robe.

"Heart of a Warrior" Evening Star whispered in my ear, "go and fetch the menfolk." I nodded and, taking one last look back, slipped out of the tipi. I followed the pathway as I had seen Buck do; just as the sky was beginning to lighten I saw Red Bear sitting with Buck beside a large circle ringed with rocks. When they saw me, they quickly got to their feet.

"Well?" Buck demanded. Ignoring him, I looked shyly up into Red Bear's noble face He seemed to hold his breath, waiting.

"He's beautiful, Red Bear" I said softly. "He's beautiful, and big and healthy and he's feeding - "

Red Bear gave a loud whoop of joy; next thing I knew I was swept off my feet and he had me tight in his arms, swinging me around and around. He set me down and I stumbled, dizzy, but he grabbed my arm to steady me. He laughed, regarding me.

"Thank you, Louise Heart of a Warrior" he whispered. "Thank you for helping to deliver my son." To my great surprise, he took my face in his large strong hands and kissed my forehead. "Running Buck!" he shouted. "You are an uncle!" Still laughing, he began to run towards his tipi. Buck and I stood and watched him, then Buck turned to me.

"Thank you for helping to deliver my nephew, Lou, Heart of a Warrior" he whispered, tears trickling down his face. "Was it all right? Are you all right?"

I put my arms around Buck and hugged him tight. "It was all right, Buck. It was beautiful. It was magnificent. I'll never ever be afraid of birth." I began to cry softly, tears of joy and of release. Buck kissed my head and stroked my hair, all the while holding me tight to him. At length, I stopped sniffling and looked up into his face.

"Why don't we join them so you can meet your nephew?" I said, wiping my eyes one last time. Buck laughed and nodded. We walked along the pathway, his arm about my waist; halfway there, he stopped and, wordlessly, kissed my lips. "You're very brave, Lou" he whispered, kissing my forehead.

"Evening Star and Morning Star showed me that there is nothing to be afraid of, Buck" I said softly. As we drew closer to Red Bear's tipi, I saw that Eagle Who Flies Far stood outside of the tipi; Red Bear had his tiny son, now swaddled, and held him firmly in his strong hands, lifting him high and offering him to the spirits in each of the six directions. Morning Star looked on, Evening Star at her side holding her arm. She beckoned to us.

"Come meet your nephew, Running Buck" she called happily. Buck, his arm still about my waist, drew close to Morning Star. He leaned close to her and kissed her forehead, speaking softly in Kiowa as he did so. She kissed his forehead then drew me close and kissed my forehead.

"Thank you, Louise Heart of a Warrior, for helping to safely deliver my son into the world. Your coming here with Running Buck has been both a joy and a blessing."

Her eyes glowed and her voice faltered as she spoke. I looked into her clear dark-brown eyes.

"Thank you for letting me be there, Morning Star" I whispered to her. "I will remember this at the birth of my own son."

Red Bear joined us, standing beside Buck. Eagle Who Flies Far came to stand beside Red Bear. "You have a fine, healthy son" he said to the proud parents. "He will fill your lives with joy and be a great warrior like his father and his uncle." He smiled at Red Bear and then at Buck. "Have you chosen a name for him to have for now?"

"He shall be called Running Bear" Red Bear said proudly.

**A/N: Well, how's that for a warm fuzzy moment? I had no idea it was going to turn out like this. Honest! Wow, they've had quite a time at the Kiowa camp, haven't they? But it's been worth it, I'd say. And Buck must be just about bursting at the seams - it was so sweet to have Red Bear's son share his name!**

**sigh...Well, the kids still have some R and R time left...who knows what will happen before they get back to Rock Creek? Just an aside: the Kiowa Indians, I discovered, frequently named their children more than once over the course of childhood before settling on a permanent name. As always, please let me know what you think! I'm having so much fun with this story, and your reviews and comments are truly a source of inspiration and delight! Thanks for sticking with us, and stay tuned. ;)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own 'em. But if I did I'd let them have a lot more fun!**

**A/N: This chapter will tie up a lot of loose ends and get the pair pointed back in the direction of Rock Creek. Look for some nice, fluffy, loving smut near the**

**end of the chapter. After all, it is their last night alone together ;) ML**

After the offering to the Spirits and naming of baby Running Bear, Buck and I slowly made our way back to the tipi where we had awoken after the vision quest. I was suddenly weary; I guessed that the activities of the last two days were beginning to catch up with me. I was glad to have somewhere to go, somewhere to lay my head...somewhere quiet where I wouldn't be disturbed and could sleep in peace if needs be.

As we approached the tipi, I spied a parfleche on the ground just out front of the doorway. I peered inside; someone had taken the parfleche which had contained our previous evening's meal and brought another, one which contained fry bread and berries and what looked to be strips of cured meat. A pot of water sat beside the parfleche. Buck and I carried the food and water inside and sat down on the animal skin-covered ground. Sure enough, we were good and hungry again, and ate the food and drank the cold, fresh water gladly.

I set the empty parfleche back just outside of the tipi; when I came back inside again, I tied the flaps closed. Buck saw this and raised an eyebrow at me.

"Are you tired, Lou?" he asked.

I crawled over to the pallet of animal furs, so wonderfully soft and comfortable, and lay down. I rolled onto my side to face Buck, who was sitting, crosslegged, not far from me.

"I am, a little" I admitted. "I don't know what's gotten into me. I don't usually get tired easily."

Buck came over to sit beside me. "Lay on your stomach" he said quietly. I rolled over and pillowed my head on my hands. Buck straddled my thighs and began to rub my back, starting at my shoulders and working his way down.

"Mmmm...that feels wonderful" I murmured. "But would it be better if I took the dress off?"

"If you want to" he said. "I could do a better job that way."

He got off of my legs and I sat up, pulling the dress over my head. When I lay back down, he once again straddled my thighs and resumed rubbing my back. My eyelids began to slide shut; the last thing I remembered was saying "Thank you, Buck" before sleep claimed me.

When I awoke, I was alone in the tipi; someone had draped a light blanket over me. I sat up and saw a neatly folded pile of clothing next to me; it was the clothing I had worn when Buck and I had arrived at the village. I dressed in my chemise, shirt, and trousers, now clean, and pulled on my stockings and boots. When I heard men's voices outside, I ventured out to find Buck speaking with Gray Wolf. The young brave had Twitch and Blink with him and Buck was busy buckling the saddlebags to the back of the saddles. He was also dressed in his now-clean clothes. When he saw me, he smiled.

"You look like you're feeling better" he said. "I figured it's time to get these ones back to Big Sandy before Tom starts to worry." He said something in Kiowa to Gray Wolf, who smiled before leaving the horses with us.

"I am feeling better" I said, patting Twitch's shoulder. She nickered and nuzzled my arm. "I wonder if Tom would ever sell you any of his stock" I said thoughtfully. "I bet Twitch would drop beautiful foals."

"I want to find out" Buck said. "He's got the best horses I've seen in the Territory, along with the Kiowa and Sioux. We need to get a good stallion, first thing."

I flushed warmly when Buck said that. We were talking about something big - it was our future we were talking about, our lives after the Pony Express. Buck and I had a future together.

The idea was more than I could understand right then - I hadn't even had time for it to sink in yet. I knew that my life was going to change in every way possible and ordinarily I hated change with a passion, but this felt good. It felt right.

I felt good, and I couldn't help smiling.

"I guess we need to say goodbye to Red Bear and Morning Star. And Evening Star" I said with regret. "I know we'll see them again."

"We will" Buck said with his calm assurance. "We will see Evening Star at a very special time." He leaned down and kissed my head. I sighed happily.

We began walking to Red Bear's tipi. I could hear women's voices from inside; Red Bear came out of the tipi.

"Morning Star's mother, Dark Horse, is fussing over her new grandson" he said proudly. "I am sorry to see you leave, my brother, but I know we will meet again." He looked from Buck to me. "Do not wait too long to make me an uncle, Heart of A Warrior" he said, winking at me. Buck laughed and squeezed my shoulder; I flushed and looked down, giggling. Red Bear kissed me on the forehead, then clasped Buck in a hearty embrace.

An older woman with long, shining jet-black hair came out of the tipi. I guessed she was Dark Horse; she was an older version of both of her daughters. She spoke in Kiowa to Buck, who translated for me.

"Dark Horse says thank you for helping to birth her grandson" Buck said. "And, she has packed some food for our journey; it is in our saddlebags."

"Please thank Dark Horse for me, Buck" I said. He spoke rapidly to the older woman, who smiled and kissed first Buck and then me on the forehead. She raised her voice, speaking to her daughters inside the tipi.

"Come in, Running Buck and Heart of a Warrior" came Morning Star's voice. We entered the tipi to find Morning Star sitting up, nursing Running Bear. Evening Star sat across from her.

"I am glad that you have come to say goodbye" Morning Star said. "You will have a safe journey from here."

"The horse-man will be glad to have his horses back" Evening Star added. "In time, he will bargain with you for some of his horses. They will be fine animals and will give you good stock."

Morning Star finished nursing Running Bear, and her sister tied her dress closed again. She stood and came to where Buck and I were standing, and kissed both of us on the forehead. "May the Spirits guide you and protect you on your journey, Running Buck and Heart of a Warrior" she said, her eyes shining. "Your union will be blessed." Buck leaned forward and spoke softly to the now-sleeping baby in Kiowa; I looked questioningly at Morning Star, who smiled and nodded. I leaned down and kissed the baby's forehead.

"Goodbye, little one" I whispered. "I'm glad I was here when you arrived. I hope it's not too long before you have a little cousin." I looked up at Buck and gave him a secret smile.

Outside of the tipi, Red Bear held the horses. He hugged us both one more time. "Safe journey" he called as we wheeled the horses around and rode back along the pathway and out of the village. I took one look back before we turned and urged the horses into a canter, heading south towards Green River.

We rode at an easy pace that would bring us to Big Sandy while there was plenty of daylight left. The Express trail was well-travelled once again; we passed wagon trains heading west towards Fort Bridger and Salt Lake City, settlers with their wagons, other Express riders heading both east and west. One rider was heading east at a fast clip; when he neared us he slowed to a canter.

"Those're Tom Southem's horses, I'd know them anywhere" he called. "What's your names, boys?"

"Buck Cross and Lou McLeod, Rock Creek" Buck called to the rider. "We're heading back to Big Sandy - got to get Tom's horses back!"

"I'm heading there myself" he said with a grin. "I'll let Tom know you're coming!" He spurred his horse on to a swift gallop.

We reached Big Sandy by late afternoon. Tom was waiting for us with two fresh horses ready. When we pulled up at the hitching rail and dismounted, he took one look at us and whistled.

"Someone sure didn't like the looks of you two" he said. "What the hell happened?"

Buck and I exchanged a glance, not wanting to divulge the nature of our mission. "Outlaws" Buck said. "We were lucky to get away - we can thank your horses for kept us on their backs, just like you said."

"Yep" Tom said proudly, stroking Twitch's neck. "They do their job, all right."

"Would you ever consider selling any of your stock down the road, Tom?" Buck asked candidly. "I'll be looking for breeding stock once the Express has shut down - I aim to breed my own herd."

Tom leaned against the hitching rail, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Ain't no way on God's green earth I'd ever part with Twitch here" he said finally. "But tell you what - I'd be willin to part with a couple of her sisters. Smart and quick, like her. Maybe after she's dropped a few foals of her own, you could come and see me. I aim to start breeding her once the Express is done."

Buck had a broad smile as he buckled his saddlebag to the back of his saddle, as did I. Tom's answer had given us plenty to smile about. We mounted our fresh horses and cantered away towards Dry Sandy and from there, to Pacific Spring. Just past Pacific Spring, we stopped a ways off of the trail and unpacked the parfleche Dark Horse had put in Buck's saddlebag. We tied the horses in the shade, and spread our early supper out on a flat rock.

We ate in silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts. But there was something on my mind, and I decided to broach the subject.

"I don't really want to ride into Rock Creek tonight, Buck, if that's all right with you" I said tentatively.

Buck set down his canteen and gave me a friendly grin. "What's really on your mind, Lou?" he asked.

"Dang" I said, "how'd you know that?"

"By now, I just know when you've got something on your mind" Buck laughed. "Do you want to tell me what it is?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Well, it's just...this'll probably be the last night we'll be able to spend alone together. Maybe for a good long time, if Teaspoon has anything to say about it. So, I kinda - "

" - want to make the most of it?" Buck finished, raising an eyebrow. "I know I do."

"Yeah, I guess you do." I flushed a little and looked down, feeling suddenly shy. I glanced up at Buck through my eyelashes. "So..."

"So...what should we do about it?" Buck grinned. "We could ride back to Pacific Spring and get a room at the hotel...or we could ride ahead to Spring Pass and get a room at the hotel there..."

"...or we could cuddle up together and sleep under the stars" I said. "The nights aren't that cold yet."

"We won't be able to get a hot bath out here" Buck reminded me. "Especially not one together."

I looked at him; he looked at me.

"Spring Pass" we said together, laughing.

It was a little past suppertime when we pulled up at the Spring Pass way station. Goode greeted us as we dismounted at the hitching rail; his reaction to our appearance was much the same as Southem's had been.

"Lord have mercy" he said, shaking his head. "All this time and nothing happened, then you two show up and it all comes down on you. What happened, Buck?"

"Outlaws" Buck said. "They got the drop on us when we were riding the long stretch between Big Sandy and Green River. It was Southem's horses that saved us - we were able to get free and outrun them."

"Can we keep our horses here one more night, Goode? We're not heading back to Rock Creek until tomorrow morning" I added.

"Be my guest, Lou" Goode said with a grin. "Guess you an' Buck want one more night in nice soft beds before you're back in the hard old way station bunks, huh?"

"That's right" Buck laughed and I joined him. "Anythin exciting happen while we were gone?"

"Funny you should ask that" Goode said with a wide smile. "Your friend there from Rock Creek - what do they call him, Hickok?"

"Jimmy, yeah" Buck said.

"Well, he's got one beauty of a shiner, I hear. One o' my riders comin through Rock Creek seen him and asked that young Cody fella what happened. Seems Hickok'd been on a fast run to Kansas with that other young lad, the one with the flashy paint mare."

"Kid" I said, wondering.

"Yeah, him. Well, the two of 'em was in Kansas - Hickok got a sister there?"

"Yeah, he does" I said. "Her baby's due any time now."

"So he an' the Kid , they was visitin with Hickok's sister, and some other woman was there - the widow of that Isaiah Burke, the slaver abolitionist. An' this Burke woman starts gettin all friendly-like with Hickok, see, wantin to know if he'll ride with her an' what's left of her husband's followers while he's there in Kansas. That Kid fella, he gets good an' mad, says that wasn't what they was there for an' it would put Hickok's sister and brother-in-law in danger with her baby so close to comin'. Folks'd know Hickok's name an' face an' he'd be puttin' hisself in danger, too. And" Goode went on, "it wasn't proper-like for a new widow to be fawnin' all over another man so soon after her own husband's passin'. Musta hit a sore spot there - he got all het up an' told the Kid to mind his own damn business. So the two of 'em got into it, an' Kid punched him in the eye but good" Goode finished.

"Did Jimmy ride with the abolitionists?" I asked with a grin.

"Nope - not that that Burke woman didn't try her damndest to get Hickok to stay, I hear she was cryin' an' carryin' on, clutchin' at his arm to get him to stay an' all" Goode chuckled.

I felt the blood drain from my face when he said that. Buck and I exchanged glances.

"What does she look like, this Burke woman?" I asked carefully.

"I hear she's young...in her twenties, maybe. Not a real looker, either. Got dark hair. Real dark."

The dark-haired woman from my visions...she was tied up with the slaver abolitionists. My blood ran cold, thinking of Jimmy riding with her...of what I had seen happen to Noah in the vision.

We had to keep her away at all cost.

"That's quite a story" I said to Goode, being careful not to look at Buck just then. "But Cody's got a way of stretchin a tale."

"Well now, Grant swore up and down Cody said that that's how Kid told it to him" Goode chuckled. "Have to get the story fer yerselves when you get back to Rock Creek."

"We'll be by in the morning to get our horses" Buck said. We said goodnight to Goode, then started to walk to the hotel.

"That Burke woman is real trouble, Buck" I said once we were far enough away from the way station.

"I saw it in my visions, too. I saw Jimmy riding with her, and I saw Noah get shot when he was riding with her not far from Rock Creek" Buck said with an edge to his voice. "We have to keep her away from Jimmy and Noah."

There were only a few customers in the dining room when we got to the hotel. We were able to get a room with no trouble and were assured that a hot bath would be brought up within a half-hour.

"You want anything to eat?" I asked Buck after signing the room register.

"How about a cup of coffee?" Buck grinned.

"And a piece of pie?" I wheedled. He laughed at me and we seated ourselves in the small dining room.

We were served promptly. The apple pie and coffee were all we needed after having eaten Dark Horse's good food earlier. I looked around the dining room, at the women in their dresses wearing jewellery and with their hair up and sighed, resting my chin in my hands.

"I wish I could be wearing a dress right now...and have my hair put up with combs...and maybe wear some earrings" I said wistfully.

"You're beautiful the way you are right now, Lou" Buck said in a low voice so he wouldn't be overheard.

I looked up at him. "Yeah...my hair all mussed up and dusty...and smudges of dirt all over my face."

"I don't look any different from you right now." Buck made me laugh, and I felt a little better.

"I want to look nice for you sometimes, Buck" I said quietly. "Even when I'm wearin britches and a man's shirt workin on the ranch, I'm still goin to want to look nice for you. At least some of the time."

"You're always beautiful to me, Lou" Buck said in a low voice that made my nipples tighten. We looked at each other across the table and once again I felt that strange alchemy, like sparks flying from my eyes to his.

"We'd better go" I said in a near-whisper.

"We'd better go...'cause in a minute I'm not going to be able to stand up" Buck said in a strained voice. I paid the server and chuckled to myself as Buck struggled to get to his feet.

We unlocked our room to find a hot bath waiting for us, along with a stack of towels. I took off my gunbelt gratefully, slinging it over a bedpost, and set my saddlebag on the floor. Buck locked the door and drew the drapes closed. I unbuckled his gunbelt and slung it over the other bedpost and, taking his saddlebag, set it on the floor beside mine.

"Thanks, Lou" he whispered in my ear. He took my hat off of my head and set it on the bedpost with my gunbelt, then took off his own hat and set it on the other bedpost with his gunbelt. He came up and hugged me from behind, arms around my waist, and I leaned back against him, letting his greater bulk support my weight. His arms hugged me tight and he kissed my ear. I knew he wanted me, I could feel his hardened manhood pressing into my back, but I was content just then to lean into him, feeling his desire and his strength, and savoured the moment. His hand reached up and cradled my breast, then stroked it gently through my shirt. I sighed and leaned my head back into his solid chest. His warm breath washed over me as he kissed the side of my neck at the very bottom; he nipped it gently with his teeth then laved it with his tongue to soothe the sting.

Laughing quietly, I turned in his arms then and looped my arms around his neck. I drew off his black vest and, undoing the first buttons of his shirt, kissed the smooth brown skin of his chest, running my tongue along and tasting the salt of his sweat. I looked up into Buck's noble, beloved face and wondered for the thousandth time how anyone could find the warm colour of his skin distaseful, something to be disliked or even hated. They never saw the gentle, caring man whose skin just happened to be darker than theirs. They couldn't see his kindness or his spirit.

I gently cupped the cheek that bore the knife cut and kissed his jaw. A slight smile graced his lips as he drew the bottom of my shirt out of my trousers, and opened all the buttons from top to bottom. He slid the shirt down, off of my shoulders, and kissed my ear, my neck, the top of my shoulder. I reached up to open the last buttons of his shirt and, pulling it free of his trousers, slid it off. I ran my hand over the muscle of his chest, breathing in his clean warm scent, the sage and sunshine, fresh hay and saddle leather and musk, so appealing to my senses. My hands worked at the ties of his trousers while he unbuckled my belt and unbuttoned my pants. Finally, he unbuttoned my chemise and pulled it off, running his palms over my breasts. My nipples hardened and I felt the sweet sensations all the way down to my very center.

Without a word, Buck scooped me up into his arms and carried me over to the bathtub. He set me down feet first, and I sat in the warm, soapy, fresh-smelling water. He climbed in behind me, pulling me back to lean against his hard chest. I closed my eyes, listening to the drumming of his heart.

"I'll be glad when we can do this every night, Buck" I murmured. "And share the same bed."

"We'll have to move out of the bunkhouse first" Buck laughed quietly in my ear, "or else we'll have Jimmy and Cody crawling in with us, begging for bedtime stories."

I snorted softly. "Well, I don't know about you, Buck, but I've heard enough of their bedtime stories. Remember before y'all knew I was a girl? I swear some of their stories of their exploits with women were enough to curl my hair!"

Buck laughed outright. "Yeah - Kid would make an excuse to visit the outhouse and Ike and I would just cringe."

I was silent for a moment. "It'll be strange, not being there with them." I turned slightly to see Buck's face. "But we can go back every once in a while and tell them bedtime stories, can't we?"

"Sure" Buck grinned. "Once upon a time, there were two Pony Express riders who loved each other very, very much. They decided to get married, and when they did, they decided to make a baby - "

"Buck Cross, you stop that right now, hear?" I turned and splashed Buck with soapy water. He laughed and splashed me back. I shrieked, and soon the soapy water was flying every which way. We both were dripping and the floor puddled with bathwater.

"Come on" I chuckled at Buck, who was wiping the soap from his eyes. "I'll wash your hair."

When I was done, he washed my hair. We wrapped ourselves in the towels and combed out our wet hair, drying off in front of the , though, I draped my towel over the back of the chair and climbed into the soft bed. Buck climbed in beside me. As always, I snuggled up close in his arms.

"Tired?" he said quietly.

I rolled slightly to face him. "No...not really. Are you?"

"Mm-mm." He shook his head. "Lots to think about."

"Yeah...there is." I put an arm behind my head. "Getting married...starting the ranch..." I thought quietly for a moment. "Buck, when are we going to tell Ike, and the others? About us, I mean?"

Buck was quiet for a moment. "I don't want to tell the others just yet - not until the Express is closer to closing down. But, I've been thinking about Ike, Lou. If you agree, I'd like to tell him after we get back to Rock Creek."

A wide smile lit up my face. "Yes - but only if I can tell him with you. I trust him to keep quiet about us." I chuckled quietly to myself. "I wonder if he's been out to see Emily Metcalfe again? He is just head over heels for her."

"I hope he has" Buck said. "I think they'd be really good for each other."

"You do?" I said, surprised. "I didn't know that fellas thought about things like that." That set me to thinking. "What did you think about me - about us?"

Buck rolled over to face me. There was a smile on his face - a real one, not his teasing smirk.

"I've always had feelings for you, Lou. Even when you were with Kid - I was happy for you, because I wanted you to be happy." He looked down at me beside him. "I could see when you were so unhappy with him, though. And when you told me what he'd said to you - on that overnighter to Fort Laramie, remember? - more than anything, I wanted to show you how I felt about you." He kissed my forehead. "When you asked me to be with you, that you didn't want to be alone, then I knew that you felt something for me, too."

"I did, Buck" I whispered. "I realized that I'd cherished feelings for you for a long while, but all I'd been thinking of was Kid. I knew it was time I let you know how I felt for you."

"I love you, Louise." Buck's eyes were very dark, even in the lamplight.

"I'm not sorry that we were friends first. I love you, Buck." I reached over and turned the lamp wick way down so that it was almost out. Buck pulled me down beside him, and cupped my face with his hands. I reached my hands up to hold both his wrists, and kissed first one palm and then the other. He kissed me deep, his tongue sweeping my mouth, and my core began to grow hot and liquid-feeling. I let my breath out in a rush, kissing his neck and nipping hard enough to leave a mark on his brown skin. He made a sound like a faint growl, wolf-like, his eyes now black in the low light. Our eyes met and locked; he was waiting to see what I would do. I felt no fear or hesitation, only love for this man, and I was confident as I straddled his strong thighs and held him tight with my legs. I leaned down, my breasts falling forward like ripe fruit, and kissed him, my hands cupping his face and my tongue in his mouth. Beneath me, I felt his manhood twitch and harden even more. I straightened and slowly moved my hotly wet core along his length and back again. I threw my head back, savouring the sensation, as Buck hissed and closed his eyes, his hands moving over my breasts and his fingers rasping my nipples.

I cried out softly and thrust myself along his shaft. Then, before he could protest, I climbed off of him and took his manhood in my hand. His eyes flew open then; "Lou - ?" he said, startled.

"Shhh" I whispered, "lie back. Close your eyes." He obeyed me without question, and I knelt beside him, still holding him in my hand. I saw droplets of clear fluid coming from the end of him and swirled it around with my tongue, tasting the salt and feeling the silkiness.

Beside me, Buck gasped a little as I lowered my head and took him into my mouth. I moved slowly, letting him feel me rasp my tongue along his length and around the head of him. I couldn't angle all of him into my mouth, so I grasped him gently but firmly with my hand and began to move it slowly up and down . His skin glided easily like a glove over his length and he groaned, a fine sheen of sweat breaking out on his forehead. I smiled to myself, knowing I was bringing him such deep pleasure.

I grasped him a little tighter with my hand, suckling gently on the swollen velvety head, and ran the flat of my tongue in the vee just beneath it and the cluster of skin bunched there. He cried out then, and I moved my tongue and hand faster and harder; "Lou" he gasped, "Lou, stop - before - "

But I didn't stop. I wanted him to feel the singular devastating pleasure that he brought me. I pulsed my tongue in that vee, and he erupted into my mouth, filling me with his hotness. I swallowed hard when he finally slowed and stopped; it wasn't as bad as the fellas' stories about women doing this same thing would have it.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and moved back up beside Buck. His eyes were closed, his chest heaving, his hair sweaty. When he sensed me beside him, he slowly opened his eyes.

"Are you trying to kill me, Lou?" he said a little hoarsely, still panting.

"Not until we've been married awhile" I giggled. He closed his eyes again and, smiling, put an arm around me.

"It's not really fair, you know" he said quietly. "I mean, you didn't get to - "

"Make it up to me in the morning" I whispered into his ear, and turned out the lamp.

**A/N: Well, the loose ends are tied up and now it's back to Rock Creek. The wild ride may be over, but now their lives are going to move forward. There is so**

**much left to do! As always, please do let me know what you think - every comment and review is treasured! ML**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Never have and never will own The Young Riders ( #*$%#$*!)**

**A/N: Although they are headed for home, Lou and Buck will not find life to be dull compared to what they have just been through. Oh, no, on the contrary! Their lives are about to move forward in directions previously unknown. So, saddle up and get comfortable, and prepare to ride into unknown territory :) ML**

We didn't talk much on the way home, Buck and I, and we rode at a slow canter. We weren't on the schedule for two more days unless an emergency came up, so we made the most of our freedom. Before the morning was very old we reached our picnic rock and, by some unspoken agreement, stopped by the creek and dismounted. We let Lightning and Spirit drink, then looped their reins over a tree branch. I sat down on the large flat rock, taking off my hat and shaking out my sweaty hair. Beside me, Buck did the same.

"Are you glad to be going home, Lou?" Buck asked quietly from beside me.

I shifted around to look at him, squinting my eyes against the bright sunlight. "Yeah...I am looking forward to going home" I said, hooking my arms around my bent knees. "I'm looking forward to having time to think. So much happened on this ride in such a short time - the attack; the vision quest; the birth of Running Bear - I haven't had time to really think about what it all means yet."

"Yeah. Me neither." Buck sat in silence for a moment, then looked at me. "We're going to have to make some explanations to the others when we get back."

"About the way we look, you mean?" I asked.

"Yeah. You have to admit, we look pretty terrible."

"We've all come in from rides looking like we've been stampeded by wild horses" I reminded him.

"I know. But we can't tell them what really happened - the letter, the Confederate spies, the delivery to the Union Army outpost" Buck said. "We still have to keep the mission's purpose a secret."

"You're right, I s'pose." I sighed. "I wonder what it really was all about."

"I don't know if we'll ever know the whole story" Buck said musingly. "But it seemed as though Eagle Who Flies Far knew something about it, remember? It had something to do with the war and the spread of slavery."

I shivered at the very thought. "You know, Buck, I think we should have a talk with Teaspoon in private once we get home. I think he should know everything that happened on the ride to Green River and the attack, and the visions we had, too. He wouldn't think we were nuts."

Buck looked at me and smiled slightly. "I used to think Teaspoon was a little on the nutty side...but I don't think that anymore. One of his wives was Pawnee."

"I wonder if he ever went on a vision quest?" I wondered aloud.

"Could be he's been on several" Buck chuckled. "I'd pay to know what visions he had, though."

I laughed outright at that, then grew serious again. "Things are already going to be different when we get back home. The visions we had - they're already beginning to change our lives. Like what happened with Jimmy and that Burke woman...I don't like this at all, Buck, it scares me and I don't like being scared."

Buck moved over closer to me and hugged me tight. "You've got to remember that not all of the visions were bad, Lou, and we have the power to change things for the better. We don't know when or how, yet...but we'll know when the time comes. I'm sure of it." He smiled into my eyes. "There's one last thing we need to do before we leave here, though."

I raised my eyebrows at him and he lowered his head so that our lips touched. "This" he whispered and deepened the kiss. "Not a day goes by that I don't thank the Spirits for bringing us together."

"I didn't think I'd ever have love in my life, Buck" I whispered. "I don't ever want us to be apart."

I could have stayed there with Buck all day, but I knew that it was time to get home. And to be honest, I was fairly itching to tell Ike the good news - I knew he'd be happy for us, and I wanted to hear everything he had to tell about him and Emily. I was already thinking of ways to get the two of them together. As for Emily, I wanted to get to know her, too - she was a real hot pistol with a temper much like mine, and she wasn't too high and mighty to dress in a man's shirt and britches like me, either. I thought that once the two of us got to know each other, we'd get along just fine. I was also aching for another woman to talk to; I loved Rachel as a wise older sister and she knew my secrets, but there were times I just needed someone my own age to talk to. I wondered, too, if Emily ever felt the same way.

At length, though, we mounted up and rode the last mile homeward. I felt my heart leap inside my chest when Rock Creek gradually came into view. It always felt good to see the familiar sights of home when coming in from a ride, but this time was different - much different. A few short months ago I had felt like a new woman inside when Buck and I had returned from Fort Laramie, but that had just been a practise run for this much more momentous return. Now there was no denying that my life and Buck's were woven together forever with unbreakable threads; and, we had an obligation to our family, to watch over them and keep them safe from the harm that we knew would come their way.

But in the meantime, it sure was satisfying to turn the corner and ride into view of the way station; Noah, Jimmy and Kid were sitting on the porch steps. As we rode up, Kid shouted "Riders coming!", and Ike and Teaspoon hurried out of the barn. Cody was nowhere in sight; he must've been given an extra run. Buck and I pulled up at the hitching rail, dismounted, and threw the reins over to Kid and Jimmy. Rachel came out of the bunkhouse, broom in hand.

For the briefest of seconds, time stood still and I held my breath.

I looked into the faces of each of my brothers; of Rachel; of Teaspoon. Eyes widened in shock; Ike's eyes filled with tears when he saw my face; Rachel dropped the broom as her hands flew to her mouth; Teaspoon's aged face crumpled as he muttered "Merciful God."

Before I took my next breath, strong arms drew me close in a bear-hug and Teaspoon's tears fell on my sweat-dampened hair. "Are you all right, Lou?" he asked in a gentle voice so unlike the usual gruff tone he took with all of us.

"Yeah" I whispered. "But I sure am glad to be home with y'all." From the corner of my eye I saw Rachel cup Buck's face in her strong, gentle hands. Tears sprang to her eyes as she examined the knife cut.

"Half an inch and you would have lost that eye" she whispered. "Oh, Buck..."

I breathed once again as Teaspoon released his hold on me and cleared his throat with a loud harrumph.

"Jimmy, Kid, get those horses to the barn and rub them down good, then feed and water them. Ike, Noah, fix that loose spoke on the wagon wheel, it should've been done last week. Rachel, I don't know what you're in the middle of, but make up a big pitcher of lemonade and leave it on the kitchen table. Buck, Lou, get your gear and leave it in the bunkhouse then meet me in the kitchen. What are y'all waitin' for - get a move on now!"

We all jumped when he said that; it seemed as though we'd been in a deep trance. Jimmy unbuckled my saddlebag from the back of my saddle and handed it to me. He did indeed have one heck of a shiner; Kid was awful damned good with his fists when provoked.

"What you starin' at, Lou?" he asked gruffly, as if he didn't know.

"What d'you think I'm starin' at, Hickok?" I raised my chin defiantly. "I hope she was worth it." I hoisted my gear up onto my shoulder and left Jimmy, mouth agape, staring after me.

Teaspoon was waiting for us inside the kitchen; he closed the door behind Buck, who pulled out a chair for me. Rachel, to my surprise, was also there, and poured glasses of lemonade for all of us. Teaspoon cleared his throat and regarded first me, then Buck.

"Well, I can see that Lieutenant Harper's warnings were justified" he said, shaking his head. "Who was it got you?"

"It was Confederate spies, just like he warned us. Ten of them." I took a quick swallow of lemonade. "They were lying in wait between Big Sandy and Green River where the cover is thickest near the river."

"Dear God" Rachel whispered, turning pale. "They did this to you."

"We fought back as best as we could when the horses couldn't break through - they had torches" Buck said. "When we refused to talk, they got us off of the horses and took our guns and everything else they thought they could use."

"They took Buck's knife. They were going to kill him with his own knife" I said in a low, deadly voice. Teaspoon sat up straighter and Rachel covered his hand with her own.

"Lou saved my life, Teaspoon" Buck said quietly, squeezing my hand under the table. "Their leader was crazy."

"His name was Leyrisse" I said, holding Buck's hand tight. "He held the knife up - and was going to cut Buck's throat - and I screamed and screamed - and he dropped the knife - and I cut his face open with it - "

" - and he almost raped you" Buck said, more angry than I had ever seen him. Tears filled Rachel's eyes and she whimpered like a small, wounded animal.

"What - or who - in the name of God saved you?" Teaspoon demanded.

"Indians" I whispered. Teaspoon's eyes widened.

"Indians?" he said, unbelieving. "What tribe?"

"Kiowa" Buck said quietly. "Red Bear, and a band of his warriors. They attacked as soon as Leyrisse had Lou pinned to the ground and I was held by his men."

Rachel was weeping, and turned to Teaspoon, who shook his head. "If that about don't beat all" he said in wonderment. "I'd heard that the Kiowa and Sioux were being pushed farther and farther west - but how in the name of all that is holy did they come to be there just then?"

Buck and I looked at each other; Buck sighed and ran his hand through his long hair.

"After the warriors killed Leyrisse and his men, Red Bear approached me and Lou. He told us to ride north to his camp the next morning at dawn, when our mission was complete."

"And you rode to the Kiowa camp?" Rachel whispered.

"We delivered the letter to Major Calder at the Union Army outpost that same night, and spent the night in Green River" I said. "We left well before dawn the next morning and rode to Red Bear's village, like he'd told us."

"What happened at the Kiowa camp, son?" Teaspoon asked quietly.

"We were led by the sentries to Red Bear and the shaman, Eagle Who Flies Far" Buck explained. "The shaman told us that Lou and I had been seen in dreams, that we were on a dangerous mission of great importance for the Great Chief in the east of the land, and the Dog Soldiers. War would soon spread across the country, and a great evil would come from those whose desire it is to enslave all those whose only wish is to be allowed to live in freedom. Eagle Who Flies Far knew that if we were able to deliver the letter, we would help to prevent this from happening."

Teaspoon whistled in wonder. Buck continued.

"In their dreams they saw Lou and I being attacked, but they couldn't know for sure when the attack would take place. So that part of the trail had been watched, like the riders who had passed through there said. The riders were left alone, but they knew they were being watched. And finally, the attack happened when Lou and I were riding through, and they were waiting there for us and fought to free us."

We sat in silence for a long, long moment, until finally Teaspoon spoke again.

"But that wasn't all that happened, was it?"

Buck and I exchanged glances once again. I spoke, choosing my words carefully.

"Eagle Who Flies Far told us many things, about our past lives and the present. He told us of the coming of the war to us from the east and south of the land. He told us that our lives, and those of our foster family, were about to be changed forever but that Buck and I have the power to change some things for the better. So," I swallowed hard, "as thanks for undertaking and completing our mission, we were offered the chance to undertake a vision quest."

Teaspoon's eyebrows shot up to the middle of his forehead. "Heavens to murgatroyd!" he exclaimed. "A woman - a _white_ woman - invited to take part in a vision quest - Lou, do you have _any_ idea - "

"Red Bear's wife, Morning Star, explained that part to me" I quickly interjected. "I know how rarely that happens, and what an incredible honour it is to have been chosen. I - I can't quite fathom it, even now." That much was true.

"So you went on the vision quest." This was more statement than question.

"We did" Buck said quietly. "We both had the same visions. For the first time I learned of Lou's past, and she of mine."

"We saw the first day we were all together for the Pony Express, in Sweetwater" I said. "And we saw - more recent things, about me and Buck." My face flushed slightly, and I lowered my head. Buck took my hand and squeezed it. Teaspoon's face softened and Rachel smiled.

"You don't have to tell us the - uh, personal details" Teaspoon coughed into his fist. "Private things should be kept private."

"But there were other things, too, that concern everyone" Buck said. "Things you should know about."

"What things, son?" Teaspoon asked quietly.

"We saw the spread west of the telegraph - miles of poles and wire stretching across the land as far as the eye can see" Buck said. "It means the end of the Pony Express. We won't be needed once the telegraph takes over."

Teaspoon made a deep rumbling sound and nodded his head. Rachel looked troubled.

"But we saw worse things than that, Teaspoon" I added, my voice higher-pitched with anxiety. "We saw what happened with Jimmy and Kid - it's like we saw it as it was happening, with Jimmy and that - that _Burke_ woman. Teaspoon, we saw her clutching at Jimmy's sleeve, begging him to stay and ride with her and her husband's followers. It was like Jimmy _wanted _ to stay with her, until Kid punched him in the eye."

"Would that have been such a bad thing, Lou?" Rachel asked gently.

"She's trouble, Rachel, she's no good and all she'll bring us is trouble - " Panic was taking hold of me. Buck squeezed my hand, harder than before.

"Now just slow down, young lady - what makes you so all-fired sure of this?" Teaspoon's eyebrows drew together; he looked like a thundercloud.

"It's true, Teaspoon" Buck spoke quietly, but with an uncharacteristic edge to his voice that made Teaspoon and Rachel pay attention. "We saw other things concerning Rosemary Burke: we saw her _here_, in Rock Creek. We saw Jimmy out riding with her. And we saw the Union Army soldiers shooting at a band of rebels outside of town - we saw the Burke woman riding off to find the rebels, saw her shooting at them. Teaspoon, Noah was riding there with her, shooting with her, and the rebels shot him. Noah _died_, Teaspoon - we saw him fall from his saddle, dead. We saw Cody jump off of his horse and cradle Noah in his arms. We saw the cemetery, Teaspoon, a freshly-dug grave and Noah's casket. Jimmy rode off with Rosemary Burke, and Cody rode off with the Union Army soldiers."

Buck's eyes were blazing. Teaspoon was visibly shaken, and Rachel was silently weeping.

"It's true, every word of it, so help me God" I gritted out. "_That_ is what Buck and I are meant to do, to help our family. Unless we keep that woman away from here and away from Jimmy, our family will be torn apart! Don't you see? Noah will be killed; Jimmy will ride off with that - that - woman, and Cody will enlist with the Union Army. It's bad enough that war has broken out, that brother will kill brother, but this is our family! Life will never be the same anyway, but if these things come to pass, we won't have a family to speak of!"

Much to my dismay, I dissolved into angry, tearing sobs. Buck stood and held my shoulders, and I threw myself into his arms. He held me tight, smoothing my hair and whispering to me. I forced myself to calm down, not that it was easy; I was so angry with Teaspoon for not taking our news seriously. I started to think that Buck and I had to act on our own. Then Teaspoon gave a loud harrumph, clearing his throat, and we turned.

"Buck, Lou, sit down again." Teaspoon spoke in a quiet voice; Buck and I exchanged glances. "Please" he added, and we sat.

"I've lived a good many years on this earth, seen a whole lotta things" he began. "And I've seen a good many things that for the life of me, I cannot explain. But there is nothing that will make a man behave like a complete nincompoop like a woman - and especially a woman who will stop at nothing to get what she wants. Men are usually very uncomplicated creatures who are awful damn easy to figure out - tell them what they want to hear, give them what they want most, in the way of food and the - uh, shall we say - more _pleasureable_ pleasures only a woman can provide - "

The corners of Rachel's mouth twitched and she put up a hand to stifle her giggles; Buck shot me a lopsided grin while blushing slightly; and I lowered my head and snorted softly, tickling the palm of Buck's hand so that he jumped. Teaspoon hooked his thumbs in his suspender straps and surveyed us all.

"Well" he said, smiling with satisfaction. "I see we are all in agreement on that point. But - " and he grew serious again, "I think I may have judged your point too lightly. Buck, you grew up amongst a people that take visions very seriously, am I right?"

Buck leaned forward and rested his forearms on the table. "Yes" he said quietly. "My people believe that dreams and visions are given to us for a reason, and that every one has a purpose. No dream or vision should ever be ignored - it is one way that the Spirits communicate with us, to warn us of things to come and to help keep us safe. That is why Lou and I believe so strongly that the Burke woman can mean no good, Teaspoon - we did see Jimmy and Kid in Kansas, and the Burke woman pleading with Jimmy to ride with the remnants of her husband's followers, and Kid giving Jimmy the black eye. When we got to Spring Pass, Goode told us that one of his riders had seen Jimmy, and that Cody had told him what had happened in Kansas. We knew before we even got back home!" Buck swallowed hard. "We are only trying to keep our family safe from harm, Teaspoon. Things are going to get bad enough very soon - but this is one thing we _can_ change."

Buck fell silent. I squeezed his hand, hard, and he gave me a brief smile. Rachel sat forward, hugging herself with her arms. Teaspoon sat back in his chair, looking from me to Buck. Finally he spoke.

"One of my wives was an Indian, from the Pawnee tribe as I 'spect you all know. She was a good woman, and we loved each other very much. Trouble was, when we married, I was young and bullheaded and thought I knew everything there was to know. I had not nearly enough respect for things I didn't understand - and I paid dearly for it." He sighed heavily.

"The shaman and the elders of her tribe included me in a vision quest soon after we was married; it seems that the shaman was troubled by certain dreams he'd been having. So I took part in the ceremony, as they had requested I do, and I saw why he was troubled: men that I had had put in prison in Texas managed to escape, and tracked me down to my new home. They demanded that I leave the village and come to be dealt with by them, or else they would kill my new wife - who was by then with child. Well, the elders and the shaman demanded that I leave, but being young and full of myself I refused. My wife was torn in two; she didn't want me to go, but dared not go against the word of the elders. In the end, I made like I was leaving, but snuck back past the sentries the same night. The men were waiting for me, of course, and when they saw me sneak back, they killed everyone in the village that they could. Starting with my wife."

Teaspoon stopped then, his breath hitching slightly, and wiped his eyes with his old kerchief. "I fled then...I fled like the coward that I was. Shining Spirit was dead, our unborn child was dead, braves and warriors and children...the shaman condemned me to a life of toil and loneliness and cast me out of the village." He ran a shaking hand over his face. "The men that had come for me - the warriors killed them. The shaman forbade the warriors to kill me; he said that staying alive was good enough punishment for me then."

We sat in stunned silence. No one knew what to say.

"I have always loved you all like you was my own. You're the only family I've ever had, and I don't know what I did right to deserve you. Maybe Shining Spirit has begged the Spirits to forgive me, I don't know...I do know sure as God made little green apples thet I don't deserve it. But, I do know that young Mr. Hickok is an awful lot like I was as a young man, proud and cocky and hot-headed, never listens to anyone. And I think this time, we all had better stick together for his good, and for Noah and for Cody, try to keep this family from fallin apart at the seams. Agreed?"

We all gave a sigh of relief then. Rachel hugged Teaspoon and Buck held me tight in his arms for a moment. I turned to Teaspoon then; I wanted to thank him, but the words wouldn't come. I threw my arms around him and kissed his stubbly cheek. "Thank you" was all I could choke out.

He kissed the top of my head, then held me at arms' length. "Don't you two have some good news for us?" he demanded gruffly.

"Wha - ?" I said and Buck looked at him blankly. "Well - Buck is an uncle - Red Bear's son, Running Bear, was born while we were there" I said.

Rachel smiled and hugged Buck. "Thet's not what I meant, and you know it" Teaspoon grumbled. "I may be old but I'm not blind. I've been keeping an eye on you young'uns and somethin betwixt the two of you is changed. Are you going to tell us or do I have to force it out of you at gunpoint?"

Buck and I looked at each other helplessly. "Might as well tell him" I muttered. "No sense in gettin shot over it." Buck nodded and put an arm around my waist.

"Well - you're right about that, Teaspoon" Buck said. "After all we've been through together, and the visions that we saw, we - I - well, that is, Lou has - dang it, I mean - "

"What Buck's tryin to say is that he asked me to marry him" I said, poking him in the side.

Rachel's eyes lit up and her hands flew to her mouth. "And - ?" she gasped.

Teaspoon's eyebrows shot up to the middle of his forehead. "Mother of God and all that is holy!" he exclaimed. "Well - what did you say?" He held his breath.

"I said yes!" I shouted. Teaspoon and Rachel hugged both me and Buck at the same time. Tears slid down Rachel's cheeks and Teaspoon cackled gleefully.

"Hot dang!" he exclaimed. "When's the big day gonna be?"

"Well - " I began, then looked at Buck. "Not for a little while yet" he said. "Lou and I decided that it's best we wait until the Pony Express is done. For a lot of reasons" he added as he saw Teaspoon about to speak.

"Why's that, Lou?" Rachel asked.

"Huh. First off, I want to ride for the Express as long as I can - y'all know how much I love it." Rachel nodded in understanding. "And I can't very well keep riding if I've just married Buck - I mean, everyone will know I'm a girl, and I couldn't keep riding then. And, we want to start a horse ranch. With Ike. It's been his dream, and Buck's, for a long time. And, I will need to get my brother and sister out of the orphanage in St. Joe. And, once we do that, we're going to need a place to put them. And - "

"Now hold it right there, young lady" Teaspoon said firmly. "You and Buck and Ike and the young'uns can stay at the way station for as long as needs be, ain't that right, Rachel?"

"You bet it is" she smiled, putting an arm around both me and Buck. "Why, we wouldn't dream of turning you loose until things are in order for you all. And if that means putting Jeremiah and Theresa up here for a while - why, we'd love to have them. This big old house needs some children to brighten it up."

"Rachel's right" Teaspoon agreed. "Now that we've got that settled - "

"There's just one thing" I said, looking at Buck, who nodded. "We don't want the others to know just yet. We'll tell them when we think the time is right. We can't risk word getting out and about town."

"Lou and I are going to tell Ike" Buck said, putting his arm around my shoulder and squeezing. "He's got the right to know, and we trust him to stay quiet."

Teaspoon nodded sagely. "Of course, makes perfect sense" he rumbled. "Well" he said, regarding Buck and me. "The two of you certainly had - quite a trip! Ain't nobody had quite so much happen on just one ride before." He hitched up his trousers and straightened his hat. "Buck, why don't you go and give Noah and Ike a hand with that wagon wheel - probably need another set of hands." He clapped Buck on the back and they set out for the yard.

After the men left, I turned to leave but Rachel set a hand on my arm. "Stay for a little bit, Lou, and finish your lemonade before you go" she urged. I sat down gladly; I was in no hurry to start into chores. Rachel poured more lemonade and smiled at me from across the table.

"Teaspoon's right" she said, setting her glass down. "You two have had quite a time of it!"

I took a long swallow from my glass and sighed. "We sure have. And the funny part of it is, it don't even seem real yet. It all happened so fast - I feel like I need to sit down and sort it all out. All the visions, I mean" I added. "There were a whole lot of them, not just what we told you and Teaspoon. Some places and things, I've never seen and don't know what they mean yet. Other things I don't really need to figure out, the places and people are what and who I know." I hesitated before going on. "There's one thing that I can't figure out though, Rachel. I saw it in my visions and I know Buck saw it, too. Red Bear's wife, Morning Star, warned me of it and the shaman warned Buck."

"Is it something you want to talk about, Louise?" Rachel asked quietly. She didn't press me any further but waited patiently for me to reply.

"It is" I said at last. "Morning Star told me that there would come a time when Buck would both anger and disappoint me, and that I would wonder if I had chosen she also told me that Buck loves me with all his heart, and that it would be made right in time."

"What did you see in your visions that could mean that, Lou?" Rachel asked.

"I saw Buck with a huge black eye - I don't know who gave it to him, or why. And at that time, I was with child. Yes" I added as Rachel's face lit up with joy, "we were shown and told that we will have a son." I smiled and laughed, wiping my eyes with the heel of my hand. "I helped to birth Red Bear's and Morning Star's son, Running Bear. She wanted me to be there and help, so that I would know what to do - at the birth of Buck's and my son." I wiped my eyes again.

"Lou - that is so wonderful" Rachel whispered. "To know that you and Buck will have a son - how do you feel, knowing that?"

"I feel so many things, I don't know what I feel yet!" I laughed. "But I love Buck so much, Rachel. I don't want to spend my life with anyone but him. And I know he loves me - he puts up with my temper and my stubbornness and - "

Rachel laughed then. "He is a very patient man! But love is more than putting up with each other's faults, Lou. There will come many, many times when you two won't agree on things, and there will be conflict because of it. But that conflict doesn't have to tear you apart. It can make the bond between the two of you even stronger, if you let it. Now - what else happened in that vision?"

"I saw Buck ride off; he seemed to be riding west on the prairie. And he didn't come back right away. I saw myself sitting at a kitchen table, crying, waiting for him to come back, and it was raining outside. But he did come back, and he took me into his arms and I cried and cried."

We sat in silence in the sunny kitchen, neither of us speaking, just thinking quietly. At length, I broke the silence.

" Whatever it is and whatever it means, I guess it's not necessarily a bad thing. I mean, something bad will happen, but we will get through it" I said musingly.

"It's not a bad thing at all, Lou" Rachel said gently, squeezing my hand. "It sounds as though the two of you really are meant to be together. Some people never find love at all, or they settle for second best. You and Buck will have a wonderful life together - I know it." She smiled directly into my eyes, and wiped away tears. "Now - go and tell the hungry mob that lunch is in ten minutes, so get ready and wash up."

I made for the door, then stopped in my tracks. "Rachel?" I said. I didn't wait for an answer but hurled myself into her arms and hugged her hard. "Thank you" I whispered, and ran out the door.

The first thing I saw when I ran down the front steps was Cody, back from his run and dismounting from his horse, Soda. He handed the reins over to Noah as I ran up to him. "Hey" I said, smiling. "I'm glad you got an extra run. I know you want the money."

Cody turned; he was on the verge of speaking until he saw my bruised and battered face. His eyes widened in shock.

"Lou" he whispered, putting a most gentle hand to my cheek. "What - who - ?"

I took the hand that rested on my cheek. "It's all right, Cody. They're dead."

By then, Buck had made his way over to us. "Hey, Cody" he said, smiling. "Good run?"

Cody's eyes got even wider when he saw the long knife cut down the side of Buck's face. "Jesus God, Buck" he said in a low voice. "You could've lost that eye."

"It's over, Cody. They're dead, and we got out of it alive." I hugged him hard. "Come on - lunch is in ten minutes, so go get washed up."

What I'd said to Buck earlier was true: It was good to be back home again. It was good to be seated around the table in the bunkhouse with my family, saying the blessing before supper, listening to the usual good-natured bickering, slapping Cody's hand when he tried to snitch the biscuit off of my plate. Even the all-pervasive smell of woodsmoke and unwashed stockings was comforting, for to me it meant I was home.

That night, Buck and I volunteered to give the horses hay and water for the night. We got no arguments; the fellas had had to do all of our chores while we were gone.

Truth was, we were looking for an excuse to be alone.

We took our sweet time; there was no hurry, for this was the last chore to be done. Afterwards, Buck gathered me into his arms and just held me like that for a long moment. I slung my arms around his narrow hips and rested my head against his chest.

"Why don't we go up to the hayloft and look at the stars?" he suggested, kissing my hair. I turned and led the way. To my surprise, there was now a door to the opening into the loft.

"When did that get there?" I asked.

"I dunno...Ike said it was Teaspoon's idea...something about less dust getting into the hay from the barn this way." Buck shut the door behind me, fastening it with a hook-and-eye latch. He walked over to the far side where we could look out at the sky, shook out a blanket, and set it on top of the hay-strewn floor. I raised my eyebrows.

"I'm pretty sure that was Ike's idea" Buck grinned.

We stretched out on our backs, my head on Buck's chest and his arms around me. The stars began to come out one by one; night replaced twilight. The moon was almost at the full. There was no need for words; Buck and I were learning to speak without them.

That was how, by unspoken consent, we loved each other in the moon and starlight, with no words spoken between us, only two long, shuddering sighs as we finished. I climbed back down the ladder, Buck close behind me. At the bottom, I took a moment to tuck in my shirt as Buck turned the lantern wick all the way down and the flame was extinguished. Inside the bunkhouse, the fellas were all getting ready to turn in.

"What took you two so long?" Jimmy asked, looking up from the book he was reading.

"You tryin to tell me it takes that long to feed and water a few horses?" Cody smirked. In one graceful move, Buck bent down, picked up one of Cody's discarded dirty stockings, and threw it smack into his face.

"It takes that long to feed Soda - he eats almost as much as you do" I replied tartly as Cody choked and wheezed, glaring at Buck.

I turned and made to jump up onto my bunk, only to find it occupied by Noah.

"Noah Dixon, you get out of my bunk right now, you hear me?" I demanded.

"What you talkin about, Lou? Your bunk's over there!" He pointed in the direction of Buck's bunk, and the other fellas guffawed loudly. I spun around, exasperated, to find two bunks shoved up tight together to make one large bunk. "See?"

"Oh, for heaven's - " I caught a glimpse of Ike, who from his bottom bunk was smiling and giving me the thumbs-up. I smiled back at him.

"Sorry, Noah. My mistake." I hopped over the edge and into bed beside Buck. Just then Teaspoon appeared in the doorway.

"What's all the commotion in here?" he demanded. We all stared at him, silent. At length, his gaze rested on me and Buck, side by side in the double-sized bunk. He harrumphed.

"Don't keep everyone awake" he grumbled on his way out.

Ike got out of his bunk and walked over to the table where the oil-lamp was set. "Hey, Ike" Buck said quietly from beside me. Ike turned, a questioning look on his face.

"Thanks, buddy" we both signed at him; an enormous grin split his face as he turned the wick down and the bunkhouse faded into the light of the moon.

**A/N: Just call this the chapter that would not end! Not only that, but that pesky R/L has been throwing some pretty hard curve-balls my way lately; what with the awful mess with my dog and the drug treatment and side-effects I've been having, writing took the ol' back seat for a bit. But - things do work themselves out, as always, and now my life has turned a corner, hopefully for the better. Thank you for sticking with me and for being so patient. **

**So! Lou really seems happy to be home again - good for her. He doesn't say much, but I think Buck is, too. I think the pace just might pick up now, what with the end of the Express looming on the horizon, Ike and Emily gradually becoming closer, and Lou acquiring a new - and good - friend. Stay tuned - and please do let me know what you think about this difficult, convoluted chapter! :) ML**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: No, I do not own The Young Riders. I have, however, asked Santa to put them in my stocking this Christmas. ;)**

**A/N: Ike has been pestering me on a daily basis to let him become better-acquainted with Emily Metcalfe, and since he is such a wonderful, sweet fellow I am letting him do just that. And the other riders? Well, as usual they are clamoring for some fun. And fun they shall have - but at whose expense? Could be more than one person's expense, and not necessarily who you might think!**

The routine of summer carried on into mid-August, but along with our regular chores we were preparing for the long winter to come. We still spent the early morning hours caring for the horses, but we also dove into the hot, heavy work of cutting and stacking firewood - enough for heat and cooking in the cold months - and cutting, stooking, and storing enough hay and straw to furnish the horses through the winter. Competition for these commodities was fierce in the town of Rock Creek; Teaspoon was a shrewd businessman and always managed to swing a deal or two, but this year he had help from a seemingly unlikely source: Ike.

The old teacher's homestead had lain vacant for several years, and fallen into a state of disrepair. It had been on the verge of being torn down and its land sold off until Emily Metcalfe, to everyone's surprise, purchased the homestead and its land. More than a few businessmen in the town had had their feathers ruffled over this strange turn of events, for though the buildings weren't held in high regard, the land itself was valuable. There was a deep, stone-lined artesian well that never had run dry, trees suitable for cutting for firewood if properly managed, and the soil was well-suited for planting businessmen were either too lazy or too cheap to buy the land and homestead and tear down the buildings themselves; they preferred to have someone else do the work for them, then buy the land at a reduced price. Emily, I learned, had been approached more than once by men hungering for that particular parcel of land and each time her answer had been the same. More than once the men left only when persuaded by the barrels of Emily's shotgun pointed at their chests.

As Buck and I quickly found out, more had happened in our absence than what we had seen in our visions. Despite an unfortunate interruption in his first visit with Emily, Ike had persisted in his attempts to make her acquaintance and was rewarded with an invitation to share dinner with her at her home. Rachel later told me that at first she had had second thoughts about Ike visiting a young woman alone in her home, unchaperoned, but Teaspoon had intervened on Ike's behalf, saying that next to Kid, Ike was the person he trusted most to behave like a gentleman. Rachel couldn't argue with that. Emily, it turned out, was a splendid cook; she had had to learn early in life, Ike explained, because her ma had died when Emily was just ten and she then had to take care of her pa. She and Ike had sat on the newly-repaired front porch after the dishes were washed up and talked until the stars had come out, when they had unexpected company: the son of the town banker, dead-drunk, stumbled off of his horse waving a pistol and demanding the rights to the property before he burned the house down and made it look like an accident.

Emily seemed to be well-used to dealing with situations such as this, Ike explained to me and Buck with a grin; she didn't blanch or faint or scream. In fact, she remained very calm; she graciously excused herself, stepped inside the house for a moment, and promptly returned - shotgun in hand. The young man very unwisely took a lurching step forward, and Emily let off both barrels. After he picked himself up off the ground, he tottered over to his horse, managed to mount, and sped away at a smart gallop - hastened by a couple of shots from Ike's revolver. He had ridden back into Rock Creek, it turned out, fallen off of his horse, and stumbled into the marshal's office where he promptly told Teaspoon that "that high-falutin' young tart who thinks she's so high an' mighty" had tried to shoot him. When Teaspoon demanded to know who or what in tarnation he was talking about, "Her!" he screamed, pointing, and promptly fainted. Ike had brought Emily back to town with him on his horse, Amigo, so that Emily could have the drunk arrested.

Teaspoon, with Ike's help, dragged the unconscious young fellow into a cell, dumped him on the floor, and locked the door firmly. The three then sat down to coffee and a plate of Rachel's fresh cookies at Teaspoon's desk. Emily explained to Teaspoon that she was sick and tired of chasing off irate men with her shotgun; she had come to Rock Creek, it seemed, after having lived in California all of her life and wanted a change of scenery. Her pa had died just the year before, shot by a fellow gambler he had accused of cheating at cards in a saloon in San Francisco. Emily had been lured to the city of Los Angeles by stories she had heard of a woman named Biddie Mason, a former slave who was a nurse and midwife and actually owned her own land.

Ike's eyes positively glowed with admiration for Emily as he related the story to Buck and me, not that I could blame him for feeling that way. But we urged him to continue.

Emily had packed up what few possessions she cared to keep, including a locket containing a lock of her mother's hair and her father's shotgun and revolver, sold everything else of value, and said goodbye to the tenement where she and her father had lived since her mother's death nine years ago. She travelled by stage to Los Angeles, keeping her money hidden in a pocket she'd sewn to the inside of her camisole. She searched high and low for Miss Mason, or Auntie Mason as she was known; upon tracking her down, Emily begged her to let her learn nursing and midwifery from her. Auntie Mason had initially refused, claiming that the city was no place for a single young woman - a single young _white_ woman at that. Emily offered to pay her for teaching her, saying that she would do anything to learn nursing and midwifery so that other women perhaps not need die in childbirth as her own mother had.

Auntie Mason had softened then, seeing that Emily was indeed earnest in her desire to learn, and they struck a deal: she would teach Emily for a year on the condition that Emily helped pay for the nursing supplies they would be needing. She took Emily under her wing, teaching her nursing skills and the art of midwifery. Initially, Emily was looked upon with open hostility and hatred by the poor people for whom she cared, who saw her as nothing more than a bored, spoiled white girl, or worse - as little more than a prostitute. She gritted her teeth, though, and stuck it out and Auntie Mason was impressed by her toughness and determination. At the end of the year, she asked Emily what she wanted to do with her life now that she had a vocation.

Emily told her that she wanted to get away from California and its somber memories; the western frontier and its wild country was just beginning to be settled by the pioneers from other parts of the world. Surely, she said, there must be a great need for nurses and midwives in the wide country between Missouri and California. Auntie Mason agreed wholeheartedly with her and wished her Godspeed. Emily didn't have a set destination in mind until she actually reached Rock Creek and learned of a homestead and land being sold at an incredibly low price - by California's standards. In a very short time, the homestead and land was hers and she had convinced Doc Barnes to let her work with him on simple nursing and childbirth cases. The Doc learned of Emily's apprenticeship with Auntie Mason and was deeply impressed. He had heard of Biddie Mason and her work in Los Angeles - and her unusual practice of handwashing, which was considered by some to be the reason so few of her midwifery patients died of childbed fever.

Emily worked hard to gain the trust of both Doc Barnes and the townsfolk, and was rewarded for her efforts. The Doc soon trusted her to visit patients for whom simple nursing care was required, and to take on the labour and delivery for those women whose pregnancies had been easy. Emily missed Auntie Mason and her strong presence deeply, but was quickly learning to rely on herself, on her instincts and her quick thinking, and soon began to enjoy the challenges of caring for the frontier townsfolk. The only real problem was that of the greedy businessmen who would seemingly stop at nothing to drive her off of her land.

Teaspoon, Ike continued, tipped his chair back, took a cigar out of his shirt pocket and bit off the end, and lit it with a wooden match. He sat in silence for several minutes, watching the cigar smoke rise to the ceiling, until Ike began to wonder if he should take Emily home. Finally, Teaspoon spoke.

"Seems to me, Miss Metcalfe, you got yourself a genu-wine problem" Teaspoon drawled. "These unscrupulous-type menfolk jus' don't know when to quit, do they now?" Emily nodded her agreement. "I don't know what to do, Marshal Hunter, they're like a pack of hungry wolves that keep circling round and round, waiting to attack."

"Mmm-hmm" Teaspoon agreed. "That does sound 'bout right, don't it, Ike?"

Ike nodded emphatically and signed rapidly to Teaspoon; Emily tried to follow what Ike was signing, but couldn't keep up with him. "What's he saying?" she finally demanded.

"Ike here is got a dandy idea, Miss Metcalfe" Teaspoon said, setting his chair back down on all four legs. "Seems these fellas don't give two hoots 'bout you or your home, do they?" She shook her head. "An' what they really want is what they can get fer themselves, to line their own pockets, right?"

"Marshal Hunter, I know - " Emily was becoming exasperated by Teaspoon's meanderings. But Teaspoon continued anyway.

"So - what if you was able to strike up a deal with somebody trustworthy, somebody who would help cut and stack your firewood fer the winter, whilst cutting some fer themselves an' payin you? And, someone to cut hay for the winter, for your stock and theirs, and stook it and store it away, like? It would work out both ways, don't you think? These - uhm, gentlemen from the town would leave you alone, once they saw your land was bein' worked. Too late fer crops to go in this year, but there's always next year, now ain't there?" Teaspoon regarded her from beneath his bushy brows.

Emily sat stock-still for a long moment, then laughed out loud. "It's perfect!" she exclaimed. "Thank you, Marshal Hunter! Ike - " She leaned over, flung her arms around Ike's neck, and kissed his cheek soundly.

Of course, Buck and I chuckled as Ike blushed and laughed good-naturedly while relating this part of the tale. But we could tell that he was just pleased as punch with the whole business.

That was how we were able to cut some of our firewood and hay for the winter; Teaspoon had finagled a deal with a young newly-married couple from outside of town for the remainder of what we'd be needing.

Buck, Ike, and I were set to go to Emily's a couple of mornings from then on; Jimmy, Cody, Kid, and Noah would do the same with the young couple who owned a larger parcel of land. Of course, we still had our rides and regular chores besides this, but it wasn't so bad - I got to work with Buck and Ike who worked hard and didn't complain. And, I started to get to know Emily and discovered just how much we had in common.

The three of us headed over to Emily's a couple of mornings after we'd gotten back from Green River. We had already finished our early-morning chores, of course, and Ike and I had trimmed down both Lightning's and Amigo's hooves and had them freshly shod. It had been arduous work; neither horse minded being shod, but they both detested having their hooves trimmed. I had held Amigo for Ike while he worked on his hooves; Amigo was in a very no-nonsense mood when Ike began working on the rear hooves and Ike, who like any smart horseman knew was wise, stood right close behind Amigo's hocks to avoid a hard kick. Amigo then gave Ike a good hard shove with his hock instead, sending Ike stumbling backwards only to land square on his ass in the dirt.

Ike sat, gasping for a moment, then got up and shook his fist at me because a tiny snicker had escaped my traitorous mouth. He shot me a murderous look while he dusted off his behind, then grimly went back to the task at hand. As I tied Amigo to the hitching rail, I began to feel uneasy - Lightning looked to be in no better mood. Sure enough, as soon as I started paring down his left hind hoof, Lightning turned his head, sniffed me all over - and smartly and efficiently bit my right butt-cheek. I straightened and let loose a scream that had Rachel flying out of the house and Buck out of the barn, pitchfork in hand. The noise startled Ike into dropping the rope; he grabbed it as I whipped around and pointed a finger right in his face.

"You did that on purpose!" I hollered, rubbing my sore behind. "Why didn't you hold his head?"

*I let him turn his head to nudge off a fly* Ike signed back at me. *I didn't tell him to bite your ass!*

Seeing me then charge at Ike, Buck hurriedly grabbed me from behind and held my arms. Rachel hurried up to us.

"Oh, Lou! Do you want me to take a look at that?" she exclaimed.

Buck doubled over in laughter and dropped my arms; I stomped down, hard, on his left foot and he yelped. Ike stood, shaking with silent laughter, and even the corners of Rachel's mouth had begun to twitch. I glared at all three of them, picked up the knife, and once again stood behind Lightning. Buck came up beside me.

"I'm sorry, Lou" he whispered into my ear, contrite. "I'm sorry I laughed at you. That must really hurt."

"I'd bend down and take a chunk out of your ass if I didn't think you'd enjoy it, Buck Cross" I hissed. He took a hasty step backwards.

"Do you want me to rub it until it feels better?" he asked sympathetically.

I straightened up and turned very, very slowly, knife in hand. "If you aren't back in that barn in three seconds flat, I will castrate you myself with this paring knife I am holding in my hand. One. Two. Thr-"

Buck's eyes grew wide as saucers; he backed away, tripped over the pitchfork he had dropped, and scrambled away as fast as his long legs would carry him. Rachel also took the opportunity to make a hasty escape.

Ike wiped the smirk off of his face as soon as I looked at him. He held Lightning's head firmly and securely while I finished the hateful job I had only just started. We had our horses shod in record time that morning; leaving them tied to the hitching rail, we washed our hands and went inside for breakfast. I sat down next to Buck, mindful of my sore behind, and reached for the platter of bacon while Rachel served fried eggs to me and Ike.

"How's your behind?" Buck whispered into my ear. I almost choked on the mouthful of bacon I was chewing and shot him a venomous look.

"Did you just say what I think you said, Buck?" Jimmy laughed from my other side.

"What'd he say, Jimmy?" Cody asked, muffled by the wad of toast in his mouth. I shot Jimmy a pleading look.

"He said, 'How's your behind' " Kid snickered from across the table. I tried to kick him under the table but missed. Ike began to shake with laughter, as did Noah.

"What the hell - " he gasped, wiping away the tears trickling down his face. "What's wrong with your behi - no, I take that back. I don't want to know!"

*Lightning bit Lou's ass* Ike signed, by way of explanation. A collective sound of understanding went around the table.

"Ike McSwain!" Rachel exclaimed. "Do not use that kind of language while we are eating!" Ike signed an apology.

"Was that that horrible scream we heard earlier?" Cody asked, biting into a biscuit. "Sounded like a pig getting its throat cut! You sure can scream loud, Lou!"

"Are you sure you don't want me to have a look at it, Lou? You don't want it to get infected" Rachel said, concerned. The boys howled with laughter; all, that is, except for Buck, who knew better. He tried unsuccessfully to plaster a look of concern on his face. I was on the verge of tears caused by equal parts of pain and humiliation.

"Rachel, it's all right. Really it is - but thanks for asking" I managed to get out. I ignored the rest of the remarks the fellas made at the expense of me and my sore bottom and finished my breakfast. Afterwards Ike, Buck, and I made ready to leave for Emily's while the others stayed to do chores at the station. Even the sight of Cody dressed up in Rachel's frilly apron couldn't boost my spirits; I left the bunkhouse and saddled up Lightning, putting my canteen inside the saddlebag. Buck and Ike joined me at the hitching rail.

"Lou, Ike and I were thinking that we'd use the cross-cut saw to fell some trees if you wanted to scythe down some hay out in the pasture" Buck said. "We figured that he and I would work best with the two-man saw - we're about the same height. That all right with you?"

He was trying to be kind and make amends, but right about then all I wanted was to be left alone. "Sure. Whatever" I said curtly. "Ike, do you know if Emily has a scythe in her toolshed?"

Ike nodded yes. "Good" I said. "Let's go." I mounted up and set off at a slow canter, not bothering to wait for the other two. I tried very hard to not bounce in the saddle, but Lightning's gaits were always choppy when his hooves were trimmed and he was adjusting to a new set of shoes. I gritted my teeth and swore under my breath; I had a backache as well. "Dammit" I muttered to myself. This was going to be a very long day.

Emily's home was not far from the way station, and I pulled up beside her porch in a matter of minutes. I swung down from the saddle, glad to be off of my rear end, and called out. "Hello? Emily, are you here?"

I heard a loud crash from somewhere inside the house and the sound of a muffled curse. "Just a cotton-pickin' minute!" a woman's voice yelled.

I unsaddled Lightning, slinging his reins and the saddle over the porch railing. Curious, I climbed up the front steps and poked my head inside the door. A steady stream of cusswords came from somewhere to my left; I tiptoed inside. The kitchen seemed to be on my left, and I poked my head inside. My eyebrows rose to the center of my forehead.

Emily Metcalfe, dressed in a man's shirt and britches, her face red and smudged with dirt, was smack in the middle of the kitchen floor - on her behind. An overturned bucket of soapy water and a washrag completed this unfortunate scene. With a muffled exclamation, I hurried into the kitchen and helped the soaking wet girl to her feet and over to a chair.

"Are you all right? Did you hurt yourself?" I asked her anxiously. She sat, silent and red-faced, then looked at me. I looked at her. The corners of my mouth began to twitch, as did hers. We burst into peals of hysterical laughter. I sank down, painfully, into the chair across from hers.

"You're Lou, aren't you?" she gasped as soon as she was able to speak.

"Lou McLeod" I said, extending her a hand. "Ike and Buck shouldn't be much longer; I - uh - left before they did."

"That's all right, let them take their time" Emily said, tucking her hair behind her ears. "I wanted to talk to you alone, anyway."

I raised my eyebrows questioningly. "Lou is really short for Louise, isn't it?" she asked, resting her elbows on the table.

She was nothing if not direct. "Yes, it is, but it's - not exactly common knowledge around here" I said. "The Pony Express doesn't hire women riders - so I'm Lou, except to the other fellas here, and Teaspoon and Rachel. They keep my secret."

"Okay" she grinned, "now I understand. Ike mentioned something about you and Buck and I wondered - "

I laughed outright at that. "I can see why you'd be wondering. Yeah, Buck and I, we're - um - "

"Together?" Emily asked , smiling.

"Yeah. We have been, for a little while now." I felt my face flush the tiniest bit. I dared to be bold. "So - how do you like Ike?" I held my breath, hoping she wouldn't be offended by my asking.

To my surprise, her face turned a delicate shade of pink and she looked down at the table. "I like him a whole lot" she said in a low voice, meeting my eyes."Ike is about the kindest person I have ever met. He can't talk, but the way he expresses himself is so much better than talking. He doesn't need words." She smiled shyly. "Is he always so gentle?"

"Yes, he is. Well, except when someone's done him or someone he cares about wrong. But he is gentle, with children and animals and people he cares about - "

The sound of horses and Buck's voice came from outside. "Hello? Lou, Emily, are you here?" Footsteps sounded from the floorboards of the porch.

"In here!" Emily called. "Come on inside!"

Buck and Ike walked into the sunny kitchen, their expressions a study as they surveyed the scene before them. I bit down hard on my lip to keep from laughing. "Is everything all right?" Buck asked discreetly.

"Everything's fine, Buck. Emily's taking a break from scrubbing her floor is all. We were just having a little chat." I managed not to laugh.

"Come on, I'll show you where to find what you need." She led us around the side of the house to a small toolshed.

"The scythe and the saw are both pretty old, but in good shape" she said, rummaging inside the cobwebby shed until she found the scythe. "They've been cared for, anyway." I took the scythe from her. "Ike, maybe you can reach up to get the saw down? I'm afraid I'm too short."

Ike gave her a soft smile and stepped inside; he emerged a moment later with the long cross-cut saw. Emily smiled at him. Buck and I glanced at each other and smiled somewhat sheepishly.

"I'll be here at the house if you need anything" Emily told us. "Ike, you know which trees to take?" He nodded. "I'll see you around noon, then." The fellas walked off behind the house, each carrying one end of the saw. "Come on, I'll show you the best place to cut the hay."

A breeze fanned our faces as we walked along to a field alongside the south side of the house. The grass was thicker and greener here than I had seen elsewhere; it would make fine hay for the winter. I put down the scythe, took off my vest, and rolled up my sleeves. Emily frowned at me, tilting her head to one side.

"I've noticed you're walking with a limp" she said. "Are you hurt?"

I sighed and tilted my hat back slightly on my head. "No" I said finally. "well, yes. The only thing that's hurt is my dignity." She looked at me, not understanding. I cracked a smile then.

"My horse hates having his hooves pared down" I explained. "I had to do it first thing this morning, and - well - he got mad at me and bit my ass when I was bent over."

A long moment went by before the two of us burst out laughing. It felt good to stop being angry over the silly incident and laugh about it instead. We both laughed until our eyes streamed and noses ran.

"Oh, my Lord" Emily said finally. "I bet it's just throbbing to beat the band. Did it break the skin?"

"I don't know" I admitted. "Rachel offered to look at it, but the boys were there and kept making fun of me, and I was too mad then to let her look."

"I could take a look, if you like" she offered. "I am a nurse, after all, and I'm not family either. Unless, you'd rather Buck take a look?"

"Well - " I hesitated, looking all around to make sure there was no-one in sight, "all right." I quickly unbuttoned my trousers and bared just enough of my right backside to let Emily take a look. "Well?"

"You can fasten those up again" she said. "You're lucky - he didn't break the skin. It's big and it's purple. and it's got to hurt like nobody's business."

"You got that right" I said glumly. "Riding's going to be tricky."

"It is going to be sore until the swelling goes down quite a bit" Emily agreed. "Can you put some ice on it when you get back to the station?"

"I don't think I'll have time" I said. "I'm supposed to get back in time to help Rachel clean the bunkhouse."

"Oh, too bad" Emily said sympathetically. "That's got to be a nasty chore - cleaning up after all those boys?"

This girl was nobody's fool, that was for sure. "A couple of them aren't bad" I grinned, thinking of Ike and Buck. "But I'd really rather shovel manure than clean up after them."

She laughed, an honest hearty laugh that was contagious, and soon I was laughing right along with her. "When is your next ride?" she asked presently, wiping her eyes.

"I've got the early run tomorrow morning - I leave at dawn for Spring Pass, switch the mochillas, and come right back to Rock Creek. It's my favourite run; I'm always back a little before lunch" I answered. I tilted my head. "Why do you ask?"

"Because" Emily said, leaning against a fencepost, "I am frankly sick and tired of my own company. I thought if I packed a lunch, we could go on a picnic somewhere nearby? That is, if you'd want to?"

My face split into a huge grin. "That's the best idea anyone 'round here's had in ages. I would love that - there's a perfect spot a stone's throw away from the swimming hole where it's shady under the trees, and there's lots of grass to spread a blanket down on. Do you have a horse you can ride?"

"Yep" Emily replied, grinning. "I've got Buster - he's a real rump-buster. Got him soon's I settled here."

I picked up the scythe. "I'll ride over here soon's as I pass on the mochilla in Rock Creek, then. I'll even wash up" I laughed.

"See you when you're done cutting." She waved as she walked off and I felt good, ready to tackle the morning's work.

I was happy to be out of doors in the warm sunshine. It was hard work and I found the scythe awkward to handle because of my lack of height, but I soon found a rhythm to swinging the scythe and the job went very quickly from then on. It was a warm day for sure, but not as scorchingly hot as it had been earlier in the month. I wished I could take off my shirt, like the boys undoubtedly had, but I couldn't without drawing unwanted attention to myself. I thought of Buck and Ike cutting with the long saw; an image grew in my mind of Buck - shirtless, his long dark hair flowing down between his shoulderblades, a fine sheen of sweat making his smooth brown skin glisten...his trousers barely clinging to his narrow hips...

I took a long drink of cold water from my canteen, letting some dribble down my chin to my neck. I definitely needed to cool off and get my mind back on the task at hand...though, thinking of that image of Buck while I worked made time go by even more quickly.

By the time the sun was high in the sky and I knew it was almost noon, I set the scythe down on the grass and took a look around me. I had done a good morning's work for sure; I was pleased with myself. I bent down to pick up the scythe again, when a cramp shot through my lower stomach. I swore to myself; I should've known. After all, it was the full moon, and I'd even gotten a backache to boot, but my mind had been elsewhere this morning before I'd left the way station and I'd never even thought of bringing some cloth with me. Damn.

I threw on my vest, grabbed canteen and scythe, and made for the house as fast as I could. I hurriedly hung the scythe back in the toolshed and opened the front door. "Emily?" I hollered.

She emerged from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a piece of towelling. "Yes, Lou?" She quickly frowned. "You're not all right, are you? What is it?"

I bit my lip as another cramp ripped through my lower half. "Do you have - a spare piece of cloth I could have?"

"Cloth?" she asked, puzzled.

"It's for - oh hell, my monthly's started and blood'll be running down my leg in a minute" I blurted out.

"Oh, dang" she exclaimed and grabbed my hand. "Come on upstairs."

We clattered upstairs, stopping at a closet in the hallway; it looked to be stocked with doctor's supplies. Emily rummaged and pulled out a large square of fluffy, soft white material and two diaper pins. I looked at it, puzzled.

"It's a newborn's diaper" she explained. "Please don't be offended - it's what Auntie Mason told me works best when you're real busy and can't make a lot of trips to the privy. Just fold it like this - " and she quickly folded it into a skinny rectangle. "Then, pin the skinny ends along the seam of your britches and nobody can tell. Here, you can fix yourself up in here."

She showed me into what looked to be a spare bedroom, the shades drawn to keep out the bright sun, and closed the door behind her. I quickly got things where they needed to be and gave a sigh of relief. When I came back downstairs, Buck and Ike were already waiting for me. Ike was busily signing to Emily, who was laughing. I wondered if he was telling her what Amigo had done to him earlier. I walked up to Buck and took his hand. He looked down at me, smiling warmly. "You okay?" he whispered.

"Yeah...just a little sore, is all" I whispered, putting a hand to my lower stomach. His eyes darkened in understanding. "I can make you some tea when we get back" he said quietly.

I nodded my head. "Buck?" I said very quietly and he raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry...for being so bitchy earlier." I flushed and lowered my head.

He cupped my cheek with his hand, removing it quickly when Ike and Emily turned to us. "It's all right" Emily grinned. "I know about the two of you."

He laughed then. "Good" he said, "things could get awkward otherwise."

The horses were saddled and tied to the porch railing. "I'll see you tomorrow at noon" I said to Emily as I wheeled Lightning around.

"I'll bring a blanket and food if you can bring something to drink. Oh, and I put another cloth inside your saddlebag" she said with a grin.

We waved as we rode off towards the way station. "Are you two going on a picnic tomorrow or something?" Buck asked as we reined the horses in to a slow canter.

"Yes, we are" I smiled. "We've got a lot in common." Buck laughed his deep, hearty laugh; Ike smiled widely and gave me a thumbs-up. We rode home slowly; we each seemed to be lost in our own thoughts. Presently, we came to a grove of shady trees just outside of town. "What do you say we stop and rest for a minute?" Buck asked me and Ike.

Ike and I looked at each other and shrugged. We dismounted underneath the shady canopy, looping the horses' reins over low-hanging branches. I pulled my canteen out of my saddlebag, as did Buck and Ike, and sat down on the ground with my back to the sun. I took a long swallow of water, sighing with satisfaction as it cooled my parched throat. "This was a good idea, Buck" I smiled at him shyly. Ike signed in agreement.

Buck grinned his lopsided grin, the one that never failed to make me smile. " I just wanted us all to be alone together before we got back to the station" he said. "We're never really alone there - someone's always around."

Ike frowned and signed *Is something wrong?*

"Nothing's wrong, Ike. It just seems as good a time as any to tell him the good news. What do you think, Lou?" Buck asked me, raising an eyebrow and smiling slightly.

I grinned then and laughed, the funny loopy laugh that always comes out when I'm really, really happy. "This is a real good time."

Ike looked totally perplexed. *Are you two going to tell me, or do I have to wait for Christmas?* he signed emphatically.

"Well - " Buck and I looked at each other and laughed. "Ike, I've asked Lou to marry me."

Ike's mouth fell open. *Tell me you didn't say yes, Lou!*

"Well Ike, sorry to disappoint you, but I said yes!" I laughed, and Buck hugged me from behind.

Ike's face nearly split in two, his smile was so wide. He jumped to his feet. *I want to kiss the bride!* he signed and helped me to my feet. He kissed my cheek and hugged me so hard I couldn't breathe. Buck got to his feet, and he and Ike laughed, then hugged each other.

*I am so happy for the two of you!* he signed, still laughing, tears in his eyes. *When's the wedding going to be?*

"We think it's best if we wait until the Express shuts down" Buck said, his arms around my waist. "That way, we can buy land and get our ranch started."

"The three of us, Ike" I said softly.

Ike's eyes lit up like candles on a birthday cake. *I don't know what to say!* He put his hands to his head. *This is the best day ever!*

I laughed that loopy laugh again. "Don't be too quick to say that, Ike" I said michievously. "It's not over yet!"

The boys looked at each other; Buck shrugged. They turned and looked at me.

"I've got to tell you, Ike Mc Swain" I began slyly. "There's a certain nurse-midwife by the name of Emily who thinks you're someone pretty special, too!"

Ike just didn't know how to respond to that piece of news. He looked at me, questioning, eyebrows raised.

"Yep!" I grinned.

He turned beet red, picked me up, and whirled me around and around, then set me back down. I stumbled sideways and Buck caught me and held me in his arms.

"You're right, Ike, it doesn't get any better than this" Buck said, clapping him on the back and kissing me on the cheek."There's just one favour we ask of you."

Ike nodded. *What is it, Buck?*

"Please don't say anything to the other fellas just yet. We don't want anyone else to know until the Express is closer to being finished" Buck said quietly.

*Not a word* Ike signed, his face serious. *I guess you don't want word getting around town.*

"That's it exactly."

By the time we got back to the station, Rachel was just dishing up apple pie for dessert. "Well, you three" she smiled. "Glad you could make it! I was beginning to think you got lost."

"We're sorry, Rachel" Buck said. "We forgot about the time, was all." Ike and I nodded in agreement.

"Well - all right; I'll forgive you this time. Here, I managed to save you a few sandwiches" she said, keeping them well away from Cody, who was eyeing them hungrily.

After lunch was finished, I hurried to the tack room and retrieved the cloth diaper that Emily had so thoughtfully sent home with me. I shoved it down the front of my pants, not wanting anyone to see what it was, and pulled it out again to put inside my trunk.

"What's that, Lou?" Rachel asked, standing in the doorway to the bunkhouse with a mop and bucket in her hand.

"What? Uhm, nothing" I stammered, hastily shutting the lid to my trunk. "Nothing, really."

"That's funny. I could've sworn it looked like a diaper" Rachel grinned.

I sat down, put my elbows on the table, and covered my face with my hands. "It is" I said, my voice muffled.

"Lou? I'm afraid I don't understand" Rachel said, sounding troubled. "Is there something I should know?"

I straightened up immediately. "Rachel! No! It's nothing like that! Emily sent it home with me, it's for my - well, you know, my" I dropped my voice, "my monthly."

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "Oh, is that all? Oh, Lou - honey, I'm sorry, I just - " She gave a sigh of relief. "I know that you and Buck are - close. You're probably even - intimate, by now." It was more of a question than a statement.

I raised my head, gathered my courage together, and looked her straight in the eye. "We are" I said in a low voice in case anyone was outside on the porch. "But Rachel, you've gotta know - we've been careful. All the time. We haven't taken any chances yet, and we're not going to, either."

"I'm so glad of that, Louise" she said softly. "Is this something that you and Buck are in agreement on?"

"It is" I said. "Even the - um, the first time - Buck thought to ask me when my next monthly was going to be, and I was honest with him, I told him it was only three days away. And, if we decided to - you know, get intimate, that we wouldn't make a baby." I hesitated, wondering if I should go on. "At the Kiowa village, Morning Star put her hand on me, here" I put it on my lower stomach, "and told me that I wasn't with child right now. But, she told me, and I don't think Buck knows unless he's figured it out himself, that when we want to make a baby, that I should go to him on an evening of the new moon and I will be ready then."

"Do you believe that, Lou?" Rachel asked, her face and voice questioning.

"I do believe that, Rachel, because it makes sense to me" I said earnestly. "I always get my monthly at the full moon. And the new moon is two weeks after the full moon; it's like doing arithmetic kinda."

"It does make sense, Lou, and I'm so glad the two of you can be so honest with each other" she smiled, a genuine smile. "Buck is one special young man, and he's lucky to have you!"

"I know" I grinned.

We put our hearts and a lot of elbow grease into cleaning out the bunkhouse that afternoon, and while I was mopping the floor down I thought of doing this in my own home - Buck's and my home. My stomach did a strange kind of flip then, realizing that when we were married, I would be doing this for the two of us. It occurred to me then that there were an awful lot of things that I, myself, was going to be responsible for and I'd better start making a list of what I needed to ask Rachel about - cooking, keeping house, sewing, and a multitude of other womanly chores. It was kind of overwhelming, and I needed to get busy and learn.

That night, Buck and I fed and watered the horses for the night. Afterwards, I was dog-tired, and I had one awful dose of cramps. I thought about going straight to bed, when Buck suggested we go up to the hayloft.

"You know I can't - you know" I said, lowering my head. He tipped up my chin with his hand and placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

"That's not why I want to go up there tonight, Louise" he said, giving me a soft smile. "Why don't you go on ahead and get comfortable. I'll be up in a few minutes, okay?"

I nodded my head, and climbed the ladder to the loft. I shook out the blanket and placed it on the floor. Buck climbed up the ladder a few minutes later; I could smell, rather than see, him coming. It smelled like sage.

"What's that, Buck?" He was holding a thick square of cloth; that was where the smell of sage was coming from.

He knelt down beside me, setting a tin cup on the floor. "Are you comfortable?" I nodded. "Undo your pants, Lou."

"What?" I asked, startled.

"This is a sage poultice. It will help get rid of your cramps if you put it on your belly" he explained patiently.

"Ohhh!" I exclaimed. I unbuttoned my trousers and Buck placed the square of cloth on the skin over my womb. "That feels so nice and warm, and it smells good." He handed me the tin cup then, and I smelled the familiar aroma of raspberry leaf and willow bark tea. "Buck, thank you. So much." I sipped the hot tea gratefully. "I really did need this tonight."

"I kinda figured that" he said, giving me a crooked grin. "Move forward for a minute." I scooted forward, and Buck settled in behind me, his legs outside of mine, his large warm hands on the cloth square.

"Lean back" he whispered. I leaned back against his solid chest and gave a contented sigh; there was no place I'd rather have been right then.

We watched the moon, and talked quietly about the day we'd had. We both were glad to have been able to find time alone with Ike, and were glad that he was enthusiastic about getting a ranch started in the not-too-distant future. But more than anything, I think, I was thrilled for Ike that Emily genuinely liked him and his kindness, his gentleness.

"It's about time Ike met someone special" I said, putting my hands over Buck's. "Someone who sees Ike for who and what he really is."

"I've wished that for him for so long, Lou, he has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known" Buck said softly into my ear. "I hope and pray that if they are meant to be together, that the Spirits will guide them along that path."

We made our way back down the ladder into the barn. Outside, Buck set the now-cool poultice by the front door to the house.

"You can use it again tomorrow if you need to" Buck said by way of explanation. "You can just set it by the hearth to warm up."

"Thank you" I said tenderly, squeezing Buck's hand and standing on tiptoe to kiss him. He put his arms around me and gave me a long, slow kiss.

Inside the bunkhouse, most of the fellas were reading before bed, as they usually did. Cody, I saw, had taken to writing in a journal. He looked up as we walked over to the bunk.

"My, but you two certainly do smell good tonight" he smirked. "Just what were you doing in the barn, anyway?"

"Finding something to kill the awful stench of your dirty stockings" I retorted and Buck, with his usual grace and good aim, leaned down, picked up Cody's dirty stockings, and threw them smack into the middle of his face.

"Dang it all, Buck" Cody wheezed as he threw the stockings onto the floor again. "Would you quit doing that!" He sat up and threw his pillow at Buck, who dodged it easily.

"Sure" Buck said good-naturedly, and threw the offending stockings into the woodstove. "That's better. Good night, Cody!" he laughed, turning the wick all the way down in the oil lamp, and snuggled up close beside me in our bunk. By the time Cody retrieved his pillow and got back into his bunk, I was fast asleep in Buck's arms in the moonlight.

**A/N: Who wouldn't sleep well, all wrapped up in Buck? I know I would for sure! So, it looks like Ike and Emily are progressing very nicely! I just had to make Emily a nurse; after all, it is the profession to which I belong and I thought she would make just an amazing nurse. And isn't Buck just a honey? I hope Lou appreciates him; she better, or she'll get a stiff talking-to. Speaking of talk (sorry, that just popped out - honest) I wonder what Lou and Emily will have to talk about? Or who(m). Could be a certain handsome young Kiowa warrior and his best friend? More than likely! Stay tuned - and please do let me know what you think! I am having so much fun with this story and its characters. Even Cody and his smelly socks (grin). **

**Just a side note - Bridget "Biddie" Mason was a former slave, free once her master resettled them in California. She was indeed a nurse and a midwife in Los Angeles, and was one of the first black women to purchase and own real estate. To me, she was a true pioneer, and a real heroine! ML**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own 'em. Just borrowing them :)**

**A/N: Fun, fluff, and smut...lots of fun!**

The next morning, I was awake and out of bed before the sun had risen; even Buck was still sleeping. I climbed out of bed as carefully as I could, covering Buck with the blanket when I was done. I pulled on stockings, trousers, and a clean shirt and tiptoed outside to the porch to put on my boots. I squinted up at the sky: the air was chilly, the land a little misty, but the sun was going to shine all day, I could tell.

This was going to be such a good day. I could feel it in my bones.

As I half-walked, half-ran to the barn, I set my hat on my head. Lightning greeted me with a companionable whicker, and I could've sworn he was sorry for biting my behind just the day before. I scratched his ears before giving him his morning feed of oats. I followed that with a bucket of fresh water, then made my way to the kitchen. Rachel wasn't even up and about yet, although she had left a basket of muffins, baked the night before and covered with a tea-towel, on the table. I bit into one while firing up the stove to make coffee.

When the cookstove was throwing off a good heat, I set the coffeepot on the burner to brew. I was going to need lemonade for my picnic with Emily later on, so I went down to the root cellar to get the lemons. I brought two good fistfuls up to the kitchen, where to my surprise I found Buck pouring coffee.

"Hey." He smiled from deep in his eyes and handed me a cup of coffee. I sipped at it, and was surprised to find that I had made a good brew.

"Hey yourself" I laughed quietly. "What are you doing up so early?"

He crossed over to me and set both our cups on the table beside the muffins. "I wanted to see you before you left." He spoke quietly so as not to disturb Rachel. Taking the hat from my head, he drew me in close and gave me a kiss thet left me weak in the knees. "Good morning."

I made a soft sound somewhere between a moan and a whimper. "Good morning is right!" I whispered. "How am I supposed to make lemonade with you here, Buck Cross?" I asked, trying to sound stern. "When you keep botherin me - " He came up behind me and put his arms around my waist. " - an' distractin me - " He nibbled on my neck ever so gently. " - an' makin me forget wha - ohhh - " He kissed the sensitive spot behind my ear, and I closed my eyes.

"Good morning!" sounded cheerfully from the stairs. I straightened and looked to see - "Rachel!" I exclaimed. "We - uh, we were just - "

" - making lemonade, I see" she laughed, tying her dressing gown closed. "I'll make it for you, since you're too busy saying 'good morning' to Buck - " she shot him a wink, and he blushed and scratched his chin, " - who should be out in the barn, getting Lightning ready for your run."

Buck took his coffee cup with him; as he closed the door, he turned and gave me a wink. I giggled softly. Rachel, having poured herself a cup of coffee, got a paring knife out of the drawer and began slicing lemons in half. I fetched a large pitcher down from the cupboard, and poured cold water from the bucket into the pitcher.

"Do we have a spare canteen, Rachel?" I asked, setting the bucket onto the counter.

"In the cupboard with the pots and pans" she answered.

"Oh yeah." I got the spare canteen out of the cupboard and set it on the counter. I got the juicer out of the drawer and handed it to Rachel; she began to juice the lemons over top of the pitcher. After she stirred the lemon juice and water, I got a scoop of sugar from the crock and stirred it into the cloudy liquid. I tasted it and my whole face puckered hard.

"More sugar?" Rachel laughed.

"More sugar" I said once I was able to speak. I stirred in another, more generous scoop, and tasted it.

"This is good" I said, satisfied. "Please don't let the boys drink it all" I said to Rachel. "I need enough to fill two canteens for the picnic."

"I'll make a separate pitcher for them" Rachel said agreeably. "When do you plan on going?"

"After I've gotten back from Spring Pass and cleaned myself up" I said. "I usually get back just a little before lunch. I'm going to ride over to Emily's from here."

"I hope the two of you have a wonderful time, Lou" Rachel said, smiling. "I'm so glad there's another young woman nearby for you to talk to - it can't have been easy for you with just the boys, and me and Teaspoon, all this time. You need someone your own age, with things in common."

"Aww." I hung my head and kicked at the floor with the toe of my boot. "It hasn't been _that_ bad. Most of the time, anyway. I only want to shoot the fellas sometimes now, not all the time like before. And you know all my secrets, Rachel - why, if it wasn't for you, I could never have gotten through all that awful time with Kid - you knew just what to say to me to keep me from shootin _him_."

"If you say so, Louise" Rachel laughed. "I was your age once."

"I really like Emily, though. She's so easy to talk to, like you. And like Buck. And she seems to like Ike, a whole lot."

"Ike seems to really like _her_ a whole lot" Rachel said musingly. "Lou, you'd best at least get a muffin and the rest of that coffee into you before you leave for Spring Pass."

"Oh yeah." I gobbled down a muffin and drank my coffee.

"Rider coming!" came Buck's voice from outside. I hurried out, pausing to kiss Buck on the lips; no one was on the street in Rock Creek yet to see us, and the rider wasn't close enough yet to see what we were doing.

"Hurry back" he whispered, holding Lightning's reins.

"I love you, Running Buck Cross. Don't you never forget that" I whispered back.

Buck released the reins and I waited for the rider, Timmy Simpson, to get up to passing distance. I urged Lightning into a slow canter, then faster and faster until Timmy swung the mochilla up and forward and I grabbed it with my hand, settling it into place on my saddle. "Ride safe!" Rachel called from the porch and I raised a hand in a salute to her, and Buck.

I loved this run, no two ways about it. I loved riding westward in the cool light of dawn at all times of the year, and today's dawn spoke of the mellow warmth of the end of summer. Lightning, feeling more at ease with his footing today, settled into the swift gallop that carried us forward at a fast clip, yet was easy on his long legs. The two of us knew every inch of this trail so well, we could ride it in the dark if needs be. I still watched the trail as we galloped, but thought of later on in the day when I'd have completed the run and my time was my own.

My stomach did a strange kind of flip when I thought of going on the picnic; not the kind of flip I got when Buck gave me that special secret smile that spoke of love, but a flip all the same. I smiled when I recognized the feeling; I'd had it the first day the six of us had met together with Teaspoon, in Sweetwater. This feeling was simple nervousness - I'd never done anything like this before. It was as I'd once told Buck: I'd never had a friend before, not the kind you talked to and did things with, not like he had with Ike. Today was a good thing, despite my butterflies, for it was high time I began to spend time with another woman my own age, and began to learn to behave like a young woman and not a boy. Emma and Rachel had always been good influences on me in that department, but despite their nearness we were still worlds apart as long as I rode for the Express. I would still wear a gunbelt and take part in gunfights, come in from rides covered in dust and dirt and blood, and work like a man at the way station. I knew I would live like this until the end of the Express, and Buck and I got married.

I wondered, for maybe the hundredth time, how long that would be.

My attention focused once again on the trail, and I realized we were well over halfway to Spring Pass. I hoped the other riders weren't going to be late, not today. There wasn't a whole lot to do in Spring Pass but wait - then I remembered there was a ladies' shop on the main street of town. I'd never been inside it before, but I'd neither needed nor wanted to, until now. I'd discovered that I loved wearing the short chemise top Rachel had gotten for me; I always wore it when I knew Buck and I were going to spend time together. It made me feel - womanly, somehow, helped me to remember that underneath the man's clothing I had breasts and other curves, too, even if they were small. Buck certainly hadn't voiced any complaints about their size.

We came to the outskirts of Spring Pass, then the long main street. I was glad to see the next westward rider was ready and waiting; "Rider coming!" I heard from the small way station. Jeb Horne urged his dun mare Sunny into a slow canter, then picked up speed as I approached. When I came up beside him I swung the mochilla up and forward; Jeb grabbed it from me and sped off. "Ride safe!" I hollered after him and reined Lightning in to a trot, then a walk.

The eastbound rider was nowhere in sight. I dismounted and led Lightning to the trough for a drink, then tied him to the hitching rail. Goode was nowhere in sight; one of his riders was filling in for him. I nodded to him and got a drink of water, then, glancing both ways, I sauntered across the street and looked in the window of the ladies' shop. Inside, I could see a fine selection of underpinnings. The eastbound rider was still nowhere in sight; I hurried inside and made a beeline straight for the camisoles. One caught my eye: small and delicate, in a lovely pale shade of pink called "camellia". I grabbed it and hurried to the saleswoman, digging in my pocket for the emergency money I always carried with me.

"That's just lovely" the saleswoman beamed. "For your sweetheart?"

"Yes, ma'am" I said in my gruff man's voice, thinking of Buck. "Uh - I'm in a hurry, if'n you don't mind."

I handed her one dollar and fifty cents, and she quickly wrapped it for me. Hurrying out of the shop, I heard the familiar call "Rider coming!" and ran over to Lightning, pausing just long enough to stuff my package into the saddlebags. I mounted and wheeled him around, urging him into the familiar rhythm of the slow canter that picked up speed until the mochilla was safely passed. I galloped down the street back the way I'd come, to the call of "Ride safe!", and headed for home.

For me, this was turning into one of the best days I could remember. I felt like my life really was moving forward; I could think of a thousand and one things I wanted to ask Emily, and Rachel, so many things I was eager to learn. I knew how to ride and care for horses, how to do a man's work in a stable, but there were so many womanly tasks I knew little or nothing about. Ike had mentioned that Emily had killed, dressed, and roasted a chicken for supper and had made a wonderful kind of bread to go with the meal; that was one of the kinds of things I wanted to learn about. I certainly knew how to wash dishes, scrub pots, and clean out a bunkhouse, but Rachel could teach me other things as well, like how to knit and sew. I knew that money was going to be tight for a good while when Buck and I got married, especially with two more mouths to feed. There was going to be no way we could even think about having a baby of our own until we had good breeding stock and had raised and trained good foals to sell. But more than anything, we needed to find a house where we could live while we built a barn and at least two corrals; we would be needing grazing land as well. I wanted Buck, and Ike too, to know that my eyes were wide open, that I wasn't walking into this blindly.

For the time being there was nothing I could do about this but be patient and observant; it certainly wasn't something I could resolve overnight. I had enough on my plate as it was, and I still had a job to do. I promised myself I would ask Emily how to bake the delicious bread Ike had mentioned. That seemed like a good place to start.

My musings had made the time and miles fly by; I could see the buildings of Rock Creek draw ever closer. Lightning galloped along the trail and turned where it split off the main street. The eastbound rider's horse began the slow canter that gradually picked up speed until I handed off the mochilla and called "Ride safe!"

I reined Lightning in to a slow trot then a walk. Dismounting, I led him to the hitching rail and tied him there, where I was met by Buck and Ike, both of whom were shirtless and sweating heavily.

Ike grinned and signed *Good run?*

"Yep" I replied with satisfaction. "I even had a minute to do a little shopping."

*What did you get me?* Ike asked, laughing when Buck began to laugh.

"It's real nice, and it's your colour, but I think it might be a little too small, Ike" I laughed right back. "Maybe I'll find something in your size the next time I'm in Spring Pass."

*I'm counting on that, Lou - I won't forget!* Ike admonished me.

"You won't let me forget, Ike" I chuckled and he laughed at me, then headed for the water bucket. Buck watched as I unbuckled the saddlebags and took out my wrapped parcel.

"So what is it, Lou?" Buck asked, taking it from me and trying to peek inside.

"Something nice, I promise" I said, grinning. "I'm real sure you'll like it, Buck." His eyebrows shot up and he grinned.

"When do I get to see it?" he asked, laughing as he held it just out of my reach.

"Buck Cross - you - " I said, exasperated. "Maybe tonight - if you're good!"

"Why don't you try it on now, Lou?" he teased, holding the package high over my head, laughing at my increasing wrath.

"In front of those - those - _babboons_?" I spat out. "Not a chance!" I glared at him, so smug, and changed my tactics: I sidled up to him, smiled sweetly, and began to tickle him, hard.

Just as I'd predicted, Buck backed away, doubled over, and dropped my package. In the blink of an eye I had swooped down like a hawk after a rabbit and picked it up, tucking it beneath my arm triumphantly. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"You little minx, you" he whispered close by my ear, "you're evil!"

"But you love me anyway" I whispered back. "You'll just have to wait!"

The two of us headed to the bunkhouse; I needed to get a clean shirt and Buck, I presumed, was going to get clean clothing and a towel for his shower. To my surprise, the bunkhouse was perfectly quiet: no one was there. I put the wrapped package in my trunk, which held the more personal of my belongings, then fished a clean shirt out of my drawer in the bureau. Buck, to my surprise, lay down on the bunk.

"I thought you'd be going for a shower?" I said, pausing in the doorway.

"Ike and I are going to go swimming" Buck said.

"Oh...well, see you later." I walked out onto the porch; a large hand grasped my elbow and tugged me back inside the bunkhouse. Buck nudged the door closed with his foot and gathered me into his arms.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" he whispered, his warm breath tickling my ear. I quietly laughed that loopy laugh of mine, twining my arms around his neck and stretching up to kiss him soundly. When he pulled me in close, I could feel the effects my kiss had had on him. I pulled back to see his eyes had darkened to almost black.

"Be patient" I whispered, kissing his cheek. "Just a couple more days...I hate this, too."

"I know, Lou" he said, giving me a tender smile. "This is going to happen to us a lot in the future...we'd best get used to it."

"I can still kiss you though, can't I?" I didn't wait for his answer but leaned in to touch his lips with mine. Of course, the bunkhouse door opened right then and the rest of the fellas all poured in at the exact moment that Buck chose to deepen the kiss. I rolled my eyes and groaned.

* 'Rutting Buck' is at it again! * Ike signed with a devilish grin. I swatted at his behind; he ducked out of my way.

"Would you please get a room?" Noah said, trying to appear exasperated.

"Don't the two of you ever stop?" Jimmy rolled his eyes.

"Well?" I demanded of Cody and Kid. "Don't you have anything to add?"

"Who, us?" Cody asked in a hurt voice; Kid burst out laughing at Cody's bawdy hand gestures.

Buck swatted at Cody, and Kid dove for his bunk. I sighed, shaking my head, and walked over to the house.

"Rachel?" I called. "Is it all right if I wash up in here?"

"Come on inside, Lou" Rachel called from the kitchen.

I walked inside to the inner room, where she had a simple washstand with a basin, soap, and towel set up for her use, and mine. Although I had elected to still sleep in the bunkhouse, I preferred more privacy for more personal matters. I stripped off my shirt, dusty from the morning's run, and the chemise top, and set them over the back of a chair. I washed my face and neck, my stomach and chest, and washed my back as best as I could. If Buck had been there with me, I would've asked him to wash my back; I was not about to ask Rachel, woman or no woman. I towelled off then and dressed, feeling so much better for being clean.

"Rachel?" I called. "Can I borrow your hairbrush?"

"Sure, Lou" she answered. "It's beside the stand."

I brushed my hair, which had grown until it just grazed the top of my collar. I set Rachel's hairbrush back beside the stand and made my way into the kitchen. The pitcher of lemonade sat on the table; I filled the spare canteen full of lemonade, then filled my own canteen and made sure both were closed up tight. I slung both of them over my shoulder and paused at the door.

"I'm leaving now, Rachel" I called.

She came into the kitchen, dustcloth in hand. "I'll see you later, Lou" she smiled. "Please say hello to Emily for me, would you?"

"I'll be sure to do that" I smiled back at Rachel. "Could she join us for supper some evening, do you think?"

Rachel looked pleased at the idea. "Why, that'd be just fine, Lou. I'm sure she'd like a break from eating by herself in that big old house, and we'd all enjoy her company, I'm sure."

"Especially one young man in particular, who just may be too shy yet to invite her here himself" I added slyly. I chuckled, and Rachel joined in.

"That's part of Ike's charm, Lou - he is so shy" Rachel said with a grin. "But do invite her over."

"I will. Do you need me later on this afternoon?" I asked.

"Let me think - I'll just be needing you to help peel some potatoes for supper, and some apples for dessert. How does that sound?"

"Good by me. Can I actually make the dessert?"

Rachel was clearly surprised by my request, but looked pleased as well. "Why, certainly, Lou. It's apple crisp tonight - not as tricky as making piecrust."

"Good - I don't think I'm ready for that yet" I said ruefully. "I'll see you later on this afternoon."

I put the canteens inside my saddlebags and untied Lightning. I had wheeled him around and was getting ready to ride off when I spied Ike, talking to Buck just outside the barn.

"See you later" I called. "I'll say hello to Emily for you!"

I could see Buck laughing, and Ike punched his arm; he gave me his good-natured grin and waved as I rode off.

Emily had Buster tied to her front porch railing when I rode up; she was loading the saddlebags with a blanket, followed by a canvas satchel of food. She was dressed the same as I was, in a man's shirt and trousers and boots.

"Hey" she said, her round face lighting up as she smiled. "I'm just about ready to go. I almost didn't make it, though."

"What happened?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. I dismounted and let Buster sniff my hands. He was a light sorrel, with an almost-white mane and tail. He decided he liked me and nuzzled my cheek. I laughed at him and patted his shoulder.

"Mrs. Hooper's oldest daughter tore over here early this morning like a bat out of hell - her father sent her, he was convinced his wife had gone into labour." Emily laughed heartily. "It turned out to be a false alarm. I had to stay for three hours, though, just to watch and make sure the baby wasn't really on its way - and to calm down Mr. Hooper."

"How many children do he and his wife have already?" I asked curiously.

"Eight" Emily said as she mounted. "And Mrs. Hooper says her husband's as jumpy as a cat on a hot griddle every time." We urged the horses into a slow, gentle canter; we were in no hurry.

"Oh, Lord" I said, shaking my head. "I've only ever seen one birth, at a Kiowa village near Green River. Buck's half-brother, Red Bear, is their war chief. Red Bear wasn't nervous; he was eager for his son to be born. His wife's twin sister was the midwife, and his wife asked that I help at the birth so that I would know what to do when my own son is born."

"Your own son?" Emily asked. "How does she know you will have a son?"

" Red Bear's wife Morning Star is a healer and has the gift of sight. Her twin sister Evening Star is a midwife, and also has the gift of sight." I sighed, remembering all that had happened in the near past. "Buck and I went on a run to Green River, and we were attacked on the way there. That's how my face got so bruised, and Buck got that long knife cut."

"I wondered how that had happened to the two of you" Emily said sympathetically. "Riding for the Express really can be dangerous, Ike said. I believe him."

"Buck's brother saved our lives - he and his warriors were waiting for us, along that stretch between Big Sandy and Green River. They saw us being attacked by outlaws, and fought and killed them. Afterwards, he asked that we come to their village, and we did. That was how I was able to be present for the birth."

"I have heard that the Indian women have childbirth customs far different from our own" Emily said musingly. "I'd be very honoured to attend an Indian birth one day. I think I could learn an awful lot."

I thought of all that Morning Star and Evening Star had told me during the labour and birth of Running Bear. "I've never seen a white woman in labour or giving birth" I said, "all I'd ever heard was that the pain is absolutely terrible, that it feels like being ripped in two from the inside out. The Indian women told me that there is pain, but it is a welcome pain because every one brings the child closer to birth. And they don't scream or cry out. It isn't their way."

"Their ways are a lot different, then" Emily said, shaking her head. "The women whose babies I deliver almost always carry on like that. But I suppose it's a terrifying thing for them, wondering if they or their babies are going to live through it or not."

Her face was so sad, and I remembered Ike telling me and Buck that Emily's own mother had died in childbirth. I couldn't even begin to imagine how how terrible it must have been for Emily and her father, how helpless they must have felt.

"Ike told me and Buck...about your mother" I said softly. "I am so sorry, Emily. My mother died when I was young, too. And so did Buck's mother, and Ike's."

She smiled, albeit a little sadly. "We're all orphans, aren't we?"

"Yes, we are...but sometimes you find family in the strangest places" I said, thinking of my own life.

I reined Lightning in to a trot and then a walk, Emily and Buster doing the same. I so wanted to make Emily smile, after having seen her look so sad, so I said "Riding wasn't so bad today - and I think Lightning's sorry that he bit my bottom."

Emily did smile then and laughed her hearty laugh as we pulled the horses up in the shady area surrounding surrounding a clearing. I pointed. "The swimmimg hole is just over there, through the trees and down a little hill. We came to it from the other side of Rock Creek."

"Do you go swimming much?" Emily asked, tying Buster to a tree branch.

"The fellas and I come here near every day in the summer...when I go with them, we all wear longjohns. The fellas all go skinnydipping when I'm not with them. When I'm by myself, I do too" I laughed, tying Lightning beside Buster.

"And what about when Buck's with you?" Emily teased.

"What do you think?" I shot back and she laughed outright. I got the canteens out of the saddlebags, and took the blanket from Emily as she got out the satchel of food.

"This looks like a good spot...out of the hot sun" Emily said presently as I spread the blanket on the ground. "It's nice to get away, even for an hour or two."

"It is" I agreed. "Back at the bunkhouse, the fellas are all gobbling down Rachel's good cooking like a pack of hungry wolves. Sometimes I get tired of smacking Cody's hand when he tries to snitch the biscuits off'n my plate."

Emily laughed so hard, tears ran down her cheeks. "You must feel like you have six brothers" she laughed, wiping her eyes with the heel of her hand.

"Sometimes it feels like they're six _little_ brothers" I said dryly. "And sometimes it doesn't. But if any one of them was gone, I'd miss him terribly. We got close real fast."

Emily set out sandwiches and cookies, and I handed her a canteen of lemonade. "Thanks" she said, taking the canteen and swallowing lemonade. "Oh...that is good, I am really thirsty. How was your early morning run?" She bit into a roast pork sandwich.

"Good, as always." I chewed on a mouthful of sandwich. "I love riding when it's just starting to get light outside...doesn't matter what time of year it is, it's always beautiful. And" I took another bite, "I actually had time to go into the ladies' shop in Spring Pass. I'd never gone inside there before. It's real nice." I finished the sandwich and took a long swallow of lemonade.

"Did you buy anything?" Emily asked, reaching for another sandwich.

"I did" I said, laughing.

"What's so funny?" Emily tilted her head to one side, regarding me.

"It's just that when I'm out on a run, I have to make sure I really look like a boy. I picked out a camisole, a real pretty one - it's light pink - and when I went to pay for it, the saleswoman asked if it was for my sweetheart. And I said 'Yes ma'am', real gruff, like. I was thinking of Buck, of course." I laughed, and Emily joined in.

"It must be so strange, dressing and working and living like a boy" Emily said. "You're surrounded by them, too, all of the time."

"You know, there are times when I almost forget I am a girl" I laughed ruefully, shaking my head. "A few months ago, Buck and I went on an overnighter to Fort Laramie. Rachel sent a package along with me, told me not to open it until we got there. Well, I opened it and inside was the most beautiful sapphire blue velvet dress, with pantaloons and a chemise top to go underneath. I wore it that night to dinner with Buck, and I felt just like a queen. I can't wear the dress here in Rock Creek, cause I'm supposed to be a boy, but I still wear the short chemise top under my man's shirt. It helps me feel like a woman."

"That was a lovely, thoughtful thing for Rachel to have done" Emily said with admiration.

"It was" I agreed. "She knew I was feelin real down, see" I reached for another sandwich and took a bite, "I had just broken things off with Kid not all that long before, and he wasn't takin it real well."

"What is Kid like?" Emily asked curiously. "I haven't seen too much of him yet. Is he real old-fashioned?"

I stared at her. "How did you know that?" I demanded.

"I don't know." She shrugged her shoulders. "Just, what little I've seen of him in town, at Tompkins' store or the feed store, he never seems to be horsing around like some of the other fellas. He seems like - I don't know, like a young Southern gentleman or something."

"Emily Metcalfe" I said, sitting back on my heels, "that is downright scary how you figured him out, just like that. Yes. That is exactly what he is. He's from Virginia, and he's real old-fashioned about a whole lot of things. Especially women and what they should, and shouldn't, do"

"Oh oh" Emily shook her head, "it sounds like that was a problem."

"Don't get me started" I said grimly. "Once he accepted that I was a girl disguised as a boy riding for the Express, he felt it was his duty to protect me. And sometimes, that was all right. Sometimes it was nice, havin a fella lookin out for me. But it didn't stop there - he didn't want me to go on some of the runs because he thought they were too dangerous, and I told him I was goin to pull my own weight, girl or not. Then, he didn't want a girl sleepin in the bunkhouse with a bunch of boys, said it wasn't proper. I asked the other fellas if they objected to my bein there, and they all said no. Why, one time when I was out on a run, he actually up and took all my things an' moved them into Rachel's house. Without askin me. Said it was a 'surprise' !" My blood boiled at the very memory. "I broke it off with him not too long after that little stunt."

"It sounds as though you're _way_ too much woman for him, Lou!" Emily laughed. "Just as well you ended it with him, then. So'" she passed me the cookies and I took one, "when did you and Buck become a couple? That is, if you don't mind my asking." She bit into a cookie.

I laughed softly, remembering. "That overnighter to Fort Laramie I told you about...I think that's when I realized I had some real strong feelings for Buck. I was feelin down, and my monthly started on the way there, and it was just not a real good time for me. But I was glad to be ridin with Buck, cause he's usually so quiet-like, and I always feel just really safe when I ride with him. Well, we made camp for the night, and he figured out why I was feelin not the best and made me some Indian herb tea. Raspberry leaf and willow bark. He said it would help with my cramps, and I was so embarrassed, but he wasn't, said nothing natural is shaming and not to be ashamed. And it really did help. So, we got to talkin, and I told him that Kid and I ahd broken up for good, that Kid didn't want a woman who's 'damaged goods' like me." I felt my eyes begin to water but willed myself to stay calm and not cry. I lowered my head, then looked up at Emily. "You see, I was...I was raped. I ran away from the Catholic orphanage in St. Joe when I was thirteen, and had a hard time finding work. But I finally got a job, doing laundry. It turned out it was a brothel, this house full of women, and one night when I'd been there about a year, the owner, he came to me...one night he came to me, and said I wasn't a little girl any more - I was a woman. And he said it was time I started workin like the other women and he...took me...by force." I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat. "Kid didn't give a damn, damaged was damaged. And Buck was so understanding...his own mother had been raped, by a white man - that's why he's a half-breed" I said in a whisper.

Emily had sat quietly, just listening to me pouring out all my feelings, getting rid of all the poison that had been festering inside of me for such a long, long time. She reached across and squeezed my hand. "I am so, so sorry, Lou. For you, and for Buck. And for his mother" she said softly, tears standing in her eyes. "None of you had any control over what happened to you."

I sat, silent, then continued in a more steady voice. "I found out that I can tell Buck _anything_. Anything at all. When we were together in Laramie, eating dinner and talking and laughing, I looked at him, really looked at him. And when he looked back at me, somethin inside of me knew that we're good for each other. We took it slow, took our time, but...well... we love each other."

Emily sat listening to me thoughtfully, then smiled. "He really is crazy for you, Lou. All you have to do is look at him when he's looking at you, and you can tell. And I'd just bet he's a wonderful lover, too."

"Did Ike tell you that?" I asked, surprised beyond measure.

"No! Ike told me no such thing! But I've been around people a whole lot, and I know how men and women are. And I can just tell, you and he are...intimate." Emily reached over and put her hand over mine. "Don't be angry with me, please. You know your mind and you know your heart, don't you?" Her face was earnest.

I flushed a little, and lowered my head. "Yes, I do. And Buck knows his. He's a thoughtful and deeply caring person, he brings out the best in me."

Emily started to speak when I held up my hand and whispered, "Someone's down by the swimming hole." We very cautiously crept almost to the top of the little hill and lay on our stomachs, looking down at the scene below.

Buck and Ike were tying Spirit and Amigo to tree branches. They walked over to the sandy area by the water's edge and began to get ready for a swim, removing hats, gunbelts, boots, shirts, trousers.

Neither was wearing longjohns; it was too hot a day. I put my hand over my mouth, so as not to giggle. Beside me Emily stared, open-mouthed.

Well, I couldn't blame her - it was quite a sight, all right.

I gazed longingly at Buck, so magnificent in the hot sun, his copper-brown skin seeming to almost glow in the sunlight. He straightened up and threw his buckskin pants onto the small heap of clothing; his muscles rippled as he moved. My eyes travelled down his body, from his handsome, finely-chiselled features to his strong neck, down his solid chest to his hard, flat stomach...to the line of hair that ran down from his navel to the thick patch of dark hair between his hips and his substantial manhood protected from the hot sun by its covering of loose skin.

Oh, how I wanted him! I turned to Emily - but it wasn't Buck she was staring at. The way she was looking at Ike made me think that perhaps I should take a look at him, too. So I did.

He stood next to Buck; the contrast between them was were roughly the same height, but that was where the similarities ended. Where Buck had long dark hair that flowed down past his shoulders, Ike had none. But that only served to draw my attention to the strength of his neck, the width of his shoulders. Buck was long and lean and lightly muscled; Ike had a heavier, more solid build, the muscles of his arms and legs bigger and thicker. His fair skin was smooth and looked to be soft, but there was nothing womanish about it, or about him. The greatest similarity between them was that they both were very handsomely endowed with manly goods, as Rachel would say.

He was absolutely breathtaking in his maleness, as much so as Buck.

We watched, mesmerized, as they seemed to be talking, then ran flat-out into the water. I could hear Buck laughing and see Ike smiling; they looked like carefree boys. I nudged Emily; she was still staring at Ike swimming. "Come on" I said in the barest of whispers. We wiggled back down the hill, back to the picnic blanket, and took long swigs of lemonade from the canteens. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

"That was a real treat" I giggled softly.

"Oh, my _Lord_" Emily breathed, hugging her bent knees. "He is...absolutely _magnificent_. I'll never look at him the same way again."

"He is head over heels for you, you know" I said with a small smile.

"He is?" Emily held her hands up to her face; she peeked out at me from between her fingers like a little girl. "I...just...I don't - oh, Lou..." She looked at me, as though pleading for help. "It's wrong to feel this way about a man just because of the way his body looks, isn't it? I mean..." She trailed off into silence.

"Ike isn't just _any_ man, though, Emily" I said quietly. "Seems to me you might've thought he was somethin pretty special, even before today." I looked down at the blanket, picking at a piece of lint, then up again. "I love that Buck is so easy to talk to, and he keeps my secrets, and is such a patient man. Sometimes it seems like he knows what I'm thinkin, or feelin, before I even do. And the fact that he has the most beautiful body I've ever seen in a man doesn't hurt, either. You know what I mean?" I grinned.

"Yes...I think I do." Emily smiled, a real, happy smile. "I love that Ike is so kind, and so gentle...and he's easy to talk to. And he can always make me laugh..."

"He's all those things, all right, and more...he's got more patience than I've ever seen any person have, and works harder 'n' a mule. He'd never smother you, either. He can be stubborn, but he's easy-going and real good-natured." I hesitated before going on. "I talked to him alone one night when all the other fellas had gone to the saloon. I'd told Buck that I thought Ike was actin different somehow, and I was kinda worried about him." Emily listened intently as I talked. "Turns out Ike wasn't feelin jealous over me and Buck, but...he was havin some pretty strong feelins of his own." I sighed. "He has got about the biggest heart I ever saw...he loves bein part of a family... Buck told me it just about tore Ike apart when he saw outlaws kill his father and mother and sister."

"Oh, my God" Emily whispered, her hand flying to her mouth, her eyes filling with tears.

"But he's a man now" I continued, "an' he's havin' feelins like a grown man...He told me he wants to have the kind of love Buck and I have, that he wants to be a husband, and wants to have a family of his own someday. He loves children so much, and children just adore him. But he thinks that no woman would ever want him because of the ways he's different from other people. He gets so angry, an' so bitter, when people call him a dummy...or when someone tries to make him look foolish...those things'll just make him so mad."

Emily sat, just quietly staring at the blanket. I reached for my canteen and took a long drink. The air was filled with birdsong; I couldn't hear any noise coming from the direction of the swimming hole.

Emily finally stirred. "I hope you all don't mind if I spend some of my time at the way station" she said finally. "I like you so much, Lou, and Buck...and I don't really know any of the others yet...but I'd like to. And, yes, I want to see more of Ike." I raised my eyebrows and smiled, and she blushed. "I'd like to see a lot more of Ike" she laughed, and I began to laugh with her. "Seems he just may be too shy yet to come calling on me on his own."

"He is" I agreed, "but he wants so bad to get to know you. He did tell me that." I thought of the conversation Rachel and I had had just a little earlier. "When can you come to the station to have supper with us?"

Emily thought for a moment. "Is tomorrow too soon? I'm trying to think of when Mrs. Hooper is probably going to have her baby. I think it'll be another week, but you never really can tell."

"That" I said with satisfaction, "would be just perfect - but on one condition."

"What's that?"

"That when you come over to the station you come a little early, so's you can teach me how to make that bread you made for Ike." I chuckled. "He thought it was so good, and I need to be learning things like how to make bread."

Emily looked at me musingly. "I'd be happy to. What time is a good time?"

"Around four o'clock is good" I said. "Just be prepared to keep an eye out for Cody's wandering hands - he really does steal other people's biscuits."

"I'll be ready for him" Emily chuckled. "Thanks for the warning."

We packed up the blanket and the remnants of our lunch. I rode with Emily back to her home, then I made my way back to the way station. Buck and Ike had gone with the wagon to Tompkins'; the rest of the fellas were busy helping Rachel with the usual chores and Noah was on a run. I unsaddled Lightning and gave him a real good rubdown, then gave him hay and lots of water.

Over at the house, Rachel got me busy peeling potatoes for supper, then enough apples for a good big pan of apple crisp. While she peeled and chopped carrots, I told her that the picnic had been a success, and that Emily would be joining us for supper the next evening. Rachel was delighted, even more so when I told her that Emily would be teaching me how to make bread.

"That's wonderful, Lou" she beamed. "That's probably the first thing you'll be needing to know when you've got your husband and a place of your own."

"There's so much I need to learn, though. I can't cook, I can't sew...I was hoping you could teach me how to sew?" I asked hopefully.

"Of course I can, Lou. Don't you fret - by the time the wedding rolls around, you'll know plenty. How would you like to start sewing by making a riding skirt?" Rachel asked.

I considered this. "Yeah...I'd really like that. I don't plan on dressing like a boy for the rest of my life." I went on to tell Rachel about my short expedition into the ladies' shop in Spring Pass and the delicate camisole I'd bought.

"You know, Rachel, I enjoy feelin like a woman when no one's forcing me into being one" I said thoughtfully.

"No one enjoys being forced into behaving any certain way, Lou" Rachel said quietly. "It can't have been easy for you, having had to masquerade as a boy all this time, but at least that was something you took upon yourself willingly. You've been able to stay true to yourself and who you are. That's a wonderful accomplishment."

"I never looked at it that way before. But you're right - I feel so bad that Kid had to get hurt when I broke things off with him, but I couldn't act like a whole different kind of woman than I am just to make him happy" I said.

"You know, Louise, you've really blossomed since you and Buck became an item" Rachel said with a smile. "He seems to bring out the best in you. And, you seem to bring out the best in him - he's finally accepted that he's loved, and is worthy of love. The two of you are both very different people from when I first came to you, in Sweetwater."

"We are, aren't we?" I laughed softly. "I don't feel like I have to lash out and do the hurting before I get hurt any more. And Buck...he laughs now, for real. He's come out of that shell he always used to hide in, to protect himself from bein hurt all the time. Oh, Rachel, I love him so much!"

"You're going to have such a good life together, Lou. I know it in my heart."

"Do you think I should make that apple crisp before I start bawlin' ?" I asked discreetly.

Rachel got out the recipe and taught me how to rub the butter into the flour until the mixture looked like peas. I worked in the other ingredients, lined the pan with the apples sprinkled with sugar and spices, and popped the big pan into the oven to bake. By the time supper was ready to be served, the apple crisp was golden-brown and smelled like heaven.

I didn't see Buck until suppertime; he and Ike had been on laundry duty after having brought the supplies back to the station and unloaded them in the barn. I squeezed his hand extra-hard under the table as we all sat and waited for Jimmy to say the blessing. Then I looked across the table at Ike and gave him a big grin and a wink. He waggled his eyebrows at me and grinned right back. I was glad to see him looking so happy.

It was one of those rare days when I just felt like sitting back and listening to everyone else do the talking. Jimmy was wondering if his sister had had her baby yet; Rachel was reassuring him, saying that first babies, especially, could be capricious and quite often took their sweet time. Cody was teasing Kid, who apparently had received a letter from a young woman who just happened to be his old childhood sweetheart growing up in Virginia. Kid was ordinarily not the most tolerant when it came to being teased, but he bore Cody's good-natured teasing with a grin and actually teased Cody right back, asking him how come he hadn't managed to make the acquaintance of the new and pretty young schoolteacher. I half-listened to the conversation all around me; I found my mind drifting back to the picnic and the fine scenery we'd enjoyed. More than that, I found myself looking at Ike with new eyes, as though I was meeting him for the first time.

I came to the conclusion that Emily was one lucky young woman to have caught Ike's attention and captured his heart. He was everything I'd described to her, all right. I hoped that Ike's shyness wouldn't stand in the way of his enjoying her company the following evening in the presence of our large, rowdy family. Then something caught my attention.

Cody was shovelling down the apple crisp as fast as he possibly could without choking. Everyone else, myself included, had had a first helping, some of the fellas seconds. Everyone complimented Rachel on the delicious dessert, saying that something about it was different, something that they couldn't quite put a finger on. Rachel smiled, saying that she hadn't made the dessert, that they should be asking me since I had made it.

I felt five sets of eyes staring at me in disbelief. "What?" I asked. "I made dessert - so?"

"But Lou, it's - it's so good!" Cody said finally. "What happened?"

"I'm just full of surprises, Cody" I replied. "You should know that by now."

"Well, you should do this more often" he muttered under his breath. Buck squeezed my knee under the table.

"Buck, cut that out" Jimmy said. "Save it for when you two are alone."

The bunkhouse erupted back into its usual state of laughter and everyone talking at once. Buck and I carried the dirty dishes over to the house, where Ike was on dish duty with Rachel. Upon returning, Buck and I found ourselves alone. I took my wrapped package out of my trunk and told Buck to turn his back while I got changed. He protested at first, saying he'd seen every inch of me before, but I stuck to my guns and insisted. I changed into the new camisole and put my shirt back on over top of it. "Come on" I said to Buck. "Let's go tend to the horses."

We put hay and fresh water in each stall to see the horses through the night. We even put away the rakes, shovels, and brooms the other fellas had neglected to put away earlier. At last, though, the barn was tidy and ready for the morning. Buck suggested we go for a walk, as it was a lovely evening, far too nice to stay inside.

We headed away from the bunkhouse, away from the town towards our special place. It was just as beautiful in the early evening as it was during the day, if not more so; we came upon a doe with her fawn drinking at the creek. We stopped, and they regarded us not with fear but with interest. As we began to walk again, they loped gracefully off in the opposite direction. We sat down on the large flat rock, still warm from the sun, and Buck put his arm around me. I breathed deeply of his scent and sighed, resting my head on his shoulder. He kissed my hair and held me closer.

Buck asked about the picnic, and I told him how much fun it had been to talk to another woman my own age. He laughed his deep, hearty laugh at that, saying I must have had a lot of things saved up to talk about. I laughed then; that was so close to the truth. I told him some of what Emily had said about Ike, but not all of the most deeply personal things; I felt it wasn't my place, that Ike should tell him whatever he wanted Buck to know once he and Emily knew each other better. But there was one thing I thought Buck, at least, should know.

"Did you know we were on the other side of that knoll, through the trees?" I asked quietly. "We came from the other side, coming from Emily's."

"I knew" Buck said. "I didn't think you'd bring her here, and I haven't told Ike about this place. Ike knew you were there."

"He did?" I asked, surprised.

"Well, he figured it was the best place around here to have a picnic" Buck said with a grin. "And we both knew you two were watching us swimming."

I silently raised my eyebrows; Buck laughed and held me closer. "Ike is shy...but he's not that shy, apparently" he said. "I was a little surprised, too."

"Well...all I can say is, Emily liked what she saw" I said finally.

"Oh, yeah? And what about you?" Buck asked teasingly, tickling my side.

"I wanted to run down that hill and have my way with you, Buck Cross" I whispered in his ear. "You're lucky there were other people around. I could have hurt you."

"Somehow, I like the sound of that." Buck's warm breath washed over me. "But I thought you couldn't...?"

"Not that way, I can't" I said, beginning to unbutton my shirt; Buck pulled me into his lap and finished the job. I slid the shirt off, revealing the new camisole. Buck drank in the sight of the delicate pink garment with its lace trim and how it seemed to complement the size of my small breasts. He ran his long, tapering fingers over the front of it appreciatively.

"It's lovely, Lou" he whispered into my ear, making me shiver. "But nowhere near as beautiful as you."

Dang, but I wanted him! I cupped his jaw with my hand and kissed him deeply, slowly, the way I loved him to kiss me. "Lay down" I whispered in his ear, running a hand through that beautiful silky hair.

"But - " he began to protest. I put a finger to his lips.

"Sssshh" I said, smiling. "It's all right. Let me take care of you."

He laid down; I rolled up my shirt and put it beneath his head. I laid down beside him, and when he turned to me, he kissed me long and slow and deep. I tugged on the ties of his pants and when he lifted his hips, I shimmied them down his legs. I untied his knife sheath from his boot and took it off; I pulled off his boots. Finally, I tugged his pants all the way off and lay back down beside him. I took his manhood into my hand and felt the flesh straining beneath the skin. At my touch, he bucked his hips slightly towards me, and I wrapped my hand around him, moving it from the base to the very tip of him and back again. I kissed him deeply, then knelt beside him. I drew the foreskin back behind the head and took him into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the tip to capture the clear, salt-tasting droplets. My other hand stroked the wrinkled skin of his sac ever so gently and Buck moaned and let out his breath in a rush. I swirled my tongue and caressed with my hands, recalling how I'd felt watching Buck from a distance. I had him now, and more than anything I wanted to show him how this act, too, was an act of love. I took my time; I didn't want to rush through it but wanted to draw out his pleasure for as long as I could. At length, though, he came to the point of his release and thrust his hips up, hard, filling me full of the liquid that carried his seed. I swallowed hard, and looked down to see Buck sweating and panting...and smiling. He drew me down beside him and held me tight to him.

It seemed he was a very happy man.

We did eventually put our clothes back on, and kissed lingeringly by the creek before walking back to the bunkhouse. There was enough time before sleep to sit in on a poker game; I won two bucks from Cody, who didn't mind so long as I promised to make apple crisp again before the week was done. But by the time the moon had risen, we all were in our bunks. Ike climbed out of his bunk to turn the wick down in the lamp, but before he did he turned to me and grinned. I giggled and gave him a thumbs-up, wondering when on earth he'd stopped being so shy.

Now, if only he could be so bold when he was with Emily.

Buck tucked an arm around me, and I sighed quietly as his hand cupped my breast. I felt like the most fortunate woman in the world, and the most happy.

**A/N: sigh Ike is such a sweetheart... :) Let me know what you think, please! I know there are many Ike fans out there, too.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: You know the drill - not mine, never will be.**

**A/N: Do up your seatbelts and hang onto your hats...we're starting off mild and will finish up wild!**

The next day found all of us hard at it, all day. The end of summer had arrived, and the pressure was on to find us fully prepared for winter. Kid had the early run eastwards to St. Mary's, and Jimmy the other early run westward to South Pass. Noah and Cody were set to haul firewood home for splitting and stacking; Ike and Buck would be cutting hay all day at Emily's. That left me at the station to do laundry while Rachel continued to put up preserves. I wasn't sorry to be on laundry detail, for it meant that I would be first in line to take a bath. The fellas would be lucky if they even got to go for a swim.

Rachel had sent lunches with Ike and Buck, and Noah and Cody; Jimmy and Kid were the only other riders at the station besides myself at lunchtime. That meant that for once we all got second helpings - of everything. I wondered aloud if Cody had left any lunch for Noah, who was going to have to move fast if he wanted anything to eat. We all laughed at that.

"I don't know, Lou - but Noah is pretty darn fast with that whip of his" Jimmy chuckled around a mouthful of molasses cookies.

"I used to think the whip was too much" said Kid, reaching for the cookies,"but I don't any more. I kind of wish I had one, too."

"Maybe if y'all ask Santy Claus, he'll bring you one for Christmas" I teased.

"Oh, Lord" Jimmy rolled his eyes. "Send me on a nice, long run out of town until Kid learns how to use it."

Kid threw a spoon at Jimmy, who grabbed it and threw it back at him. Rachel intercepted Kid, and grabbed the spoon in mid-air before it could hit him.

"That's enough, you two" she rebuked with a smile. "Jimmy, Kid, y'all can carry these dishes over to the house for me now. Come and think of it, you can do the washing up, too. I've got a stew to make for supper and preserves to finish. Jimmy, after you and Kid have finished the dishes you can peel the vegetables for me. Kid, you can give Lou a hand with the laundry. Come on, now" she said, "get a move on. We've lots to do before supper."

She held the door open for Jimmy and Kid, their arms full of dirty dishes. As I wiped down the table and swept the floor for Rachel, I could hear them bickering over who would wash and who would dry. I laughed and shook my head; no doubt, one day my own home would sound much the same, with children bickering over who did the chores.

Children, I thought to myself, leaning on the broom. Buck and I were going to have children. We were going to have a family. I sat down, hard, on the bench - it was starting to hit me, to _really_ sink in. Oh my God. I was going to have to learn how to be a wife before I could even think about being a mother to our son and any other children that came.

With a deep sigh, I got up and put the broom back in its place beside the door; I had a lot of laundry to get finished before I could take a nice, relaxing bath. I dumped a load of light - coloured shirts and pants into one of the cauldrons and added some of Rachel's homemade soap. As I stirred with a sturdy stick, one of the visions came back to me with blinding force: Buck and I, side by side, in Kiowa ceremonial clothing - the beautiful buckskins and doeskin we had worn for the vision quest. But where were we, and who was marrying us? I scrunched up my face and my brow wrinkled; I could not see that part and it aggravated me no end.

I was going to have to have a talk with Buck, sometime soon. "Wedding" had always made me think of beautiful brides, lacy white dresses, hundreds of flowers...a fancy cake, churches, the bridegroom dressed in a black suit, a minister with Bible in hand...but that wasn't me. It certainly wasn't Buck. No doubt, he would attend that sort of wedding should one of our little family be getting married...but us? It didn't fit. Buck didn't believe in the white man's God, he believed in the Spirits. I had never been a regular churchgoer; I only went to the Catholic orphanage with my siblimgs because we had nowhere else to go. I wasn't even sure how I felt about God.

I was no virgin; I had no right to wear a white dress. I knew very well how Buck felt about getting all tricked out in a suit and tie; he hated it wholeheartedly. No, on this point, at least, I had my mind made up - no fancy traditional church wedding for us. Quite frankly, the idea of getting married out in the middle of a beautiful meadow appealed to me even more...

"Lou?" I heard a male voice somewhere close by. "Mmm - hmm?" I replied dreamily.

"LOU?" The voice spoke more loudly, more forcefully. I jumped. "Wha - ?"

I realized I had been stirring the laundry cauldron while lost in a pleasant daydream, an autumn wedding in a meadow surrounded by trees, their leaves aflame with vivid colours.

I laughed, embarrassed. "Kid...I'm sorry. I was a million miles away someplace."

Kid took the stirring stick from me and laughed good - naturedly. "Well, from the look on your face, it was a pretty nice place." He hoisted a shirt up out of the water with the stick. "These look ready for a rinse."

I got the other stick we used for laundry purposes. "I'll give you a hand to move them." We trundled back and forth to a cauldron full of hot rinse water, putting the soapy clothes into the clean water. "Thanks...do you want to rinse while I wash the next load?"

"Sure." He stirred the light - coloured clothing slowly, deliberately, the way he did everything. I put a large load of dark - coloured clothing into the wash cauldron and added a little more soap. I stirred the cauldron briskly to distribute the soap evenly and looked over at Kid. He saw me.

"What's on your mind, Lou?" he asked pleasantly.

"Oh...I've been wondering what happened while you and Jimmy were in Kansas, is all" I said carefully, not wanting him to become defensive. "Quite a surprise to see Jimmy with such a big shiner."

"Hunh" Kid grunted, stirring with a little more force - I was going to have to be careful here. "We had a difference of opinion, was all" he finally replied.

"Oh." I mulled this over in my mind for a moment. "I thought you were visiting Jimmy's sister - the one who's expecting a baby?"

"Yeah...we were. Turns out, Nathan and Celinda had company while we were there." Kid paused and drew his arm across his forehead. "Did you ever hear of a man named Isaiah Burke, Lou?"

"Mmmm...no. Can't say as I have." I stopped stirring for a moment and mopped my face with my shirtsleeve. "Who is he?"

"Well, he died recently. He was very famous among the slaver abolitionists...they've been becoming more and more active of late. He was shot by a group of slavers...but his wife escaped and fled to Kansas. That's how she came to be with Nathan and Celinda. Nathan belongs to the slaver abolitionist movement, and Jimmy and Celinda's father did too." Kid fell silent and resumed stirring slowly.

"So she sought shelter with Nathan and Celinda?" I thought for a moment. "But wasn't that kind of...dangerous? For Jimmy's sister, I mean? Couldn't she have gone to someone else?"

"She should have, once she saw how soon their baby is due" Kid said vehemently. "She's a real piece of work, Rosemary Burke." He spat in the dirt beside the cauldron. I was taken aback - Kid's behavior was always gentlemanly, never anything less.

"I'm surprised, then, that Nathan didn't ask her to find shelter elsewhere" I said quietly. I helped Kid squeeze the water out of the light-coloured clothing. We wrung it out as best as we could, then hung it out to dry.

"He did, though" Kid said as we rinsed and wrung out the dark - coloured clothes. "That's when she started fawning all over Jimmy. First she tried to appeal to his sense of duty, saying it was what his pa would've wanted. When that didn't work, she started in about Wild Bill Hickok, and how the slavers would run in fear from him. Jimmy wanted none of that. Finally, she hung onto him and cried like a little girl, she was so desperate to have him join what was left of her husband's followers. She wouldn't take no for an answer."

"My God, Kid" I said grimly. "She's not desperate; she's a did you ever get Jimmy out of there?"

Kid handed me clothespins and we worked together to hang out the last of the clean clothing. "I appealed to Jimmy's sense of duty, all right" he laughed humorlessly. "I reminded Jimmy of why we were there in the first place - and that we still have a job to do, while we still have a job, that is. I'm afraid my fist got involved when she mentioned that Jimmy should have been more particular when it came to choosing friends - no doubt I was a nice enough person but still and all - a _Southern_ boy? "

"Oh, Kid - she _said _ that?" I was aghast.

"Yeah" Kid sighed. "I let Jimmy know know that I thought that that went both ways - who was she to point fingers at me? A new widow fawnin' all over a strange man, just to get what she wanted...well, let's just say that she took exception to that, and I mortally wounded Jimmy's male pride. In the end, it was Nathan asked us to leave. "

"She is a real piece of work" I mused. I looked up at Kid. "Think she'll be back?"

"Wouldn't surprise me at all " Kid said, setting the last clothespin in place. "People like her are trouble - and they keep turning up like a bad penny."

"Bad enough the war has to come this close on its own without people makin it their business to drag it along with them" I said. "We don't need her sniffin around Jimmy...don't need her around at all. Our family's all we got ...we got to stick together."

"I agree with you, Lou" Kid said quietly. "There's gonna be more'n'more folks don't trust me as the war draws closer. I only got my family to stick by me."

We stick together, Kid" I said gently, smiling up at him. "Family's family."

"Buck is one lucky man to have you, Lou" he said, his hand on my shoulder. "I hope some day I meet a woman like you."

"I'm a lucky woman to have Buck" I said, stacking the wash baskets. "I know that one day you'll have a lovely, gentle woman who loves you with all her heart, Kid. You just wait and see."

I watched as he walked to the bunkhouse; I then drew a bucket of hot water out of one of the wash cauldrons and carried it inside the house. "Rachel?" I called; there was no answer. A large pot of stew was simmering on the stove for supper. I got the large tub ready inside the inner room, adding bucketfuls of water until it was not too hot and not too cold. As I undressed, I was pleased to discover that my monthly had ended. I scrubbed down quickly, then dressed in clean clothes.

As I bundled my dirty clothing together, a pair of men's boots treaded lightly up the steps to the front door. I laughed to myself; that could only be Buck - all the other fellas, and Teaspoon, stomped along in their boots. "Rachel?" a familiar male voice called, and I giggled. I had been right.

"She's not here, Buck" I called to him.

A split second later, he had me in his arms and was kissing me deeply. He was sweating heavily, but I didn't care - his sweat was a good smell.

"You smell good" he whispered in my ear, then ran his tongue along the edge. I shivered in delight, my nipples hardening into tight points.

"I should...I just got out of the bath" I giggled breathily. "The water's still warm - why don't you jump in quick?"

He frowned. "I cannot, not if there's - "

"It ended" I said calmly, beginning to unbutton his shirt. "Go and get some clean clothes. I'll even wash your back."

At that, his eyes lit up and he was back in less than a minute, clean clothes and towel in hand. He undressed quickly and climbed into the tub, giving a sigh of satisfaction as he stretched out in the warm soapy water. I picked up the washcloth and began to wash his back with long, firm leaned forward and moaned. "That feels so good - don't stop, please" he said in a pleading voice.

"Hello?" came a voice from the outer room. "Mrs. Dunne - are you here?" It was Emily.

I dissolved into peals of laughter, and Buck muttered an oath under his breath, splashing me with soapy water. "In here, Emily" I called.

"Lou" Buck groaned. Emily walked into the room, her eyes widening as she caught sight of a red-faced Buck sitting in the soapy water.

"Um - hello, Buck" she said, trying desperately to keep a straight face. "Nice to see you again!"

"Emily" he nodded, covering himself as best as he could with the washcloth. "You'll forgive me if I don't stand up." He whispered to me, "I'll get you for this, Louise!"

I laughed heartily. "Come on - I think Buck might want to put his clothes on before supper." I winked at him on the way out of the room. "See you later!" I whispered as I slipped out, following Emily into the kitchen.

Eventually, Buck got out of the bathtub and emptied the water outside, leaving me and Emily alone. She had written down the steps involved in creating a "starter", the basic ingredients and yeast needed to make bread. She helped me to scald a stone crock, then make my own starter for use at the station. I was frankly delighted; each day that we needed fresh bread, which at the rate the fellas went through it was every day, Rachel or I needed only to take out some of the starter and add flour to it in a bowl to make bread for the hungry horde. Then, we needed only to replenish the starter as needed in order to be able to have bread available relatively quickly..

Rachel arrived home; she had been picking up and delivering groceries for Mr. Dogue, an elderly gentleman in Rock Creek, who had fallen ill. She was flushed with heat; I put the kettle on to make the three of us a bracing pot of tea. Rachel brightened considerably at that; Emily volunteered to show me how to make a good big Charlie pudding for dessert while Rachel brought in the wash, dried in record time in the sun and wind.

I stirred the stew once we had the pudding, which was really a raisin cake with a buttery brown sugar sauce that covered it on top, in the oven. I helped Rachel to sort out and fold the clean clothes, which Emily placed in neat piles in the wash baskets. In between, we drank tea and talked and laughed. Rachel eventually took the clean clothes over to the bunkhouse and their respective owners. I piled together the dirty dishes for Cody and Noah to wash after supper, then sat down at the kitchen table and poured fresh tea for me and Emily.

"I haven't had such a good time in ages" Emily said presently, looking somewhat wistful. "I hadn't realized how lonesome I'd been, until our picnic yesterday, then coming here again today. I've been positively thirsting for companionship."

"I know how you feel" I said thoughtfully. "I've never made a real friend before. Not at the orphanage, not really until now. Oh, Emma was always there, in Sweetwater, and Rachel. And the fellas have always - _always_ - been around...but can you see me doing something like asking Jimmy which kind of corset might make my - you know - " I cupped my hands underneath my breasts, "look bigger?"

Emily pealed with laughter. "He just might tell you to roll up your stockings and stuff them down your shirt. Or, it could be just the opposite: 'What do you want bigger bubbies for, anyway? They just get in the way.' " She did a pretty fair imitation of Jimmy's gruff tones, and I laughed until my eyes streamed.

"Honestly, this bunch has a lot to learn about women" I said when I was able to speak again. "They're all sweet fellas, but they could be a pretty sorry bunch if they ever take the notion one day to go a-courtin' ."

"Can I ask you something, Lou?" Emily asked in a quiet voice, leaning her arms on the table. "It's - kind of personal, though. I don't want to offend you."

"You can ask me anything." I leaned my forearms on the table. "Is it about Ike?"

I knew I was right when Emily flushed and lowered her head, biting her lip. She looked back up again and smiled sheepishly. "How did you know that?" she laughed.

"Lucky guess" I chuckled. "What is it?"

"Well...how did you know when it was right for you and - and Buck - to, you know, become intimate?" She flushed again, but her face was earnest.

I smiled, thinking about the last few months. "It wasn't something I decided to do one day... don't think it was that way for Buck either...but after we'd been getting closer and closer, I realized that I'd got some pretty strong feelings for him...and he felt the same. I didn't look at him any more and see just a brother...and when we kissed, like _really_ kissed, I felt myself respond to him." I laughed then, and told Emily how Buck had teased me until I'd gotten mad and knocked him down and straddled him.

"I wouldn't have dared to do that with anyone else" I said, "but when it happened with Buck, I didn't have to think, because it just _happened_. The time was just right. We'd been friends first, and I realized how much I loved just being...with him." I tilted my head ever so slightly. "Do you have those same kinds of feelings for Ike?"

"I do. I know it's crazy, I haven't spent too much time around him yet, but...Oh, I don't know how to explain it!" She got up and ran her hands down the sides of her wine-coloured riding skirt and ran her hand through her hair. "I do have those feelings for him, and they won't go away, no matter how hard I tell myself that it's too soon to be thinkin things like that..."

I got up and took both of her hands in mine. "There's one thing that took away any doubts I had ever been feelin" I said quietly. Emily searched my eyes, as if looking for answers.

"I thought about, what if... one of us never came back from a run? We've all been in gunfights, we've all been shot at one time or other...Hell, Buck and I both were almost killed on the run to Green River! But it's dangerous...and how would you feel if you knew you loved him and never took the chance on sharing your love with each other? That chance may only come once..."

I trailed off into silence; I knew that what I'd just said was true. I glanced up at Emily - a tear was trickling down her cheek. I handed her the dishtowel and she wiped her eyes. She looked so forlorn; she definitely needed cheering up, so I poured yet another cup of tea. We sat, and I grinned at her.

"You know, Buck and I went for a walk yesterday evening" I said casually. Emily looked over the top of her cup at me.

"That must be so nice...to be able to do that" she said, smiling a little.

"Oh yeah, it is. We just have to make sure no one from Rock Creek sees us together...doin anything" I laughed. "See, we have this place we go to, just a little ways out of town. So we went there, me and Buck...He asked how our picnic was, and I told him. And" I set my cup down on the table, "he told me he knew we were just up the little hill and behind the trees."

"He knew that?" Emily raised her eyebrows.

"Mmm-hmm" I said. "And, he also knew we were watching them at the swimming hole, him and Ike."

She started to laugh. "Oh, no!"

"Yeah. Well, seems that he wasn't the only one who knew they was bein watched."

Her eyes grew large as saucers. "You mean - Ike _knew_ ?"

"Yep" I grinned. "Surprised Buck just as much as it surprised me!"

I looked at her. She looked at me. We burst into pure, unbridled laughter that could, apparently, be heard all the way over at the bunkhouse. Cody hollered "I hope you gals is cookin as hard as you're laughin! Some of us are hungry!"

We laughed and laughed. "What in the world got into him!" Emily finally gasped out.

"I don't know...but it seems 's' though Ike is done with bein shy!" I wiped my eyes with the heel of my hand and looked at the clock on the mantel. "Dang! Cody was right - it is time for supper!"

We carried dinner and dessert over to the bunkhouse, where Rachel was just setting the table. "Oh, Lou...Emily...thank you!" She turned. "Boys, this is Emily Metcalfe, she's Doc Barnes' new nurse-midwife, and she'll be joining us for supper. Emily, do you know everyone here?"

"Yes I do, Mrs. Dunne, thank you." She sat down across from me at the table...right beside where Ike just happened to be sitting. Buck saw this and squeezed my hand. As usual, Jimmy saw him.

"Dang it all, Buck, can't you wait 'til you and Lou are alone? These two" he said to Emily, "just can't keep their hands to themselves." She just laughed and winked at me and Buck.

"Now, Jimmy" Rachel scolded, "at least his hand wasn't on her leg. Noah, would you please say the blessing?"

Noah said the blessing, and the bunkhouse returned to its usual state of good-natured teasing and laughter. Emily fit right in, it seemed, tolerating the fellas' questions and mild teasing with good humour and grace. She even slapped Cody's hand when, right on cue, he reached over to her plate and, ever so carefully, tried to make off with her freshly-buttered biscuit. The table erupted into laughter and Cody even had the decency to look embarrassed.

"Sorry, Emily" he said by way of apology, "sometimes I just don't know where those hands of mine is headed!"

"Lucky he didn't make a grab for your bee-hind" Noah said under his breath. "That's another little trick those wandering hands o' his has got!"

Emily burst into laughter. Cody looked put-upon.

"Noah!" he exclaimed in a hurt tone of voice. "I would never do a thing like that! No sir - it's Ike she's gotta watch out for, now ain't it!"

The entire table erupted into laughter, and Ike looked at Emily questioningly. Emily turned to Cody.

"It's all right, Cody. I think I'll take my chances with Ike." She leaned over and gave Ike a gentle kiss on the cheek. Ike's face sported a satisfied smile; he straightened his suspenders and shot a look across the table at Buck and me. I lowered my head and gave Buck a secret smile; he leaned into me for a brief second.

Just as Rachel was clearing the table, Teaspoon wandered in - as usual, just in time for dessert. He greeted Emily with his usual gruff charm, tipping his hat to her and giving his most sincere hopes that the boys were behaving themselves. She laughed.

"It's fine, Marshal Hunter" she said, "they're treating me just like one of them."

"I'm sorry to hear that" Teaspoon grumbled. He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a letter. "Lou, this here's for you." He handed it to me, and I glanced at it briefly.

"Thanks, Teaspoon. I'll save it for after dessert." I tucked it into my vest pocket.

Rachel dished up a large portion of Charlie pudding and placed it in front of Teaspoon, but having tucked in his napkin and picked up his spoon, he did little more than stir the pudding around in the bowl. We all looked at each other; Teaspoon's appetite ran a close second to Cody's. Rachel also saw this, and frowned.

"What's on your mind, Teaspoon?" she asked.

He didn't answer right away, but sat, staring, at the table. We all knew better than to push him to answer; he'd tell us when he was ready. This time, though, we didn't have to wait very long.

"I got word earlier today from Russell, Majors, and Waddell's head office...in St. Joe" he said. His face was somber...I felt distinctly uneasy. "The telegraph's pushing through, faster than ever - word is that President Lincoln wants it all the way out to Sacramento before winter." He looked around the table at all of us, at the rag-tag bunch that had turned into the truest of families. "The upshot - of all of this is - well, they won't be needin us anymore, past the end of October."

His words fell, like stones down a dark well. Some faces showed shock, some disbelief. I looked to Buck, whose face showed resignation, as I imagined did my own. We had seen this coming, quite literally - the line of tall poles, the miles of wire stretching off into the distance as far as the eye could see. Buck reached for my hand, held it up, and pressed it to his lips, but for once nobody commented. Cody was the first to break the unhappy silence that hung over us like a pall.

"I reckon we'd better start lookin for new jobs" he said, serious for once. There were murmurs of agreement from around the table. "Anyone got any ideas?"

"I aim to stay right here in Rock Creek" Teaspoon said. "I'm mighty fond o' this town...and most of the inhabitants." He looked around the table at the faces who looked to him as to a father. "I'm keepin a couple spots open over to the marshal's office...be needin a couple o' deputies." He spoke to all of us, but directed his speech at Jimmy and Kid, the two most likely to leave as soon as the Express was finished.

"What'll happen to the way station, and all the horses?" Noah asked.

"Word is, the Pony Express is headed for bankruptcy" Teaspoon said heavily. "Russell, Majors, and Waddell's is got a great big load o' debt on their shoulders. The banks'll be lookin to get back what's owed on the assets - buildings, horses, and so on. You may be able to buy off the buildings and horses, if you'd a mind to."

"Well, I don't know about you all, but I don't aim to leave Rock Creek less'n I have to" Noah stated firmly. "Ain't too many places I kin hold my head up and sleep safe at night, free territory or no. This place is home now."

More murmurs of assent came from around the table. Emily looked troubled, perhaps at the prospect of losing the new friends she had only recently made. She moved ever so slightly closer to Ike, who hugged her gently and took her hand firmly in his. The lines of worry smoothed away from her brow...Ike had made it plain how he felt for her.

"I know how you feel, Noah" Rachel said quietly. "Rock Creek is the first real home I've had, since..." she swallowed hard, "since Henry died. Those years after, when I drifted from place to place, I never thought I'd have a home again...much less, a family."

We all nodded; I dared to think that we all remembered how we came together, the strangest assortment of misfits and dregs of society that was ever to be found. Buck always spoke of the Spirits he believed in, and how they chose the paths that their children were to follow in life; if anything, I believed in Fate, that everything happened for a reason, even if we didn't happen to know what that reason may be.

I wondered then if the Spirits and Fate had entrusted me and Buck with the task of trying to keep our family together as we had been ordained to keep Jimmy and Noah safe from harm. I drew a deep breath, but just as I was about to speak, Buck spoke.

"When the Express has ended and we've ridden our final rides, Lou, Ike, and I will be starting a horse ranch - that is, once we've found land for grazing that we can build a house and barn and corrals on." He paused and looked from me to Ike; we both nodded. "We'll be needing ranch hands, good strong fellows who know horses. Seems to me, most of them are sitting right here at the table with us" he grinned.

Exclamations and huge smiles followed then from our brothers and our sisters, for it seemed to me that Emily was the final piece of the puzzle that had been missing. "Does this mean that you'll be staying in Rock Creek?" she demanded.

Buck, Ike, and I all laughed. "We haven't even begun to discuss that yet" I said, "but if'n the rest of you are staying here, then I'd go out on a limb and say yes. I don't think any of us wants to be split up. Look at all the trouble we had to go to, to get together in the first place!"

No one could deny that.

"I don't want to be split up from you all - even you, Cody" Noah said, grinning at Cody. "Sign me up."

"Glad to have you, Noah" I said sincerely. "Anyone else?"

Jimmy and Cody, it turned out, wanted some time to think on it. Kid professed to feeling torn in two.

"I remember what my family was like, growing up" he said quietly. "Ma was the only thing holding me back from leaving, like Jed had. When she passed on, I couldn't get out of Manassas fast enough - I wanted to put as much distance between me and those bad memories as I could. And then I found myself with you all. But now, with the war comin and all, I don't know what to do - half of me feels like I should go back and defend the soil I was raised on. And the other half of me says I should stay here, with the family that means the most to me." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm gonna hafta think long and hard about what's best, and what's right."

We sat in silence, pondering what Kid had said, until Teaspoon spoke.

"A man's gotta do what his heart tells him is the right thing" he said quietly. "And being as I am, from Texas, I do know how you feel, son. But just remember one thing: if you decide to go back and defend Virginia, just remember why this war is happening, and decide that if that makes it right to defend her."

We all felt the impact of Teaspoon's words, I think. The boys began to leave the table, Jimmy and Kid heading to the saloon, Cody and Noah to the house to do the washing up from supper. Teaspoon wandered back to the marshal's office, leaving Buck, Ike, and I to tend to the horses for the night. Emily pitched in, and we got the job done in record time with four sets of hands working on it. We washed up afterwards and drifted towards the porch of the bunkhouse; it was a lovely, warm evening, far too nice to spend inside or sitting in a noisy saloon. I pulled the letter out of my vest pocket.

"Would you like some privacy?" Emily asked discreetly.

"No, of course not! I feel like you're already part of the family. You don't see me asking Ike to leave, now, do you?" I asked

Emily smiled - a genuine, happy smile, and Ike sat down close to her, holding her hand. She rested her head on Ike's shoulder, and he looked like a little boy who had just swallowed a chocolate cake, he was so happy. Buck sat down beside me; since we were outside, we couldn't risk showing any affection towards each other in case anyone saw. I stuck my finger in the corner of the envelope and pulled it along, tearing the envelope open, and began to read.

Something was very, very wrong. I began to shake and my stomach churned. As I tried to stand, I broke out into an icy-cold sweat; my ears buzzed, blocking out the sounds of alarm from the others, and a blackness fell over my sight.

When I opened my eyes, I found myself lying in the big double bunk. Rachel was bathing my face with a rag and warm water; from the smell, I knew I must've gotten sick. Sure enough, someone, probably Rachel, had removed my shirt and I was covered only by my pink camisole. Buck brought over a clean shirt from the chest of drawers. Ike and Emily were nowhere to be seen; they must have stayed out on the porch. Rachel held a cup of water.

"Try taking just a sip, Lou" she said. Buck helped me to sit upright, his strong arms holding me. I took a sip of cold water that felt and tasted as though it had come straight from heaven itself. "Thanks" I whispered hoarsely. "What happened?"

"You fainted, Lou" Buck said quietly. "You started to read your letter - you tried to stand up, but you got sick and passed right out. Emily got Rachel, and Ike and I carried you in here."

"Oh, my God" I whispered, my lips trembling. "The letter - Buck, they're - dead."

Buck stared at me, uncomprehending; Rachel's voice shook as she said "Not - the chil - not Jeremiah and Theresa? Oh Lou, no!"

"Typhoid" I whispered bleakly. "The Catholic orphanage in St. Joe has got typhoid, from immigrant orphan children. Most of the orphans - and some of the nuns - all dead." I started to sob quietly. Buck sat and held me tight to him, rocking me gently in his arms and brushing away my tears. Rachel hugged us both.

"Lou, I am so sorry. Those poor children - I can only hope they didn't suffer." Rachel wiped away her own tears. "I'll tell Noah and Cody if you want, and the other boys and Teaspoon." I nodded. "Buck, bring Lou over to the house when she's ready to come - I think you should sleep in the house tonight, honey." I looked up then, wiping my eyes with the heel of my hand.; Buck and Rachel were regarding each other. "Buck, maybe you should stay with her through the night" Rachel finally said.

"Thank you, Rachel. I will" Buck said quietly. He helped me put on the clean shirt.

Rachel bundled my dirty shirt up with the washrag and opened the door. "Can Ike and Emily come in?" Rachel asked me. I nodded.

Ike got a chair for Emily, then one for himself. They sat across from us. "Are you all right, Lou?" Emily asked, her round face anxious.

*Did something happen?* Ike signed rapidly.

"I'm all right now, but I got a - an awful shock" I said, swallowing hard. "The orphanage, in St. Joe's - there's typhoid there - " Emily drew her breath in sharply. "My brother, and sister - they're - they - died." The tears ran down my cheeks again, but I made no attempt to stop them.

Emily's face had gone pale with shock. Ike came straight to me and hugged me, hard. *I'm so sorry, Lou* His face was etched with sorrow and compassion. *I know you and Buck wanted to bring them to live with you - * He glanced at Emily, realizing what he had just signed, but she mustered a faint smile and shook her head.

"Don't worry - I won't tell a soul." She tried to laugh. "If you two weren't getting married, I'd think something was terribly wrong." She got up and hugged me, kissing my cheek.

"Thanks" Buck said, trying to grin. "Not a word to the other guys, or anyone in Rock Creek, okay?"

"Sure." She knelt and smoothed back my hair with her cool hands. "You're a good friend, Lou" she said quietly. "Whatever you need, even if you just need someone to talk to - I'll be there for you."

The tears began afresh as I stood and hugged her. "Thank you" I whispered gratefully. "I'll probably wear out my welcome." We laughed tearfully.

"I don't know - you could find me camped out in Rachel's kitchen" she sniffled. I wiped my eyes again.

"I think I'd like to go to the house now" I whispered to Buck. He nodded, and we stepped outside into the now-cool evening. Ike put his arm around Emily as we walked towards the house.

"Thanks for coming over, Emily. I'm glad you were here" I said, taking her hands.

"Come see me when you're ready to" she said warmly. "You and Buck are always welcome." She turned; Ike paused. *I'll be back in time for my run* he signed with a grin. He and Emily headed for the barn, probably to saddle up the horses for the trip home.

Inside the kitchen, Rachel was putting away the last of the pots and pans; Cody and Noah, she said, had already departed for the saloon. "I told them the news, honey" she said, "and they'll let the others know, too."

"Thanks, Rachel" I said quietly. "I think I'd like to get ready for bed."

She led me and Buck upstairs, a place neither of us had ever been. Her bedroom was at the top of the stairs; she led us to a spare bedroom at the far end of the hallway. She lit an oil lamp and set it on the nightstand and drew the lacy curtains closed.

"Do you have a nightgown, Lou?" she asked. I shook my head.

"Never had one - just seem out of place in the bunkhouse with all the fellas" I said with the shadow of a grin. She and Buck laughed.

"You're probably right" she said. "I think it's high time you got yourself something nice like that, and soon enough you'll be able to dress however you want. And the two of you" she cupped my face, "won't have to hide your feelings for each other any more."

"I'll be awfully glad of that" Buck said, his arm around me. Rachel hurried out the door and returned in a moment with a short white nightgown. She handed it to me.

"You can borrow this, Lou. And anything you need, you come and get me, don't matter what the time is, you hear?"

"Thanks, Rachel" Buck and I both said, and she closed the door behind her. I sat on the edge of the bed and toed off my dusty boots, peeled off my stockings. I sat with my head in my hands, trying to comprehend what had happened. Buck had gotten as far as taking off his shirt; when he saw me, he sat down on the edge of the bed beside put his arms around me and pulled me in close to him. I put my arms around him and buried my head in his chest.

"Talk to me, Lou" he whispered into my hair, smoothing it away from my temple with one hand. "Talk to me...how can I best help you?"

"I don't know, Buck" I sniffled. "So much has happened...and now this. It...just doesn't seem real yet. All I know is, I couldn't have gotten them out of there any sooner if I'd tried...the nuns'd never let a single woman under age twenty-one take them away...maybe not a single woman no matter what her age." I started to cry again.

"Come on, sweetheart." Buck kissed my temple. "We both could use some rest." He finished undressing; I got into Rachel's nightgown. It felt strange to be wearing something other than longjohns next to my skin; at first, I hugged my arms, then grew brave enough to look at myself in the big cheval mirror.

I slowly let my arms fall to my sides and raised my head. My reflection in the mirror looked back at me. My hair had grown until it reached the bottom of my jawbone; I tucked it behind my ears. My brown eyes were enormous in my face in the low light. The skin of my neck and arms was tanned where it had been exposed to the sun, as was my face. A small spray of light freckles danced over the bridge of my nose. I gazed at myself in the mirror, and reached a hand out to touch it. I felt very, very strange.

Almost like I could be mistaken for a woman.

I turned to find Buck standing quietly behind me. He tipped up my chin with his warm fingers. "Doke kiah, nah mahyehn" he said softly. "My beautiful woman."

I expected that he was going to kiss me then...but he didn't. Instead, he grasped the hem of the nightgown with both his hands and tugged it up, over my head. It drifted to the floor. Hands on my shoulders, he turned me to once again face the mirror. At first I bowed my head, tried to cross my arms in front of myself, but Buck gently grasped my wrists and held up my hands. "Look at yourself, Louise" he said softly.

I raised my head and regarded my naked body. I was dwarfed by Buck's size...but my body was perfectly proportioned:small breasts with dark nipples, tiny waist, hips that flared gently...legs and arms long for my height, cleanly muscled...Buck led my hands down to run over my breasts, down my stomach, down to the soft patch of dark hair that covered my womanhood...I closed my eyes and leaned back into him and he whispered into my ear, making me shiver, making my nipples tighten and tingle...

"Doke kiah, nah mahyehn" his warm breath washed over me. He slid our fingers between my lips; they slid into the slick warm wetness with ease, over the tiny bud that grew under our touch. I turned in his arms.

"Love me, Buck" I whispered fiercely, surprised by the surge of want and raw desire that engulfed me. I grasped hold of his manhood and tugged gently, the foreskin sliding over the head. Buck's whole body stiffened and he hissed through his teeth, throwing his head back. He scooped me up into his arms and carried me to the bed, setting me down gently. My lips ravished him, my hands roamed his body. I felt his hand slip down between my legs, his mouth on my breast, and I bit down on his shoulder to stifle the cry that came, unbidden, from my mouth. This served only to fuel his fire and he moved on top of me. I let my legs fall open, ready for him, but he moved down my body and opened my lips to his waiting mouth.

My head flew back and my back arched off of the mattress as he assaulted me with lips and tongue and teeth. A silent stream of steady curses flew from my mouth; the pleasure burst forth from me as I ground my hips into him. He held me to him, whispering I didn't know what in Kiowa, until I started to drift back down to earth...and he plunged into me. We ground, hard, into each other like wild things, the bud of my desire caught between us...and when he thrust against the mouth of my womb, white light blinded me and I heard myself scream.

He held me in his arms, panting, his chest rising and falling in time with my own. I poured a glass of water from the pitcher on the nightstand and drank it down thirstily, then poured a second glss of water for Buck. He gulped it down without stopping.

It took a few moments before we were able to speak.

"I think Rachel heard you, Lou" Buck whispered, trying hard not to laugh. I giggled as quietly as I could.

"Maybe...but I'd be willing to bet she's done the same thing, more than once" I snorted quietly. Buck laughed silently until the bed shook. He leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose.

"Aim own p'ayle doe, doke kiah, nah mahyehn" he whispered in my ear as sleep claimed me.

**A/N: Wow, I wasn't even expecting...**_**that**_**. I think Lou has had a breakthrough of some kind...well, good for her - it's about time!**

**Thanks for being patient with me, my beloved friends and readers. I am going through a real rough time now, mostly with health issues. I am waiting to start drug therapy and will have to have several weeks of it before I can have surgery to repair a stricture - or narrowing - in my small intestine due to Crohn's disease. It's rather painful right now, and my diet has been drastically modified. Because I'm now on a mostly clear fluid diet, I don't have too much energy, and my level of concentration is less than that of a two year-old. I found, in the last chapter that I posted, an error that I made over and over! So, in chapter 15, please read "South Pass" instead of "Spring Pass". Arrrgghhh! Aggravating!**

**On a more serious note: about the typhoid...I found, after doing some research, that there was in fact a typhoid epidemic throughout North America, from 1861-1865, the period of the Civil War. Thousands upon thousands of soldiers on both sides died from this, as well as other, diseases. Also, this was the time of the terrible Potato Famine in Ireland...typhoid was rampant there, as well. So, it may be feasible that orphaned Irish children could have brought the disease to the Catholic Orphanage - which was very real - in St. Joe, Missouri. Many thousands of Irish people left their home country and the poverty and famine, to start over in America. Just a thought...ML**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: same as always; not mine, never will be. Amen.**

**A/N: I wonder what time Ike got home last night? ;)**

I awoke in a soft bed, strong arms around me. Buck was pressed up close to me, snoring softly, his warm breath stirring my hair. This was nice; I could easily get used to this, sleeping in a soft bed with my dearest love wrapped around me. And from the sounds of things now, we weren't going to have to wait an awful lot longer.

It was still dark outside; the moon, now past the full, lit the room with soft white light. I wiggled free of Buck's warmth and got out of bed as quietly as I could. I slipped the nightgown over my head and tiptoed over to the door.

"Are you all right, Lou?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of Buck's voice, quiet yet seeming so loud in the stillness of night. I turned, my heart pounding.

"I'm fine, Buck...I just have to go to the privy" I whispered. He sat up and got out of bed. God, but he was beautiful, naked in the moonlight! I considered dragging him back to bed and having my way with him...but I still had a trip to make.

"Wait a minute...I'll go with you." He pulled his pants on, and the two of us made our way downstairs very quietly. Always the gentleman, he let me go first. I waited for him, and we tiptoed back into the house and into the bedroom. Buck shut the door behind him. I got back into bed, shivering, while Buck pulled his pants off again and got into bed with me. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"You'll be warmer with that off, Lou." He nodded at the nightgown.

"How do you figure?" I asked him, leaning on my elbow.

"We stay much warmer when we're naked under the covers" he explained.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You sure you just don't want to be in bed with a naked woman, Buck Cross?" I asked.

He laughed almost silently, but smiling broadly. "Oh, I want that very much, Louise" he laughed, "but trust me - I slept that way all the time I was with my mother's people, and I was never cold."

"Well..." I considered his brown eyes, almost black in the moonlight, and decided to trust him. "All right. It's your job to keep me warm, though."

"No problem" he grinned, and together we pulled the nightgown up and over my head, sent it sailing across the room. I snuggled up close beside him; he put his arms around me and kissed me once, then twice, then deepened the kiss. My hands wandered down to his buttocks and caressed the firm round muscle. I loved the feel of Buck's skin, I had ever since the first time I had touched it. At first, it had seemed odd to find that such a strong man could have such soft skin but, after all, what had I expected to find, leather? It was a delight to learn that he could be both hard and soft, strong and gentle. I was learning about the different sides of Buck that no one else would ever know, and he of me.

And I was warm, all right...warm in all the right places. His hands and lips saw to that. Buck had awoken the woman who had lain, dormant, inside of me, and shown her that he would not abuse her love and trust, that he would not betray her when she was most vulnerable.

I gave myself over to him wholeheartedly, knowing how he loved me, knowing that it was all right to feel what I was feeling. Buck never did anything in half-measures and this included making love. It would have been a sin not to give as good as I got, and he felt this. His eyes widened as I tightened around him, matching him breath for breath, sweat for sweat, thrust for thrust. I locked my legs around him, clenched my tiny, strong inner muscles around his length and pushed my hips up, hard, as he thrust into me one last time.

Afterwards, he held me close in his arms, then rolled half on top of me and smoothed my hair back, kissed my forehead and eyelids reverently, kissed my lips long and sweet. "You're an amazing woman, Lou" he said, very low, into my ear.

I laughed almost silently. "What d'you mean? I'm not much different from any other woman..."

"Then women are amazing" he whispered against my lips. "But you...so tiny. And so strong. You never cease to amaze me with your strength."

"I feel the same way about you, Buck Cross" I whispered, "and don't you ever forget it, neither."

We settled back into a deep, contented sleep until sunrise. I lay, half-awake, when the sound of hooves approaching pulled me to full consciousness. I quickly got out of bed and peered out the window. It was Ike.

I hurriedly patted down my mussed-up hair and threw my clothes on. I tiptoed down the stairs as quickly and quietly as I could; once out on the porch I stuffed my stockinged feet into my boots. There was no sign of Ike; he must still be in the barn with Amigo, I thought.

I opened the barn door and pulled it closed so it wouldn't slam shut. I looked around in the half-light, and spotted Ike leaning over the door of Amigo's stall with his arms crossed. He looked up as I approached him.

"Hey" I said in a low voice, though there was no one but the horses and Ike to hear me. "You all right?"

He stood up and smiled gently. * I should be asking you that, Lou.*

"Can I join you for a bit?" I asked, not wanting to intrude. He nodded, and we turned over a couple of stray wooden boxes to sit on. "Thanks...I'm all right. I guess. I feel like I should be feeling worse than I am, though."

*How do you mean?* he asked.

I sighed and let my head fall back against Amigo's stall door. "You know, we've been together with the Express for a year and some now. " Ike nodded "And before that, I worked here and there, for more than three years. So I've been gone from the orphanage for five years now." I swallowed and ran my hand over my face. "I hadn't really been with my brother and sister for five whole years, Ike. And when you're as young as they are - were, I mean - that's a real long time. It's even a long time for me. I know this is real, but it's not the same as if - well, someone like Teaspoon was to die." I turned my head to him. "Does that make any sense at all?"

Ike nodded. *Do you feel like you're far away from it - something like that? Like it hasn't hit you as hard because you didn't see them very often?* he asked.

I let my breath out in a rush. "That is how it feels. It's real, but doesn't hurt as bad as if one of us was to die." I stared at my boots. "Does that make me a bad person?" I asked very quietly.

*No!* Ike signed sharply, a stern look on his face. *No, it does not! Did you love them less, even though you didn't see them as often?* he demanded.

"I didn't love them any less" I whispered. "I loved them just as much. I felt so bad, leavin them there, and I know they were too little to really understand...But I still felt good, knowin that I was doin something that was goin to keep us together."

Ike held me in his strong arms and hugged me gently. *You're a good person, Lou* he signed once he had released me. He brushed away my tears and I laughed. *What?* he signed.

"You smell like flowers" I giggled through the last of my tears. "Does Emily have flowery-smellin soap?" I asked mischievously.

Ike flushed and nodded. *Don't worry - I'm still a virgin* he signed, laughing. I swatted his arm.

"That is somethin I would never presume to ask in a million years, Ike McSwain!" I scolded. I regarded him for a moment. "But you did stay there last night" I said, more of a statement than a question.

*Yeah...I stayed with Emily last night.* He stared at the dusty barn floor for a moment, then looked at me almost shyly. *We shared the same bed...we didn't make love...but it was still - really something* He kicked at the floor with the bottom of his boot. *Guess that's kinda silly*

I said softly, "Did Buck ever tell you what happened on the overnighter to Fort Laramie?" Ike shook his head. "Well...it was a rough time, right around then, you know? And I was feelin pretty down on myself...but Buck - he just got me talkin somehow, that way he has...We didn't do nothin but kiss some...and both nights he slept with his arms just wrapped right around me." I looked up at the rafters and laughed softly. "It really was somethin, too. Somethin real good."

Ike put his arm around my shoulder and hugged me briefly. *Buck never said anything, but I could see the way he would look at you. Like his eyes would light up when you were around. I don't think he ever thought he had a chance with you.*

"Oh, Ike" I said quietly. "That's so sad...Me and Buck are meant to be together."

Ike smiled sadly. *It's how it always had been for Buck. The Indian women don't want him. And white women would sooner die than be with a half-Indian...you know that.*

"I know" I said grimly. "I've seen how Buck's been treated. It meant so much to him that Red Bear asked him to come to his camp. Red Bear even named his son Running Bear, after Buck." I smiled, remembering.

Ike laughed his hearty, silent laugh. *Buck told me that a lot of good things happened on that run...even though you both were almost killed.*

I hugged my knees and laughed. "A lot of good things did happen." I got to my feet and dusted off the seat of my pants. Ike got up and stacked the boxes against the barn wall. "You're doin all right yourself, too, you know that?"

*I know that.* Ike grinned and handed me a shovel then got one for himself. When we had Lightning's and Amigo's stalls cleaned, we gave them oats and water then headed for the bunkhouse. Teaspoon intercepted us before we could open the door. He set a hand on my shoulder and regarded me kindly, then gave me a brief, hard hug.

"I heard the news, Lou, the boys stopped by my office last night on their way to the saloon and told me." He tipped up my chin. "You holdin up all right?" he asked gruffly.

"Yeah, I'm doin all right, Teaspoon." I gave him a brief smile. "Thanks." I shuffled my feet, feeling slightly awkward."Umm...Teaspoon?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, Lou" he said quietly.

"Do all the fellas know yet?" I leaned my side against a wooden beam, wrapped my arm around it.

"Yeah...yeah, they all know now. I told Noah and Cody to tell the others so's you wouldn't hafta do it this morning. Now come on inside - Rachel's got coffee and muffins. I'm calling what you'd say was an im-promp-choo meeting." He regarded me and Ike."Son, you need to shave" he said, looking pointedly at Ike's rumpled clothing and stubbly face." Ike just grinned and nodded.

"Do you want me to go get Buck?" I asked, trying to cover my smirk.

"Too late." Buck came up behind us; he set his hand on my shoulder and Ike raised his eyebrow at him, gave him a roguish grin. I couldn't see behind me, but I just knew Buck was trying not to laugh, had a smirk on his face that vanished as soon as Teaspoon looked his way. Smothering my laugh, I pushed open the door to the bunkhouse. Rachel had indeed been busy; canvas satchels of food were sitting on the floor just inside the doorway. I sat down at the table and Rachel handed me a steaming cup of coffee. Buck sat down beside me, Ike across from him. One by one, the rest of the fellas joined us. Once cups of coffee had been poured and passed, Teaspoon cleared his throat and the room fell silent.

"I know you're all wondering why I've called you here this morning" he began. "But as you know, after our little talk last night, the Pony Express' days are now numbered." I sipped at my coffee, listening to the murmurs and mutterings of the others. I leaned forward, elbows on the table. Teaspoon continued.

"The Union Army wishes to make use of our service while they still can, to deliver certain documents to various outposts. So..." He pulled a folded piece of paper out of his trouser pocket, and opened it up with a flourish. "Buck and Kid - you will ride to Green River, to the Union Army outpost. Buck, you know the way and it is unlikely that you will meet up with trouble this time. Be back tomorrow morning." He handed Buck a letter addressed to Major Calder.

"Ike, Lou - you will ride to the Army outpost at Platte Bridge. You will arrive there well before nightfall, and can spend the night there as well. I will expect you back by tomorrow afternoon." Teaspoon handed me a letter addressed to Captain John E. Cleary. Ike looked at me from across the table and nodded his head ever so slightly.

"Jimmy...you will take Ike's regular run today, to Pacific Spring. Take a muffin and get goin, son." Jimmy jumped up from the table and grabbed muffin, hat and gunbelt. The door slammed behind him.

"What about us, Teaspoon?" Cody piped up. He and Noah looked at Teaspoon inquiringly.

"Cody, you and Noah will stay on here...we still need someone to run this outfit while the others are gone." Cody grimaced and Noah shrugged. "More grub for us, Cody" Noah chuckled. "That's the only good thing about it, if you ask me" I heard Cody grumble under his breath.

"Get breakfast into yerselves then get goin" Teaspoon called out before leaving us. I poured myself more coffee and ate the bacon and eggs Rachel dished up.

"Sleep well?" Buck murmured quietly from next to me.

"Yep. You?" I grinned.

"Sure did." His face bore a characteristic smirk; I knew how well he slept when the two of us were together. Ike caught Buck's smirk and worked up a smirk of his own. "When did Ike get back?" Buck asked in a very low voice.

"At dawn. I was lyin there half-awake an' heard him ride up" I laughed. "You were still sound asleep."

"That's 'cause you wore me out." Buck tried to look put-upon and failed miserably. I butted my shoulder against his arm.

"Tell me you hated it, Buck Cross" I smirked at him. He pouted and I rolled my eyes, laughing. Buck gave up and downed an entire cup of coffee. Ike signed at me from across the table.

"Sure, Ike...change your clothes and shave and I'll get the horses ready. Bring a satchel with you out to the barn, okay?"

He nodded at me and rose from the table. I drank down the rest of my coffee, then made my way to the chest of drawers. I pulled out clean clothes, including a calico dress.

"What's that for?" came Buck's voice from just behind me.

"It's for wearing to dinner, silly." I laughed and shook my head, bundling my gear together. "Have you seen my rain slicker?"

Buck pulled it out of his drawer and handed it to me. "Thanks" I said, heading for the tack room. He grasped my elbow and I turned to face him. I felt a line forming between my eyebrows. "Buck, we both have rides to get ready for. Do you want to tell me what's bothering you now or when we get back?"

"You're packing a dress to wear to dinner?" His eyes showed the hurt he was feeling.

"No, Buck. It's for Ike to wear when we go to dinner in Platte Bridge. Red is his colour." Buck's face remained taut and unsmiling. I sighed and put my hand on his arm. "Look. We didn't get to choose the rides we got, Buck. And frankly, I'd rather be ridin with Ike than with Kid. Most of all I want to be ridin with you, but we ain't got a choice this time, now, do we?" Buck shook his head, his face softening just the tiniest bit. "I aim to eat a decent dinner and do some shoppin when we're in Platte Bridge - I ain't hardly ever been there. While I'm shoppin for women's things, I am goin to be sure I look like a woman. And, somethin tells me that Ike may just want to do a little shoppin of his own for a very special someone, you know what I mean?" I asked conspiratorially in a low voice.

Buck finally smiled. He chuckled and scratched his nose. "He spent the night over there, didn't he?' he asked just as quietly.

"Mmm-hmm" I replied with a grin. "But he said he's still a virgin."

Buck's eyebrows shot up. "You asked him that?" he said incredulously.

"Are you crazy, Buck Cross?" I hissed. "Of course not!" I pulled him towards the tack room. "Come on - we still have to get ready!" I pulled down Lightning's saddle and bridle, as well as my bedroll. "And I don't know all the details either - it's none of my business!"

Buck lifted down Spirit's tack and his bedroll, and followed me to the barn. "Now I wish I was riding with Ike and not Kid" he complained.

"Oh, honestly!" I said, exasperated. I slung the tack over Lightning's stall door and led him over to the crossties. I put a halter on him and clipped the ties in place, then began to brush him down. Buck just leaned against the stall door and started to talk, until I cut him off.

"Buck, either get Amigo and start getting him ready, or go and get your own horse ready - we don't have time for this right now!" I grabbed the hoof pick from his hand and started to clean out Lightning's hooves. Buck stomped away in a huff towards Spirit's stall; I saddled and bridled Lightning and led him outside to the hitching rail. Back in the tack room, I ran into Ike.

*You look like a thundercloud* he signed, laughing. *Buck giving you a hard time?*

I groaned in exasperation. "If he had his way, we'd sit and drink coffee all day long and discuss your love affairs!" Ike bent double with laughter and I lost my temper. "Ooooh! Honestly, men!" I grabbed the canvas satchel that held our food and stomped back to the barn. When I reached Amigo's stall, he seemed to sense my bad temper and laid his ears back. I softened then.

"Sorry, fella" I whispered to him, scratching his ears. "It's not your fault men are idiots." Amigo whickered companionably and nuzzled my cheek. I laughed and, opening the stall door, led him over to the crossties. I was brushing him down when Ike joined me.

*It's all right, Lou, I'll finish here. Why don't you go and say goodbye to Buck?* Ike's eyes were compassionate. I looked over to see Buck saddling Spirit and looking very sober.

"Thanks, Ike." I stood up on my toes and kissed his cheek, then ran out of the barn after Buck. He was tying the reins to the rail when I ran up and grabbed his elbow. "Hey" I said quietly. "You got a minute?"

"What is it, Lou?" He wouldn't look at me, and my heart ached. I hung my head and swallowed hard, trying to gather my courage together.

"I'm sorry, Buck. Sorry I was so mean and rude to you." I dropped my hand and sighed softly. "I'm still a bitch - but I never set out to hurt you." I turned and started to walk away. "Have a safe ride."

Buck grabbed my hand and pulled me over beside the barn where no one could see. His hands cupped my face and he was kissing me. "I'll miss you, Lou" he whispered, knocking my hat off and stroking my hair. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down to me.

"I love you, Buck Cross" I whispered, kissing him fiercely. "You come home in one piece, or I'll be some pissed off at you for real!" I kissed him again. He laughed against my mouth, breaking off the kiss.

"That's the Lou I love, spunky and fierce" he chuckled, his brown eyes sparkling with laughter. "I love you, Lou, don't ever doubt that. Ride safe, and help Ike pick out something special for Emily." I nodded up at him, laughing, and he regarded me. "How about some more fancy underpinnings for yourself?" he whispered mischievously.

I giggled and waggled my eyebrows at him. "You're on" I whispered back, giving him one more kiss. "Come on, or Kid and Ike'll leave without us."

They were indeed ready to leave. "You will see each other again tomorrow" Kid said from Katy's back, rolling his eyes. Ike just shook his head and laughed; I mounted Lightning and we headed towards the trail that would take us east to Platte Bridge.

We had a day-long ride ahead of us; thankfully, it was still early in the morning. There were seven Express stations between Rock Creek and Platte Bridge, and Ike agreed with me that we would stop at each station to water the horses. From Rock Creek we rode to St. Mary's, Three Crossings, Split Rock, and Devil's Gate. By that time, the sun was high in the sky, the horses were slowing down, and we were hungry. We stopped to eat lunch and rest the horses just past Devil's Gate, under shady trees with Independence Rock visible in the distance. Ike picketed the horses, and I unpacked our lunch.

We ate in companionable silence; this wasn't because Ike couldn't speak but because we both had a lot on our minds. I was thinking about Teaspoon's announcement the previous evening, and Cody's comment about looking for new jobs, Noah's question about Express property. A plan began to form in my mind - maybe a crazy plan, but something that would benefit our little family. I began to smile and my spirits began to lift. The more I thought about it, the happier I felt. I nudged Ike's knee with my boot. He looked at me inquiringly.

"Ike, I have thought of what may be just what we need to start out, after the Express." I smiled, and he set down his canteen. *What is it, Lou?* He looked genuinely interested. I crossed my legs Indian-fashion and clasped my hands together.

"A home for all of us" I said. He nodded and raised an eyebrow. *We need a home for sure, big enough for you and Buck when you're married, and for me, too.*

"Yep - a home, and a barn and corrals...a place to live, keep the horses, start raising a family when the time is right. A place for you and your bride when you get married...?" I dwindled off into silence, and Ike snorted. *You're right, though - we need all of those things* he signed.

I nodded. "And we're living there now."

Ike looked thunderstruck, then laughed in amazement. He struck his forehead with the heel of his hand. *Lou, you are a genius!* he signed rapidly. *Why didn't any of us think of that before? The way station is exactly what we need!*

"I know!" I laughed. "We've all been saving our pay, right?" Ike nodded. "I can't wait to talk to Buck about it!"

He nodded, laughing, and shook his head. *Let's get going* he signed.

I packed up the remnants of our meal, and he readied the horses. We still had to ride through Sweetwater, Willow Spring, and Red Buttes before we got to Platte Bridge. The horses were rested and willing to travel at a fast clip. I smiled as we rode through Sweetwater; it would remain forever in my mind as the place where my life began to move forward. I glanced over at Ike on Amigo, and his face, too, held a smile of recognition and fondness.

The sun was headed due west in the late afternoon as we rode up to Platte Bridge, a busy town built along the banks of the wide Platte River. It was also a major center of commerce and home to a large Union Army outpost, which defended the town from Indian raids and outlaws who tried to rob the town of its money, gold, food, liquor, and dry goods. Ike and I had no trouble at all locating the Army outpost and Captain Cleary, who was relieved, it seemed, to have gotten his orders delivered so promptly and said as much. He ushered us inside his cabin.

"Thank you, boys" the tall, black-haired officer said, extending a hand first to me and then to Ike. "The Express riders have provided an invaluable service to the Union Army and received little in return except our spoken thanks. You deserve better." Captain Cleary scrutinized me closely. "What happened to your face, boy? Get in a fight?"

"No, sir" I replied quickly, turning my face from his close scrutiny. "It happened on a special run - the other rider and I were attacked by bushwhackers. We made it out alive."

"And the bushwhackers, son?" The Captain was keenly interested in what I had to say.

"Killed, sir." My stomach gave a slight lurch, remembering the savage attack and our narrow escape. "The Kiowa Indians helped us."

"Father God and sonny Jesus!" Captain Cleary exclaimed. "You and the young half-breed rider were delivering orders to Major Calder in Green River. That story has spread through the ranks like wildfire. Even President Lincoln, it has been said, is aware of the events that took place that day outside of Green River." He shook his head and laughed."What is your name, son?" he asked.

"L-Lou McLeod, sir" I stammered, embarrassed. Captain Cleary then turned to Ike. "And your name?"

Ike turned to me, a resigned look on his face. "Captain Cleary, sir, his name is Ike McSwain. Ike can't speak but he talks to us using Indian sign. Buck - one of the other riders - taught it to him and to the rest of us."

The Captain looked absolutely dumbfounded. He extended his hand to Ike. "Son, it is an honour to meet you. It would be an even greater honour if you and Mr. McLeod would stay with us tonight, as guests of the Union Army, before you return to - ?"

"Rock Creek's our home station, sir" I answered quickly.

"I see." The Captain nodded his head. "And your stationmaster?"

"That would be Teaspoon - I mean, Aloysius Hunter, sir." I grinned in spite of myself; beside me, Ike snorted and tried to pass it off as a sneeze. "Thank you, but Ike and I have some business to take care of in town before we head back home. But thank you for your most generous offer, sir." I looked at Ike and he nodded. "We appreciate it very much."

"Mr. McLeod, Mr. McSwain - it is an honour to have met you. Godspeed to you both." We left Captain Cleary's cabin and untied our horses from the hitching rail across the street.

"Let's get the horses to the livery, then see about getting rooms" I suggested, and Ike nodded, grinning. "What?" I said, much as I would to Buck.

*_Mr._ McLeod?* Ike signed with a snort. *What would he say if he knew you were a girl?*

I swept my hat off with my free hand and tried to hit Ike with it. "I was afraid if he looked at me any closer, he was going to figure it out!" I laughed, shaking my head.

*Naw...he probably figured you were just too young to shave yet* Ike replied with a good-natured grin, and I laughed with him. We handed the horses over to the stableboy, who promised to give them some carrots when Ike slipped him a quarter. We were pleasantly surprised to find a hotel with rooms for us, meaning we wouldn't have to share. Next to Buck, Ike was the person I would mind sharing a room with the least, but since Buck and I were engaged it wouldn't feel quite right to share a room with any other man. I told the clerk to have a bath made ready for me.

Our rooms were on the second floor and right at the end of the hall. It was roughly five o'clock, with dinner at six-thirty; I had ample time to soak in the warm, fresh-smelling water. I was so relaxed I almost fell asleep, but forced myself to get up when the water began to cool. I dressed in the red calico dress and put my hair up with simple combs, hung silver bobs from my earlobes. At six twenty-five, a knock sounded at my door. I opened it to find Ike wearing his wine-coloured bandana, a clean white shirt, and clean trousers. I picked up my white crocheted lace purse from the bureau, and locked the door behind me. Ike offered me his arm with a flourish, and, tucking my hand in his arm, we walked together down the stairs to the dining room.

We were seated at the back of the dining room, well away from the front door and from the reception desk. Farther away, the saloon was already noisy with piano music and the shouting and laughter of drunken men. I was glad to be with Ike who, like me, tended to avoid the saloons, where trouble often started. No, if I couldn't be with Buck, then I was content to be here with Ike and enjoy a quiet dinner. The server appeared and set glasses of water in front of us, then asked if we would like anything else to drink. Ike signed at me *Lou, do you want wine?*

"Mmm...no thanks, Ike. I'll just have coffee, please" I said to the server. She smiled warmly at me.

"Lou...is that short for Louise?" she asked politely. I looked at her in amazement.

"You know Indian sign?" I asked. She nodded.

"Most people can't tell...but I am half-Kiowa. My mother was taken captive during a raid, and one of the tribe's warriors fought for her and won her. Most captives are treated like slaves, but they married and he was very good to her. I am their daughter."

I looked at Ike, who smiled widely. *So that is how you know Indian sign* he directed at the young woman. *What is your name?*

"Here I am called Grace" she replied in a low voice, "but my given name is Graceful Dove." All of a sudden, tears sprang to my eyes. Dang, I thought, swiping at them with one hand. I smiled reassuringly at Ike and at Grace. She frowned, looking concerned.

"Have I upset you, Louise? If I have, I am sorry..." She looked to Ike, a distressed expression on her face. I shook my head.

"No...no, you haven't, Grace. It's just that - " I swallowed hard. "The man I am going to marry is half-Kiowa, but people scorn him and spit on him for his darker skin. It is not his fault that he looks more like his mother's people, of whom he is so proud!"

I stopped suddenly, not realizing how loudly I had spoken. Ike laid a hand on my arm; gradually, conversation at the tables around us resumed. I felt my face redden and looked to Grace. "I'm sorry, Grace. It's just that I love Buck with all my heart, and it tears at my insides when people are so horrible to him." I touched her hand. "Please forgive me."

The young woman looked at me compassionately. Her eyes were dark green and her skin was the same colour as mine, as was her hair. Like Buck, though, she had finely chiselled features and high cheekbones. "Your young man is very fortunate to have a woman like you who loves him so" she said. "He must love you very much."

*He does* Ike signed, before I could open my mouth to reply. I couldn't help but laugh. Grace then took our orders for dinner, and returned with cups of coffee for me and for Ike.

"Sorry, Ike" I said in a low voice. "But you know how I feel about Buck." Ike nodded at me from across the table.

*He is so fortunate to be with you, Lou* he signed to me. *And you're fortunate to be with him, too*

"Well, what about you and Miss Metcalfe?" I laughed. Ike blushed and lowered his eyes, smiling. Just then, Grace reappeared, carrying two plates.

"Enjoy your dinner" she said with a smile; both Ike and I thanked her. I started in on my steak, and Ike on his, but after a few moments I put my fork down.

"Don't think you get off the hook that easy, Ike McSwain" I teased. "If you was here with any of the other fellas including Buck, they'd have gotten the whole story out of you hours ago!" Ike rolled his eyes.

*That's not something you talk about while you're eating!* he scolded. I smiled like the cat who ate the canary.

"That's fine, Ike. You just eat your dinner there...but you know how persistent I can be when I've a mind to!"

Ike just rolled his eyes and sighed. I did stop pestering him, though, and we enjoyed our dinners and had ice cream for dessert. We paid for our meals and left a handsome tip for Grace, who thanked us graciously.

My hand tucked firmly in his arm, Ike and I wandered the busy streets of the town. We paused in front of the mercantile, which was large and looked to be stocked with just about anything a person could possibly want, or need.

"Come on, Ike" I urged and he nodded his head in agreement. Inside, a vast array of goods presented themselves; I hardly knew where to start. I finally headed for the soaps and toilet water. I picked up a bottle of lilac toilet water and held it up to Ike. "Here - smell this" I said. He sniffed, then shrugged his shoulders indifferently.

"Yeah - you're right" I agreed. I unstoppered a bottle of honeysuckle-scented water and dabbed a drop on my wrist. "Oh, I like that" I said happily. I restoppered the bottle and went in search of bath soap. Ike, in the meantime, was busily sniffing different flowery scents. At length he motioned for me to join him.

"What've you got?" I asked curiously. Ike passed me a bottle of something called orange-blossom. I sniffed delicately over the top of the bottle and drew in my breath.

"Ike, that's wonderful!" I exclaimed. "For Emily?" He nodded, smiling widely. "It's perfect - she told me how in parts of California they have things called palm trees, and trees where you can pick fresh oranges right off of them! You know, she's never even seen snow" I said thoughtfully. "I hope she doesn't get homesick during the winter."

Ike's expression turned sober when I said that. *I hope so, too* was all he said. He then started searching for matching soap. I wandered until I found a glass case housing all kinds of jewellery. I stopped when I saw the selection of rings.

A broad band of plain silver had caught my eye, and as I looked at it a picture grew in my mind...a boy about my age and skinny as a rail, his dark hair chopped short from nuns in a mission school...shirtless but wearing a black vest...a chunky cuff of silver that his mother had made for him about his arm...a young warrior clad only in a loincloth...the long, soft grass in a meadow under a summer moon...a young woman laughing, tears of joy on her cheeks...his long, dark hair twined in her fingers as he begins to love her...as they begin their life's journey together...

"May I see that silver band, please?" I said to the proprietor in a firm voice. He hurried to the case and brought out the silver band. "Here you are, miss" he said, placing it in my outstretched palm. I examined it very carefully, then slipped it over the knuckle of my thumb.

It was a perfect fit.

I smiled and slipped it off, set it atop the glass. "May I see that narrower band right next to it?" I asked him, feeling butterflies tap like woodpeckers in my stomach. He reached inside and brought it out; when he handed it to me, I slipped it over the first and second knuckles of my third finger.

It was a perfect fit.

"Please set these aside for me" I whispered with a smile. He smiled and nodded; carrying them to the cash register, he set them underneath the counter and nodded at me. Feeling pleased, I turned to find Ike approaching me. He joined me at the jewellery case.

"Everything is so beautiful, isn't it?" I sighed. He smiled softly and nodded. "Are you looking for something for Emily, Ike?" I asked quietly.

He nodded at me. *Promise me you won't say a word, not even to Buck. Please, Lou?* His eyes were pleading. I squeezed his hand. "Not a word, Ike. Even to Buck." It hit me then.

"Ike, are you looking for a ring?"

*Yes* he signed simply. My face split with a huge smile. "Get looking then, Ike McSwain!" I said happily.

Ike looked over every ring in the case at least three times. Finally I asked him "When is her birthday?" When he signed *December twenty-fourth*, I pointed to a silver band set with a turquoise stone. "There" I said.

Ike's mouth dropped open. He hugged me. Laughing, I called the proprietor over once again.

"My brother would like to see the silver and turquoise band, please." When he brought it out and handed it to Ike, I said "What do you think about the size?"

Ike picked up my hand; after examining my fingers, he slipped it easily into place on my index finger. *Perfect* he signed with a grin.

"Now we need to find one for you, Ike" I said, and he nodded. Honestly, men complain about women and the way we shop, how every little thing must be just so, but that couldn't hold a candle to Ike. He reminded me of Emma in Tompkins' store when we were still in Sweetwater, how she would search through his selection of spices until she found just what she needed - and then grill him endlessly until he gave in and brought out the most very recently delivered goods from the back room. Only then was she satisfied.

Well, that was exactly what Ike was doing with the rings. Having found a ring for Emily, he wanted one for himself - but couldn't make up his mind. Finally, I left him to his own devices and began looking on my own. After five minutes, I called to Ike to come look at what I'd found.

"There" I said simply, pointing.

The look on his face was priceless; I thought his eyebrows were going to jump right off his forehead. He motioned to the proprietor to come, and the man hurried right over to us. "Has your brother found something he likes?" the middle-aged man asked with a friendly grin. Ike nodded.

"The wide silver band with the red stone - it that ruby?" I asked, peering at it. The man set the ring onto Ike's outstretched palm.

"Yes, it is" he said. "Came to us all the way from Burma, son" he said to Ike, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Your birthday's in July, isn't it?" I asked Ike, who was inspecting the red stone closely, and then slipped the ring into place on his third finger. "Ruby is the birthstone for the month of July" the proprietor said.

Ike set the ring on top of the glass. *My birthday is the tenth of July* he signed. *I'll take both rings* he signed to me, and I had the very happy store owner put Ike's rings behind the counter as well.

"I had no idea, Ike" I said to him as I searched for a shirt to get for Buck. "You've got some explaining to do!"

Ike blushed and nodded in agreement. *I know, I know. When we get back to the hotel, okay?* he smiled down at me. I laughed and held up a shirt that looked as though it would fit Buck.

"Oh, this is nice" I said happily. "And the colour - I've never seen this shade of blue before, have you? Ike?" Looking around the store, I spotted Ike picking up the toilet water and soaps he'd decided on earlier. I shook my head and folded the deep-blue shirt over my arm, gathered up the honeysuckle toilet water and soaps I liked, and made my way to the cash. "And a yard of diaper flannel, too, please" I added. A young woman hurried off to cut the material for me. When she handed it to me with a knowing smile, Ike's eyebrows rose and his eyes grew wide.

*You and Buck - ? Really? Already?* he signed. I flushed and burst into laughter.

"No, Ike. Really. Just gettin ready for the future - and sure as shootin, I ain't buying _that_ at Tompkins' store. Not until me and Buck are married, anyway" I added. I figured one little fib was all right - there was no way I was telling Ike what it was really for.

Our goods paid for and well-wrapped, we made our way out onto the main street. "Oh, look" I exclaimed. "Let's go there next!" I pointed across the street at the ladies' wear shop. Ike looked at me, horrified.

*I can't go in there, Lou!* He looked panicked.

"Why?" I demanded. "You may see somethin real nice that Emily would like!" I grabbed hold of his arm and started walking. Ike stopped dead in his tracks.

"Ike McSwain, what has gotten into you?" I asked, exasperated. "It's only clothing, for heaven's sake!"

*I know* he signed, looking desperate, *but there's other things, too - * He looked at me pleadingly. *Don't make me do this, Lou!*

I dragged him by the arm over to the other side of the street. "Now you listen to me, Isaac McSwain" I hissed. "Nothin in there is gonna jump out and bite you, you hear me? I know, I know, you play at bein so shy and all - but you wasn't too shy to show me and Emily just what you got in the way of manly goods the other day at the swimmin hole, now were you!" Ike looked shocked, but I continued my tirade. "And now you're gonna ask her to marry you, and she just thinks the world of you - oh, yes she does!" I stormed. "And you're afraid of a few petticoats and corsets? What do you think you're gonna see on your wedding night, Ike? A big thick flannel nightie? Give your head a shake!"

I stood in front of Ike, hands on hips, and he looked down at me with something like respect. He held the door open for me. *Ladies first* he smiled. I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear and walked inside the store.

"That's better" I said with a smile. "Thank you, Ike."

To Ike's great relief, there were already a few other women in the store with their resigned-looking husbands, and he began to relax a little. He picked out the most lovely ivory-coloured silky long gown for Emily, and I drew in my breath when he asked what I thought of it.

"Ike...it is beautiful!" I breathed. "She will just love that!" He picked out a matching robe to go with it, and even helped me to pick out a long nightgown and robe for myself in an enchanting colour called carnelian. He did pretend to study the street outside while I looked at the camisoles, chemises, and pantaloons, but that was all right - Buck was the only man I ever wanted to see those things of mine.

We paid for the items we'd selected, had Ike's wrapped up nice, and headed back to the street. By now it was becoming dark and the streetlamps were being lit. "What do you say we go back to the hotel?" I asked Ike with a grin. He nodded happily. *I could use a cold sasparilla - how about you?* he asked.

We had the dining room send up two big, cold sasparillas and two pieces of apple pie to our rooms. Inside my room, I packed my parcels away in the depths of my saddlebags - I never left them with Lightning's saddle at a livery stable - and changed out of my dress back into my trousers and a clean shirt. Pie and drink in hand, after I'd locked my door I headed next door to see how Ike was doing.

He let me inside, and I curled up in one of the big, stuffed chairs by the fireplace. We ate our pie and sipped away at the sasparillas. Ike, I noticed, seemed restless, so I set the dishes on the night table and crossed my legs Indian-style. "What's on your mind, Ike?" I said with a friendly smile. "Are you thinking about Emily?"

Ike sat on the floor in front of the fireplace. He nodded his head in answer to my question, then stared at the flames flickering orange and gold. I sighed, remembering the firelight turning Buck's caramel-coloured skin to gold, how sweet his lips tasted when he first touched them to mine there by the fire. I missed him terribly, but I also knew Ike badly needed someone he could talk to, and maybe it was good that I was with him and not Buck this time - maybe there were things Ike needed to know, that only a woman could tell him. I climbed down out of the chair and joined him on the floor by the fire. I tried to imagine how he was feeling, what he was feeling, and all kinds of things came back to me.

"You feelin a little bit scared right about now, Ike?" I asked quietly. He nodded his head and looked at me this time. I could see longing, uncertainty, hope, and doubt in his face - but I also saw the love that he felt for Emily there, too. I decided to be brave - Ike did have a temper that came out from time to time - but I was going to ask him something that needed to be asked. And I was going to do it because I cared for both him and Emily.

"Are you scared because you're a virgin, and she is, too?" I asked frankly. Ike glared at me at first, as I thought he might if he was feeling defensive, then his expression softened.

*Yes.* I actually felt bad for him when he blushed from sheer embarrassment, but then relief washed over me, and probably over him, too. It was finally out in the open.

"Ike, I'm gonna tell you somethin that Buck and Kid know already." I bit my lip and Ike looked at me with concern. "It's all right - Emily knows, too." I took a deep breath. "The reason that Kid and I finally broke up was that I told him I wasn't a virgin. It wasn't anything like Kid had thought it was - I never willingly went to another man out of love. It wasn't that at all, because I was taken by force when I was only fourteen." Ike's eyes filled with tears; he squeezed my hand reassuringly. I laughed shakily.

"When I told that to Kid, he just said that damaged was damaged, no matter how it happened, and he didn't want no woman who'd already been used by another man." I wiped my eyes. "Thankfully Buck didn't feel that way - how could he after what'd happened to his own mother?" I sighed. "Buck was a virgin and I wasn't, but I was still scared 'cause I'd never been with a man out of love. I expected it was gonna hurt so bad like it did when Wicks raped me - but Buck was so gentle with me, and didn't try to hurry things."

Ike listened intently to me, then seemed to be thinking about something. He finally lifted his eyes to mine. *I'm afraid of hurting her* he admitted. *And what if she falls with child? I mean, I love children, but - * he looked at me pleadingly.

I felt so much compassion for Ike just then. "I remember how it was with Buck the first time, Ike" I said softly. "I know he's your best friend and all but I don't feel a bit embarrassed telling you this."

I didn't and I thought that very likely Buck wouldn't, either. "We knew that we wanted each other that way, that day" I began. "We didn't start the picnic with that in mind from the get-go, but that was how it turned out. Thing is", and I smiled gently, "we both used our heads before it went too far. Buck had the sense to ask me how long it would be until my next monthly, and I had the sense to tell him the truth - it was only about three days away. Ike, chances are that Emily keeps track of her cycles. She probably knows when she'd be most likely to conceive a child, too."

Ike listened to every word I said without interruption and I was glad. I knew he trusted that every word I spoke right then was the truth. "That part was so easy to get through, because where Buck grew up that kind of thing wasn't kept a big secret. And other things weren't as embarrassing either, cause his big brother told him all that when he was just twelve."

Ike looked at me in disbelief just then; his eyes grew wide as saucers and his eyebrows shot way up. "Twelve?"

I laughed, remembering what Buck had told me. "Uh-huh. He had just become betrothed to Little Bird, and Red Bear decided he should know how to - ahm - pleasure a woman, was how he put it." I burst into laughter when Ike just shook his head and buried his face in his hands. He couldn't help but laugh, too, and finally relaxed.

"Look, Ike" I said earnestly, looking straight into his dark green eyes, so innocent and full of questions. "I know you love Emily." He nodded, holding my gaze without looking away. "She really does think the world of you, you know. Women talk, and she's told me plenty. And I know she wants you that way, too." I hesitated for a fleeting moment before going on. "What made the two of you decide not to make love when you stayed with her last night?"

Ike looked down at the ground, then straight into my eyes. *We both wanted to. We both admitted it.* He smiled at me, his usual friendly smile. I smiled back at him, glad he could talk to me, glad he trusted me enough to. *But we decided to take it slower, and get to know each other better first.* He shook his head and laughed before going on. *She asked me if I would stay with her through the night, and you know I did.* I nodded. *Lou, I'd never seen a woman without her clothes on before. Oh, sure, I've seen the saloon girls that are half-undressed anyway, but it was nowhere near the same!* He sighed. *She is - so beautiful.*

"Did you tell her that, Ike?" I asked softly.

*Oh yeah. I sure did.* He blushed again, and I frowned. *When I was undressed, she ran her hands over my shoulders and down my arms, then held my hands in hers. And she told me - well, the same thing.* He looked down, then up at me kind of sideways. *No one has ever told me that before, Lou.*

"I know that Emily loves more than your body, Ike" I said, teasing him gently. He grinned at me. "I guess you got to know each other a little better."

*Yeah. We did.* He frowned, then asked me *So why do I still feel afraid, Lou?*

"Are you still afraid that the first time is goin to hurt her, Ike?" I asked, and he pressed his lips together before nodding his head. I felt so bad for him just then.

"Ike, the first time is goin to hurt some no matter what - and I think she knows that, too. But she knows you'd never hurt her on purpose." I struggled with what to say next. "Love her lots and touch and kiss her lots first, Ike. That's the best thing you can do." He looked to me, questioning, and I nodded. "It's the best thing she could do for you, too, I think" I teased, relieved when he laughed at me. I thought of Buck and me, how we felt about each other.

"Things can change afterwards" I said quietly. "Once you've made love, you can't really go back to just holdin hands - it's a kind of a commitment. You can't ever be a virgin again." Ike nodded in agreement, his face solemn.

*I love her* he said simply, * and I want to spend my life together with her.* I reached over to him.

"She is so lucky to have you, Ike" I said, and I meant it. "Talk to her, like you talk to me. I know she wants to listen to what you will say to her."

*There is so much I want to say to her, Lou* Ike signed earnestly. *I love her spirit, and her fire. I love that she's strong and independent, but warm and loving, too. I love how she takes the other fellas' teasing...and her laugh, I love to listen to her laugh...* He trailed off, staring into the fire, then turned to me again. *What did you tell her the other day?*

His question took me by surprise. "What?" I asked, confused.

*She said you'd said something to her the other day...something that got her to thinking that life may be too short...*

"Ahhh" I smiled. I remembered then. "I told her somethin that I'd thought, whenever I was unsure about me and Buck becomin intimate. That what we do, ridin for the Express, is dangerous...we've all been in gunfights and we've all been shot sometime. And when we love someone we've gotta take the chance and let them know, 'cause there may come a time when we don't make it back from a ride - and we never took the chance on makin love with that person when we had it." I paused, remembering. "That chance may only come once."

Ike listened, nodding his head thoughtfully. *Thank you, Lou* he said simply.

He helped me to my feet and I picked up the dirty dishes, set them by the door. I turned to wish him good night but instead, he grabbed me in a bear hug. I wrapped my arms around him, too, felt his warmth and heard the calm, steady beating of his heart. He released me and I smiled up at him. "You know, I love you, too, Ike McSwain."

*Me too, Lou.* He gave me his happy, friendly smile.

I slipped into sleep easily that night. Just on the fringes of twilight, the vision of fire and white stone walls, the two wooden crosses came back to the edge of my mind...and I knew that fire cleansed the scourge of typhoid, and my brother and sister now slept peacefully free of pain and fear.

**A/N: An historical note here - Platte Bridge was indeed a Pony Express station on the banks of the Platte River. However, I have taken liberties. In its time it was a trading post, not the bustling town I have described here. St. Mary's, Three Crossings, Split Rock, Devil's Gate, Sweetwater, Willow Spring, and Red Buttes were the Express stations that lay between Rock Creek and Platte Bridge. Independence Rock is a very real place, then as now, not far from Sweetwater; it is, I believe, an historical monument today. Fascinating!**

**Well, drug therapy continues and I am taking one day at a time, feeling good some days and not as good others - that's the way it goes. The doctors have all been most caring and compassionate; and you, my friends, have been also. I send you all my love. Mwah! **

**This chapter? I have had SO much fun with it, especially with Ike and Lou! Many, many thanks to Jenna and Kristina, who gave me excellent advice on what I should have Lou pass on to Ike with regards to moving on to the next level in his relationship with Emily. Anita, I believe you are curious to know what kind of troubles Lou runs into with Buck - I can tell you that that won't happen for a while yet, not until after they're married.**

**I wish you all much love, joy, and peace, my friends. Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukkah and Season's Greetings to you all. ML**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer**:** not mine, unless Santa decides I've been a good girl this year and gives them to me for my very own!**

**A/N: okay, so who's up for a little (lot) of fun, fluff, and especially smut? Oh yes, here's a Christmas goody full of smut galore! Don't know what exactly got me inspired, but hey - I ain't knocking it. Buck was complaining his pants were getting too tight, and Lou was begging me to let her strut her stuff in her new underpinnings. For regular readers, you may get a fleeting sense of deja vu from chapter five...hehehe...no beds were broken in this chapter...unless Ike and Emily got carried away...will find out in chapters to come...Merry Christmas, all :) ML**

Ike and I arrived home the next afternoon, soaking wet from a sudden late-summer shower that caught us by surprise, but none the worse for wear. It was about the sweetest homecoming both of us'd ever had, I think; I threw the reins to Cody and ran over to the side of the barn and straight into Buck's arms. Beside me, Ike threw Noah his reins and ran over to Emily, who was running to him from the house. From the corner of my eye, I saw him pick her up in his arms and kiss her soundly. I gave myself over to Buck's sweet kiss and his whisper of "I missed you, Lou. So much." I laughed my loopy laugh and threw my arms around his neck.

Eventually, though, we both ran out of air and contented ourselves with watching Ike and Emily. She was talking an excited blue streak and he was signing up a storm; Mrs. Hooper's baby had arrived, apparently, in our absence and Ike was telling her all about Platte Bridge. I just smiled and shook my head, knowing what I did about the two of them and feeling so happy for them both. "Come on" I whispered to Buck, who had a huge grin on his face as he watched our two friends.

The bunkhouse was empty, and I quickly stripped off my wet shirt, got a dry one out of the drawer. Before I could slip it on, Buck grabbed me from behind and held me tight. His warm, soft lips found my neck and first nuzzled, then kissed. I leaned back into his embrace, my mind swirling in a thousand different directions until they all spun together into one common thread: here, now, this moment, this man...our love for each other. I turned in his arms and hugged him, holding him tight against me and breathing deep of his unique scent.

It was so good to be home.

Buck waited for me to get fully dressed again; then, we went to the barn to tend to the horses. Spirit had already been brushed down, fed, and watered but Buck gave me a hand with Lightning and Amigo. Cody and Noah were bringing the other horses in for the night, since we were likely in for more rain. We all pitched in and got them fed and watered for the night, meaning there would be one less chore to do after supper. I was pleased, for it meant that Buck and I would have time to talk.

Just then, Rachel sounded the call to dinner.I waited for the others to wash up and go inside; Buck was waiting for me, but I told him to go on ahead, that I'd be right in. He raised his eyebrow at me and I gave him a reassuring smile. Rachel made for the bunkhouse door, but I set my hand on her arm, and she paused. "What's on your mind, Lou?" she smiled.

"I've got a favour to ask, Rachel" I began. She nodded, encouraging me to go on. "If it's all right with you, I'd like for me and Buck to be allowed to use the spare bedroom again tonight." She raised her eyebrows and I blushed, adding "It's not fer that, Rachel - just, we need someplace where we can talk in private, like."

Rachel let go of the door latch. "Is everything between you two all right, Lou?" she asked quietly. "You're not - ?"

"No, nothing like that!" I said quickly, making sure she understood I was not in any trouble, or with child. "But we've got a powerful lot to talk about - getting married, and getting the ranch started, and where we're going to live..." I swallowed. "It's not so far off now. We really need to sit down and start making plans."

She put her hand on my shoulder. "Sure, Lou. Take all the time you need. The two of you do need some privacy in these matters." She gave me an understanding smile and squeezed my shoulder. "You mean - " I drew in my breath.

"Buck and I had a little talk when he got back, before you and Ike got back from your run. We talked about you two getting married, and he explained to me that among his people, you would be joined, as it were, and already considered to be married. " I nodded and she continued.

"Teaspoon and I have always respected Buck's beliefs. We know that you plan on getting married, with some sort of ceremony involved. And it's certainly no secret to anyone of us that the two of you are as close as a man and woman can possibly be. So", she tucked a wisp of hair behind my ear, "Teaspoon and I agree that the two of you should be allowed some privacy for yourselves to plan for your future, and any young'uns that should come along as a result."

"Rachel!" I exclaimed, embarrassed beyond belief.

"Oh, Lou" she said teasingly. "Henry and I were no different - I haven't forgotten what it's like to be young and in love. Just bite down harder on his shoulder from now on." I stared at her, mortified, but she just smiled. "Buck's gonna have a damned sore shoulder, then" I muttered and let myself inside the bunkhose with Rachel following me.

I sat on the bench beside Buck and across from Emily, who was once again joining us for supper. She gave me a wide smile of welcome, and Ike grinned at me; I shot him a wink in return. Teaspoon, I saw, had the night off and sat at the head of the table. He cleared his throat and the room fell silent.

"Lou, would you say the blessing, please." I folded my hands together on the table top.

"Dear Lord, thank you for bringing us home safe. Bless this family and keep us together and safe from harm. Bless this food and the hands that prepared it, in Jesus' name, amen."

"Amen" sounded from all around the table. The customary chaos broke out as dishes were passed, the meat served, and everybody wanted everything at once. When plates were filled, a temporary peace fell over the bunkhouse. Oh, things were quiet, all right, as mouths were filled - but there was something in the air and it wasn't the effects of the beans Rachel had cooked for supper the night before. No, this was a kind of feeling, almost, something that prickled my skin, made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. All of my senses were straining towards - something. I was keenly aware of Buck's presence next to me, his closeness, the heat radiating from his body...his smell. I glanced at him sideways when I thought he wasn't looking, only to find him looking at me the same way, and his brown eyes were almost black despite the ample light inside the bunkhouse. Our glances veered away from each other sharply, but Buck shifted uncomfortably in his seat as though a biting insect had just crawled up his leg...or his trousers were suddenly too tight.

Across the table, I saw Ike glance quickly at Emily the same way...just as she glanced at him. Ike's nostrils appeared to have flared; Emily's light green eyes now glittered like emeralds in the lamplight. The look she gave Ike brought to mind a wildcat stalking its prey, but this prey showed no fear at all; in fact, he seemed to welcome the challenge. As I once again focused my attention on my food, a wave of heat coming from where Buck sat on my left blasted me...as did a whiff of his scent. It wasn't a bad thing, he had definitely bathed since he got home, but this - I took a tiny peek at him and he looked exactly like a wild stallion about to approach a mare he smelled to be in season. He sat up straight, alert, his spine erect, his nostrils flared, his eyes wide - he was magnificent.

"Rachel - could you open a window - please - " I managed to croak out.

"Yes, Lou - my, but it's warm in here tonight" she commented as she drew up the sash. "Unseasonably warm, ain't it, Teaspoon?"

"Shore is" he growled, eyes fixed on her breasts. "The air's so thick you could cut it with a knife." She flushed red, from the roots of her hair down past the neckline of her blouse.

Across the table, Ike and Emily, oblivious to the rest of us, had locked eyes and the smile that slowly spread across her face was...predatory. If they had been alone I swear she would have licked her lips. Ike grinned right back and raised an eyebrow. Her hand appeared to have settled on his leg and slowly slid up his thigh. I watched, transfixed, as did Buck, Noah, his eyes opening wide, Cody, his jaw slack, Kid, squirming in his seat, Jimmy, who tried to speak but failed. Rachel and Teaspoon exchanged a look so intense that sparks seemed to shoot from her eyes to his and back. The fork fell from Cody's hand and hit the floor with a clatter, and we all stirred.

Everyone hurried back to the serious business of eating. I shot Ike a wink across the table and he nodded almost imperceptibly. From the corner of my eye I saw Buck shoot Emily a grin; she winked right back at him. I nudged Buck with my knee and he pressed his hard thigh close up to mine.

"Any further word from Russell, Majors, and Waddell, Teaspoon?" I asked, more to distract myself from the effect Buck was having on me than anything else. I didn't usually feel as though my own pants were too tight, but tonight I did. Teaspoon considered me from over his coffee cup.

"Dang, Lou...looks's though you got a touch of sunburn again. You too, Buck. What is it with you two young'uns this summer?" He glared at us, and I took a long drink of coffee to avoid looking at him. He harrumphed and I dared to look up again. But when Cody snickered and muttered "Best get that salve out again" to Jimmy beside him and Jimmy spit his coffee all over Kid's shirt, I knew I had had enough.

"Mind your own business, bigmouth!" I hollered at Cody. Buck jumped to his feet and jabbed a finger right in Cody's face. "Cody, get outside _right now_ or I will fill your bunk with tarantulas!" he yelled.

Cody clutched Noah, a terrified look on his face. "Help me, Teaspoon!" he squealed. "Buck _and_ Lou are gonna kill me!" Noah tossed a dishtowel over to Kid to mop the coffee off of his shirt; Jimmy fell off of the bench, he was laughing so hard. Emily just looked at Ike and raised her eyebrows.

"Are they always like this?" she asked matter-of-factly. *Yes* Ike signed simply.

Teaspoon tilted his chair back and surveyed the state of chaos with satisfaction. "Ain't nothin can beat sittin down to a good meal with family" he said happily.

And Rachel asked, raising her voice above the din, "Who wants pie?"

When supper's carnage had been cleared away Ike and Emily, and Buck and I wandered outside. Buck looked up at the sky and said "It's probably not going to rain for a while yet...you want to go for a walk?" The four of us began to walk slowly in the direction of Buck's and my picnic rock. It was nearing dusk when we got there; the rock still held the warmth of the afternoon sun and the air held the freshness of the rain shower. Buck sat behind me and held me in his arms, and I settled gladly into his warmth and bulk. Across from us, Ike and Emily followed suit, Ike's arms holding Emily just beneath her breasts. She looked so happy, and Ike so content, that my face split into an enormous grin. "What?" she demanded with a smile.

"Nothin...it's just good to be home, is all" I said with the grin firmly fixed in place. Buck laughed his deep, hearty laugh and Ike just nodded happily.

"Why did you ask Teaspoon about Russell, Majors, and Waddell, Lou?" Buck asked presently. I shifted in his arms to sit beside him and face Ike and Emily.

"I thought of somethin when Ike and I was ridin to Platte Bridge" I said, and Buck nodded. "And when we stopped for lunch, I asked Ike what he thought of it - of buyin the way station when the Express is finished" I added before he could ask. " 'Cause we need the house, Buck, and the barn, the bunkhouse, the corrals. It's perfect - we'd have a house to live in, and Rachel if she wants to stay with us, the barn and corrals for the horses, and the bunkhouse for the fellas, and Teaspoon if he wants to stay, too." I paused. "What do you think?"

"I think it's an excellent idea, Lou" Buck said after he'd thought it over. "The buildings and the land are exactly what we need. What do you think, Ike?"

Ike signed his approval, the way he had the day before when I first mentioned it to him. *But we still need land for grazing* he signed to me and Buck. *Do you think we should mention this idea to Teaspoon?* he asked us.

"I do" I said. "So do I" said Buck. "How about first thing in the morning, before he takes over for Barnett?"

Ike and I agreed with him, and I was happy because we were taking a step forward. Buck had more news.

"When Kid and I were riding back from Green River early this morning, we came upon a band of wild horses. Actually, two bands. The first band was large with an older stallion, and a mare leading them. But the second band was smaller, a group of bachelor stallions that don't have their own mares. Probably the older stallions drove them out of their herds earlier this year - if they're old enough to breed and are becoming a threat. I saw what was probably a two year-old paint stallion - and he's beautiful, brown and white with black in his mane and tail. He didn't run off, he stood a ways away and watched Katy and Spirit. They're not in season yet, so he wasn't dangerous - he was just curious."

"Are you thinkin to go look for him, Buck?" I asked, interested and hopeful as was Ike. He nodded.

"I think I can approach him, if I trim Spirit's chestnuts down and rub them over my skin and clothing to mask my smell. And another horse and rider should be there - Ike, do you think you can do it? Amigo's real quiet and patient."

Ike nodded eagerly. *If we catch him, where do we put him, to keep him away from the mares when they come into season?* Ike signed. That was something we hadn't thought of.

"Why not keep him at my place?" Emily asked. "You know I've got the room and grass for him to graze, and Buster's a gelding anyway so they'd get along. 'Sides, he could use the company, I think" she grinned.

The three of us looked at each other. "You've got the room, true" I said thoughtfully. "We can pay you to board him there."

"A stallion can be a nuisance sometimes" Buck said, frowning. "He may not take kindly to being penned up, and he could challenge the stable and fences."

Before Emily could respond, Ike stepped in. *I don't mind repairing the stables and the fences to make them good and strong* he signed with a grin. *And caring for and training horses is what I do best.* He had a point - none of us could beat Ike when it came to training horses.

"Deal?" Emily asked. "Deal" Buck and I said and Ike signed. I thought it was a wonderful arrangement, and no doubt Ike did too - he would get to spend a lot of time at Emily's. I wondered if the stallion could be caught. I really hoped he could.

Dusk turned to twilight; twilight began to turn to night. "We should really head back" I said quietly to Buck. He nodded in agreement, and helped me to my feet. Ike helped Emily to her feet; we began to walk back towards town.

"So Mrs. Hooper finally had her baby?" I asked Emily. "Did Mr. Hooper make it through, too?" Emily laughed her honest, contagious laugh.

"Oh, yeah" she chuckled. "She was fine - she's done this so many times now it comes natural as breathing, she says. But Mr. Hooper was jumpy as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, pacing and wailing and wringing his hands. 'Luraleen, would you hurry up an' get that baby out, I don't know how much more of this I can take'. Finally, she just gave a great big heaving push - I don't know how she didn't split her insides - and out popped this big, healthy, noisy, hungry baby girl just as nice as you please."

I laughed heartily and stole a glance at Buck. For some reason, he and Ike both looked a little green in the face. I nudged Emily, who looked at them and burst into laughter as well. "Oh, brother" I muttered, shaking my head.

"So Mrs. Hooper took the baby once I'd cleaned her off and cut the cord - " Buck and Ike were real green now, "and she opened up her nightgown and tried feeding her while I delivered the afterbirth, what a mess - " Buck gagged and Ike was pale and sweaty - "and she said ' Harry Hooper, you just listen to yourself carryin on like a moon calf! How d'you think I got in this predicament in the first place! From now on you listen to me, when I say it ain't all right to, it AIN'T all right to, you hear me?' "

I laughed until tears rolled down my cheeks, Emily doing the same. I poked her, and we watched Buck and Ike.

*You best mind what she says* Buck signed to Ike, indicating Emily.

*Damn right I will!* Ike signed back.

Back at the station, Buck and I said good night to Ike and Emily. Ike went with her into the barn to saddle up Amigo and Buster; he wasn't about to let Emily ride home alone in the dark, he explained. I glanced at Buck, who just grinned at this. We both knew she was more than capable of looking after herself, and Ike knew this too, but she made no objection. I silently wished them both good luck.

Buck stopped to speak to Teaspoon and I took my saddlebags into the house with me. I washed up quickly then hurriedly changed into my new nightgown and robe. By the time Buck made it upstairs I had lit a lamp and was drawing down the covers on the bed. He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, took off hat, gunbelt, and knife sheath. While he was busy taking off his boots and stockings, I was brushing my hair free of tangles. When he started working on the buttons of his shirt, I stood and made my way to him, barefoot and quiet as a mouse. He finally looked up. "Lou, can you - "

His jaw literally dropped.

Without a word I started working on the buttons myself, since his hands hung at his sides like clubs. When I had them all undone I pulled his shirttails out of his trousers and unbuckled his belt. Last of all, I undid the ties of his buckskin trousers and they fell to the floor and puddled at his bare feet. I stepped back a pace and just looked at him, my head tilted ever so slightly and a tiny smile gracing my lips.

I wondered if he was ever going to move again or if he was frozen in place like a statue.

Then again, no statue ever had _that_ sticking out of the front of it - it wouldn't be allowed. Not in public, anyway.

Finally, I grew tired of waiting and touched Buck, wrapping my hand around his large, hard protruberance and tugging slightly. "Buck - you in there?"

He jumped slightly and made a soft noise, something between a squeak and a whimper. He stepped free of his trousers and I drew his shirt down his arms and off, letting it fall to the floor. His fingers fumbled with the ties of the robe, but he did manage to get them undone and I let the robe slide right off of me. I could see my image in the big mirror; the soft lamplight turned my skin to gold and the red of the gown glowed like a precious flower. Buck reached a trembling hand to cup my jaw.

"Doke kiah, nah mahyen." His voice was deep and smooth as smoke.

Suddenly his hands were everywhere, sliding smoothly over every inch of my body he could reach. His hands slid up to my breasts and cupped them, turning my nipples to hard peaks that rasped against the silky fabric. He held my buttocks in his palms and I thrust my pelvis, hard, against him. Once again he was the wild stallion, eyes wide, nostrils flared, spine - and manhood - erect, his mane of long hair wild. He bent his head and put his lips to the base of my neck and nipped, hard enough to leave a mark. I reached my hands around to his back and dragged my nails down either side of his spine, and he went wild.

Buck lifted the hem of the gown and pulled it up and over my head; it landed on the back of a chair. I was scooped up in his arms and he held me close to him. I parted my lips and his tongue found its way inside my mouth; it was not gentle. I cupped his jaw with the palm of my hand and ran my tongue along his full lower lip. He closed his eyes and moaned, growling when I nipped his lip and soothed it with my tongue. I found myself on my back in the bed, Buck atop me, his lips and tongue touching and tasting, moving down my body...

I knew what came next.

...my hips held gently but firmly by his large hands as he opened me, tasted me, licked and swirled over me, lapped at the sweet, tangy juices that he had caused to pour from me

...and arched up, hard, against him as he drew the engorged bud of flesh between his lips, suckled, and lapped over it with his tongue

...my hands balled into fists, my toes curled, and a strangled moan escaping from my throat.

I panted and cursed as he lay atop me, kissing me, letting me taste myself on him. "Mmmm" I moaned against his lips. "I missed you too." He chuckled, kissing the tip of my nose, and I caught him off-guard, flipping him onto his back beside me.

"Not so fast" I whispered. His eyes widened; he knew what was coming next, too

...and his hands balled into fists as I knelt, taking the head of him into my mouth, sucking all of him into me that I possibly could

...my hand wrapped around the length that I couldn't fit into my mouth

...slowly up

...slowly down

...his thighs began to shake

...and I knelt astride him, impaling myself with him

...I rocked

...he thrust

...I arched back

...he surged up

...I fell forward

...his hands caught the ripe fruit of my breasts

...I tightened around him, hard

...and his seed spilled into me, deep, against the mouth of my womb.

I snuggled up against him, his arms holding me tight, and I giggled. "What?" he asked quietly with a grin.

"I hope Emily's new gown is having the same effect on Ike."

**A/N: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Couldn't resist a little holiday goody for both naughty and nice; sweet, satisfying, and low in calories! Love to all :) ML**


	19. Chapter 19

I had drifted off to sleep in Buck's warm arms. I awoke with a start to find it was daybreak and Buck was gone from beside me in the bed. I pulled on my clothes, leaving my boots off so as not to wake Rachel, and tiptoed down the stairs. Once out on the porch I put my boots on and tied them, then made my way to the barn.

There was no one in the barn aside from the horses, a couple of the ever-present barn cats, and the pigeons cooing sleepily up in the rafters. I noticed that Amigo was back in his stall, freshly brushed down, fed, and watered, but his stall hadn't been cleaned yet. Ike must be around somewhere, I thought, so I climbed the ladder to the hayloft, closing the door behind me to keep the pigeons out. I had just settled onto the blanket Ike had most thoughtfully left up there when I heard the barn door open. Someone pulled it closed; it didn't slam shut like it usually did, and I heard the sounds of two men in boots. One man trod heavily, the other lightly; I smiled, thinking it was Buck and somebody else, maybe Ike. I peered down through the crack in the door.

It was indeed Buck and Ike. Ike's shirt was untucked; he looked as though he had gotten dressed in a hurry. I smiled, thinking he had been with Emily through the night, and wondered once again if he had given her the gown and robe he'd gotten her in Platte Bridge - and if it had worked its magic on him as mine had worked on Buck. As I watched from above, Ike pulled over the same wooden boxes he and I had sat on just two mornings ago when he had helped me to cope with the loss of Jeremiah and Theresa. But just then Ike signed something to Buck and I paid closer attention.

"You all right, buddy?" Buck asked quietly. Ike looked troubled; I wondered if something was wrong between him and Emily. Buck waited patiently for Ike to reply. *I'm not sure* Ike finally signed.

"Did you stay with Emily again last night?" Buck asked, keeping his voice low. Ike nodded.

*Yeah...I stayed with her again. I gave her a nightgown and robe that I bought when Lou and I were in Platte Bridge - * I smiled, thinking of the effect mine had had on Buck - *and it was absolutely beautiful on her. She looked just like a green-eyed angel come down from heaven*

As far as I knew, Buck didn't believe in the white man's heaven or angels, but he smiled widely all the same. "That sounds like a pretty good thing to me" Buck said encouragingly. Ike lifted his head and returned the smile.

*Oh, it was a good thing* he signed. *She was so beautiful, I thought my heart was going to stop. Then she took off the robe and set it over the back of a chair and - * He ran a hand over his face. *Buck, what is it about a woman when she isn't naked but you can still see all the shape of her through what she's wearing?*

I felt my jaw drop just then. I was also curious to hear what Buck would tell him.

"I dunno, Ike...but I do know what you mean" Buck said musingly. "It's just as good as being naked, in some ways. Like it makes you use your imagination, or something." He hesitated, and I grinned. So far, so good. "Lou would probably shoot me if she knew I told you this - " Ike grinned and I froze - " but she wore her new robe and gown last night, too. And she looked so beautiful I thought I was going to die and my - um - _wua_ - " he blushed bright red, Ike laughed 'til tears streamed from his eyes and I held my hands over my mouth to hold in my laughter. Buck gave him a good-natured kick in the leg.

*What?* Ike signed once he'd stopped laughing.

"I didn't know it could get that hard. Or that big" Buck said sheepishly. "Lou grabbed me there and I thought it was going to explode."

*Just like dynamite* Ike signed, smiling wickedly. I pinched myself, hard, to keep silent.

"Yeah. Like that" Buck also smiled wickedly. "But what happened after she took off her robe and your heart didn't stop?"

Thank you Buck, I thought to myself.

*It was like I couldn't keep my hands off of her, Buck* - good for you, Ike! I thought - and when Buck raised his eyebrows, Ike continued. *But she didn't mind that, at all. She couldn't keep her hands off of me either*

Dear God, Ike, don't stop now, I thought.

*Next thing I knew, she had lowered my suspenders and pulled my shirt off. Before she tore off my boots and stockings, I grabbed her hands and held them. She looked at me like I had completely lost my mind* Ike chuckled.

"Why did you stop?" Buck asked, puzzled.

*Because of something Lou had told me* Ike said, flushing a little. What on earth had I said to him that would have made him stop right in the middle of _that_, I wondered to myself.

Buck just looked at him, trying to figure out what he meant. Ike decided to explain.

*She said that the first time the two of you decided to - you know, make love, that you asked her how long it would be until her next - um, monthly* Poor Ike was red in the face explaining this just to his best friend. I wondered how on earth he had broached the topic with Emily. *And I didn't want to make her be with child - *

"Okay, now I understand" Buck said with a grin. "So, you asked her - ?"

* - and she said it was all right, it was just over, and it was really sweet of me to even have thought of something like that* Ike finished with a grin. I felt a grin spread over my own face. Ike was doing just fine. Buck didn't ask him what happened next, but Ike seemed to want to talk about it.

*So I took off my boots and stockings, and let Emily finish undressing me. There's something real special about having a woman undress you - it's just not the same as undressing yourself* Ike said thoughtfully. Buck nodded.

"Every time Lou unbuttons my shirt and unbuckles my belt, I want to just close my eyes and feel her hands working over me" Buck said, a tiny smile on his lips. "But I keep my eyes open, because I love watching her - she gets this dreamy look in her eyes and this little smile, and I wouldn't want to miss seeing her like that for anything" he finished. Ike smiled in appreciation. I felt all warm and tingly inside, and reminded myself to thank him later. Ike continued on.

*She stood up on her toes and took my face in my hands...the look on her face...and she kissed me, with her lips parted, and her tongue was in my mouth...God, Buck, I didn't think it could feel that good...and I pulled back just the tiniest bit and pulled the gown up over her head and off. I just picked her right up in my arms and kissed her, the way she kissed me...and set her down in the bed. She looked just like an angel, looking back up at me, and smiled and held out her arms to me...I didn't know what to do next, I wanted to do _everything_ next...* Ike chuckled and ran his hand over his face again. Buck gave a chuckle, too.

*But she ran her hands down my shoulders and laughed, kind of...she said she was a little embarrassed 'cause she'd never done this before either...she wasn't sure what to do, or not to do...so we just kissed...and our hands started moving by themselves, everywhere...my hand slipped in between her legs and she kind of pressed herself up against it, like she liked the way it felt...*

She did, Ike, trust me, I smiled.

"She did, Ike, trust me" Buck said.

*...so I started moving my fingers...and she took my hand, and moved it up to that tiny little bud there...she gave me a slow, deep kiss and I thought my - you know - * he gestured at himself - *was going to explode...but it didn't...I kissed her everywhere my lips could reach and she arched her neck back with her eyes closed...I knew that women get all warm and wet when they want you, but I didn't think it would feel so nice - so smooth and silky - and she kind of cried out and pushed up hard against my hand...*

Mmmmm, I sighed silently to myself. Buck, I saw, had a goofy grin on his face...as did Ike. They both gave a deep sigh.

*...and I just held her tight until she stopped shaking. She snuggled up against me and kissed my chest and my neck, and that place behind my ear...and wrapped her hand around my - geez, Buck, I don't even know what to call it!* Ike blushed.

"What does Emily call it?" Buck asked practically. Ike thought for a moment.

*She said that her nursing teacher said it's supposed to be called a -* Ike printed a word on the paper he carried with him. Buck made a face.

"Pe - penis? Weird name. I'll call mine by its Indian name" Buck said.

*Why not call it by the name Lou gave it?* Ike signed with a devilish grin, and Buck laughed his hearty laugh.

"I think I will" he chuckled. "Ike, why don't you just call it your manhood?" Ike nodded.

*She took hold of me and I swear I felt it everywhere. But especially there. And when she started to move her hand...my eyes rolled back in my head...I thought I'd died and gone to heaven, Buck* Buck nodded his head, a knowing smile on his face. "I didn't know it could get that big or that hard either* he admitted, and Buck laughed. *I wanted to make love to her then, so much, but I knew it was gonna hurt her...she leaned up on her elbow and said, 'Ike, it's all right - I know it's going to hurt some the first time...but then it gets better...and I love you, I know you'd never set out to hurt me'. *

"Geez, Ike" Buck muttered. He squirmed, as though his trousers were suddenly a little too tight. I knew _mine_ sure were.

*So I kind of helped her over onto her back...and she reached her arms up to me, she held my face in her hands and kissed me...well, that was it - I just _had_ to, you know?*

"Oh, I know" Buck said in a strained, hoarse voice. He did indeed, I chuckled.

*And she gasped a little bit, but that was all* He and Buck exchanged a look. "There's nothing else quite like it, is there?" Buck asked quietly.

*God, no* Ike signed emphatically.

Damn right, I silently agreed. But Ike, as it turned out, wasn't quite finished.

*And when you've finally got it figured out, and you both are moving to the same rhythm - I opened my eyes to look at her, and her face was all flushed and pink and her mouth was open just a little bit, her arms and legs were wrapped around my back pulling me in closer to her and she started to moan real soft-like...and she just - _tightened_ herself around me - my manhood - * He swallowed hard. *I was just - gone. Over the moon. And she was right there with me the whole time*

I was silently panting. It looked like the fellas were, too.

We all took a moment of silence to pull ourselves together. Presently, Buck looked over at Ike.

"So what's bothering you, Ike? Are you having second thoughts about having done it, or - " Ike pursed his lips and shook his head.

*No! Nothing like that. When I came downstairs to her kitchen this morning, there was an unmailed letter on the table. It was addressed to - * Ike took his paper again and scribbled on it with the pencil. He passed it over to Buck, who read it over, then handed it back to him with a smile.

"Patrick Muldoon, San Francisco?" Buck said, and Ike nodded vigorously. "Rachel told Lou, who told me - he's the owner of the saloon where Emily's father always played cards. Emily worked in the saloon, serving drinks and mopping up tables so she could keep an eye on her father - and Mr. Muldoon kept an eye on Emily to make sure none of the customers bothered her, being a girl and so young and all. When her father was shot and she decided to leave the city, Mr. Muldoon and his wife helped her out and she writes to them every month to let them know that she's all right."

Ike smiled a sweet, gentle smile; looking at him, my heart felt like it was positively melting. Buck gave one of his rare, radiant smiles and clapped Ike on the shoulder. "You know what the best thing is though, Ike?" he asked. Ike shook his head, smiling.

"It only keeps getting better."

I loved Buck so much just then, I could've burst. I loved both of them so much, really - the caring, gentle man I was going to marry, and my sweet, kind adopted brother. I hugged my knees to my chest as Buck stacked the boxes against the wall and Ike went off in search of a wheelbarrow for the manure. I heard Buck also leave the barn, and I made good my escape from the hayloft. I grabbed a shovel and leaned it against the door of Lightning's stall; I left him with a bucket of oats and took his and Spirit's buckets out to the pump to fill them with water. I was set to haul them back inside the barn when Buck ambled over to me.

"Hey" he said, his eyes golden-brown in the morning sun. "You didn't have to do that." He smiled and took Spirit's bucket.

"Sure I did" I said with a sideways smile, looking up at him through my eyelashes. "I just felt like it, is all."

We hung the buckets inside of our horses' stalls, and I made a grab for the shovel. Buck took it from me and leaned it back against the stall door. "Not so fast" he murmured, tilting my chin up with thumb and forefinger. His lips, soft and lush, came down on mine; his tongue was in my mouth and worked its sweet magic in much the same way as his hands and fingers did elsewhere. I half-closed my eyes and slung my arms around his narrow hips and he held my face with his hands.

"My, but you are feeling frisky today" I whispered. "Any particular reason? Not that I mind" I added with a teasing grin.

"No particular reason" he whispered back, kissing behind my ear. A loud bang of the barn door made me turn to see Ike smiling at us from behind a wheelbarrow. "Hey, Ike" I said agreeably. "Beautiful morning."

He nodded enthusiastically and wheeled the barrow over between Lightning's and Amigo's stalls. I picked up the shovel and, opening the stall door, began to shovel out a night's worth of manure. "How's Emily?" I asked presently, pausing to lean on the shovel.

Ike mopped his forehead with his sleeve and turned to me with a grin on his face. *She said she'd like if you could go over there later on today - she has to visit some patients this morning - and she has some material and a pattern for a skirt she'd like you to have a look at*

"Sure thing. She and Rachel are going to teach me how to sew" I chuckled. Ike and Buck both laughed. "What?" I said.

*They're very brave* Ike said with a roguish grin, *to set you loose with sharp objects*

In the not-so-distant past, I would've gotten defensive and hurt. Now I just laughed with them. "They are brave" I agreed. "I don't think I'm ready for the carving knife yet."

"Lou running around with a knife in her hand? Run for the hills, boys!" Cody called out as he, Noah, Kid and Jimmy joined us in the barn. I shut the stall door and handed the shovel to Cody.

"Your turn" I said, smiling sweetly. He made a face but started shovelling out Soda's stall. Noah grinned as he led Penny out to the crossties to brush her down before saddling her for the morning run.

"You can do Penny's stall next, my man" he called out to Cody, who, along with the long face began to whine.

"You want to do Katy's and Sundance's stalls, too?" Teaspoon inquired. None of us had heard him come inside the barn. Cody protested vehemently.

"Then enough whining. Buck, you wanted to see me?" Teaspoon asked from in front of Amigo's stall.

"Ike, Lou, and I want to speak with you, Teaspoon" Buck said. "When would be a good time?"

"How 'bout just after breakfast?" Teaspoon inquired. " 's good a time as any, and Barnett can hold down the fort for a little bit longer. 'Sides, he owes me" he grinned.

We washed up and filed inside the bunkhouse for breakfast. It was beginning to feel strange, not sleeping inside there any more; sometimes I found myself missing the fellas and their before-bed bull sessions, much as they'd made me cringe inwardly in the past. But the trade-off was well worth it, I thought, giving Buck's knee a gentle squeeze. And for once, even though Jimmy definitely saw me, he said nothing, just grinned.

Kid said the blessing and we dove into breakfast with enthusiasm. Cody, it turned out, was being given an extra run that afternoon and he was more than happy to receive the news. But it turned out that Teaspoon had more news to tell us.

"Lou, last night you inquired if there'd been further word from Russell, Majors, and Waddell. Well, as a matter of fact there has been. I advise everyone to pay close attention…Cody" he glared as Cody's hand ventured ever closer to Teaspoon's plate.

"What is it, Teaspoon?" Buck asked from beside me. I set down my coffee cup and leaned my elbows on the table.

"The stationmasters of th' Express have all been informed that with the expansion of the telegraph, there will be fewer rides…and we have all been asked to let one rider go, from each home station."

Teaspoon's face was grim…as was the silence that fell over the room. For a long, long moment no one spoke; we were all stunned by the news.

As usual it was Cody who broke the silence.

"Who's supposed to decide who it's gonna be that gives up their job?" He asked the question to which everyone wanted an answer. We all, including Rachel, looked to Teaspoon.

"I suppose it would be foolish to think that anyone would volunteer…" We all glanced uneasily at one another. "Of course no one wants to give up their job…all of you have worked so hard for so long. Well – " he rose from his chair and pulled out several straws from the broom that stood beside the door. "Once again we'll let Fate decide." He fumbled with the straws then held the small bunch in his tightly-closed fist. "Short straw goes."

He held his fist out in Cody's direction; just as he was about to pluck out a straw, I spoke. "Wait."

Everyone looked at me in surprise. "Teaspoon, didn't you say that the telegraph's goin to be in Sacramento before winter?" Teaspoon nodded his head. "So where are they setting in poles and stringing wire now?"

Teaspoon thought for a moment. "They're right around the Missouri border now, Lou. Today's the first of September, an' they's pushin hard to get started in Omaha so's th' Express'll be done in Nebraska Territory 'fore the end of the month."

"Seems to me that time is short for all of us." Buck spoke quietly but with great intensity. Sounds of agreement came from all around the table. I looked from person to person, then took Buck's hand in mine.

"I volunteer" I said quietly, but everyone heard me, I knew. Buck put his arm around my shoulder; Ike looked at me, an expression of great compassion on his face. Everyone else was just plain shocked.

"Why, Lou?" Rachel finally asked.

"Well…" I pulled myself together. "Y'all know that Buck, Ike and I are goin in together on a horse ranch when th' Express is done…" Heads nodded. "An' you 'n' Teaspoon know already…" I sensed some sort of expectation.

"Lou…you're not…_pregnant_…are you?" Cody asked timidly.

Buck laughed heartily and I threw my spoon at Cody. "We've been just a little more careful than that" I laughed. "No, I'm not with child." I heard sighs of relief. I squeezed Buck's hand and murmured in his ear. "Should we tell them?" He rumbled a deep sound of assent. "Well – Buck, here, has – um – asked for my hand in marriage" I blurted out.

Stunned silence.

"You didn't say…_yes_…did you?" came from Noah.

"I did" I said calmly.

"Who else knows this?" came from Kid.

"Me" came from Teaspoon.

"And me" came from Rachel.

*And me* came from Ike.

"So…when's the wedding?" came from Jimmy.

Buck and I laughed. "We haven't set a date yet" he said. "We wanted y'all to know first" I added.

The fellas just laughed and shook their heads. "Beats me how y'all managed to keep _that_ secret" Cody grinned.

"When did he pop the question, Lou?" Kid asked, a genuine smile on his face.

I leaned into Buck. "When we were done that run to Green River" I said, smiling into Buck's beautiful eyes now alight with happiness. "I guess we figured we'd come just a little too close to death to not seize the day."

"Does this mean that Lou now officially and to everyone outside the family becomes 'Louise'?" Rachel asked with a smile.

"Teaspoon?" I asked.

"Yep – Lou McLeod is now officially 'Louise' McLeod…and soon to be Louise McLeod _Cross_" he said with satisfaction. "You young'uns has just got to set a date – 'cause we just won't let you alone until you do, you know" he added.

Ike gently rapped on the table to get our attention. *When's your birthday, Lou?* he asked with a wicked grin. *It's coming up pretty soon, isn't it?*

I laughed out loud at that. "Sure is, Ike" I answered. "October twenty-fourth."

Buck regarded me. "How about it, Lou?" he grinned.

"Sounds good to me" I grinned back. He leaned over and kissed me full on the lips, to the whistles and catcalls of our brothers. "I guess it's official" Rachel said happily. "Hot dang!" Teaspoon exclaimed. "Does this mean we have to do your chores now?" Cody asked.

Noah left for his run to Big Sandy; Kid, Jimmy, and Cody returned to the barn to load hay into the loft; Buck, Ike, and I remained to talk with Teaspoon. Rachel poured out the last of the coffee then left us to start washing up. Teaspoon looked at the three of us.

"What's on yer minds?" he asked, cradling the coffee cup in his hands. "Somethin to do with yer plans fer the future?"

We all nodded. "We'll be needing a place to live, and a barn and corrals for the horses" Buck began. "We remembered what you told Noah, about the Express selling off its assets."

*Lou has a really good idea* Ike added. Teaspoon looked at me. "And that would be – "

"Buying the way station" I said. "It has what we need to get started. Room for all of us, as well as you and Rachel if you decide this is where you'd like to live, and the bunkhouse for Noah and the other ranch hands. "

*We all have been saving our wages for a year and a half now* Ike signed. *We need to find out more – like what the station would sell for*

"I see" Teaspoon said thoughtfully. "Have you thought about getting horses to breed?"

"Tom Southem in Big Sandy has offered to sell us good mares" Buck said. "And foals from his best mare, Twitch, once he starts breeding her. I found what looks to be a really good stallion from wild stock, out by Green River."

"Mmm-hmm" was all Teaspoon said. "Mmm-hmm." He looked from one of us, to the other, to the other. "Let me see what I can find out about the way station" was all he said. I exchanged glances with Buck and Ike, who just shrugged their shoulders. "Meantime, get the list from Rachel and take the wagon to Tompkins' to get the supplies in. Buck, Ike, you can help load hay when Cody leaves for his run. Lou – _Louise_ – you can give Rachel a hand gettin th' evenin meal together." He rose from the table and left the bunkhouse without a word.

*What do you make of that?* Ike signed to Buck and me. Both of us shrugged.

"With Teaspoon, it could mean just about anything" Buck said wryly. "He won't talk until he's good and ready." We made our way to the house, where Rachel was hanging up the dish towels to dry. She took one look at our faces and smiled in sympathy.

"Whatever it is, he'll talk when he's good and ready." We laughed because she'd very successfully read our minds. "Ike, go hitch up the wagon, would you?" When he'd left, she turned to me and Buck.

"I'm glad everyone knows about your engagement now" she smiled. "And glad that you two don't have to hide your feelings any more!"

Buck and I grinned at her. "Believe me, Rachel, it's a huge relief" Buck said. "I was getting tired of hiding beside the barn" I added. She beamed at us. "What?" I said, slightly embarrassed.

"Oh – there's something about planning for a wedding" she said happily. "Have you made any plans just yet?"

Buck and I exchanged a glance; he raised his eyebrows at me. "Well – the only thing I've really decided is about a dress" I said hesitantly. Rachel nodded expectantly. "Um – I don't really want to wear a white dress" I finished. Buck looked relieved; Rachel looked shocked.

"Why, Louise?" she asked, tilting her head to look at me.

"Well, because – I'm definitely _not _a virgin" I said. "And I don't think it's right to be that kind of hypocrite."

Rachel pursed her lips; I crossed my arms over my chest. She was on the verge of speaking when Buck spoke.

"I have an idea, if you'd like to hear it" he said, his voice quietly authoritative. I nodded, relieved. "What is it, Buck?"

"Lou and I were dressed in ceremonial Kiowa dress for the vision quest" he said.

"They were so beautiful, Buck" I said softly, remembering. "In another vision, we wore them during our wedding ceremony." I sighed. "I would love to be able to wear them again for our wedding."

"We can wear them, Louise" he said quietly, squeezing my shoulder. "What?" I gasped.

"Eagle Who Flies Far told Evening Star and Dark Horse to pack them in my saddle bags." My eyes widened, questioning, and Buck nodded. "I – just didn't tell you – until now" he chuckled.

"Ohhh" I sighed happily. "Rachel, they are absolutely _beautiful_ " I said dreamily. "After the sacred fire had been lit, I snuck a peek over at Buck and Rachel, he was just so handsome I thought I was going to die" I finished.

"You never told me that" Buck whispered in my ear with a sly smile. "I know" I giggled. "It was my secret." He kissed my ear.

"Buck, that sounds absolutely wonderful" Rachel said happily. "Though, they might look a little out of place inside a church – "

"A what?" Buck said, his voice stiff with offence. "Lou, we need to talk about this." Rachel looked to be on the verge of speaking again, but I spoke before she had a chance.

"Actually, Buck – Rachel – " I said somewhat nervously. "I have given that some thought. Just something that came to me one day not very long ago." I licked my lips; Rachel looked like a thundercloud and Buck was glaring daggers at her.

"And what was that, Louise?" Rachel said in a dangerously quiet tone. Buck tensed and I put my hand on his arm.

"There is – that is, Buck and I – we have a special place where we like to go sometimes" I began. Buck relaxed ever so slightly. Rachel's expression became slightly less ominous. Encouraged, I continued.

"Just outside of town about a mile, right Buck?" He nodded. "It's real pretty – a creek runs by a big flat rock that we call our picnic rock." Buck smiled as did Rachel.

"Well, what if we was all to ride out there, and Buck and I wore our ceremonial clothing, and Teaspoon was to marry us there on the picnic rock?" I felt positively inspired now. "It'd be October and the leaves would all be changing colour – " I appealed to them both. "What do you think?"

Buck and Rachel both were truly smiling now. "I love that idea, Lou" Buck said softly. "Thank you."

"Louise, that is the best idea I've ever heard! An outdoor wedding – in a meadow by running water – oh, my girl, that will be beautiful!" Rachel's eyes were shining. Just then Ike walked in the front door, looked at the three of us, and signed*Are we going for supplies or not?* with a grin.

**Disclaimer:almost forgot – not mine/never will be/ blah blah blah.**

**A/N:Well! This one was especially fun to research…hehehe…Couldn't find a Kiowa word for – you know – but what I did find was a word from the language of the Native Americans who live in Death Valley.**

**I also had lots of fun with this chapter, which was a kind of hap****py accident. I was in the process of writing an offshoot story called "Love and Desire" told from Emily's POV. When attempting to send it to a fellow reader for a once-over, I proceeded to delete the whole thing! I only sulked for one night, though, and got busy starting over. This chapter just wrote itself, and I'm so pleased it worked out the way it did. We got to hear things from Ike's POV – he's so sweet, isn't he? I just love him to pieces. I hope it came out funny and tender – that's what I was striving for.**

**As far as what happened with the Express and deletion of one rider per home station, that is pure fiction – as is the timeline for the progression of the telegraph, so be aware and don't be upset that I've taken such liberties.**

**Still good days, which are very good, and bad days, which are – bad. I am doing what's called going with the flow. One day at a time.**

**We will hear Emily's POV shortly. She has much to say, the dear! And Lou is turning into such an incredible woman. Let me know what you think – as always I love to hear from** **everyone. I hope to have a good day soon that I can use to read and review new stories and fellow writers' updates. I am woefully behind, I know - but no one has been forgotten.**

**Hope Santa was good to y'all ;) ML**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: not mine, never will be.**

**A/N: Wow, things are moving fast! Lou is no longer an Express rider, she and Buck no longer have to hide their feelings for each other in public, the engagement has been announced, and Ike and Emily are no longer virgins. Wait a second - we heard what Ike had to say but not Emily. Well, if anyone can get her to open up it'll be Lou...;) Read on to find out...! DA-Da-da...**

I was never so glad to see Ike as I was just then - Lord only knew what Rachel would want to discuss next. I could sense Buck's restlessness, not that I could blame him for feelin that way. Marriage was a far simpler matter among his people, with a very simple ceremony and then the "joining" of the newly married couple - that was it. All things considered I think I preferred the Kiowa way of doin things; sure, weddings were nice and all, but the thought of all that fuss - what did it mean, really? The very thought of me tricked out in a puffy white dress in a church with all them flowers and Buck dressed in a suit and tie - if he had his way, he'd just wear a loincloth - made me feel itchy, like scratchy new longjohns.

When Ike barged in, Buck and I made good our escape and let Ike retrieve the list from Rachel. He just looked at the two us and laughed

*I'd hate to be in your shoes right now* he signed with an evil grin. Buck knocked his hat off, and I just groaned.

We climbed aboard the wagon; Buck took the reins and released the brake. From beside me, Ike turned to face me. The look on his face made me feel distinctly uneasy. I tried to grin but didn't quite succeed.

*So, Lou* he began. *Should we start calling you 'Louise' in public now?*

"Why on earth would you do that, Ike? I'm just Lou, same as always" I said, puzzled.

*Oh* he said, looking innocent. *I thought you'd be wanting to shout from the rooftops, 'Hey everybody! I'm a girl!' No?*

"Come on, Ike" I said, frowning. "Nothin's really changed...I mean, I don't have to pretend to be a fella anymore, but..." Ike was smirking and Buck was laughing outright. We pulled up in front of Tompkins' store. "What is with you two?" I demanded.

*Buck and I will look the other way if you want to shop for a corset...and maybe some frilly pantaloons?* Ike signed, still smirking.

I jumped up onto the boardwalk. "Now why would I do that?" I asked, irritated. "I don't have to wear skirts and dresses and frilly girl things...oh God, do I?" I said in horror. "I don't want to dress like a girl _all_ the time!"

I heard laughter all around me; my face turned red with embarrassment when I realized that a group of young girls, the Reverend and Mrs. Carswell, and Tompkins had all heard me. I made a beeline for the store. "I've heard some strange stories about those Express riders!" I heard one girl giggle to her friends. "I'll get you for this, Ike McSwain" I hissed as I ducked behind a canned milk display.

Fortunately Ike and Buck decided I'd had enough for time being and handed the list over to Tompkins, giving me time to cool off. I took several deep breaths, tucked in my shirt, and straightened my hat. I stepped out from my hiding place and looked for Buck and Ike; they were busy with Tompkins. Mrs. Carswell greeted me, a broad smile on her face.

"Good day, Lou" she said graciously. "or, should I say _Louise_?"

"Ma'am?" I stammered.

"Oh, my dear...don't look so distraught." She laid her cool hand on my arm. "Why, I've known you're a girl since the day the Express riders came to Rock Creek!"

"You - you have?" I gulped. "Ma'am - does anyone know this besides you - and the other riders, and Rachel and Teaspoon?"

"My dear girl" she laughed merrily, "why, I expect 'most everybody knows - except for poor Mr. Dogue, his eyesight's failing. Why - "she led me by the hand over to where the boys were picking out salt, pepper, sugar, spices, and flour. "Bill?" she said to Tompkins.

"What can I do for you, Mrs. Carswell?" Tompkins said absentmindedly, handing Ike a tin of cinnamon.

"Bill, how long have you known Lou here is really Louise?" she inquired with a twinkle in her eye. Buck and Ike exchanged an uneasy glance, then looked at Tompkins.

He dusted his hands off on his apron front and regarded me with a grin. "Well, let me think" he chuckled and set his hands on his generous hips. He scrutinized me closely until I began to fidget and sweat nervously. "Yeah" he said finally. "That would have to be the day you clocked me with a skillet in the old store over to Sweetwater. We had a little - uh, difference of opinion over Buck, here." He shook his head and chuckled ruefully. "Ain't no one can swing a skillet like that 'cept a woman. And you, young lady, were madder 'n' a wet hen, if I recall right." He rubbed his head. "You gave me somethin' to remember you by, Louise!"

I didn't know what to make of that, so I stared at a spot on the floor then glanced at Mrs. Carswell who was trying very hard not to laugh. I peeked at Ike, who sported a huge smirk, then at Buck who was silently shaking with laughter. I couldn't take it any more and burst into gales of laughter, followed by Mrs. Carswell who couldn't hold it in, either.

"You see?" Mrs. Carswell gasped when she was able to speak. I handed her a clean handkerchief and she wiped her eyes, then handed it back to me. "No one could mistake you for a boy for very long, Louise - you are far too lovely for that."

Ike smiled at me, and Buck squeezed my hand. My face flushed plum purple, I was sure of it. "Thank you" I managed to croak.

"Not at all" Mrs. Carswell said graciously. "As for the two of you" she indicated me and Buck, "you can't mistake the way you look at each other, either."

"That's for sure" Tompkins muttered with a smile.

"You're right about that." Buck spoke up suddenly, surprising me. "In fact, Lou here - Louise, I mean - has agreed to become my wife."

Stunned silence. Then -

"Oh, congratulations!" Mrs. Carswell exclaimed, beaming, her lovely deep blue eyes alight. "How wonderful! When is the wedding, my dear?" She looked from me to Buck then back to me.

"The twenty-fourth of October" I said, grinning at Ike who shuffled his feet. "But, ma'am - there's something you should know" I said a little hesitantly.

"What is that, Louise?" she asked calmly. Buck set his arm around me reassuringly.

"Well - thing is, we've decided not to get married in the church." Mrs. Carswell merely nodded, completely unruffled by this news. I continued, feeling a little more brave. " I'm - hoping, with all my heart, that folks'll understand and that God will understand, too, that it just wouldn't be right. For _us,_ for Buck 'n' me. I mean" and I appealed to Mrs. Carswell, so kind and understanding, "the nuns taught us that God is everywhere. Isn't He?"

"The Kiowa believe that the Spirits are everywhere also, beside us and all around us and inside of us, too" Buck added with quiet conviction.

Tompkins raised his eyebrows and I was prepared for the worst. Mrs. Carswell took one of my hands; when she reached for Buck, he recoiled with surprise - white women almost never willingly approached him, let alone touched him. When he realized what she meant to do, though, he offered her his hand with a shy murmur of "Ma'am."

"You're doing what is right for _you_" she said earnestly. "And that means more than all the fancy fixings in the world. As long as you know what is right in your hearts, God will understand and smile on you. As will the Spirits, I think" she said to Buck. She squeezed our hands. "I am so happy for you both" she said, smiling.

"Thank you, ma'am" Buck said quietly, but he was pleased, I could tell. Tompkins cleared his throat and scratched his chin, then looked at Buck.

"You've turned into a real fine man, Buck" he said. "I hope we can put our differences aside. I wish you and Lou a long, happy life together."

"Thank you, sir." Buck and Tompkins shook hands solemnly. Tompkins laughed suddenly.

"You'd best keep on her good side, son - she swings a mean skillet!" he chuckled.

"That's real good advice, sir" Buck agreed.

"Watch it" I muttered, "or you may be bunkin with the horses."

Buck caught this and winked at me. Ike laughed and shook his head, and went back to finish the grocery shopping, followed by Tompkins. Mrs. Carswell excused herself, and I headed towards the ladies' wear display.

"Want me to help you pick out some underpinnings?" Buck asked, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. I pursed my lips.

"Mmm...no thanks" I said. "Lord knows _what_ you'd have me wearin, Buck Cross!"

"It doesn't really matter one way or the other, Lou" Buck said easily. "I wouldn't let it stay on you for very long anyhow."

My eyebrows shot up to the middle of my forehead. "_Buck_!" I exclaimed, shocked. I glanced around nervously; Ike shook with laughter, but if Tompkins had heard he didn't let on. I swatted Buck's arm, hard. "You behave yourself!" I whispered. "We're not at the station."

Buck lapsed into a respectable silence then; quite possibly he believed I would make him bunk with the horses. I decided to save my shopping for when I was alone. We joined Ike and Tompkins at the till where Tompkins was tallying up the sales.

"Three dollars even" Tompkins said. "I'll put it on Rachel's tab - be sure to tell her." We nodded and began to carry the dry goods out to the wagon. The boys decided that I'd been teased enough for time being, and let me be. Back at the station I unhitched the wagon while Buck and Ike unloaded the groceries. I hung the harness in the tack room and let Cloud out into the paddock with the other horses who weren't being worked that day. Up at the house, Rachel told me she wouldn't be needing me until about an hour before supper, which left me with plenty of time to visit.

I quickly gobbled down a muffin and filled my canteen with cold water before heading to the barn to saddle Lightning. Ike ambled over to me just as I was about to mount up. *Would you say hello to Emily for me, Lou?* he asked with a gentle smile.

"Sure thing, Ike" I said with a grin. "Umm...Ike?" He nodded questioningly. "There's something maybe you should know before I go."

He frowned. *What is it, Lou?*

Just then Buck joined us. I spoke before he could. "Ike, when I woke up this mornin, Buck wasn't there. So I got up and went out to the barn. I saw that Amigo was back in his stall and you'd given him oats and water but neither you nor Buck was around anywhere. So I went up into the hayloft to wait for you. Thing is" I hesitated, "you and Buck came back to the barn together, and I heard the two of you talkin. Please don't be mad, I wasn't plannin on eavesdroppin...it just turned out that way."

I looked from one to the other. Buck and Ike exchanged a look; Buck chuckled and Ike just shrugged. *It's no matter, Lou - remember the talk we had in Platte Bridge?* I nodded, remembering. *Well, you told me a whole lot of things that could've been embarrassing but the way you told 'em, they weren't*

"Thanks, Ike" I said shyly. "It's real sweet of you to say that."

He hugged me with one arm. *It sure made things a whole lot easier with - umm, Emily. When we went to - you know* He blushed just the tiniest bit.

I giggled softly and Buck just chuckled and scratched his nose. "It can be a bit awkward, the first time" he said, with a hint of a blush to hs honey-golden skin.

I poked him in the side. "What d'you mean? You sure didn't seem awkward to _me_!" I said, surprised that he admitted to having felt that way.

Buck opened his mouth to speak but Ike beat him to it. *You sure you just weren't too busy checking out his - _wua_ * He mouthed the last word, not knowing the sign for it.

"_Ike_!" I exclaimed, embarrassed beyond belief. Buck roared with laughter, and I poked him again. He yelped. Ike dissolved into hopeless laughter and I poked him, too.

"Honestly!" I said, exasperated.

"Well, weren't you?" Buck asked, a smug expression on his face.

"Well, yeah, I guess - I was - lookin around a little, sure..." My voice trailed off into silence. "Seriously...you felt awkward?"

"Lou, I was scared to _death_" Buck said, now flaming red.

"You sure coulda' fooled me" I muttered with a sly grin. "Just please tell me you don't feel that way now!"

"What d'you think?" Buck whispered in my ear. I felt something hard poke my back. "Does this feel 'awkward' to you?"

"No, it doesn't. Not at all" I whispered back to him. "But you'd better lose it somehow before Ike sees what you've got there!"

*It's all right, Lou - he always gets like that when he's thinkin about you and him and - *

I cut Ike off. "I'll send Emily your regards, Ike" I said loudly, mounting up. I leaned down and kissed Buck firmly on the lips, finishing off with a tiny nip. He jumped back, surprised.

*What's wrong - did she bite you?* Ike asked with a smirk.

"Yep!" Buck muttered. "Ow! damn!" he said, holding his fingers to his bottom lip to check for blood.

I urged Lightning into a gallop, shaking my head and laughing to myself. I gave a quick glance behind me and a wave.

Away from the station I slowed Lightning to a gentle canter; there was no need to hurry and it was the most beautiful end-of-summer day. I lifted my face to the sun, letting my hat slide off, and enjoyed the sunny breeze in my hair. I thought of the two fellas I loved more than anyone, glad that Buck and I were joined and that my gentle brother was now joined to a woman he loved more than life.

I only wished that all those whom I loved could find the same kind of love, too.

As we approached Emily's house, I could see her in the small garden plot yanking up weeds for all she was worth. I drew near and dismounted, tying the reins to the front porch railing. When I turned, Emily was walking towards me - her face red and streaked with tears.

"What on earth - ?" I exclaimed. "Emily?"

I didn't figure her to be a woman who cried easily or often. She looked at me and the tears began afresh. "Oh, honey" I said and hugged her hard. She sobbed into my shoulder. I reached up and smoothed her wet hair off of her forehead.

"Come on - let's go inside" I said quietly but firmly, leading her by the hand. I saw the dishrag on the counter and plunged it into the bucket of water. Wringing it out, I handed it to Emily and she wiped off her tearstained face. I filled the kettle with fresh water and set it on the stove to boil. We sat down at the table.

"Emily, what is wrong?" I asked in a low voice. She tried to speak and hiccupped.

"Honey, is it Ike?" I asked gently. She nodded furiously and wiped her eyes again. I waited patiently - I knew she would tell me soon as she could speak.

My patience was rewarded. "Lou" she said, eyes puffy and nose running, "I think Ike is having -second thoughts, about - you know, us - and what - we did - last night." She choked out the last couple of words. My heart felt like it was breaking. I could only imagine how her poor heart must have felt then.

"Why do you think that?" I asked, reaching over to squeeze her hand. She sniffled, took a deep choppy breath in, and let it out slowly.

"It was - so _beautiful_, Lou" she began. "Ike - escorted me - home last night. It was lovely, and - and fresh outside, so we sat on the por - porch swing for a while."

She wiped her eyes yet again, and in her face I could see her struggle to get hold of herself. I admired her resolve so much. Presently, she continued.

"I got us lemonade and we sat and talked." I chuckled, and she looked at me, a tiny watery smile on her face.

"I always feel like Ike and I are talking, even though he can't talk the way you and I are right now, you know what I mean?" she asked. I nodded, smiling.

"Always."

The kettle had come to a boil. I filled the teapot, put the tea leaves inside the teaball, and set it inside to steep. Emily rose and got out teacups and the sugarbowl; we set it all on the table. She sighed and ran her hand through her hair. I set my elbows on the table and leaned forward.

"It sounds as though your evening got off to a lovely start" I said quietly with the barest hint of a smile. She smiled back at me, a real smile.

"Oh, it did, Lou" she continued. "We eventually just fell into a silence - a _good_ kind of silence - and looked up at the stars and listened to the night sounds all around. Ike's arm had slipped around me by then, only not around my shoulders like he usually does - around my waist. I just kinda smiled into his eyes, and his expression wasn't - ummm, stern, exactly, but he looked serious and kind of intense. I knew he wanted to kiss me, really kiss me the way people who are in love kiss."

Emily paused, looking down at the tabletop, and drew her fingertip around in a spiral. Then she looked up at me.

"I think he somehow knew just how much I wanted him to kiss me like that."

I thought about that for a moment. "Ike has a way of gettin what people mean, real quick. It doesn't surprise me any more - but it sure did before I got to know him!" I chuckled and Emily joined me, nodding her head.

"Yep" she grinned. "He knew, all right. And it just happened, real sweet. Then he pulled back and looked at me as if to say, 'do you want to do that again?' Of course I did" she added before I could open my mouth to ask.

She closed her eyes and smiled. "So naturally I asked him if he wanted to stay with me. Oh, I wanted him to, all right. And so did he. We made sure the horses were tended to and closed up the barn for the night. Ike put his tack with mine, but he brought his saddlebag into the house with him." I raised my eyebrows and quickly poured us tea.

We both took quick sips of the hot brew. Then Emily continued on.

"I locked all the doors and windows like I do every night, and when I turned around Ike handed me a parcel" she smiled. I drew in a deep breath.

"Umm - Emily?" I asked hesitantly. She nodded, sipping tea.

"I know what was inside that parcel." She raised her eyebrows. "See, I was with Ike when he picked out that lovely, lovely gown - it was when we were in Platte Bridge. And actually" I smiled, remembering, "he helped me pick out a gown and robe for me, too. Well - me _and_ Buck, to be honest."

She laughed heartily. "It is so beautiful, Lou. I'm glad you got to see when he picked it out. So first thing, I ran upstairs and tore off my clothes and put on the gown and robe."

"And?" I asked, holding my teacup with both hands and smiling wickedly.

She smiled back just as wickedly. "_And_, I hollered for Ike to come on upstairs already!"

I threw my head back and laughed until tears leaked out from my eyes. "He ran upstairs, right?" I cocked an eyebrow.

"Of course he did" Emily laughed. "Ike is a perfect gentleman - "

" - but he wanted to see that nightgown" we said at the same time. We both wiped our streaming eyes. A few sips of tea calmed us.

I looked across at Emily with her dreamy expression and smiled to myself. She glanced at me and caught my smile.

"He loved the robe and gown, Lou. I could just tell by the look on his face." Her expression changed, from dreamy to radiant.

I nodded knowingly. "He did, all right. Especially when you took the robe off."

""How can you be so sure of that, Lou?" She cocked her head slightly. I drew in my breath yet again.

I knew I had to tell her that I'd seen - and heard - Ike's description of events, with Buck's input. I had to tell Emily that I knew how Ike felt, it was only right that she know that I already knew his side of things. It wasn't something I felt I could rightly keep from her.

I hoped she wouldn't be mad - these here were pretty personal feelins we were talkin about.

I braced myself for the worst.

"Emily, I woke up without Buck in bed with me this mornin. So I waited up in the hayloft for either of our fellas to show up, but they both came inside the barn together and started talkin. I stayed up there til after they was done - but I told Ike that I'd overheard what he and Buck had been sayin. So he knows. And now you know." I swallowed hard. "I didn't listen in on purpose - it just happened that way." She was staring at me. "Please, don't be angry..."

She finally cracked a smile - a sunny, happy smile. "Lou, I would be hard-pressed to get angry with you. I'd have to try awful hard. I'm not mad - I'm relieved, really."

It was my turn to stare at her. "Why?" I asked bluntly.

"'Cause" she grinned. "The same way Ike needed Buck as a sounding board, I need you, too. And think of all the personal things about you and Buck you told me when you barely even knew me! It meant so much to me then that you trusted me, to even mention them. I trust you now."

I was beyond words right then.

"Well" I said when I could speak again, "he said you looked just like a green-eyed angel come down from heaven. That was with the robe still on!"

"Oh, that sweet man" she whispered, turning pink. "He couldn't keep his hands off me when I took the robe off. So I _had_ to kiss him hard, and I just wanted to tear the clothing right off of him - "

"He did happen to mention that - and the fact that he loved seeing the shape of your, ahhh, unclothed body through the gown..." I said dryly.

Emily laughed. "Lou, he asked me when my next monthly was. Did you have something to do with that? 'Cause if you did, I am so grateful. And so touched. That was thoughtful."

It was my turn to flush. "I did happen to mention it to him when we were in Platte Bridge, yes. But Buck gets the credit for thinking of it in the first place, the very first time we made love." I glanced down at the tabletop, remembering that sunny day when Buck and I had had the picnic together, laughed ourselves silly together, and finally made love together. "He surprised me then, that he'd even thought to ask, but there ain't too many secrets between men and women among the Kiowas. I loved that about him then and I love it about him now. He _thinks_ about things."

"You know, we've really got the best men in the Territory" she mused.

"The entire country, if you ask me" I chuckled. "Buck loves it when I undress him...and Ike claims to also love it when you undress him!"

"Does he really?" Emily raised her eyebrows. "I loved finally being able to do that...you know how I'd been feeling about Ike." I nodded with a grin. "And he has just a beautiful body, I love the way he looks with his clothing on but ever since that day we saw the fellas at the swimming hole...oh, Lou...I'd been hoping and praying that he felt the same way. That he trusted me enough to let me unclothe him - and when he did, I was so overcome I just up and kissed him again...and he pulled back and drew the gown up over my head and off...I felt like my heart was bursting and I was thinking, 'oh my God, this is _Ike_, and we are going to make love or do some intimate thing.' I didn't feel like plain old dumpy Emily any more, I felt radiant - just like a queen..."

Not surprisingly, she ran out of breath. I laughed and she grinned. "What?" she demanded, pink-faced. I couldn't help it - I laughed again.

"You remind me of someone" I said. "I think it's me." I looked at her appraisingly. "And do not let me ever again hear you say 'plain' or 'dumpy' about yourself, Emily Metcalfe! You have no idea how lovely you really are - and Ike thinks so, too!" I ranted. "You have a lovely, sweet face with fair skin..._beautiful_ green eyes...you're generous and kind and outspoken and confident...not to mention honest...and your body? Why, you're full and ripe and voluptuous...you've got the 'heaving bosoms' that I would so love to have...you're absolutely beautiful!"

It was my turn to run out of air so I sat, glowering, across the table at Emily. She stared at me in shock.

"Lou" she said quietly. "I - I just - don't know what to say. But you mean all that, I know. 'Cause you mean what you say."

"Darn right, Emily Metcalfe. Do you have any idea how much Rachel's looks used to torment me? All the fellas damn near drooled all over her. Didn't help that she wore them low-necked blouses, and you could practically see her nipples stickin out over top!"

Emily's mouth fell open. I burst into laughter. "Okay, maybe not _quite_ that much...but you get the picture. I love that Buck loves me just the way I am, 'most flat as a pancake and I make a broomstick look fat to boot!"

"You do not - and you are not! " Emily scolded. "Honestly, Louise" she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "Think about it. What if you did have breasts the size of Rachel's? Why, you'd tip right over! And what if you had Rachel's bubbies and my hips? You couldn't be an Express rider - never mind you'd look like a girl, all right, but you wouldn't even be able to mount Lightning!"

"Let alone ride him" I murmured, giggling, a picture forming in my head of Rachel's breasts, Emily's hips, and my tiny frame. And the fellas all running away in terror as fast as their legs would carry them.

I dissolved into a heap of giggles, as did Emily. Our eyes and noses ran; she fetched me a dishtowel and used the dishrag to blow her nose into. We laughed until we wept. More tea was then the order of the day.

"Oh my _Lord_" Emily sighed presently, wiping her eyes with her hand.

"Wasn't that what you said the first time you saw Ike with his pants off?" I said, feeling absolutely wicked.

"Why...yes... it was" she replied. "It was also what I thought when I saw him in all of his - ahh, fully naked and aroused male glory!"

I stared at her, then laughed long and hard. "Well, honey, I had a thought along those same lines when I first saw Buck in that same state! Only, it was more like 'Oh my _Lord_ , how am I ever going to fit all of that inside of me!"

I looked at her, my mouth twitching. She looked at me, her mouth twitching. Suddenly, we burst into hysterical laughter that we could not stop, so help me. I laughed until my eyes streamed once more; I gave up on the poor dishtowel and wiped my nose on my sleeve. The shirt was dirty and needed washing anyway. I saw Emily doing the same thing with the sleeve of her shirt. We were very practical women, it seemed.

We did evenyually stop the uncontrollable laughter though; we had to, in order to breathe. Emily got up from her chair with some difficulty, and got a plate out from the sideboard. She loaded it with cookies from the breadbox.

"What is it about crying 'n' laughing that makes you so hungry?" I asked around a mouthful of raisin cookie.

"Beats me...but you're right" she mumbled, her mouth full. We ate cookies and drank tea in silence for several moments; presently Emily wiped her mouth and looked over at me. Her expression was somewhat more serious than it had been. I wiped my mouth with the dishtowel and sat up straighter.

"So you heard about all of what happened..." she said quietly. I nodded, my face softening.

"Buck 'n' Ike've been the best of friends for years, Emily...an' I heard everythin, yeah...but Ike - he was so honest with what he said an' how he said it. He wasn't crude at all. He professed to feelin embarrassed an' awkward, 'cause he sure as shootin had never done anythin like_ that_, before. Buck never even laughed at him, he laughed with him...guess he was rememberin things with him 'n' me, too."

"Ike is so gentle with love...like he is with everything. And considerate, too. He didn't seem to mind that I kind of moved his hand a little to where I liked it best." Emily blushed and laughed softly. "I guess I don't need to tell you how good that felt, what he was doing."

"It sure does feel good. When Buck first went to do that to me I was really kinda scared that it was gonna hurt to be touched there...'cause everythin that Wicks had done to me down there had hurt." I chuffed out a tiny laugh that was more like a sigh. "Nothin that Buck has done to me, or with me, has ever hurt. It's only ever felt so good, and so right. I guess Ike is much the same..."

"Oh, yes...I thought it would be so different somehow, more - mechanical or something. And it is," she added, seeing me crack a wry smile, " but it's so much more than than. Admit it, it is."

"It is, that's for sure" I finally relented. "You know, before Buck I'd never even seen a man who was - you know - fully - " I gestured with my hand.

" Erect? Not even Kid?" Emily's eyebrows rose.

"Well, I'd only ever seen it like that through his clothing." A hard blush slammed over my face. "And honestly - " for some reason I lowered my voice, "I didn't want to see _his_ - " Again, I gestured with my hand.

"Penis? That's what Auntie Mason told me to call it - that that is the proper medical name and it sounds more professional, and is a less embarrassing name to call it by - "

"I don't know about _that_" I mumbled.

"Me either" Emily giggled. "Even as a nurse, I'd never touched one, erect or otherwise."

It was my turn to giggle. "I sure as shootin had never touched one! Oh, I'd _seen_ Cody's - he likes to show it off, he thinks it's for all the ladies to just die for - he ain't shy! And Jimmy's - he ain't shy neither. But _touch_ one of them things? Not until Buck, I sure hadn't." I lowered my eyes, then glanced up shyly at Emily. To my surprise, she had lowered her eyes, too, and was studying a knot in the wooden tabletop with apparent interest. We glanced at each other at the same time; our eyes met, and we giggled like little girls.

"Uhm..." she began, and giggled again.

"Yeah...they sure do feel - _strange_, almost...I ain't never touched skin that feels the way that kind of skin feels. It's smooth, kinda, but..." I didn't quite know how to explain.

"I know...smooth...but _not_ quite smooth...underneath the skin, like, it isn't all smooth..." Emily trailed off into silence.

We both were clearly at a loss as to how to express how a penis felt exactly.

"The fellas probably didn't know what to expect either - I mean, touching a woman for the first time?" Emily said shyly. I nodded in agreement.

"Lord knows, neither of them had touched a woman _there_ before - before they were with us" I laughed. "You know - oh God, this is so embarrassing - " I blushed yet again, but at least I was with Emily, who I trusted the most next to Buck and as much as Ike, "it does feel so nice, you know, when you're all worked up and you get all warm and - and wet, and you feel like you're swelling up down there and you feel that tiny little bud start to throb and twinge..."

"Oh yeah" Emily sighed. "It just feels _so_ good...I guess it would hurt a whole lot if they tried to, you know, get inside and we weren't all warm and wet...kind of dry, and rough...it feels so good to be touched and caressed." She looked at me shyly. "Ike is so damn good at it...I never knew it was going to feel that good. He kissed me while he was touching me and I started making so much noise...but that didn't bother him, I think he knew it meant I liked what he was doing." She looked down, and so did I; this was all so personal. But it felt good, too, in a way, to be able to talk about it with someone my own age, someone who knew just how I felt.

"Ike kissed me everywhere he possibly could. When his mouth touched my breast I kind of - _jumped_ a little bit. The skin of my areola went all - "

"Your _what_?" I interrupted, puzzled.

"The darker-coloured skin around the nipple" Emily explained.

"Oh" I said, feeling a little foolish. Emily didn't seem to even notice, though; she kept talking and I was glad of that.

"It went all kind of hard, and puckery, but then he put his lips around my nipple and suckled it inside his mouth. Oh God, Lou...it felt even better than his fingers."

"I know" I said in a near-whisper. "There's nothin babyish about it when they do that...must be a man-woman kind of thing then."

"I pushed up, hard, into Ike and cried out...pretty hard to keep quiet...and he held me tight in his arms til I stopped moving. I was feeling bad because I'd wanted to be so sure of myself and what to do then, but I wasn't. I told him that, but he just held me tight and the look on his face said 'Don't worry about it. Neither of us has done this and it's just gonna be figuring it all out.' " She swallowed. "I said to him that I knew the first time we made love it was going to hurt some, putting himself inside me the first time. I told him I love him, Lou. And I took him in my hand and started to touch him and move my hand...I think he would've groaned then - he closed his eyes and started to move in time with me. Then we kissed, I think, and he helped me over onto my back. He was leaning up over top of me on his arms and I knew - that was it. The look on his face was so tender and so pleading, 'cause he didn't want his penis to hurt me - and he pushed and kind of nudged it along. It burned, just a little bit, and it felt so tight, but that was all. It wasn't so bad at all! "

She came up for air then. I waited for her to continue, if that was what she wanted to do. "We were moving sort of together and it was sloppy at first...then we both just got it somehow, and started moving together. Oh God, Lou! Everything inside me just started to tighten up but in a good way. And that tiny little bud was caught between us and we both kind of rubbed it against each other. Ike started to stiffen up - his muscles, like - and all of those good feelings in me just swirled together into one big strand that got stronger and stronger, tighter and tighter - and I just _shattered._ And Ike was right there with me at the same time and we held each other rocking and panting and nuzzling...Oh, Lou, I love him so much...so much..."

"Wow" I said in a tiny whisper. Emily rested her forearms on the table and slumped over. She gave a deep sigh, as did I. We sat in silence for a long moment, both of us just thinking our own thoughts, then I spoke quietly.

"Ike is a good man, a real good and carin, lovin man. He'd never ever hurt you on purpose in any way. What was makin you think he'd been havin second thoughts about - you know, what you'd done?"

Emily looked over at me with no trace of a smile to her face. "When we came downstairs here early this morning 'cause he had to get back to the station, he was fine - he seemed real happy and all, real loving. I turned my back to him for a moment to fill the kettle and stoke up the woodbox in the woodstove, and everything about him had changed, Lou. His actions, his expression, everything! And I cannot think of why!" She looked and sounded ready to cry again.

"Oh." I crossed my arms in front of me on the table and stared.

Wait.

The table? The ta -

I smacked my forehead with the palm of my hand and laughed at my own thickheadedness. Emily stared at me, frowning, as if I'd gone mad.

"Emily - where is that letter that Ike saw on your table early this morning?" I asked excitedly.

"Why - I posted it while I was in Rock Creek on my rounds this morning. Why?" She looked bewildered.

"It was addressed to a _man_, Emily - a man whom you'd never mentioned to Ike, in San Francisco!" I sat back, triumphant.

Her mouth fell open. "_Patrick_ - Mr. Muldoon! Oh, poor Ike! Mr. and Mrs. Muldoon were my friends and guardian angels for so long before pa died, and after!" Emily laughed at herself in sheer amazement. "I've known them all my life, they're just like family to me - but poor Ike, I'd never even thought to mention them to him - " She covered her mouth with her hand. "I must tell Ike straightaway. Oh, the poor dear..." she trailed off.

"Buck did tell him who Mr. Muldoon is and why you'd be writin to him" I said softly.

"I still must tell him" Emily said, getting to her feet. "Can I ride back to the station with you?"

"You bet" I laughed, glad of her company. I carried cups and plate to the counter while she fetched a fresh cloth and wiped down the table. I heard hoofbeats and looked out the window to see Buck on Spirit, his face looking grim.

I opened the front door and ran down the steps. "Buck, what is it?" I demanded.

"I'm going to saddle up Buster. Tell Emily that Doc Barnes needs her to go to Mr. Dogue as quick as she can ride!" Buck said, tying Spirit's reins to the porch railing. I flew back up the steps as Buck ran to the barn. Emily opened the door for me.

"I heard, Lou. I'm going to get a fresh apron and soap, and my bag" she said in clipped tones. I ran outside; Buck was leading Buster over to where our horses were tied. He held Buster's reins while Emily loaded her saddlebags with her nursing supplies, and I untied Lightning and Spirit.

"Thank you, Buck" Emily said, mounting Buster; Buck and I mounted our horses and we galloped off towards Rock Creek. Emily left us in town; Buck and I turned towards the station. Ike was there waiting for us and took the horses when we dismounted.

"Thanks, Ike" I smiled, giving his hand a squeeze. "Everything's all right - with Emily." I don't know what possessed me just then but I leaned up and kissed his cheek. He lowered his head and laughed, butting his shoulder against me.

*I'll see to your horses, okay?* he signed to me and Buck. We thanked him, and I headed for the house and the kitchen. Buck, to my surprise, followed me.

"Rachel?" I called, but there was no answer.

"Doc Barnes came here first, Lou - he thought Emily might've been here. I rode over to her place, and Rachel left to go with the Doc to Mr. Dogue's home" Buck explained.

"Sounds serious" I mused, washing my hands at the basin. Buck washed his as I was drying mine. I handed him the towel when I was done.

"It is. Mr. Dogue's got an awful cough, the Doc told Rachel, and a fever that won't break. He's coughing up blood, too. I told Rachel to stay if Doc and Emily needed her."

"Well - guess I got a supper to cook for the boys, then" I said, pursing my lips, my hands on my hips.

"Between the two of us, we can make a real good supper, I think" Buck said with a smile. I walked straight over to him and put my arms around his narrow hips.

"Have I told you yet today just how much I love you, Buck Cross?" I whispered tenderly, smiling into his eyes.

"You have - but that's one thing I never get tired of hearing, Lou" Buck answered equally tenderly. He inclined his head and his lips captured mine in a breathtaking, kneeshaking kiss. When his lips parted, my tongue entered his mouth and conducted a thorough investigation of its own - not that Buck seemed to mind. When I came in closer to him I felt the effects that I had had on him and laughed softly, thinking of all that Emily and I had talked about over tea and cookies. I reached in between us and held it gently with my hand. Buck groaned.

"Lou" he said in an agonized whisper, "I don't think this is the time or - or the place..."

I let go reluctantly. "I s'pose not" I said. "Later, okay?"

He nodded, mumbling something I couldn't quite make out - I think it was an oath in Kiowa. We set to scrubbing vegetables for cooked cabbage and baked potatoes, and started cooking up a great big pan of pork chops. While Buck watched the stove, I made up a big deep dish of Charlie pudding the way Emily had shown me and baked up the loaves of bread Rachel had set out to rise. We spelled each other as we washed up for supper and changed into clean clothing. Buck had opted for laundry detail instead of putting up hay, therefore was less tired than the other fellas and was why he'd opted to help me with the cooking. Come suppertime we carried the dishes over to the bunkhouse, had Noah say the blessing, and we all fell to.

The fellas were all pleasantly surprised with our joint effort. "Damn, Buck" Jimmy said, chewing a mouthful of chop, "you're a good cook. What other talents have you got hidden away that we don't know about?"

He and I looked at each other and burst into laughter. "Oh!" Kid said with a wide smile. "It's like that, is it?" Ike signed naughty, bawdy remarks with his hands and everyone burst out laughing.

"Well...this is a most pleasant surprise!" Rachel commented as she walked inside the bunkhouse, Emily and Teaspoon in tow. "To whom do we owe thanks for this delicious-smelling feast?"

*That would be Buck and Lou* Ike signed, smiling at us and moving over so that Emily could sit down beside him. He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on her lips; she beamed at him, pink-faced and smiling happily. Buck squeezed my hand and Jimmy winked at Buck.

I served up fresh hot coffee; it seemed I had good success with making a decent brew. We laughed and chattered away; Rachel told us that Mr. Dogue's fever had finally broken and he had already begun to improve above and beyond that.

"I'm going to stop and check on him after I leave here. Rachel, thank you so much for inviting me to supper" Emily said gratefully.

"It's Lou and Buck whom you should be thanking, I think" Rachel smiled. Teaspoon untucked his napkin, held in the worst of a belch, and leaned back in his chair.

"Well done, you two" he said appreciatively. "May this be the first of many delicious meals to come from the combined efforts of the soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Cross!"

"Hear, hear!" the fellas all called out and we all clanked glasses.

Emily and Ike volunteered to wash up, Noah and Kid to see to the horses for the night. Buck wiped down the big table while Jimmy and I swept the floor. Presently, Buck and I found ourselves wandering outside and began to slowly amble away from the station.

"Did you have a good visit today?" Buck asked, putting his arm around my waist.

"Oh, yeah...it's so nice to have another woman my age to talk with. I mean", and I slung my arm about Buck's waist, "there ain't nothin I cain't tell you, Buck, but sometimes I jest need another woman."

"Same's I need Ike sometimes" Buck said quietly with a gentle smile. We walked along in silence until we found ourselves at the picnic rock. We sat by the water's edge, watching the water ripple and bubble over the stones in the creekbed. Daylight began to fade, and mist rose from the water like wisps of shroud. I leaned into Buck and he nuzzled my hair, cupped my small breast with his hand . The nipple pebbled under the light touch of his fingertips and I moaned softly.

He turned to me, and I began to unbutton his shirt, as he unbuttoned mine. He kissed me full on the lips and drew back; I lifted my arms so he could pull the chemise top up and off. Naked from the waist up, we stood and trousers were undone, let fall to the ground, and stepped out of. We kissed deeply, passionately, and I took his erect penis into my hand, moving back and forth so that the foreskin slid up and over the head and back; I knew that Buck especially liked it when I did that. Soon, though, he drew me down to the small pile of clothing on the ground. He loomed over top of me and I rubbed my hands along the long, lean muscles of his arms. My legs fell open like flower petals opening to the warm sun, and he claimed me then. Not roughly, not gently, and I gave as good as I got. We fit together so well, Buck and I, and even as I moaned with the delicious sensations washing over me, around me, through me, I thought of Ike and Emily for a fleeting second, glad that they had persevered long enough to discover the love and joy that Buck and I had been so fortunate to find with other. I arched up hard, rocking, tightening around him, and he thrust his pubis hard against me, squeezing that tiny sensitive bud between our bones. I shattered, melted into flaming droplets of feeling, and his seed filled me deep inside as he murmured words of love to me, stiff and rigid, rocking with me, and, spent, we held each other in the dark night under the bright stars of heaven.

**A/N: what's cookin', indeed! Lots of that going on, I'd say. I'm so happy for Ike and Emily and I hope you are too. Kristina, I think that maybe Ike has found the woman who will make him swing from the chandeliers. Jenna, this is a lot of which constituted "Love and Desire", told from Emily's POV. Thank you for reading and your excellent pointers, they were just what this chapter** needed.** Anita, I - and Lou - wish to thank you for letting us squeeze in the reference to "heaving Bosoms" here - and please thank Cricket Jones for letting us borrow them,too. How is Cricket these days? I miss her, she's such a delight. To all the gals on the Plus and elsewhere, I love you and am having more good days now - the tide is beginning to turn at last. Cindy and Jalal, I hope I can catch up with you soon! Jalal, read this story, dammit, I value your sense of smut! I value everyone's sense of smut, honestly!**

**Hope this heated things up some; it's been COLD here near Ottawa, -40 some nights last week, but snowing now. Please, please let me know what you think. Reviews make me smile and truly feed my soul. Thank you, dear readers and writers, hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you think! :) ML**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: just the usual not-mine-and-never-will-be.**

**A/N: major warm fuzzy alert ahead!**

September had arrived, bringing with it warm but shorter days and cool, crisp nights. We were still busy getting ready for the winter ahead; the boys were finally putting away the last of the hay and Rachel and I were stocking the root cellar with hardy vegetables and shelf upon shelf of all manner of preserves. We figured that it would make far more sense to go into the winter with too much rather than too little.

At first, I regretted my decision to quit riding for the Express, but that feeling didn't last for very long. House and barn chores kept me busy all of the time. And, there was a wedding in just seven weeks that needed at least some preparation. Granted, it wasn't going to be a fancy affair and there weren't going to be a lot of people show up aside from our small Express family. The townsfolk of Rock Creek had accepted Buck as much as was possible, and I was so glad for him. Still, there were times when I wondered how folks would cotton to the idea of a half-breed marrying a white woman and hoped that no one would give us any grief.

I did feel good, though, knowing that at least Tompkins knew, and the Reverend and Mrs. Carswell. It warmed my heart to have heard Tompkins' kind wishes he had given Buck. I knew full well that it meant the world to Buck even though he hadn't mentioned it again afterwards. I also knew that Mrs. Carswell would have told her husband the news by now as well, and her calm acceptance of our plans made me feel real good inside. I wished there were more folks around with her kind of open mind.

At any rate, my mind had been busy thinking about the wedding plans. I wanted to have a great big dinner afterwards in the bunkhouse, the site of so much laughter, sadness, heartache, and love. It was real odd to think of how we all had come together and how the bunkhouse had been common ground for our little family with all of its different personalities. For the ceremony itself, we had choices; Teaspoon could read the standard wedding out of the prayer book, or Buck and I could write our own vows. In fact, that idea appealed to my independent spirit the most of all.

Somehow I thought that these plans suited us.

I mulled that idea over in my head one afternoon when I was alone in the kitchen at the station. Rachel had gone to check on Mr. Dogue, who was slowly recovering from his lung troubles, Teaspoon was at the marshal's office, and the fellas were all busy with their chores. I had spent the greater part of the day in the kitchen peeling and coring apples and spreading them on baking trays, carefully covered, to dry for winter baking.. That done, I stirred the big kettle of baked beans - for once I was glad I wasn't sleeping in the bunkhouse - and contemplated that evening's dessert.

Over the last few weeks Rachel had taken me under her wing and taught me much, of cooking and housekeeping and, most recently, sewing. The skirt I was wearing was testimony to that: I was wearing a golden-brown riding skirt which both Emily and Rachel had helped me to cut out and sew together. Rachel had lately been teaching me the fine points of many a woman's nemesis: pie pastry.

I decided to be brave and tackle the challenge; the worst thing that could happen was that the pastry would turn out tough. Even if it did, I figured that at least Cody would appreciate my efforts and eat it anyway. So I sifted and measured, cut in hog lard and added water spoonful by careful spoonful. I mixed the pastry ingredients together quickly with as few strokes as possible and divided the mixture into six pieces, so as to make three two-crust pies.

I floured the pastry board and rolling pin and began to carefully roll out the dough. And soon I had three pies ready for the oven. While they baked, I cleaned up the kitchen, scraping stray pastry bits off of the floor as I went, scrubbed down the floury table, and wiped down the counter. I was beginning to understand why Rachel was so fanatical about keeping everything clean - if she didn't, in no time at all anything and everything sitting out in the open would be covered an inch thick with dust, cobwebs, flour, street dust, mud, and barn chaff. I made a mental note to get a good boot scraper for every entry door to house, barn, and bunkhouse.

By the time I had finished cleaning, the piecrusts were golden and a heavenly aroma filled the house. I carefully removed pies from oven and set then on a board beneath the window to cool in time for supper. And then I stood back to survey with pride the fruits of my labour.

I let out my breath in a sigh - a long, happy, satisfied sigh - and wondered how many other women felt the same sense of accomplishment that I did just then.

Rachel returned just then, and I bribed Cody into setting the big bunkhouse table for supper - I promised him an extra slab of pie - and carried the serving dishes full of the evening's meal from house to dinner table. Teaspoon had drawn the afternoon shift at the marshal's office, and Ike told us that Emily couldn't join us as she was still getting caught up on housework and laundry.

"I'm surprised you're not over there right now, mucking out her barn and cleaning the chicken coop" Kid teased Ike.

*I'm going over there after supper* Ike signed with a grin, and we all laughed.

"Of course you are" Jimmy muttered under his breath.

"Jimmy, you leave Ike alone - he's in love. Now please say the blessing before the food gets cold" Rachel admonished gently. We all bowed our heads as Jimmy began the prayer.

"Dear Lord, thank You for bringing us safely through another day. Thank You that Lou made pie for dessert and we pray that the crust won't break our teeth, and that Sundance won't throw a shoe tomorrow on the way to Red Buttes. Bless the food to our use and us to Your service, we pray."

"Amen!" resounded through the bunkhouse, and the usual frantic scrambling for food began once again. Once plates and mouths were full, conversation gradually resumed.

"Kid, this came for you just after lunch." Rachel handed Kid an envelope; Cody snatched it from him and read the return address.

"Well, looky here - the Kid's got a not-so-secret admirer" Cody drawled. Kid, scowling, made a grab for the envelope but Cody kept it well out of his reach. "Says here, Miss Doritha Collins, Manassas, Virginia. Guess you got yerself a gen-yoo-wine penpal, Kid."

"She's a childhood friend, Cody, you know that" Kid replied with a face as red as ketchup. "We grew up next door to each other, is all."

"Wonder what she looks like now that she's all growed up" Jimmy said in a low voice to Noah, who was seated next to him. Noah grinned and waggled his eyebrows; Ike made a bawdy gesture with his hands. Buck laughed his deep, hearty laugh and Kid tried in vain to kick Ike under the table.

"Ike McSwain!" Rachel exclaimed. "You have no way of knowing that her bosoms are anywhere near that large!"

Ike signed an apology with a sheepish smile, and we resumed eating. Rachel spoke presently.

"Buck, Lou, have you made any more plans for the wedding?" she asked. Buck shook his head; he truly had been working frantically lately getting our station ready for winter along with the rest of the fellas. I nodded my head yes - after all, I had lots of time to think while doing my daily chores.

"I've thought of a few ideas, but I haven't shared them with Buck yet" I said, smiling meltingly at him and squeezing his upper thigh. He choked on a mouthful of biscuit, and Ike whacked him on the back.

"Lou, maybe Jimmy's right - perhaps you shouldn't put your hand on his leg. At least, not while he's eating" Rachel said musingly and Jimmy snickered.

"Told ya" he muttered under his breath, and I glared daggers at him.

*Why don't you run them by us, Lou?* Ike signed encouragingly.

"Well..." I hesitated and looked at Buck, who raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders. "Sure."

"Have you decided on anything at all?" Noah inquired.

"Mmm-hmm...we're not getting married in the church like everyone around here does" I began. "We're getting married over at the picnic rock by the creek, about a mile from here."

"You mean the place you and Buck are always sneakin' off to when you - uhh, want to be alone together?" Jimmy laughed.

"Jimmy!" I exclaimed, my face hot flaming red.

"I _told_ you not to let on we knew about it, Hickok!" Cody grumbled at Jimmy.

"Oh, my _Lord_" I muttered, glaring at the two of them. "Well, since you put it that way - yes. An' Buck's not wearin' a suit. I'm not wearing a poufy white dress, neither."

"Are y'all plannin' on wearin' any clothes at all?" Cody inquired innocently. Loud guffaws sounded around the table and Ike's shoulders shook with laughter.

"Well, we thought about getting married naked, but it'll be too cold outside by then for that" Buck replied easily, grabbing my hand and holding it firmly before I could use it to clobber Cody. "We decided to wear ceremonial Kiowa clothing instead."

"That sounds really good so far" Kid said. "No sense in doing the same old church and white dress thing if it's not what you believe in or really want. Good for the two of you."

"Are ya gonna have a reception afterwards?" Cody asked around a mouthful of beans.

"What Cody here really means is, will there be food and lots of it after the ceremony?" Noah translated dryly.

"I've been thinkin' about that, too" I said. "Seems it'd be right nice an' fittin', too, if we held a big supper after - right here in the bunkhouse like we always do."

"Hot dang!" Cody exclaimed happily. "Weddings are always where you get the best eats and meet the prettiest girls!"

"I hope so for your sake, Cody" Buck laughed. "We'll have to see how many folks decide to show up."

*Why the bunkhouse, Lou?* Ike asked curiously.

"'Cause - it just seems, I don't know, _right_ for us somehow, Ike" I answered thoughtfully. "So much of our lives with the Express has taken place right here. Like it's our common ground."

"S'where you and Buck got to know each other better anyways" Jimmy chuckled, and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"What about the service? Have you given thought to that?" Rachel asked.

Buck and I looked at each other; he raised an eyebrow at me. "Yeah...Teaspoon should perform the ceremony" I said.

"Definitely" Buck agreed. "So long as he keeps it - well, brief."

"An' no questionable remarks about the bride an' groom neither" Noah added, chuckling.

"I thought it would be nice if we both wrote our own wedding vows" I said, smiling shyly at Buck.

"Hey - I really like that idea, Lou" he said, giving me a tender kiss on the lips. All the boys groaned and guffawed and Rachel smiled like a serene angel.

"Who wants to start a betting pool?" Cody shouted above the din.

"What's the bet?" Kid shouted back at him.

"I'm bettin' that Lou promises to love and honour Buck, but don't say nothin' about obeyin' him!" Cody laughed heartily.

"You're on!" Kid said enthusiastically.

"Me too!" Noah added. "Where do I sign up?" Jimmy asked.

"Oh, Lord." I slumped forward, resting my head in my hands. Buck put an arm around my shoulders and gave me a brief squeeze.

Fortunately, it was time for dessert and attention turned to the objects of that afternoon's labours: the pies I had baked. I cut and dished up slice after slice, and Rachel passed them around. As forks were loaded and mouths filled, I sat anxiously, waiting for a reaction - any kind of reaction. Then -

"Rachel, I thought you were over at Mr. Dogue's this afternoon" Noah got out with some difficulty due to the fullness of his mouth.

"Why, yes I was" Rachel answered, looking amused. "He's going to need plenty of nursing care before he's back on his feet again."

"Where did these pies come from, then?" Kid asked, his mouth equally full.

"Why don't you ask Lou that?" Rachel said with a sly smile.

Four pairs of eyes regarded me with sheer disbelief. "No way" Jimmy said finally. "Rachel, you're pulling our - "

*No, she's not* Ike signed with a huge grin on his face. *I heard you singing to yourself while you were making them, Lou. You can't sing, that's for darn sure, but you make a mean apple pie*

"Yeah?" I raised my eyebrows at Ike, a pleased smile on my face.

*Yeah* he signed at me from Buck's other side. *Go on - try it!*

I did, and it was as good as Ike had said.

"Well, I'll be darned!" I said in wonderment. "I didn't think I could've done that!" I gobbled down the rest of my slice and, as I'd promised, passed Cody an extra slab which he took from me with a gracious "thank you, Louise." My cheeks flushed rose.

Buck and I drew dish duty that evening; it wasn't so bad as it gave us the chance to talk alone together without interruption.

"So you like the idea of the two of us writing our own vows?" I asked Buck, who was drying as I washed.

"I do, Louise" he smiled down at me. I laughed my loopy laugh and dotted the end of his nose with soapsuds. He grabbed me around the waist with his damp hands and lifted me off of my feet, pausing to kiss me as he held me in midair, my booted feet kicking helplessly. I shrieked girlishly as he slung me over his shoulder and gave my behind a sound slap before setting me back down on my feet.

"That is so unfair" I pouted as he laughed his hearty laugh at my redfaced, dishevelled state. I stuck pins back in my rumpled hair at random.

"Just what is so unfair, Louise?" he chuckled with a smirk.

"You are - you always have the height advantage over me. I didn't ask to be born such a runt!" I said, still pouting. I plunged my hands back into the basin and resumed washing.

"Don't be like that, Lou" Buck said, hugging me from behind. "You're not a runt at all - you're just - tiny, is all."

"Face it, Buck - I am a runt!" I said, splashing soapy water to accentuate my point. Buck hastily jumped backwards.

"Have it your way, then - but you sure are the prettiest runt I ever did see." He snuggled back into me and his warm, soft lips trailed kisses from my jawbone down my neck to the collar of my blouse. He was just undoing the first button of my blouse when heavy booted feet tramped up the steps. We looked at each other.

"Teaspoon" we said together, laughing as he stepped inside the kitchen.

"Well" he said with satisfaction. "I was hopin I'd find the two of you straight away. Any idea where Ike may be?"

"He might still be in the barn - he was going over to Emily's when we were done supper" I offered. "If you hurry, you might catch him."

"The two of you come with me then" he said. "I've got news that cain't wait."

I dried my hands hastily on the sides of my skirt and hurried after Teaspoon, Buck holding the door open for me. The three of us ran to the barn, where we spied Cody and Noah just stepping inside.

"Ike!" Buck shouted. "You in there?"

"He's inside here, Buck" Noah said from the bottom of the ladder to the hayloft. "What's the ruckus?"

Ike had Amigo in the crossties; he was hammering a rear shoe back into place. Seeing the three of us, he straightened and wiped his forehead with his arm.

*What is it?* he signed quickly. *Is something wrong?*

"I'm glad yer here, Ike" Teaspoon said, clapping him on the back. "I've got news fer the three of ya, and Rachel too."

He led us out of the barn; we followed him to the bunkhouse where Rachel was sweeping the floor. "Why don't y'all have a seat" he suggested. We hastily sat down on the benches and waited for Teaspoon to speak.

"Buck, Ike, Lou - I know y'all are full o' plans fer yer horse ranch that y'aim to get started right soon now. Lou, I b'lieve it was you done asked about buyin' this here way station when th'Express is done. So," he leaned back in his chair and hooked his thumbs underneath his suspender straps, "I done me some snoopin around here and there. Asked a few questions of a few people, ya might say. An' the word is - " we all unconsciously leaned forward as one, "- this here station's been sold!"

A sigh of great disappointment sounded from three mouths; Ike just bowed his head. Teaspoon viewed this with what seemed to be a whole lot of amusement, I noted with some irritation. I was about to ask him just what was so funny when he spoke.

"Now that's the trouble with young'uns today" he began. "Ya give up 'way too easy-like!" The four of us looked at each other, bewildered. He continued. "Now, how do y'all know _who_ this here station's been sold to? Did ya think ta ask that?"

It may not have have been wise, but I felt a faint shred of hope at his words. "You mean - ?" I breathed, holding Buck's hand on my left and Ike's on my right.

We all held our collective breaths.

"Yes indeedy!" Teaspoon stated triumphantly. He reached into his shirt pocket and drew out a piece of parchment-type paper, unfolded it with more than a little flourish, and read "Dated this First day of September in the Year of Our Lord eighteen sixty-one, etcetera etcetera, the land, buildings, and assets known as Pony Express Way Sation, Rock Creek, Nebraska Territory, has been sold for the sum of - well, that don't matter, not important - to Aloysius Hunter, Nebraska Territorial Marshal, Rock Creek, Nebraska Territory."

He surveyed the little group of us with great pride and happiness, overlooking the fact that each and every mouth was agape, each and every jaw dropped. "Well for the Lord's sake!" he grumbled. "Someone say _somethin_!"

Rachel and I shrieked excitedly and Buck gave a great whoop; Ike picked up Rachel, kissed her on the mouth, and whirled her around as I ran to Teaspoon and hugged the stuffing out of him. As did each of us in turn. I ran to Buck and he picked me up and kissed me soundly on the mouth.

"Oh God, Buck!" I whispered. "I'm so happy I could cry!" I wiped my eyes and nose on the collar of the dark-blue shirt I'd gotten for him in Platte Bridge. He grumbled a little at that but, with me still in his arms, hugged Ike and Rachel. He turned.

"Teaspoon," he began, "I don't know what to say or how to say it - except - thank you! Our dream is going to be reality!"

"And the family can stay together - for real" Rachel added softly, her hand on Teaspoon's arm, her eyes aglow. "You dear, sweet man! How did you ever come up with this?"

"Weeell...let's just say, I had a little vision of my own" he replied equally softly. ""It's been my dream to grow old in the company of the ones I love and care about the most...s'what I've always wanted." Tears stood in his eyes and I thought of Shining Spirit and their unborn child.

"Come on - this calls for a celebration!" I said loudly before I started bawling. Buck set me down then, after giving me another loving kiss, and we headed for the barn to tell the others what had transpired.

We all headed for the saloon, Teaspoon having called on Barnett to take over his shift at the marshal's office. And as soon as he had finished nailing Amigo's shoe back into place, Ike hastened over to Emily's and brought her over to the saloon to join in our celebration. She was, after all, now part of our family - the sister and friend I'd always wanted, the love of Ike's life - maybe someday soon to be his wife, I hoped. We all drank a toast to our home and family - even Buck, who avoided liquor like the plague.

The saloon was crowded and noisy; several times Rachel, Emily, and I were approached by drunken cowboys and drifters looking for a good time. But this time when the fellas intervened, they were taken seriously. Something about them seemed to be different - their assurance of lasting family and friendship brought out their confidence in themselves and each other.

I drank a little more than I was used to, not that I'd ever drank a lot. Even so, the three shots I drank in quick succession made me feel giddy and lightheaded; I was still sober enough to know that I'd reached my limit and if I didn't stop, I'd wind up with a headache in the morning that could stop Lightning in his tracks. Rachel made me drink lots of water; she whispered in my ear that that was how barflies coped with the amount of liquor they drank on the job.

It was late when we headed back home; Ike set out with Emily to see her home safely, and Jimmy called out "we won't wait up for ya, Ike!" Ike just waved good-naturedly and Emily bade us all goodnight. Buck and I headed up the stairs to our room, the one that would always be ours. Once the bedroom door was closed behind us we pounced on each other; I was amazed that the bed frame held up under the force of the two of us rolling around.

We both were definitely in a reckless mood, that was for sure - and feeling mighty frisky as well. I couldn't keep my hands to myself and Buck couldn't keep his mouth off of me. The result was that I wound up straddling Buck, who didn't seem to mind one little bit. He was very generous that way. I lowered myself onto his erection and moved in a languid rhythm with my head thrown back and my breasts bouncing. I shoved my hips forward and shoulders back; the pleasure overtook me violently and Buck let out a strangled moan as he, too, was carried off on a huge wave. With most of the piss and vinegar out of our systems then, I climbed off of him to lay down beside him in my favourite place of all - snuggled deep in his strong arms.

We talked quietly then about our home and our future together, of buying mares and capturing the young paint stallion. I asked Buck many things about the Kiowa, their customs and language, and he was so very happy to explain it all to me. It must have meant the world to him to have his love want to know about _him_, the truest part of him that he held dear in his heart. He took me then, so gently, and loved me as no other man could. I cried out softly as he loved me tenderly and with great reverence and when the pleasure came I moaned and shuddered inside and out, from deep within the heart of me. He whispered words of love to me in Kiowa before sleep claimed him at last; I watched as his features lost their strain and relaxed to the young and innocent man he was inside. I felt myself slide towards sleep and I looked out the open window for the crescent moon; with a start I realized it was still too soon by a day or two. I did fall into sleep eventually, realizing that over the next few days and weeks I would be watching - and waiting for a sign.

**A/N: ah, it's good to be back! Nasty old RL has taken much if not all of my time lately - though, my body has been saying "Not so fast! You still need time to get over a year's worth of illness!" So I'm forced to lay back and take it easy sometimes after all - terrible, huh?!**

**Well. Major developments on the way, that's for sure. This is the calm before the storm, I'm afraid! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha...! ML ;)**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be.**

Every day now, my heart beat a little faster, then a little faster again. Those around me put it down to all of the changes happening, so quickly. And that much was true - many, many changes needed to be made, in my life and Buck's, in Teaspoon's and Rachel's, and in the lives of all the boys. All too soon there would be no more rides, no saddling up and passing the mochilla, no more call of "Ride safe!"

In my heart I knew it would be hard on, and for, everybody at the station.

Although I was busy beyond belief I still found the odd moment in which to worry about the fellas. Oh, some, I knew, would be all right - Noah and Ike for sure. They both had made plans, would be with Buck and me from now on. Too, their personalities were, although somewhat stubborn by times, level-headed and usually easygoing. They knew what they were doing, where their lives were going. Jimmy and Cody worried me the most.

Jimmy had been offered the position of deputy and he had accepted, but I wondered if it would be enough for him. Cody hadn't made up his mind one way or another, and I fretted that his restless search for dreams to follow and adventures to live would take him away from us straight into the coming War. And truthfully, the visions Buck and I had had about the fellas terrified me still - because they hadn`t yet come to pass, and there was no way I could hasten the inevitable.

Time. Sometimes too much, oftentimes too little, and sometimes Time just took its sweet time to get to the inevitable, tormenting us in the process. It was one thing we could not ever control.

Thankfully, though, there was as much to get done as ever and time wouldn't wait for me. I was busy helping Rachel stock up on lamp oil and the two of us busied ourselves making candles. This year, with me able to help Rachel, we wouldn't run out. She had me busy mending and cleaning blankets and quilts, cleaning and mending the braided rugs, filling the cracks in the bunkhouse walls with wood scraps and pitch to keep out wind and snow. The boys went to work making sure all the roofs were patched; they put in storm windows for the winter.

Buck shot two venison with his bow and all of us were ecstatic over this - none more than him. He hadn't shot a large animal with a bow in several years, he explained to me one night; he maintained that I had brought him luck. All of us pitched in to help smoke some of the meat, to make some into jerky. Rachel canned much of the meat and dried some, and Buck taught me the art of making pemmican. He also showed me how to properly skin the animals, to stretch the skins on a frame and to scrape and tan the hides. It was hard work but so rewarding to see the fruits of my labours, to see the admiration and pride shining in Buck's eyes.

He and I often talked and made love before going to sleep at night; the last week or so I had begun to get more and more tired more easily. Rachel reassured me it was all the unaccustomed work - it was, after all, different from the barn chores I'd been used to. At first, I thought so, too.

Then one night, Buck caressed my breasts gently and I flinched. A frown clouded his face.

"I'm sorry, Lou - I didn't mean to hurt you" he said, kissing my lips. "How close is the full moon?"

I hitched up on one elbow and frowned, thinking. "The full moon was early last week, Buck" I said at last. "I don't understand - I've never been late before."

He, too, hitched up on an elbow and scrutinized me closely. "You look so tired" he whispered. "How are you feeling?"

"My breasts are sore" I said, "and they feel - swollen. I get dizzy sometimes. And honestly, Buck? Sometimes all I want to do, is sleep."

I had an uneasy thought, and pushed it away with irritation. Buck was more persistent.

"Do you feel like eating?" he asked, concerned. "Or do you feel sick?"

"I'm not sick, no" I said thoughtfully. "But I'm not real hungry, either."

We looked at each other. "Do you think it's all the extra work you've been doing?" Buck asked finally.

"Mmm...I would have thought so...but why would that make my breasts sore?" I curled up into a ball beside Buck. He lay back down beside me, holding me from behind.

"Lou. You may be with child" he said quietly, stroking my hair. "It is possible."

I rolled onto my back with a sigh and stared up at the ceiling. "Yes...it is possible" I said quietly. "I'd hoped that I wasn't...not yet."

Buck hugged me then held me close. "Why, Lou?'" he asked.

I looked at him and smiled. "I love you Buck, so much! I want to carry your children and a whole lot of them, but...it's 'way too soon, I think. There's so much to do to get the horse ranch started."

"We're going to have lots of help, Lou" he reminded me gently. "Ike is a full partner, and we have Noah for sure. And it's possible that Kid may sign on as well. He asked me today to leave an opening for him."

"That's wonderful news, Buck - I hope he doesn't go back to Virginia. He is our brother, after all." I smiled. "I'd hoped to be a part of it every step of the way, right there with you and Ike. But when I get really pregnant, and for a good while after the baby's born, I wouldn't be able to be there with you."

"Oh, sweetheart." Buck kissed my temple. "Let's just take it one day at a time for now. Are you all right with that?"

"I am, Buck" I said quietly. "But - let's not tell anyone just yet, all right? Let's give it some time before we say anything."

I knew that early pregnancy could be a difficult time for the baby, and many were lost before the first three months had passed. I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up, in case something should happen and I sure as shootin didn't want anyone fussin over me - that would drive me crazy.

"I'm going to talk with Emily as soon as I can" I said to Buck, "but promise me you won't say anything to Ike just yet?"

"I won't" Buck promised. "It'll be hard - but I won't. How can I get you to do a little less around here, though, without the others getting suspicious?"

"Well...how be the boys take over my barn chores now that the hay an' wood are brought in for the winter?" I asked, and Buck wrinkled his brow. "It would mean I'd have more time fer cookin an' bakin" I said temptingly, with a teasing smile.

"Now that" he said, kissing the tip of my nose, "just might work. I know Cody would go for it."

He gave a muffled yelp when I took him in my hand and gently squeezed. "Please - don't tease me, Lou" he ground out. "I couldn't take it - not tonight."

"Who says I'm teasing, Running Buck?" I murmured into the shell of his ear, nibbling his earlobe and soothing the sting with my tongue. He groaned, and his manhood swelled in length and girth. I got up on my knees and drew the nightgown up and over my head; it landed in a wrinkled heap by the door. I straddled Buck, leaning forward to kiss him, and he took my breasts in his hands ever so gently, tenderly stroking the nipples.

"They're bigger" he said appraisingly, "and so are your breasts. See the blue veins running down your breasts to the nipples? Your body is getting ready to nourish a child."

"Good grief, Buck" I said, rolling my eyes, "that makes me sound like a milking cow!"

"Oh, Lou" he chuckled, cupping my sore breasts with his palms, "don't ever think that. These" he stroked my breasts, "are beautiful." I closed my eyes and smiled. "These" he suckled gently on my now-protruberant nipples, "are beautibul." I moaned softly as the sensations grew, from my wet core outward. "_You" _he drew me down to kiss me on the lips, his tongue filling my mouth, "are beautiful. You're more beautiful each and every day, Louise McLeod."

"You know, Buck" I whispered throatily, "I've been wonderin somethin...do the Kiowa frown on an expectant mother makin love with her soon-to-be- husband?"

"Mmm...no" Buck whispered, his large hands spanning my waist. "Not at all. Our midwives and shamans tell us that the Spirits smile on us when we do so...it lets the little one know he is welcome and loved. Why?"

"Cause I'm of a mind to greet the little one...let him know he's so welcome and loved..." I breathed.

Buck chuckled; he was more than up for it. I eased down onto him and began to slowly rock, back and forth...I put my hands over my still-flat stomach and held them there, feeling the warmth.

"You know, I can't feel a thing yet, Buck...hard to tell there's a baby growin inside me right now." He put his hands over mine and smiled.

"It's still very, very early, Lou...maybe he's only the size of a grain of sand just yet." He began to rock with me, and when I reached the pinnacle of bliss it washed over me and over, like soft warm waves. And when Buck moaned and thrust up hard, I knew he, too, felt the warmth encompass him as well.

A deeply contented sleep claimed me that night and, to my surprise, in the morning I felt refreshed and better than I had in a few weeks. Buck looked more than a little relieved that I was feeling so well, and washed my back for me before I got dressed for the day. Before I could slip the camisole over my head, he wrapped his arms around me from behind, cupped my breasts, and nuzzled my neck.

"Aim own p'ayle doe, doke kiah, nah mahyehn" he whispered and kissed my neck. I turned in his arms and kissed him, long and deep. _This_ was the way every day should start, I thought with a smile that grew wider when I looked at him.

If he didn't get rid of that pesky erection before the fellas saw him, the teasing would be merciless - and endless.

Fortunately it was very early; even Rachel wasn't up and about. I set a pot of coffee on to brew while Buck stoked up the fire in the stovebox. I took out the bread starter and started three loaves rising, and while I had the flour out I set to baking a great big batch of muffins, adding blueberries, once dried and set out in water overnight to swell up again.

We had the kitchen to ourselves for a good hour, enough time for the coffee to brew and muffins to bake. It was such a rich feeling to wake up in the arms of my beloved and then sit and have coffee with him in the morning - so intimate. We ate the muffins with our coffee, and presently Buck spoke.

"Are you sure you'll be all right doing chores in the house for the whole day?" he asked with a frown. "It's awful heavy work too, by times."

I nodded in agreement - some of it was right heavy work. "You're right, it is - but - I gotta be honest here, Buck." I flushed and looked down at the tabletop and drew an imaginary line with my finger. "Workin in the barn hasn't ever bothered me before, but now - well, the smells are just 'bout killin me. Oh, food doesn't bother me - yet - but the manure smell's just too much - it makes me retch."

Buck chuckled and held my hand, lifted it and gave it a kiss. "That's good enough for me, Lou. I'm glad that food isn't a problem for you yet."

"I wonder if it will be?" I mused. "Some women get the sickness right terrible, and some don't get it at all."

"The midwives say it runs in families, like headaches" Buck said. "If you do get sick, I can brew tea to help you - like for your monthly cramps."

"Good" I said gratefully. "I seem to remember mama getting sick with Theresa. I'm glad there's somethin - and someone - to help."

Buck smiled at me; just then, we heard the sound of hoofbeats approaching at a slow canter that stopped just shy of the barn. Buck and I looked at each other and grinned.

"Ike" we said together softly, and I giggled. I refilled our coffee cups; Buck carried his cup and one for Ike, while I carried my cup and a muffin for Ike. He waved when he saw us coming down the front steps and tied Amigo's reins to the hitching rail; Emily's house wasn't far away and Amigo hadn't been ridden hard.

We all sat on the front steps - I knew I didn't want to go into the barn if I didn't have to. Besides, it was a gloriously beautiful morning. We drank our coffee and Ike ate his blueberry muffin - all the while telling me how good it was. I just laughed, albeit appreciatively, and butted his shoulder with mine. He and Emily were getting along just fine, it seemed; Ike certainly looked blissfully happy, and he told us he thought Emily was becoming more beautiful every day. When Ike said that, Buck and I looked at each other and shared a not-so-secret smile. Ike looked at us questioningly, and I explained.

"Buck said the exact same thing about me just last night, Ike" I said, blushing hard. Ike nodded enthusiastically and said he agreed with Buck; both his women were steadily becoming more beautiful. Buck laughed heartily, and I hid my face in Buck's shoulder like a shy child.

"Will she be around home later on today, Ike?" I inquired as my flaming cheeks gradually cooled.

*She said she would be...Doc Barnes is going to check on Mr. Dogue and Mrs. Hooper and the baby today* Ike replied. When Ike said "baby", my stomach did a strange sort of flip and Buck gave me a swift glance. Ike didn't seem to notice, or if he had he chose not to say anything, for which I was grateful.

We heard stirrings from inside the bunkhouse and I reluctantly got to my feet. "Time to get ready for the hungry mob" I said wryly but with a smile. "See you fellas at breakfast!"

Buck gave me a quick kiss and whispered "I love you" before joining Ike, who smiled broadly and gave me his friendly wave. I gathered our cups together and began to climb the steps to the front door, when my head suddenly began to spin. I sat down on the spot, hoping no one had noticed, least of all Rachel.

The dizzy spell lasted for the briefest of moments; it shook me up all the same. I got to my feet again, climbed the remaining steps, and entered the kitchen. I heard Rachel stirring upstairs and breathed a sigh of relief that she hadn't been in the kitchen just a moment ago. I set the cups on the counter and dug out Rachel's baking powder biscuit recipe. After washing my hands, I busied myself measuring flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt; I cut in lard and stirred in milk. I rolled out the dough and cut out the biscuits, placing them on trays while the oven heated up again, and in no time at all the wonderful aroma of hot biscuits filled the kitchen. Flushed with triumph over my success, I took out the trays and set them to cool beneath the window.

Rachel entered the kitchen just then, beaming when she saw what all I'd already accomplished. I poured her a cup of coffee which she took most gratefully, and passed her a muffin and the butterdish. I poured myself a fresh cup of coffee and joined her at the table. She regarded me musingly.

"The coffee and muffins are wonderful, Lou" she said with a smile.

"Beginner's luck" I said half-seriously. "I seem to be able to cook after all." I drained my coffee cup. "Should we have bacon and eggs, or porridge for breakfast?"

"Well, now" Rachel said, the maddening smile still on her face, "that all depends."

"On what?" I asked, wondering what she was getting at.

"Oh...on which smells bother you the least." Dang that woman! She looked just like the cat who had eaten the canary.

"Shit!" I muttered softly to myself. I sighed and looked at her resignedly. "What gave it away?"

She chuckled softly. "I was just like you are now, sweetheart, with the smells. You turn white as paper when one's botherin you real bad" she said softly; I was most grateful she was keeping her voice down. "You missed your last monthly, didn't you?"

"Yeah...I did..." I stared at the tabletop for a moment, then glanced up. "Rachel?" I asked tentatively.

"Yes, Lou" she said softly.

"Buck - he's the only other person that knows aboout it." I swallowed hard. "Please don't tell anyone." I looked at her pleadingly. Her eyes softened.

"Not a word, Lou. Promise." She regarded me with a wistful smile. "Is it all right if we let Buck know that I know?"

I laughed in relief. "I think so. He'd probably feel better knowing that. You know," I leaned my forearms on the tabletop, "he sure does know a lot about this kind of thing. Do you think that's 'cause he was raised with the Indians?"

"I think it probably is" Rachel replied. "The Kiowa and other tribes don't have men and women keeping things secret like the white people tend to. They don't carry the shame about their bodies or makin love or childbirth. And Buck shows us all the best ways of the Indians, how lovin and compassionate and caring they are of family and friends."

A couple of tears leaked from my eyes and I swiped them away. "He's goin to be the best father. He don't have a mean bone in his body."

Just then a ruckus began in the barn and Ike, we saw, was chasing Jimmy across the yard while brandishing a pitchfork. I took one look and laughed so hard I thought I'd wet my pantaloons. "Get him, Ike!" Buck shouted from the barn door. "Ain't no one going to talk about you and your girl like that while you're still drawing breath!"

Rachel watched this tender scene with amusement and put her arm about my shoulder. I chuckled a little longer, then set my mind to making breakfast. We finally decided on having bacon and eggs; the smell of bacon hadn't started to bother me yet, so I took advantage of the time I had left before it did.

We carried the food to the bunkhouse; Ike signed the blessing for us while Buck translated. I dug into a hearty helping of bacon, eggs, and biscuits and enjoyed it immensely. Buck just looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

Teaspoon joined us just as Cody was looking for second helpings; he grabbed the platters of eggs and bacon before Cody could protest. When half of his healthy plateful had been eaten, Teaspoon wiped his mouth and held up a hand for silence. "Boys...Lou" he called out; the bunkhouse became silent. We looked at him, wondering what it was that was so important.

"We've got extra runs the next few days, folks...Russell, Majors, and Waddell are wrappin up the loose ends hereabouts. Now..."

He proceeded to read through the list of runs and which riders had them. Jimmy still had his morning run to Red Buttes; Kid and Noah drew Fort Laramie. Cody was being sent west to Big Sandy, and Buck and Ike drew, to my horror, a week-long run to Saint Joe.

Right then, I truly did feel sick. I felt the blood drain from my face and excused myself from the table.

I went over to the pump and dipped the hem of my skirt in the water bucket. I washed my face off with the cold, fresh water that felt wonderful on my clammy skin and helped to revive me some. I stayed out for a few minutes and drank down a dipperful of the cold water. I watched the horses in the corral - _our_ corral now - before walking back towards the bunkhouse. Buck intercepted me before I went inside and led me a ways away.

"You all right, nah mahyehn?" he asked, tipping up my chin tenderly. I regarded his eyes, golden-brown as always in the sunshine and so beautiful.

"Oh...yes. And no." I tried a smile and succeeded. "I know you have to go, Buck, and I'm glad it's Ike you're ridin' with. But..." I looked down and scuffed the toe of my boot in the dirt. "I'm still selfish enough to wish you weren't goin - at least not for a whole week. Or that I could be ridin with you instead."

Buck sighed and hugged me hard. "I love that you can be so honest, Lou. I wish it was you coming with me, too...You know I'd rather ride with you than anyone. But it's got to be me and Ike this time, and chances are good it could be our last run. Ever."

That final word jolted all the melancholy feelings out of me. "God, Buck" I whispered, feeling chastened. "Was that what Teaspoon said in there?"

"Yes. It was." Buck's expression was somber, and I felt that way myself. I straightened up.

"Oh, Lord. Time to stop feelin sorry for myself." I pushed up the sleeves of my white blouse and wiped my hands down the sides of my dark-green skirt. "When do you and Ike leave?"

"In about a half-hour. I've got to get ready" Buck said, squeezing my shoulder.

"And I've got some satchels to fill up." Once again I headed for the door, but Buck grabbed hold of my hand.

"Wait, Lou" he said, flushing slightly to my surprise. I raised my eyebrows at him. "I'd - uhm, kinda like to say good-bye out here. Where it's private" he said self-consciously. I grabbed hold of his shirtsleeve and smiled - he was wearing the dark-blue shirt I'd gotten specially for him.

"Behind the barn is a _little_ more private, Buck" I said dryly but kindly, dragging him with me. "That's some better" I giggled. He laughed his deep, hearty laugh.

"All right, Miss Bossy-Britches" he said, kissing me on the lips before I could protest. He stroked my hair and buried his face in my neck. I put my arms around him and breathed deep of his wonderful, warm and masculine scent. No one else in the world smelled like my Buck. At length he lifted his head and sighed, reaching into the pocket of his trousers. He brought out a tiny carved wooden box and handed it to me. When I looked at him in puzzlement and surprise he said quietly, "Open it, Lou."

Before I opened it I looked at it, at the intricate figures carved into the light brown wood - it was ash, I thought. "You made this, didn't you?" It was more statement than question, and he nodded. I opened the box to find inside an oval-shaped silver locket on a fine silver chain. My eyes widened and I picked up the locket, my fingers tenting out to hold the chain. It gleamed brightly in the morning sun, and I promptly burst into tears.

"Hey" he whispered soothingly, as he might to a skittish colt, "Hey. It's all right, Lou - don't cry, love..." He kissed my hair.

I pulled myself together. "No one has ever given me such a gift, Buck" I said huskily. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and looked up at him. "Why?" I searched his eyes.

Once again he laughed self-consciously. "Besides the fact that I just plain love you, it is a Kiowa custom. But you already have a horse so I can't give you and your family horses..." He chuckled and scratched his nose. "I would like you to accept this and wear it always, Louise" he said, fastening the chain about my neck.

My arms went around him and I stood, silent, just feeling him hold me, feeling his warmth and listening to the beating of his heart. "Tday, naw tane doe aim own p'ayle doe, naw ah-kxee-day hane-may" I whispered.

"Where on earth did you learn to say 'handsome husband'?" Buck asked in astonishment.

"Simple - I asked Evening Star _many_ things when we visited Red Bear's village" I giggled. "She is a very helpful teacher."

Buck muttered an oath in Kiowa, to which I didn't know the meaning. He cupped my cheeks with his hands. "Tday, naw tane doe aim own p'ayle doe, doke kiah, nah mahyehn" he whispered. He slipped a hand over my lower stomach. "Gaw ahm, naw khoiye sahn. And you, my child."

We held each other a moment longer before we reluctantly let each other go. Buck took my hand as we walked back to the bunkhouse. "Will you be seeing Emily today?" he asked.

"Mmm-hmm" I said. "I think she may be coming over here, from what Ike said at breakfast. That's good, it won't be so lonesome with all you fellas gone..." Tears pricked my eyes but I sternly willed them to stop before they fell. "I want to talk to her...you know."

"Yeah." Buck paused a moment. "Be safe, Lou. I can't tell you what to do, but - be safe."

He looked anxious and I felt bad. "Buck, I ain't going to do anything stupid. I won't be taking any chances. I don't think I'll even be riding while you're gone..." I trailed off - I felt bad for Lightning. I knew he missed our rides together. "Uhm...there's something you should know, Buck."

He raised his eyebrows. "Rachel knows. I didn't have to tell her - she guessed it on her own." I held my breath, waiting for him to get angry. To my surprise, he laughed. With relief.

"I am glad" he said with a broad smile. "If you wanted to go riding with Rachel or Emily or Teaspoon, that'd be all right." He knew how much I missed riding, too.

"I trust all three of them with my life" I said, feeling immeasureably better. We approached the bunkhouse. I saw that Ike had both Amigo and Spirit saddled and tied to the hitching rail; he was tying his bedroll to the back of his saddle. He waved at us and beckoned to me.

"I've got to pack" Buck said, cupping my cheek for a brief second. I walked over to Ike and the horses.

"Hey, Ike" I said, scratching Amigo's ears then Spirit's. "What's up?"

*Can I ask you a favour, Lou?* he said, looking slightly anxious. He tucked in his shirttails and fiddled with the straps of his suspenders.

"Ike, you can ask me anything at all - you know that." I leaned against the hitching rail, waiting.

He sighed and smiled at me. *I want to do this run about as much as Buck does* he said, and I chuckled. *Can you and Rachel keep an eye on Emily for me? Please? I know she can look after herself perfectly well and has for years, but - I worry anyways!*

Poor Ike looked so earnest. I took his hands as I spoke. "You know I will - you never have to ask something like that, Ike. We're all going to look out for each other while you and Buck and all the fellas are gone. Besides" and I smiled, "she's the best friend I ever had, 'side from you."

*Thanks, Lou* he signed, looking relieved. *You know, you're the best friend she's ever had. Yes* he added before I could speak, *she told me that herself*

"Thanks." I looked over to see all the fellas leading their horses over to us. "I guess I'd best give Rachel a hand to pack some food."

"Already done, Lou!" she called across the yard. "I got a head start this morning. Come on, boys - you've got satchels to pack with your gear!" she called over to where the fellas were tying the horses.

I helped her carry the satchels outside, saving her a second trip to the house. Kid, Cody, and Ike picked theirs up and stowed them away in their saddlebags. I helped to fill canteens at the water pump; these little things kept my mind and hands busy. But I still almost broke down when Buck emerged from the tack room carrying his gear and bedroll. I bit down hard on my lip to keep it from quivering. I tried to think of other things, like the fact that Jimmy should make it home in time for supper; that it was a beautiful, sunny day with no clouds on the horizon; that we'd have a lot less cooking to do with Cody gone overnight.

But my lip quivered anyway. Buck, bless his heart, caught sight of me then and stuck his tongue out at me; I laughed instead of getting teary. Ike mounted Amigo, and, wheeling him around, signed to me *Don't forget!* I signed back *Don't worry too much!* He gave me his friendly smile. Buck was tying his bedroll to his saddle, and when he was finished he walked over to me and Rachel.

"Look after them, Rachel" he said in a low voice so the others couldn't hear, and she squeezed his hand. He hugged me and kissed me hard on the lips. Then, he was in the saddle and kicked Spirit into a swift gallop.

"Ride safe!" Rachel called, and we waved. The other fellas mounted up and moved out at a gallop, Cody heading west, Kid and Noah heading east. We called to them and waved and then they all were gone.

The quiet was deafening.

I turned to Rachel and sighed; she set a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Come on, my girl" she said quietly, "we've got work to do." We walked across the yard to the bunkhouse and gathered up dishes to be washed over at the house.

I thought I was going to be tearful the entire time Buck and the other fellas were gone, but I wasn't. Rachel had much to do with that, I think; she knew me well enough to let me talk when I needed to talk and to let me be when I needed to think. She also knew what I was going through being with child so early on, the dizziness and the strange aversion to some smells and not others, the precarious moods. In some ways I was almost glad that some of the fellas were gone for a spell, even though Cody and Jimmy grumbled at the extra chores that fell on them to be done.

I missed Buck more than I'd care to admit, but everyone who knew me knew just how much I missed him and didn't even tease me. Rachel kept me busy during the days, but made sure I got my rest - which I sorely needed. She had me put my feet up in the afternoons and, as balm to my conscience, taught me to knit. I took to it immediately and even grew to enjoy it. She then attempted to teach me to crochet but that didn't go nearly as well - in fact, when she caught me cussing my heart out at a tangled mess with the hook stuck in the middle of the snarl, she calmly took it all from my hands as I was about to throw the whole disaster into the woodstove, hook and all.

"How be you stick with knitting, Louise?" she inquired, raising a fine eyebrow. I burst into laughter and picked up my knitting from the basket beside my chair. I was more than happy to work on the muffler I aimed to give to Buck as soon as the weather grew cold.

True to my word, I also kept an eye on Emily, as I'd promised I would. And that was hardly a chore; she was as glad to spend time at the station with me as I was to have her come visit. She was a Godsend; there was nothing I couldn't tell her, or she me. In fact, when I hinted that I was with child she squealed with pure joy and threw her arms around me. Tears trickled down her cheeks as she cupped my face with her hands and kissed my forehead. I promptly burst into tears, laughing and crying with her.

"Oh my God, Lou!' she exclaimed, wiping her eyes on her petticoats. "When - how - "

"For heaven's sake, you're the nurse - you know how!" I laughed. "And when - ? It may have been the night we all celebrated at the saloon - when Teaspoon told us he'd bought the station. Buck and I - well, we - uhm - got kinda carried away!"

She laughed long and hard with me at that; we both produced handkerchiefs with which to wipe eyes and blow noses. Presently, though, our laughter slowed and her expression became somewhat more serious.

"How are you feeling, though?" she asked, reaching over to hold my hand. "Some women find the first few months be be hellish. Do you feel sick at all?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't feel sick yet...it's smells more than anything that bother me. But I do get dizzy from time to time. And I get the odd headache with the dizziness."

Emily frowned when I mentioned the headaches. "That may not be good, Lou" she said quietly. "Have you been to see the Doc yet?" I shook my head.

"No, I haven't" I said in a low voice. "Buck and I - well, we agreed to not tell anyone until the first few months are over. In case - well, you know..."

"Mmm..." she nodded, serious. "Do you think you can sneak in one day when the fellas are all busy elsewhere?"

I mulled this over for a moment. "Yeah...Cody and Jimmy keep real busy with chores while the others are away for the next couple days...Could Doc Barnes see me early some morning, d'you think?"

"Sneak over tomorrow morning, early. He does late rounds on Saturdays." She squeezed my hand reassuringly. "I'm not trying to make you worry over something that may not be anything at all" she said quietly. "You're my friend, and I care about you and Buck."

"I know." I sat in silence for a moment. "This is all just - I don't know - so much all at once! And Buck - he's so good to me - to us." I put a hand on my lower belly. "I didn't know how different I would feel about a baby, once I found out. We hadn't planned on starting a family so soon - but now that I know I'm pregnant, I love him already."

"Him?" Emily raised her eyebrows and laughed.

"Both of us think it's going to be a boy" I said happily. "But boy or girl - as long as it looks like Buck, either's fine with me."

Emily laughed and threw her handkerchief at me. "Buck's eyebrows, you mean" she chuckled and I grumbled at that. "Oh, Lou...you are so lucky, you know that?"

"I do know that" I said. "But come on - what about you and Ike? I have never seen him so happy and contented!"

"I'm feeling pretty happy and contented myself these days, Lou" she said a little mistily. "And it's not all just the - you know, the lovemaking. Although he's awful damned good at that" she added cheekily, and I giggled with her. "He feels like the piece of me that had been missing all this time. Do you feel that way about Buck?"

"I do...I didn't know how loving and caring another person could be - I mean, someone as more than a friend. Ike is my friend, and I've always seen how caring and gentle he is, but it's not the same kind of love and care that you feel with him." I paused for a moment. "I hope that makes sense - I mean, they both must feel the same kinds of things from us about them, too. I do feel like he's the part of me that had been missing. We're meant to be together."

Emily put her elbows on the table and leaned forward. "How do you know something like that for sure, though?" she asked softly.

"Huh" I said thoughtfully. "It's like you said - it's more than the lovemakin - though, that's a part of it for sure" I said teasingly, and we giggled. "But - I _want_ to be with him. Workin with him, and talkin with him, I can't imagine_ not_ bein with him. I don't feel smothered by him, he just lets me be who and what I am. And I think we're good for each other. We bring out the best in each other." I smiled. "We're partners, and I trust him with my life and my heart."

"I love Ike, Lou" Emily said quietly. "I think he'd be the most loving and good husband and father there ever was. You know" she cast her eyes downward for a moment then looked at me with the most delicate blush to her cheeks, the most shy of smiles, "I have a confession to make." I raised my eyebrows and nodded ever so slightly.

She blushed. "I would love to have his children. Lots of 'em! If it's meant to happen, I would so love to mother his children."

"I hope it is meant to be, Emily" I said. "I do so hope it is."

After Emily left that evening after supper, I told Rachel what we'd discussed. She agreed with Emily wholeheartedly.

"Go see the Doc in the morning, Lou" she urged. "If needs be, I'll keep those boys so busy they'll wish they hadn't come back from their rides!"

I awoke before the sun was up the next morning; I lay in bed just enjoying the peace and quiet. I turned my head and took a deep sniff of Buck's pillow, and it smelled just like him. I smiled, knowing he and Ike would return the following day. I hoped their run had been good, that they hadn't run into trouble along the way. I clutched the silver locket in my hands like a talisman.

I washed quickly at the washstand, getting my back as best as I could without Buck there to help. I started to get dressed; as I sat on the edge of the bed to pull on my stockings I felt a funny kind of twinge 'way down low in my belly - like a monthly cramp. I thought nothing of it at the time.

I went downstairs, tiptoeing past Rachel's room so as not to wake her. In the kitchen, I stoked up the stovebox and set coffee on to brew. Oddly enough, once it started to brew I took a strange dislike to the smell - something I'd never had before. I set the kettle on the burner to boil and got out the tin of tea, a teaball, and a cup. The smell of the brewing tea calmed my nerves.

"Oh, no" I muttered to myself and ran out the door. I made it as far as the barn, when my stomach churned and I lost what little was in it. I hunched over, hands on my knees for a moment, until my stomach calmed. At the pump I drank a few sips of water from the dipper, hoping they'd stay down.

The tea was brewed and ready to be drank by the time I made it back to the kitchen. I added a spoonful of sugar to my cup and stirred; the mellow brew was far easier on my stomach and tasted wonderful. I sat in my usual chair and began to relax, thinking of what Buck and I had talked about just a few nights ago and chuckled to myself - if the sickness kept up, I was going to keep him very busy.

Since food itself didn't seem to be a problem yet, I got busy mixing up batter for flapjacks and sliced ham for frying. Rachel came down the stairs just as I'd finished slicing the ham. She laughed as I made a face while pouring her coffee; true to form, she guessed that coffee was now on the stay-away- from list. She poured me another cup of tea and shooed me into my chair. I set my elbows on the table and cupped my tea with my hands.

"Why do these things happen anyway, Rachel?" I asked out of the blue. She turned to me, not understanding what I meant.

"What things in particular, Lou?" she inquired, absentmindedly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Oh...all these strange things, like not likin certain smells, an' gettin sick...bein so tired all the time...Those things." I stared moodily out the window. "I mean, the first little while can be hard enough on the baby an' the mother as it is...why does it have to be harder?"

"Lord knows, Lou." She gave a laugh that came out sounding more like a sigh. "I think women have wondered the same thing for hundreds of years. And no one has ever been able to explain it; no one really knows."

"Huh" I snorted. "The Kiowa midwives say that the sickness runs in families - that's what Buck told me anyway. That is so unfair!"

"Was your mother sick with your brother and sister?" Rachel asked, smiling.

"I was too little to remember Jeremiah...but I remember mama getting a little sick with Theresa. It didn't seem to last for too long." I chuckled, remembering. "Buck said he can brew teas to help me."

"Have you been sick yet?" Rachel got out the heavy black skillet - the "spider", we called it, and set it to heat on the stove.

"Just once. This morning." I hesitated, wondering if I should say more. "I got a cramp in my side, too - way down low here."

"Did it last long, Lou?" Rachel wasn't smiling. She set down the ladle which she'd been using to pour flapjack batter into the skillet and turned to me, hands on hips.

"Mmm...no. Not long at all." I looked at her; she looked at me. "Could it be something bad, do you think?"

"What I think" she set her hands gently but firmly on my shoulders, "is that you should get yourself over to Doc Barnes'. Right now, my girl."

I glanced at Rachel; both her voice and expression brooked no nonsense. I drained the rest of the tea from my cup, wrapped a shawl about my shoulders, and headed over to Doc Barnes' office right in the center of Rock Creek.

Upon arriving, I knocked discreetly on the front door where he had his shingle hung out. A woman's voice called, "Come 'round to the side, please!"

I peeked around the side of the building and was pleased to see that it was his daughter Mary; his wife Martha often helped out in the office, but I had always avoided her like the plague. She was a gossip and, I thought, a snoop and I didn't trust her as far as I could throw her. I hastened around to the side door, pleased that no one had seen me. At least, I didn't think they had; when I thought about it, I decided it didn't really matter after all. For all anyone knew, I had a sore wrist.

"Come in, Miss McLeod" Mary said, giving me her lovely smile. She was seventeen, beautiful, with bright blue eyes and strawberry blonde hair down well past her shoulders, and all the young men of Rock Creek were smitten with her. And well they should be: she was smart as a whip, kind, and friendly to boot. I smiled back at her.

"Please, call me Louise" I said in a friendly tone. She opened the door to her father's office. "Miss - uhm, Louise McLeod to see you, Father."

Doc Barnes looked up from the paperwork on his desk. "Thank you, Mary" he said with a smile. "Please come in, Miss McLeod, and have a seat. I'll be right with you."

Mary closed the door behind her, and I was left alone in the office with Doc Barnes. He was an older man, though by no stretch as old as Teaspoon; he had a kind, somewhat dry manner and next to Buck was the most gentle man I'd ever met, gentle as Ike. I regarded him, his kind, lined face and wavy brown hair. My stomach lurched a little, and I hoped I wouldn't get sick here in his office.

Presently, the Doc corked his inkwell and set his quill pen in the handsome brass penholder. He peered over the top of his reading glasses and extended a hand.

"Miss McLeod...good day to you. What can I help you with today?" he said kindly. His voice was deep and even, and banished the fidgety feelings I'd been having. I found I was able to relax enough to smile.

"Doc Barnes...I'm here because I'm in the family way, and want to make sure everything's all right."

There - I'd said it. To my everlasting relief the Doc's face showed only the most fleeting surprise and he quickly regained his composure.

"Well, Miss McLeod...you are direct!" he said wryly but with a twinkle in his eye. "I wish more of my patients were. Now, then...what makes you so sure?"

I revealed to him then the fact that my cycles had always been regular as the phases of the moon itself, and that I'd missed my last one. I then told him of feeling tired enough to fall asleep in the middle of the day; of the strange and unsettling dislike of some smells; even of the soreness of my breasts. The doctor listened respectfully, then asked me some questions.

"How are your moods, Miss McLeod? Do you find them to be more changeable or extreme than usual?"

I smiled wryly and nodded my head. He then asked, "And how is your appetite? Do you get sick in the mornings or during the day?"

"I've only been sick once, and that was just today. " I looked down at my hands, folded in my lap, then up into the doctor's face. "I had a cramp, this morning...it didn't last long. And I've been dizzy and I get headaches sometimes." I bit my lip. "Is my baby going to be all right?"

I felt and sounded anxious and the Doc cottoned onto that real quick. He nodded and smiled then.

"Dizziness is very normal in early pregnancy, my dear...but the headaches may not be. Do you drink water during the day?"

"Oh, yes...we're so busy over at the station, I often get thirsty and stop to drink lots of water. Rachel and I have been working so hard lately, getting things ready for winter."

"I see" he said thoughtfully. "Have you had any amount of bleeding at all?"

"No, I haven't" I said swiftly. "I would've told Emily straight away if I had."

"Good" the doctor said approvingly. "She's the best nurse and assistant I've ever had." The Doc looked at me musingly for a moment. "Miss McLeod...I need to ask you some questions of a more personal nature. Only to ensure your well-being, of course."

He smiled kindly and I nodded my head. "Doc Barnes...are you wondering about the father of my baby?" I asked bluntly. He laughed outright then.

"Yes, Miss McLeod, I am. I am hoping that he is a reputable man, and prepared to take responsibility for you and your child." He peered once again over his glasses. I laughed in relief.

"Doc, I am betrothed to Buck Cross - we are to be married on the twenty-fourth of October. Buck knows about this child, and is eager to become a father" I said with pride.

Doc Barnes extended his hand once more and clasped mine warmly. "Congratulations, my dear - that is wonderful news. I had heard rumors that you and Mr. Cross were an item, but I had no idea you were getting married! You two are well-suited, I think."

"I think so too." I wiped my eyes quickly - whenever someone menntioned Buck while he was gone, I teared over. "So, do you think I have anything to worry about?" I asked earnestly.

Once again he regarded me musingly. "I'd like to see you get more rest, young lady. You're young and healthy and strong, but early pregnancy is not an easy time for mother or baby. Slow down some when you get dizzy; sit down if you can. When you get a headache, lie down if at all possible. The sickness is a normal thing. If it becomes severe, do come and see me."

"And if I have a cramp again?" I asked hesitantly.

"Hmmm" he rumbled. "I'm hoping that you won't...but should you have more, lie down immediately and send someone for me. If you have any bleeding at all, get someone here for me and get right to bed. I'd like you to avoid stressful situations, my dear - avoid conflicts, at all costs, anything that causes you to become very emotional or upsets you. Do you understand?"

"I do, Doc Barnes. Thank you so much." I paid the doctor and we shook hands once more before he saw me out. I walked back to the station feeling much lighter of mind, and hoping that the day would just fly by - I was so anxious to see Buck again, to hold him and kiss him, to tell him every little thing. I wondered where he and Ike were right then; they must be well on the way home, I thought. Rachel, Jimmy, and Cody greeted me when I joined them in the bunkhouse for breakfast; I dodged Cody's inquiry as to where I'd been by flipping a coin to see who got the last big slice of fried ham. I called heads but lost to Cody; he relented and gave me half of the huge slice.

After breakfast the boys headed off to their chores, Rachel and I to the washing up. I told her all of what Doc Barnes had told me, and she was relieved, saying she always thought he had a lot of horse sense. I felt fine, not sick at all, and got busy with the laundry - with Jimmy hauling water for me once he was finished in the barn. Oh, he grumbled, to be sure, but helped me out all the same - and I reminded him that with the other four fellas gone there was a lot less laundry to do.

He couldn't argue with that.

I myself didn't mind being outside with chores - the days were beginning to cool down some, the leaves on the trees beginning to colour up just at the tips. While I added soap, stirred, wrung out, and rinsed I began to think of the wedding again. The dinner itself was no big deal - we had ham and venison; could make up baked beans and coleslaw and bread and biscuits; could bake cakes and pies from some of the fruit we'd dried and preserved. Good, wholesome Pony Express food, I thought, and lots of it - people always ate so much at funerals and weddings, I mused.

As I hung the clean clothing on the line, my mind then turned to the ceremony itself. We all could ride to the picnic rock on our horses, I thought, Lightning and Spirit at the rear as our family gathered first. We could approach each other from opposite sides to meet in the middle, where Teaspoon would be standing. I wondered if I should ask Emily to stand up for me as maid of honour, if Buck was going to ask Ike to be his best man. I pictured myself in the white doeskin dress that was so breathtakingly beautiful, Buck in the handsome shirt with its quillwork and buckskin pants, his long dark hair gleaming, braided at his left ear and wrapped in soft rabbit fur. And again, I felt the deep longing for him to come home so we could be together...I concentrated on the wedding vows I would say.

That very task kept me busy throughout the day, I was happy to say. Through the laundry, lunch, a short rest, through getting dinner ready and washing up afterwards. The beautiful early autumn day had flown by as I'd hoped it would - and, I was ready to put the words down on paper. Some of my vows included Kiowa words and phrases, and I wasn't sure of the spelling, but I felt sure I could say the words correctly and Buck would understand them.

That evening, Rachel invited Jimmy and Cody into the house instead of staying out in the bunkhouse with only each other for company. I made popcorn in the big fireplace in the kitchen; Rachel and the boys put together a poker game. I sat in my customary chair with my knitting, laughing as I watched Rachel clean both their clocks and they complained that she somehow was cheating - though, they couldn't prove it. I knit and listened to Rachel explain how she won so many hands, listened as they started a new game and the boys put her strategies to good use and began to improve.

"If that don't beat all, Rachel" Cody said, sounding very satisfied indeed. "You sure did learn a lot, playing on them big old riverboats!"

"She had to, numbskull - that's how she earned a livin, right , Rachel?" Jimmy said.

"You're absolutely right, Jimmy - it was do or die. If I couldn't play a good game, I wouldn't earn my daily bread."She laughed as she shuffled the deck, riffling the cards between her hands. "It sounds so glamorous, but let me tell you - it was a tough old go on the riverboats. Most women didn't survive that cutthroat way of life. I was one of the few who did."

She stared out the window for a moment and I swear I knew just what she was thinking, was feeling. "Was that how you met your husband, Rachel?" I asked. The boys looked at Rachel quickly; they knew by now what had happened to her brief, happy marriage and looked at me with annoyance.

Rachel, whatever she was feeling, didn't lose her composure for one second. "It was, Lou" she said, smiling gently. "I met Henry in New Orleans and I swear it was love at first sight. Oh, I was straight up with him - he knew about the business with the Brownings, I made good and sure he knew what he was getting into...He didn't let it bother him, only to keep an eye out for them on our travels."

She lapsed off into silence; the boys and I looked at each other and at Rachel. She didn't miss this.

"I know what y'all are thinkin...that it hurts too much to talk about. It'll always hurt a little bit, but it gets a little bit less every day. I'd rather have had that short time with Henry than not have had it at all."

I set my knitting down for a second, thinking...if that was Buck and me, would I feel the same way?

"But Lou here, and Buck...they're going to have a long, happy life together." We exchanged smiles. "We're so glad the family can be together for good now, Lord willing" she said softly. "Have you fellas decided what you'll be doing?"

Jimmy spoke first. "I aim to take Teaspoon up on his offer for deputy...I ain't had a real home in so long, I cain't remember havin had a real one. An' family...I got Celinda and Nathan and a niece or a nephew...an' my other sister, Lydia...but I ain't close to them like I've gotten to y'all...You put up with me and accept me like I am. Ain't no one ever wanted to do that before."

Jimmy was seldom one for a lot of talk, let alone about his feelins. I doubt that if we'd all been there, his answer would've been anything like it was with just the four of us.

I was honoured to have heard what he said and I loved him for it. When Rachel turned to Cody, I swear I saw a hint of wetness in her eyes.

"What about you, Billy?" she asked quietly.

He sat on the floor, legs crossed Indian-style. Presently he raised his knees and hooked his arms around them, staring into the firelight with his icy blue eyes. He turned to us.

"Ya know, Rachel, I still don't right know fer sure" he said with a sigh. "Who'da thought ole Jimmy here would know what he aimed to do, but not me?" Jimmy laughed and poked him with a stockinged foot.

"What's yer real heart's desire, Cody?" I asked in a non-teasing kind of voice.

"Fer real, Lou?" he asked wistfully. This was a Cody I'd never seen before. I nodded, smiling.

"Well, ya know I've got a real hankerin to see all I can...live every adventure I ever can...an' that's fine, but it ain't enough, somehow." He stared into the fire. "I didn't tell y'all...but I got a letter from my sister Maggie, an' she says our ma's doin' real poorly."

He looked up finally at each of us in turn. "I only know this one thing...that I want to see ma an' Maggie and our other sister Julia. I been thinkin', after Buck'n' Lou here get hitched. After that, I don't think I'll have th' stomach to go off to war...see a lot of innocent people gettin killed. If Buck and Lou'll have me an' kin put up with me, I'd like to help 'em out fer a bit...til my mind is right set on what I need ta do in life."

I dropped my knitting on the floor, ran over to Cody, and got down on my knees. "Oh, Cody!" I exclaimed, my eyes tearing over. "Stay with us as long as you want. Jimmy, you gotta help us break in the new horses - no one kin do it like you can!" I appealed to him as he laughed at the sight of me hugging Cody instead of wanting to strangle him.

"You know I can't stand mushy stuff, Lou" he laughed at me from beside the fire. "Of course I'll be breakin in the horses - someone's gotta do it right."

The boys evidently thought it was a good time to make an escape before Rachel and I smothered them with hugs and kisses - though, I personally thought they enjoyed it a lot more than they let on. We bade them goodnight; as the door closed behind them, Rachel turned to me.

"Time to get to bed, Miss Louise" she smiled. "You both need your rest!"

"This has been one of the happiest nights of my life, Rachel" I said softly, the dying fire flickering orange on our white blouses. "Even though it meant Buck not bein here, I wouldn't have missed it fer the world!"

"I feel the same way, Louise" she said, hugging me. I buried my face in her shoulder. "Our boys are goin to be all right."

I went up the stairs as she stoked up the fire for the night. When I got into my nightgown and into bed, I rolled onto my side and looked out the window at the bright stars...they looked so close and bright I swore I could just reach out and touch one.

The next morning I awoke early, a pain throbbing in my back as though I'd strained a muscle. I ignored it and washed and dressed quickly, trying to make time pass so that Buck and Ike would be home all the sooner. Down in the kitchen, I put on both the kettle and the coffeepot, trying not to breathe in the smell of the brewing coffee. As usual, I set to making a big batch of muffins - marmalade, my own favourite. I bent over to place the tins inside the oven when the pain in my back started raising hell. I shoved the oven door shut and, remembering the Doc's advice, sat down and hoped it would just go away on its own - I wanted nothing to spoil this special day.

I sipped at my hot sugared tea that tasted so good and soothed my jitters. The pain was becoming less, to my delight, and I got the muffins out of the oven just in time - marmalade burned easily. I sat back down and, after blowing on it for a moment, took a bite of the good orange-tasting muffin.

I went ahead and made biscuits - I'd gotten real good at it - but decided to let Rachel choose what to make for the main course. That done, I took my tea outside, along with a second muffin, and sat on the porch steps looking at the beautiful sunrise. I smoothed my hands along my ivory-coloured, lace collared blouse, the silver locket hanging in front, and down my burgundy skirt. Hell, I'd even polished my boots and, now that my hair was longer, had braided along both sides and pinned the ends and the back into a kind of roll. Strange on anyone else but with me, it worked. Then I heard it: two sets of hoofbeats and I just knew. I jumped to my feet.

"Riders comin!" I shouted with every ounce of breath in me. I heard exclamations and thumping from the bunkhouse; Jimmy and Cody ran out to join me in the street. Rachel had dressed quickly, her hair still down, and stood with us, waiting, for the horses to come into sight.

And there they were, coming to us from due east, a tall bay and a wiry chestnut, their riders dusty and dishevelled but smilin to beat the band.

The horses pulled up just in front of us and Ike and Buck swung out of their saddles. Cody and Jimmy each grabbed a set of reins and led Spirit and Amigo into the shade beside the barn where they could be walked til they cooled down. And then -

- Buck had me tight in his arms; lifted me and swung me around, set me back on my feet and his lips were everywhere, his tongue in my mouth -

- and my arms were around him as far as they'd go, so tight, he felt so good, smelled so good, even the trail dust on him tasted so good -

- and he hugged me right into him, kissed my hair and stroked it. My face in his neck, the tears flowed freely but I didn't care who saw, I was so glad he was there in my arms - he was real flesh and blood, and I never wanted to let him go, ever.

We panted against each other; my heart was still beating wildly from pure joy. He cupped my face in his hands and rested his forehead against mine...

"Lou..." he whispered. "I can't believe I'm finally here...I missed you..." A lone tear trickled from each eye.

I whispered something incoherent; it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was in my arms. A stagecoach rumbled by, but I scarcely heard it.

I finally let go enough to look up into his face - his dusty, grimy, beloved face...and I laughed. I clutched his arms with my hands..."Buck... I - "

- a hand like a vise came down on mine and tore it free of Buck's arm -

- and that hand slapped my face so hard I stumbled to the ground. Stunned, I held a hand to my bleeding lip -

- "_what - !_" I exclaimed -

- Buck reaching; the sound of a slap to his hand -

- a face like the devil himself, eyes blazing, long wild mane of black hair -

-hand over its huge belly -

- and the woman's snarl, "_Don't ever touch the father of my child again, bitch!_"

**A/N: Let me know what you think, for sure!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Young Riders.**

**A/N: Warning for emotionally disturbing content and language of the NC-17 variety, so hang onto your hats, girls; we're in for a rough ride of a different kind. Please bear with me: do read the A/N at the end of the chapter. You will see why. Now - on to the story!**

_This can't be happening _my hazy, dazed mind whispered to me. _This is a dream, a nightmare...none of this is real...is it?_

I set a hand to my forehead, tried to focus my eyes. My bleeding lip was getting puffy and bruised. The pain was what brought me around, working its way inside my mind, giving me something to focus on. I lifted my head and looked around; my sense of hearing gradually replaced the tinny ringing in my ears.

What I saw and heard terrified me and I whimpered softly, afraid to move, afraid to get up out of the dirt of the street where I lay, half-sprawled. I cringed into myself as Camille Lawson screamed and cursed at me.

"_You fucking whore! You cheap slut! Keep your hands __**off**__ of him! Don't you __**ever**__ touch him again, do you hear me?_" Buck's childhood friend and once-betrothed had become a demon, her white face twisted with rage, slate-blue eyes blazing with the fires of hell itself. Buck fought to keep hold of her as Rachel hurried to help me up off of the ground, but Camille was set on breaking free of his grip and attacking me once more.

With Rachel's help I was able to get some distance away. I got a real good look at her for the first time.

Her long black hair hung, dishevelled every which way, down her back; she had black circles beneath her eyes as though she hadn't slept in weeks. A broad wedding band glinted gold in the sun from a finger of her left hand, and she wore a tattered, torn dress of dark blue that billowed out largely in the front.

She was very pregnant, at least six months gone.

_she called Buck the father of her unborn child...but why...he wouldn't...would he?_

I shook the unwanted thought out of my mind as soon as it came; Buck had known Camille and Bill were engaged when they visited Rock Creek six months ago. He would never lay his claim on an already -engaged woman like that; he was an honorable man.

_but they grew up together...they loved each other...he said he'd loved her...she was the only woman who had ever loved him, had ever wanted him! They had been betrothed!_

Why am I doubting Buck? I asked myself uneasily. I love him with all my heart! He loves me and we are getting married in one month!

_but still..._

That nasty little voice wouldn't leave me alone no matter how hard I tried to push it away.

_you weren't in love with each other six months ago...you were still with Kid..._

We were already over even then! I argued with myself.

_what if...Lou, what if he only wants __**you**__ because he can't have __**her**__?_

This was too much: I was dizzy and starting to get a headache. A sudden cramp twisted through my belly and I doubled over. Rachel held me in her arms and whispered to me.

"You're going inside, Louise - no, don't you dare argue with me! I know you're in pain. Now come on!"

I was in no condition to argue, much as I didn't want to leave Buck with that madwoman. Rachel helped me up the steps to the kitchen door; I turned for one last look at the scene in the street.

Jimmy and Cody hurried up to Buck, Doc Barnes and Barnett with them. Ike and Emily rode up on Amigo. Barnett helped Buck restrain Camille; Doc Barnes crept ever so carefully behind her and took a small shiny object out of his jacket pocket. Quick as a snake, he jabbed her exposed arm with a hypodermic needle and she went limp in Buck and Barnett's arms.

Rachel hustled me inside then; she called to Ike to come give her a hand. With my last look out the kitchen window, I could see the men carrying the unconscious Camille towards Doc Barnes' office, Emily going with them. Buck cast one despairing look back at me from the street.

A sizeable crowd had gathered, early as it was; they had no doubt been drawn outside by the loud screaming and cursing. I wondered what they all were thinking, about me, about Buck; some cast dark glances his way as he and the others departed. I had an awful feeling that nothing good would come of all this.

As soon as Ike came into the kitchen, Rachel ordered him to help me upstairs and stay with me until she got back. She then left us to go to the Doc's to see if she could help in any way. I watched her depart then sank down into a chair, holding my hand to my sharply aching belly, hoping that the pain would soon subside. Ike saw this.

*Lou, why are you holding your belly? Does it hurt?* he asked silently, his kind face lined with concern. I looked at Ike, my friend and the closest of my brothers; I would not lie to him.

"It hurts real bad, Ike" I said quietly. "I need to go upstairs to bed - but first, we both could do with a glass of water. And you need something to eat."

*Lou, don't worry about me - I - * he began.

"I mean it, Ike. Get us some water and then get yourself a muffin from the basket here." I pushed it towards him.

He got up reluctantly and did get us both water to drink, then a muffin which he quickly ate. The water tasted so good, and the aching in my head began to lessen. When Ike had finished his water he helped me to my feet and up the stairs to the bedroom; depositing me at the side of the bed, he took each boot, unlaced it, and pulled it off. My stockings came next.

*Sorry I don't do this as good as Buck* he apologized with a cheeky grin. *I've had less practice*

I gently swatted him and tried to laugh, but sighed instead. "I just wish I knew that Buck is all right. And I wish I knew what's going on!"

I shouldn't have gotten so worked up; the pain in my head began again, the pain in my belly grew worse. I hissed through my teeth.

Ike never missed a thing, and he could tell I was in a bad way. *Lou?* he signed with some urgency. *You look real pale - can I get you anything?*

He was so anxious to do anything that would help, I knew. I tried a smile again. "Yeah, Ike - can you get me a damp washrag for my head?"

He nodded and quickly clattered down the stairs to the kitchen. He returned with a cloth wrung out in cold water and, folding it, set it gently on my forehead. I closed my eyes; the cool cloth felt so good, began to banish the pain in my head. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was good to be in bed where I could relax my body. Now if I could just clear my mind, make everything be all right.

I felt Ike sit down on the edge of the bed beside me. I opened my eyes and looked at him; his face bore bore a worried expression. No doubt he was as worried about Buck as I was. I looked around the bedroom, at the crazy quilt which Emma had left atop the bed, saying it belonged there; at the chest of drawers which Buck and I shared, the vase of wildflowers I kept fresh at all times; at the washstand with pitcher and basin, the cloth Buck used to wash my back; at the mirror in front of which Buck shaved in the mornings. Everything in the room spoke to me of him - and I wondered when he would be able to return to me.

Ike reached for my hand and held it in his large callused one. I did smile then; I knew that he wouldn't leave me. And I needed to talk.

"Ike - where did she come from? Did you see her come?" I asked him quietly, hoping to keep the pain at bay. He nodded.

*She was on the stage that followed us into town, Lou. She got off when Buck and I handed the horses over to Jimmy and Cody. She just stood, staring all around her as though she didn't know where she was. Then she saw Buck, and - and you, with him*

Ike cast his eyes down at the quilt for a moment. *When she saw you and him together like that, her face - I don't know, it just _twisted_ with anger. And hate, and rage. She started to whisper to herself - *

He clearly didn't want to go on. But I had to know what it was she'd been whispering to herself - I needed to know anything that would help me figure out what was wrong with her.

_if Buck is her baby's father, you mean_

Oh, shit...that nasty, doubting little voice. How I hated it!

"What was she whispering to herself, Ike? I need to know!" I said in a low, sharp tone. He looked at me with apology and pity written on his face and slowly began to sign her words.

* That little slut, that fucking whore thinks he is hers...he is mine. I will kill her if I have to...she will never touch him again. Look at her, she is pathetic...it will be so easy. I will put my hands about her throat and squeeze until she goes limp and falls to the ground. No one will keep him from me...especially her. She deserves that miserable shit I married who says this baby is his...but it is not...he doesn't know what Buck and I did when I came here, when we made this babe. When I killed White Feather at Thunder Mesa and had my way with Running Buck...he has fathered a fine child...and now I will kill that bitch *

Ike, finished, hung his head in sorrow and shame. *I'm sorry, Lou* he signed, a tear falling onto the quilt. I realized that I was hot and shivering at the same time. My head whirled and my belly clenched. "Ike..."

*Lou, you are with child, aren't you? Has something gone wrong?* His face had turned white.

"Ike, go to Doc Barnes...tell him something is wrong...The pain...is real bad..." I whispered, my lips stiff with cold. "Go!"

Ike gave me one last look as he tore down the staircase. I heard the front door open, heard Rachel's voice.

"Ike? What - ?" He must have signed something to her; the front door slammed and Rachel ran up the stairs and into the bedroom.

She came and sat at the edge of the bed. " What is it, Lou? Is it the baby?" she asked urgently. I nodded.

"The pain, Rachel...it's bad." I was wracked with another cramp. "Where's Buck?"

"Lou, roll away from me...just for a second. Easy, now." Rachel lifted and pulled the covers back. "You're not bleeding, Lou, that's a good thing." She pulled the covers back up. "Buck is at the Doc's...they're trying to figure out what has happened to Camille, why she is behaving like a crazy woman."

"She says...Buck is her baby's father...oh, God..." I hissed.

"Horseshit" Rachel snorted. "Buck wouldn't ever, _ever_ have laid a hand or anything else on an engaged woman, betrothed as children or not! I think Camille is desperately unhappy with her marriage to Bill Lawson, and being pregnant has made her completely delusional. I think she is only acting out what her imagination tells her she really wants. You see if I'm not right!"

I mulled this over for a moment, holding my belly as the pain grew then ebbed. I leaned back into the pillows. "Rachel?"

"Yes, Lou?" she asked quietly.

"What's - ohhh - 'delusional' mean?" I hissed a little again.

Rachel sat on the edge of the bed beside me. She turnned the covers down, then said "Roll onto your side for a few minutes, Lou - I'm going to rub your lower back. It might help you to relax."

I rolled to my side and undid the buttons of my skirt, pulling it down so Rachel could rub the skin of my back. I flinched at first, then willed myself to relax as Rachel's strong, skilled hands worked over my sore back muscles. In a few minutes I was able to relax a bit, for real.

"Well" she said finally, "a delusion is a kind of false idea a person can get in their mind. Thing is, it's such an impossible idea, usually, that an ordinary person like you or me wouldn't believe it - let alone think it up in the first place. And I really believe that that is what has happened to Camille - she's obviously been neglecting herself, and she's run away from her husband thinking that she belongs here with Buck."

"Do you think she's sick in her mind like this because she's pregnant, Rachel?" I asked quietly, enjoying the feel of her strong hands on my sore back.

"Mmm...yes I do, Lou. Pregnancy can make your moods change so much...and if she was unhappy in the first place, and doesn't want to have her husband's baby, then yes. I think being pregnant may have caused her to become like this. Buck was the one person she was always able to trust and count on. Maybe that's why she is having all these awful, strange thoughts and is acting on them" Rachel finished.

"Do you really think the baby is her husband's? I want to believe that so much!" I said, beginning to cry.

"The baby is Bill's - it is not mine, Lou."

Neither Rachel nor I had heard Buck coming up the stairs - then again, he always walked quietly even in his boots. He stood in the doorway, an expression of terrible hurt on his face. Seeing him there, Rachel rose from the bedside and tucked the covers around me again. She looked from Buck to me and sighed.

"I know you two have some talking to do - but don't get riled up, Lou. You know what the Doc said. Buck..." she set her hands on his shoulders and hugged him, "please, don't get Lou more upset. I know you have a lot to talk about but honestly - some of it will have to wait." She gave us both very pointed looks that spoke volumes; walking to the doorway she turned to us for a moment.

"I'm going to get breakfast for the boys - they never did eat yet today. Then I'll be going to Doc Barnes' to help Emily some. The Doc should be along any time now at the rate Ike ran over there."

Rachel closed the door behind her and Buck sat down on the edge of the bed. His expression softened when he looked into my face and I held my arms out to him.

"Are you going to be all right, nah mahyehn?" he asked softly, tucking my hair behind my ears then hugging me.

"I'm all right, Buck - honest, I am." I hesitated and bit my lip. He frowned.

"And our child?" he asked, his voice raw with emotion.

" He is all right, too." I closed my eyes for a moment and, opening them, looked at Buck. "I never had a chance to tell you anything yet, Buck" I said. "I had a long talk with Emily while you were gone...I'd had some headaches with the dizzy spells and she told me to go see Doc Barnes. The morning that I did go to see him, I got a cramp in my side. He said that if I got any more cramps to lie down and send someone for him. And if - if I got any bleeding to get into bed right away and send someone for him. I haven't had any bleeding" I said hastily when I saw the look of alarm on Buck's face, "but he told me to avoid confrontations or anything that might get me upset."

I swallowed hard. "That's why I'm in bed, and why everyone's being so careful. After she - oh God" I put my hand to my belly again, " after she hit me, I started to get cramps again."

Buck cupped my face with his large warm hand. "I am so very sorry, Lou" he said, his throat sounding raspy.

Just then a knock sounded at the bedroom door. "Miss McLeod? May I come in?" It was Doc Barnes.

I nodded at Buck. "Come in" Buck called and Doc Barnes stepped inside the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

"Miss McLeod...Buck" he nodded at us, taking off his hat and setting it on a chair. "Louise...I understand you're having some cramping."

"Yes, Doc. It started about just after she - Camille, I mean - " I glanced at Buck, whose face remained impassive, "hit me. It's been coming and going ever since."

"I see" Doc Barnes said kindly. He lay the back of his hand on my forehead. "You're a mite warm...any chills?"

Again I glanced at Buck. "Yes...while Ike was sitting with me. They've gone away for now, though." He picked up my hand and gently held my wrist for a moment.

"Your heart is also beating very quickly, Louise, but I think that is normal given the stress of the situation. Now" he removed his jacket, "with your permission I would like to give you a quick examination."

"Why, Doc? What are you looking for?" I asked anxiously.

Buck vacated his spot at the bedside and the Doc sat down. "I would like to know for sure if any bleeding has begun yet...it's my hope that there is none."

He was being both honest and kind, and I appreciated this. "All right, Doc" I said quietly. "Please - don't leave, Buck. He can stay, can't he?" I appealed.

"If the examination won't upset you, Buck, do stay. I will be quick. You can sit over on the other side there with Louise" the doctor said kindly.

Buck came around and sat beside me. He picked up my hand and kissed it, then cradled it in both of his. "It will be all right, nah mahyehn" he whispered.

Doc Barnes gently removed the covers and asked if he could remove my skirt; when I nodded, he moved it out of the way and set it on the end of the bed. He asked me to bend my legs at the knees and move them slightly apart, felt around my belly gently to find where it hurt the most, then examined the outside of my pantaloons for the presence of any blood. "Do you feel anything coming from you, Louise, similar to your monthly cycle?" he asked delicately.

"No, Doc. Nothing at all" I replied swiftly. Buck squeezed my hand.

He stood and drew the covers back up around me. "That is most satisfactory, then. There is no evidence of blood on your underclothing, and if you feel nothing coming from you, then bleeding has not yet occurred. I recommend that you stay in bed until the cramping has completely stopped, and also stay very quiet."

"Thank you" I said softly. I paused before asking "Doc, what do you think is wrong with Camille? She wasn't anything like she is now when she visited us six months ago." Doc Barnes looked to be on the verge of refusing to answer and Buck said "Lou" in a warning tone, but I pressed on. "I know it's upsetting to me and to everyone else, especially Buck, but it was very upsetting to be attacked like that out of nowhere and then to hear the awful things she said. " I waited a moment. "I think I have a right to know." I squeezed Buck's hand to let him know it was all right.

Doc Barnes deliberated for a moment, then pulled over a vacant chair and sat down beside the bed. "Louise, Buck" he began in a very quiet voice, "I have my suspicions and have consulted with Emily, who has seen this type of situation before while training as a nurse and midwife. This young woman is obviously very troubled and unhappy, and has experienced great losses in her young life. I would hazard a guess that her marriage to Mr. Lawson is not a happy one, and she doesn't seem to want to bear his child."

"Camille lost her family during an Indian raid while they were moving west by wagon train" Buck said quietly. "She was only a child at the time. She was the only survivor. "

The doctor considered this piece of information. "Was that how you came to know Mrs. Lawson, Buck?" he asked.

"She was brought back to the Kiowa village afterwards and lived with us until she was twelve. We - " Buck stopped speaking suddenly.

"Tell him, Buck" I said. "It's all right - and he should know."

Buck looked agonized but continued. "We were betrothed by the chief of the tribe to each other when we were just twelve summers. Because of my being half-white and Camille being white, we were considered to be a suitable match. Then later that summer, I was granted permission to accompany a hunting party - my first, ever. Camille begged me not to go, saying she had a feeling that something terrible was going to happen. But I went anyway, and when we returned the village had been destroyed - all the women and children slain. And Camille had been taken back to live among the white people. She was spared because of her colour" Buck finished in the barest of whispers.

Doc Barnes shook his head sadly. "She has known great loss indeed. But you, son - you cannot hold yourself to blame for situations beyond your control." Buck just shook his head.

"Doc, Rachel told me what she thinks is wrong" I said. "Sounds like the two of you are thinkin the same thing."

"What does Mrs. Dunne think?" the doctor asked.

"She said she thinks that Camille is unhappy with her marriage. And that being pregnant has made her delusional, and she's acting like this because it's what her imagination is telling her it's what she wants" I said. "Do you think she could be right?"

Doc Barnes sighed and shook his head ruefully. "She more than likely is right, Louise. Unfortunately we understand so little of how the mind works, and about pregnancy and the effects it can have on a woman's delicate mind. I do know that Mrs. Lawson must not be left alone under any circumstances - she is both violent and dangerous to others. Even you, Buck, may be in danger."

"How do you figure that, Doc?" Buck asked, puzzled. "It's me she seems to want."

"The young woman is extremely unpredictable in her current state, and may turn against you should she think you are turning her away. I am hoping her husband will show up here on one of the stages from St. Joe today, but until then I am keeping her guarded and under sedation." The doc stood and reached for his hat. "Buck, you look worn out - try to get some rest and spend a little time with Louise. And you, Miss McLeod - do not get out of bed. If the cramps do not subside in two hours' time, send for me and I can give you a mild sedative. If the cramps get worse or there is bleeding, send for me immediately. Good day to you both."

Buck saw him to the door and thanked him, then closed the door behind him. He turned to me, smiling a little.

"I wouldn't mind following the Doc's advice and spending some time resting here with you" he said.

"I wish you would, Buck - you look so tired. And I missed you, so much" I added a little shyly. "It was a long, long week without you here with me."

"Even with Ike's company it was a long week, riding to St. Joe and making the return trip back. But that was the last Express run for both of us. When we're gone now, it'll be for our own business" Buck said with a tired smile.

"Life is going to be so different now" I said thoughtfully, leaning back into the pillows. "A very good kind of different."

"It sounds as though you may still want to marry me, in spite of all that's happened" Buck said, raising an eyebrow. He took off his black vest and dusty shirt and lay them on the back of a chair. His knife, boots, and stockings came next, and finally his pants; he was wearing his two-piece longjohn suit that doubled as his nightclothes. He raised an arm and sniffed, then said "I really don't smell that bad. Can I crawl in bed with you and keep you and the little one company?"

Oh, yes" I sighed happily. "Come here." I drew the covers down a little ways, and Buck got into bed beside me. He smelled exactly like Spirit, but I didn't mind - it was a good, honest homey smell and didn't turn my stomach. "And since you are wondering, Buck Cross, I do still want to marry you. I never stopped loving you."

Buck murmured something in Kiowa - perhaps he was thanking the Spirits - and turned so he could hold me in his arms. He kissed my neck, my cheek, my temple, and my hair before asking "How are you feeling?"

"So much better" I answered sleepily. "The cramps - " I yawned hugely, " - are almost gone now. I'm so tired, Buck."

"We both need to sleep" he whispered. "Sleep is healing."

I promptly fell asleep in Buck's arms.

When I awoke, Buck was sound asleep beside me and snoring softly. I couldn't help but laugh to myself; I always found the sound to be immensely comforting. I thought that I would be able to recognize Buck anywhere simply by his snoring, I knew it so well.

I sat up carefully, and eased my way over to the edge of the bed. I was going to have to get up very soon; nature was calling, and my stomach didn't seem to like being empty. I put my legs over the edge then and slowly stood. I didn't feel dizzy, a good sign I thought. I pulled my skirt back on and began to make my way to the door, when the snoring stopped abruptly and Buck asked, "Where do you think you're going?"

Dang, I thought. "Umm - Buck, I _really_ need to go to the privy, and my stomach is startin to get queasy. Best I get up and take care of things before somethin happens, don't you think?"

Buck swung his legs over the edge of the bed and got up. "I think you could use the chamber pot just this once, Lou, and I can brew you some tea and bring you something to eat. All right?" Like Rachel's had earlier, his voice brooked no nonsense.

"Well - all right. Just this once." After he left the room, I closed the door and got the china pot out from under the bed. Not knowing what else to do with it afterwards, I set it by the door. I took my skirt off again and got back into bed, but not before I'd had a good, long look out the bedroom window.

Kid and Noah rode up and handed their reins over to Cody and Jimmy out by the barn. Ike was nowhere in sight; I hoped that he had come back from Doc Barnes' and was getting some sleep in the bunkhouse - he, too, had had a long ride followed by the morning's strange events. Then I saw the noon stage pull up by Tompkins' store and a familiar figure stepped out.

The young man had light-brown hair that looked to be unkempt, uncombed. He looked as though he had dressed carelessly and in a hurry; his clothing was dusty and wrinkled. Once off of the stagecoach he looked all around him, as though unsure of which way to go first. He spied Noah and Kid out front of the barn and began talking to them. In a moment it looked as though he was becoming angry; Jimmy handed Katy's reins over to Cody, and began talking to him then. It looked as though Jimmy's temper was beginning to flare; he reached his hand over to the young man's arm, only to have it quickly shaken free. Jimmy stormed off towards Cody and the two horses; Noah and Kid followed him, no doubt looking for explanations. The man walked up to the house, and I heard his footfalls on the front steps. In a moment there was a knock, and I heard the front door open.

"Hello, Bill" Buck said quietly. "What can I do for you?"

"Cross" Bill Lawson answered. "Glad I found you. I had a hunch Camille might have come here when she bolted a couple of days ago. Have you seen her?"

Camille's husband did sound genuinely concerned. Buck, however, didn't answer him right away and I guessed that he was sizing up Bill Lawson carefully. Finally, though, he did answer.

"Camille arrived here today on the early-morning stage; it got here just after Ike and I rode back from a week's worth of riding to St. Joe and back. You'll forgive me if I don't much feel like talking to you, Bill, I'm very tired and my betrothed wife isn't well. She is my first concern" Buck answered tersely.

"Oh - of - course." Lawson sounded more than a little surprised, perhaps by Buck's telling him that he was betrothed. It wouldn't have surprised me much if he thought that no one else, no other woman, would want Buck if Camille didn't. I chastised myself half-heartedly for being judgemental; I hadn't really liked Lawson when I met him six months ago. He hadn't been forthcoming about having killed an Indian with his wagon on his way here, and it had almost led to some trouble. Those of us who were involved - myself, Noah, and Kid, as well as Bill Lawson himself - were extremely fortunate that the warriors of the dead Indian's tribe hadn't been able to pursue us.

"Camille is over at Doc Barnes' right now - she attacked Lou and we heard her say she is going to kill her" Buck went on. "There were plenty of witnesses. It might be best for her - and you - if you went over to the Doc's now. Camille needed to be sedated before Lou, or anyone else, was hurt even more."

There followed an awkward silence, until Lawson finally spoke. "I - I'm sorry, Cross" he said. "Is Lou the woman you're going to marry?"

"Yes" Buck answered, sounding both proud and intimidating. "We're getting married in four weeks' time, and starting up a horse ranch with Ike McSwain. We don't want any further trouble."

Lawson, by these words, had been officially dismissed; I had never admired Buck more. I heard the front door open and assumed he had left to go to the doctor's. I heard Buck coming up the stairs and once inside the bedroom handed me a cup of raspberry-leaf tea without the willow-bark - he said it caused bleeding if too much was taken. I drank down the fruity, aromatic tea that he'd always made for me, then ate the cheese sandwich and the apple pieces he'd cut up.

"Better now?" Buck asked gently, cupping my cheek.

"Much...thank you, Buck" I replied gratefully. "I heard you talking to Lawson."

"Yeah...well, I didn't much want to, but I was here and saw everything that happened" Buck said. "He does seem genuinely worried about Camille, I'll say that."

"I wonder how unhappy she really is, Buck" I said quietly. "When they were here in the spring, they both seemed so happy with each other and about getting married."

"They did" Buck said with a sigh. "I wonder if he is not good to her all the time, or if she is unhappy just since she became pregnant. It's hard to know, and she can't really tell us."

"I hate myself for even thinking this, but I wonder if he'd even tell the truth" I said heavily, reluctantly. "All I hope is that she and her baby come out of this all right. I don't want to see anyone get hurt."

Buck pulled the covers down once more and got into bed beside me. "_You_ are my concern - you, and the little one you carry. How are you feeling, nah mahyehn?"

"I feel good - the cramps have gone away and my stomach feels fine. But what about you? You haven't eaten all day, Buck!" I remonstrated.

"I ate a sandwich and drank some water while your tea was steeping" Buck answered with a smile. "Don't worry about me, Lou."

"Well, I'm startin to wish I could get outta bed" I complained. "I hate bein cooped up!"

"You know it's for a good reason" Buck said quietly, and I quit complaining - he was right.

"I know - but I never have been a patient person." I smoothed the dusty hair away from his temples and kissed his jaw. He made a deep, happy sound and put his arms around me. "Buck?"

"Yeah" he answered quietly.

"Ike knows that I'm expectin a baby" I said, leaning my head aginst his chest. "No one told him - he figured it out himself."

"I'm glad he knows - it was so hard keeping it from him while we were away. And of course Emily knows." He chuckled.

"Yes, I did tell her while you were gone. I had so many questions and I figured she was about the best person to ask. " I chuckled to myself, thinking of the day I'd told her, and our conversation. "Buck...she is really in love with Ike. I mean, she's got it _bad_. Umm - " I tried to think of a way to put this delicately to Buck, " - has he said anything to you? About Emily, I mean?" I held my breath waiting for him to answer.

He took his time but did answer. "Yeah, we talked. And since you asked, Lou", he chuckled at my impatience, "he's got it bad, too. _Real _bad. He's been shot with an arrow, I think" he said, bemused.

I laughed, knowing that Buck meant Cupid - Lord knows Teaspoon had mentioned him enough times. "What I mean is, she wants to marry him."

"She said that?" Buck raised an eyebrow.

"Not in so many words, but - yes." I smiled.

"Well, that's good, because Ike is about bursting at the seams thinking of the right time and place to ask her." Buck laughed openly, his deep hearty laugh. "I told him to go somewhere where they'd be by themselves, and ask her then."

"I hope he asks her soon" I said happily. "Then our big family will be complete. I've never been so happy before, Buck. I love you."

"I love you, nah mahyehn" Buck said tenderly. He kissed me full on the mouth, and I felt stirrings deep within me - even though I knew I couldn't act on them. "Will you be all right for a bit?"

"Mmm-hmm" I said. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to check Spirit's shoes - she threw one yesterday and I want to make sure it's back on right and the rest are all secure. Then I'm going to take a shower so I can sleep with you tonight and you won't be dreaming of the barn."

"See you in a bit, Buck." I watched him take out clean clothes from the chest of drawers then close the door behind him.

I rolled over onto my side to face the wall. I yawned, and knew I would sleep - it was becoming a habit, napping after lunch. I smiled, thinking how glad I was that Buck was home, and that Ike and Emily might soon have good news of their own to share with us. I thought of the wee babe growing inside of me and set a hand over my womb...and slipped into sleep again.

When I awoke the light in the room had changed; there were more shadows , telling me that the sun had slipped much lower in the sky. Buck had not returned, and I hoped that he was able to bathe and get a decent meal into himself.

He too had had a tremendously stressful day, and I worried about him as much as he worried about me. I thought he must be feeling so many things about Camille; it must have been a terrible shock for him to see his childhood friend changed into a completely unrecognizable person. I wondered what was going to become of her, and her unborn child - I wondered if she was eating properly, getting the rest that she should be, if she was at all happy to even be carrying a baby...but my instinct told me, much as I didn't want to admit it, that she was not. I had never known, never dreamed that pregnancy could change a person so much, could turn them into someone and something that they really were not.

I shifted over onto my hip, still facing the wall, and hugged Buck's pillow, the one that smelled like his horse. I let out a contented sigh when a sudden tiny sound from inside the room caused me to stiffen.

The hairs on the back of my neck were standing up like the hackles on a dog.

I was not alone.

"Hello?" I said in a low voice. "Buck, is that you?" When there was no answer I swallowed and said "Emily - ?"

Quick as a lightning bolt I turned onto my back and sat up, only to be pinned in place by strong thighs on either side of my hips. "What-" I gasped, desperately trying to get a glimpse of my assailant, when a pillow was pushed over my face and held there by strong, strong hands.

More than being attacked, something else was wrong: I had been involved in many fights with men but none with women. A man's bulk was found in his chest; a man could pin you down with his arms and chest and leave his legs free.

This was no man.

This was a big woman, with big heavy hips, all her weight centered there leaving her hands and arms free. I struggled and began to gasp, began to panic; that damn pillow wouldn't budge. I did the only thing I could think of. I cuffed her, brutally hard, on the side of her face. She was thrown off balance.

I drew up my knees and pushed, hard, to the side, and she was thrown off of me onto the bed. I could make out a figure with long dark hair...a torn dark-coloured dress.

Camille.

I jumped my ass out of that bed and onto the board floor, thankful I was barefoot and unencumbered by a long, gathered skirt. I dashed for the door, but the larger woman was up on her feet in a flash. An errant thought floated weirdly in my mind: how could such a pregnant woman move so quickly?

She grabbed my upper arms with her vise-like hands and pushed me up against the wall. "You pathetic _cunt_" she snarled. "He is _mine_."

I struggled to no avail; she moved one leg between mine, and her hands were at my throat. I knew I had no time; she was crazy and would stop at nothing until I was dead at her feet. Desperate, I once again swung my hand with all my might to the side of her face. I connected with a sickening thud. She snarled, enraged, and squeezed even tighter.

Black spots filled my vision. I mustered the last of my strength and punched her dead square in the eye.

Her hands flew to her face; she howled in rage. I ran out the door and started down the hall. When I heard her footfalls behind me, I stopped. And turned.

I stuck out my foot and she fell, taking forever to tumble to the ground. I was at the top of the stairs when I felt her hot breath on my neck; I spun and shoved her into the wall. I felt the floor shake when she hit.

"Oh, you fucking _**bitch**_" she screamed at the top of her lungs; she lunged for me but lost her footing over the top of the first stair. Her hand grabbed about frantically and caught my forearm.

It took a lifetime to fall down that steep staircase, all twenty stairs. I felt my head hit the wall; my arms and legs and knees and back all hit with terrible force. But Camille got the worst of it by far: she fell head over heels, and her belly hit the floor at the bottom so hard I wondered that it didn't burst.

And then it did.

Fluid gushed and gathered in a pool around her, soaking the floorboards. She opened her eyes and blinked several times, then closed them again. "Bill?" she murmured.

"Help!" I screamed. "Rachel - Buck - help us!" I staggered to my feet and lunged for the door, twisted the knob in my hands. The door finally opened; I shoved it out of my way and stood on the porch and shouted when I saw people come running. I couldn't make out who they were.

Then Buck caught me as I stumbled, half-conscious; I heard men's voices from inside the house.

"God - Camille - it's Bill - "

"She fell and broke her neck, son" I heard Doc Barnes say sadly, ever so quietly.

Pain in my belly, way down low. I doubled over.

"Lou" Buck said, alarmed. "Lou, are you all - "

Oh no. "I'm bleedin, Buck" I whispered, my heart racing, lips stiff with cold. "I'm so sorry this happen - " I vomited, and the world went grey.

"Doc" Buck said in an agonized voice, "please, help Lou. She's bleeding."

"Get her upstairs to bed, son." His voice shifted; I felt Buck pick me up and move towards the stairs. The cramps in my belly hurt and I moaned.

"She didn't survive the fall, Mr. Lawson. I am so sorry for your loss" Doc Barnes said in a quiet voice. Rachel must have been there; I heard her soft woman's voice say "Boys, go fetch some blankets. Mr. Lawson, let me get you some tea, please..."

A soft warm bed cradling my sore, battered body...the sharp pains...a lamp being lit... shadows of night falling...

"...how is she, Ben? Will she be all right...?"

"...you don't know Lou...she's such a damn fighter..."

...Buck crying quietly...the warmth of his hand over my cold, limp one...

...a last, knifelike pain and warmth trickling from me...

I opened my tired eyes to the grey shadows that come just before dawn. The lamp was turned down way low. I could just make out a woman sitting beside the bed and my heart leapt in terror...until I heard Rachel's soft, gentle voice.

"Welcome back, honey" she said, wiping my face with a warm cloth. Tear tracks smudged down her face, but she had stopped crying.

"Rachel?" I whispered, trying to shift position. I was so sore everywhere. "Where's Buck?"

"He's gone out onto the prairie, Lou" she said in a tone I didn't recognize.

"To - ohhh - to pray?" I whispered hoarsely.

She slipped another pillow behind my back and held a glass of cold water to my lips. I took a sip, then another...it felt so good, so healing.

"I think so, Lou" she answered almost reluctantly. She gave me more water.

I leaned back into the pillows, mulling this over. Something was off here...I thought and thought.

"I lost the baby" I said in a bare whisper, more a statement than a question.

"Yes, honey" Rachel whispered brokenly. "I am so sorry for everything that happened."

I ignored the last of her statement; I knew she was sorry. Something else mattered far, far more right then.

"Buck's not comin right back...is he?" I asked baldly, though I already knew the answer.

**A/N: So...**

**This was a very hard chapter to write, that goes without saying, in a few ways. Firstly, the subject content itself: early pregnancy loss is far more common than I'd ever guessed until nursing school when I learned that as many as 20%-30% of verified and unverified first-trimester pregnancies end in miscarriage, particularly in the earliest weeks after conception. This is a Canadian statistic. The causes are numerous. But whatever the cause, it is devastating to experience; I and others of you know this firsthand.**

**Then, there is the subject of mental illness during pregnancy. True and severe psychoses are rare, but they can and do occur. Depression is not uncommon; the hormonal shifts and all of the resulting changes of the pregnancy process itself are mind-boggling. In our modern world, women are - hopefully - treated with care and compassion when any mental change occurs; this was not the case in the Victorian era, when women were most definitely considered to be the weaker sex, no questions asked, fragile and delicate child-bearing vessels. I make a reference to "a woman's delicate mind"; it's not so far off the truth for that period in history! Women (and children) were not even considered to be people until the twentieth century. I did try to make Doc Barnes a sympathetic character who didn't just write Camille off as just an hysterical pregnant woman; I tried to make him a decent human being.**

**As for medicine, particularly obstetrics, in this historical period...Wow! That's all I can really say! Again, a reference to Doc Barnes: he requested Lou's permission to conduct an examination, and then only felt her belly and looked at her underwear (pantaloons) for evidence of blood...Not so far off the mark! Victorian doctors didn't even look at a woman's bare skin from the waist down during labour and delivery. No, everything was done by touch and feel only. Scary. (Wikipedia is an excellent source here.)**

**I think that's all...I hope my readers haven't been overly shocked/offended by subject content and language. Buck and Lou do heal, together, will lots of love and TLC from family and friends. No, do not despair - all will be made whole again.**

**I love and appreciate your taking time to read and review; I am now a stay-at-home wife/ part-time mom but am busy, too, in my own ways. Those of you with the overflowing life and love of hubby/ children(maybe), work outside of home and at home too, hobbies, pets, social life...the list goes on - I remember what it's like! And the fact that you make time to read and review doesn't get taken for granted, believe me. It is so very much appreciated. And to the ladies of the Plus, new faces and older faces/names - you are lovely and amazing and supportive. Love to all of you!**

**Have a wonderful holiday everyone! (((((()))))) :) ML**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I do not now, nor will I ever, own The Young Riders.**

**A/N: Now we find out what happened!**

Doc Barnes had ordered me to stay in bed for three days. It was hard for me, but I understood that I had to wait for both the bleeding and the chance of infection to lessen. The first day wasn't so bad; I had been given a sedative powder mixed with water to make me sleep. And sleep I did; I awoke only when Rachel or Emily came and fed me strengthening broth, helped me to wash, helped me to the commode chair. And then I would sleep again, deep sleep without dreams.

The second day was more difficult - I just wasn't tired anymore. I had only ever liked being in bed when I was dog-tired and wanted to sleep, or when I wanted to talk to Buck before we went to sleep at night. Or, when we just wanted to be alone together. I missed him, missed his physical presence beside me, but so much had happened so quickly that I just couldn't begin to hurt yet. Instead, I had gone numb.

With Emily's help I pieced together the course of events that had led to Buck leaving. I learned that Camille had suffered from a kind of melancholia even before she had been with child; she had married Bill Lawson hoping to find love and happiness. Instead, she found that he was consumed with his business in the city of St. Joe and she was left more and more to her own devices. She found that she missed the country and a simpler way of life such as she had known as a child.

The two had hoped, Lawson had told Doc Barnes, that having a child might bring them closer together, might take Camille's mind off of her troubles. At the very first, this seemed to be the case. But as the pregnancy progressed, Camille's moods swung widely - from deeply melancholy to euphoric and back. She began to neglect herself, wouldn't eat, couldn't sleep. She became openly hostile to him, became delusional, wanted to go back to live with the Kiowa from whom she had been taken long ago. Finally, despite Bill's vigilance Camille had managed to escape, taking with her money she had stolen from a locked box he kept in the house.

She had gotten on the stagecoach in St. Joe. Initially the driver had been reluctant to take her, but she had paid a handsome sum and he consented. For all he knew, Lawson had said, she could simply have been a woman in the family way trying to escape from an abusive husband. The driver had notified the law in St. Joe before leaving; Lawson had been able to track Camille from there. She remembered Rock Creek from the springtime, had been so happy then. Happy to be getting married, happy at the prospect of finally having a family to call her own, happy to see Buck her childhood friend again.

The second trip to Rock Creek had shattered her mind completely - Emily told me that Doc Barnes had told her that part privately. She had found Buck - but not the man she'd wanted. Her old friend was found in the arms of another woman; the two appeared to be more than just friends. Her poor sick mind had not been able to deal with the reality of her pregnancy, of being alone, of not having Buck to take her in...of perhaps realizing that she was, in fact, a very sick young woman. She was driven to the brink of madness and beyond, had seen me as the problem which must be gotten rid of. And had tried to kill me to do just that. In the late afternoon coming on to suppertime, Camille had lain in bed, still sleeping off the sedative's effects. Lawson had assured the Doc he could watch Camille - as long as she was asleep she was no danger to anyone. The Doc consented and had gone to eat a quick supper. At first all had been well, but the Doc was delayed in his return; Lawson, exhausted, had nodded off to sleep. Camille had awoken and seen him sleeping, and with that cat-like speed and agility had taken the water pitcher and broken it over Bill's head. She then ran like a deer over to the Express house and found no one inside - the riders and Rachel, of course, were in the bunkhouse.

I obviously wasn't in the bunkhouse full of men, and I wasn't in the one downstairs bedroom of the Express house or she would have found me right away. Upstairs, Rachel had left her door open, and the second and third bedrooms also were unoccupied. It was so easy for her to find me.

I was grateful to finally have this knowledge - I had wondered how on earth the situation had gone so wrong. But what I really wanted to know was what had happened to Buck - where he had gone and, most of all, when he would return.

It did occur to me that he might not want to come back to me. I lay awake at night, feeling in my heart of hearts that I had let him down, had let our child down by not fighting back harder. Hadn't held my doggone temper or my shrewish tongue. Hadn't taken better care of myself. I was an unfit mother and didn't deserve to bear a child.

The third day I was allowed to get up by myself and go downstairs so long as someone helped me down that steep flight of stairs. The fellas were wonderful, popping in to say "hello" as they went from job to job. Cody and Noah were absolute angels: they knew how much I loved books but instead of bringing me books to read they brought books and read to me. Cody read me funny stories in his fine, mobile tenor voice, and Noah read poetry and plays in his smooth, rich bass.

I longed to hear Buck's deep soothing voice in my ear, feel his arms around me.

The days slowly passed. Jimmy stood in for me sometimes to cook breakfast; his porridge couldn't be beat. Kid came in the odd time just to make sure I was all right, even to make me cups of tea when Rachel was busy. Oddly enough, he was easiest of all to talk to, _really _talk to, we knew each other so well. He really did feel terrible about the whole situation, I could tell, but I couldn't tell what he thought of Buck for running out on me. The other fellas, with the exception of Ike, had voiced pretty much the same opinion, that Buck felt somehow responsible for my having been alone when Camille had escaped. At first, I just shook my head at that, for neither Buck nor anyone else had had no way of knowing what was about to happen. But I thought about it and decided it made more sense than I'd originally thought: if the tables had been turned, I would have felt exactly the same way - somehow responsible.

Ike and Emily were the two people to whom I'd found I could bare my soul absolutely without fear of repercussion. Ike, after the first few days during which he'd made himself scarce, really wanted to talk to me. And I was fine with that.

He sought me out one quiet rainy day when no one had much to do until Rachel enlisted their help to clean and reorganize the bunkhouse. She had given me simple jobs to do in the kitchen, which I quickly finished. Ike knocked and when I called out, "It's open!" stepped inside hesitantly. He looked around as if to ensure that we were alone, and asked me *Can we talk, Lou? Is this a good time?*

"Come on in, Ike" I said warmly. "I'm glad to see you - I've missed you."

He smiled then, almost seeming to drop his guard. It was so unlike him to seem guarded at all, so when he sat in the chair opposite my rocker I bluntly asked him "What's on your mind?"

He stared at his hands for a long moment, then finally was able to look me in the eye. *I'm sorry Buck's gone, Lou* he began. I nodded and gave him a smile that was really more of a grimace. *I'm sorry about all of this. I'm so sorry about your baby - I know Buck was just over the moon, knowing you were going to have his child. He has everything he's ever wanted - a woman who loves him-* I did smile then - *and friends, and family. And a future with you and I, and hopefully Emily, too*

"You're right, Ike." I folded my hands on the blue skirt I was wearing, heavier in weight than summer's cottons. The weather was beginning to cool a little every day now. "They're all the same things I've wanted, too. One of the last things I remember telling Buck - before - uhm, before he left, was that I'm so happy. And how much I love him." I stared at the dancing flames in the fireplace; they reminded me of a prairie campfire. I looked Ike square in the eye as a lone tear trickled down my face.

"I miss him, Ike. He's been gone a week now and I don't know where he's gone or why." My throat was growing thick and clotted with tears. "I miss him more every day, and with every day that goes by I'm afraid he's not coming back!"

There. I'd said it, I'd voiced my deepest fear. And now the thaw was setting in.

"I am so afraid, Ike, I don't want to be but I am! I love Buck and I never should have doubted him. I have been such a fool, Ike, don't you see? All the time Camille was saying Buck was the father of her baby - and I even started to believe it - how could I be so stupid? If Buck doesn't love me that's all right, cause I don't deserve him! I'm not fit to mother his children!"

I began to sob and couldn't stop. After Ike got over his shock at my words he came over to me, picked me up in his arms, and sat us both down in his chair. He held me while I cried and stroked my hair the way Buck had always done; he didn't try to talk to me, he just let me be, because that was what I needed so badly. I needed to mourn the loss of my baby and there was no other way for me to do it. Somehow he just knew that.

When I finally stopped crying, Ike took a clean kerchief from his pocket and wordlessly handed it to me. I gave him a watery smile in thanks and blew my nose, wiped my eyes. He took it back and wiped his own eyes.

*Lou, there's something I need to tell you* he signed, his expression serious. I frowned.

"What is it?" I asked.

He sighed. "I know where Buck has gone*

My heart leapt in my chest. "What - where - ?"

*He's gone to the Kiowa, to his brother's village. He left while you were sleeping - he said to tell you he'll be back - and not to worry - *

He looked so distressed, telling me this; I let my breath out in a rush. "Ike, why did you wait so long to tell me?"

He hung his head for a moment. *We had a terrible fight, Lou. Buck and I never fight - and it upset both of us so much. You know how stubborn we both are! I laid into him about running out on you and told him he was being selfish - I must have struck a nerve, because he punched me good in the jaw - and I just saw red. I punched him in the eye so hard it's going to be black and blue til Christmas! I left him on the floor of the barn - I couldn't face him and I couldn't face you, either*

Ike looked so sad and ashamed. I wasn't feeling very good myself. "It was his baby, too" I said softly. "I was so angry and disappointed when he left me - I never gave a single thought to what he must've been feeling." I looked at Ike. "Did he say how long he'd be gone?"

Ike shook his head. *I don't think he had any idea, Lou. He didn't say what he needed to go there for*

I thought, and it came to me. "He wanted to speak to the man of dreams. He wants to know if we'll still have a son. He'll be back, Ike."

I got up and hugged him. "We're gonna be all right. I really do believe that."

After that, my mind and body got a little better with each day that passed. My appetite improved, and I joined our family for meals in the bunkhouse again - I didn't realize how much I'd missed the laughter and teasing until I was back in the middle of it all. I welcomed the first time Cody reached for my hot buttered biscuit and I had to slap his hand to make him behave. When he looked affronted, I gave him a sassy grin, and he just shook his head with a smile.

Nighttime was harder; most nights I lay awake long before I could even think of falling asleep. Most times I just got out of bed and sat in a chair beside the window, curtains open to let in moon and starlight, and stared out at the town and beyond. I would look to the west and wonder where Buck was in all that vast open space and when he was coming back to us, to me. I yearned for the sound of his voice, the strength of his arms, the feel of his lips, the smell of his skin, his body joined with mine. I was very stern with myself: I didn't allow myself to cry but my throat ached and my eyes burned with unshed tears.

"Soon" I would tell myself, "he'll be back soon."

One night I did fall asleep in bed - the bleeding was long since finished and, feeling stronger, I helped Rachel to clean the station house. I fell into bed exhausted, and that was all right; I didn't have the strength to lay awake and think. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and slept hard until just before the dawn, when a noise from downstairs brought me sharply awake.

I heard the front door open and close again. I didn't hear footfalls; whoever it was, man or woman, had removed their footwear. I carefully got out of bed and removed my gun from its holster. I waited in the shadows behind the door.

Then I lowered the gun for I recognized the pattern of the footfalls, the lightness of the feet climbing the stairs, making their way down the hallway; I could hear them now. The figure paused just outside of the door, and I set my gun back in its holster. My palms had started to sweat; I drew them down the sides of my white nightgown.

"Come in, Buck" I called out in a low voice.

I heard the smallest sigh from the other side of the door, then the doorknob turned. He stepped inside the bedroom, took off his dusty hat, and set it on the chest of drawers. I crossed the room, lessening the distance between us, and raised my hand to his face. My fingertips traced the purple bruising around his right eye. He inclined his head.

I gently kissed his bruised flesh; I would've done anything to make it better. He closed his eyes and a tentative hand cupped my cheek. I grasped that hand and held it in place with my own. "I'm so sorry, Buck" I whispered. "So very sorry." A tear trickled down that cheek and Buck reverently wiped it away.

"You don't hate me?" he whispered brokenly. "How could you not? I left you when you needed me most."

"I did - at first." I swallowed hard and held his hands. "But I didn't understand, and I blamed myself for what happened. All I could feel was my own pain, my own selfishness. I never thought that you would be hurting, too." I hung my head. "I'm so ashamed."

"Grief can make us selfish at first" Buck whispered, wrapping his arms around me and holding me tight. "I blamed myself for having left you alone. And I ran. I tried to make myself believe it was for the right reasons, but - " he laughed humorlessly, " - I just ran because I couldn't face you. Red Bear and Eagle Who Flies Far both chastised me. They reminded me that it wasn't just my loss or just your loss, it was our loss. I needed reminding."

"They're right" I said quietly.

"Lou, I am sorry." Tears flowed freely down Buck's face and soon down my own face as well. We held each other tightly and cried until there were no tears left. Finally I stood on tiptoe and whispered in Buck's ear.

"Come to bed, love. You must be exhausted."

I helped Buck to undress in the starlight. When we got to his longjohns, he hesitated, saying "The nights have been getting much colder lately."

A tiny smile graced my lips then. "The bed is very warm." I drew my white nightgown up and over my head and let it fall to the floor. I began to unbutton Buck's longjohn shirt when he grasped my hands and kissed me, long and slow and deep. I searched his eyes; we exchanged a look of extraordinary intimacy. The longjohn top came off, followed by the bottoms. His long erection prodded my stomach and I sighed, closing my eyes. "Aim own p'ayle doe day" I whispered in his ear.

"Aim own p'ayle doe day, doke kiah, nah mahyehn" he whispered, carrying me to the bed. Once I was settled he crawled in beside me. I immediately drew him close with my leg, wrapped my fingers in his silky hair, longer now, and breathed deeply of his skin-smell. I felt him hesitate to touch me and cupped his face with my hands.

"It's all right to be doing this" I said gently. "My body has healed...and now we will heal together."

He made a noise of assent, and kissed me again the way I loved. I responded to him, his very nearness, with a ferocity I didn't know I possessed, kissing him fiercely and raking my fingernails down either side of his spine. He gave a feral growl and kissed and nibbled his way along my jaw, my ear, my neck...moaned when I stroked his sac above and beneath. I wrapped my hand around his length, stroking, feeling the hardness beneath the heated velvety skin, and he called out in a low voice... his hand slipped into my woman's place and caressed me slowly, lovingly; I was smooth, swollen, liquified with silky fluid from his loving touch...he found the center of all my pleasure and stayed there, and I moaned, pressing myself up hard against him...and when his lips wrapped around my nipple and the delicate areola I shattered and flew...he held me and soothed me until I came back to myself.

I lay on my back and pulled him to me then; he came to me gladly. Resting on his strong forearms he kissed my lips, his tongue stroking the velvety inside of my mouth...he thrust his manhood along my slick, soft inner lips and we both groaned at the sensation, so pleasurableand so arousing... I bent my knees then, moving my legs apart, and finally he was where we both needed him to be: inside me, moving both strong and gentle, fierce and sweet. I thrust my hips up to gladly meet him and wrapped my legs around him tight, my arms and hands about his smooth back. I held on for dear life as we moved and he rode me like the wind of the storm...

...pulsing and thrusting, we shuddered and moaned...

...his seed spilled, deep inside me, and we crashed together back down to earth.

We slept, exhausted, arms about each other, his hair on my face, mine on his, til the sun was high in the sky.

**A/N: Whew! THAT was a ride they'll never forget...but now they can begin to move forward again. There are a few loose ends to tie up in chapters to come.**

**A note for the previous chapter; I did forget to add it at the time - hypodermic needles, used to give injections, came about in, I believe, the 1840's, and were in common use by doctors by the 1850's. So the Doc was able to inject poor sick Camille with a sedative.**

**So - do you think Buck and Lou are on the right track now? Give me your opinions of all kinds; I do love to hear what you have to say. Hope everyone had a happy, safe long weekend ML :)**


	25. Chapter 25

Buck was finally home and my world was starting to feel right again. We didn't get out of bed the morning after his return until after breakfast; we entered the bunkhouse together to find all of the fellas save for Ike sitting around the table. Rachel was there, as was Teaspoon; they exchanged a look I couldn't decipher. The fellas for once were quiet. Teaspoon turned to Buck.

"Glad to have you back" Teaspoon said quietly in his deep, rumbly voice. "Welcome home, son." He extended a hand; Buck took it. They shook hands and Teaspoon pulled him into a hug. Buck was usually somewhat uncomfortable with such gestures, but to my surprise he didn't pull away. Rachel held out her hands and Buck briefly hugged her. She exclaimed softly over the bruising around his eye but said nothing. Buck turned to face the other fellas, but inclined his head for a moment before speaking.

"I know - you all know what happened when Camille was here. I have a pretty good idea what you must think of me, for doing what I did...and I don't think very much of myself for how I behaved. Lou and I have talked, and we're going to try to move on. But it doesn't mean we're going to forget it, either." He stuck his hands in his pockets and sighed softly. "If any of you have something to say to me, say it now...let's get it out in the open and get on with it."

I took Buck's hand as we waited for someone, anyone, to speak. Looks were exchanged and heads very slightly shook. Finally Noah stood and spoke.

"Buck...Lou...None of us knows what we would've done in the same situation. There's some judgement that's been passed, but none of us has got the right to judge you 'til we've been in your shoes." He looked from Buck to our brothers and all nodded. "Welcome home."

My eyes briefly teared over as first Noah, then all the fellas shook Buck's hand and welcomed him back. I tried to wipe my eyes inconspicuously but Rachel caught me. She sidled up to me and set her hand on my shoulder.

"There's coffee and muffins in the kitchen. I saved them for you and Buck." She smiled mischievously. "As soon as I saw his knife and boots downstairs this morning, I knew you'd be late getting up" she said, winking conspiratorially.

"Rachel!" I exclaimed in an indignant whisper; I was mortified to think Teaspoon'd heard her. Rachel chuckled.

"Oh, Lou, we were young once too. Ain't nothin new under the sun for me nor Teaspoon." She smiled ruefully. "Go get some coffee - I'll send Buck along in a moment."

I left the bunkhouse feeling relieved and just plain thankful for our brothers' and sister's large hearts. I had an idea that Buck might be feeling something the same, after having talked with him in the night. I smelled the coffee and made a beeline for the pot, pouring cups for both me and Buck. I bit into a warm dried cherry muffin and sat in a chair by the open window.

Buck joined me pesently; he drank the coffee down quickly and went right back for a second cup. At my inquiring look he said "I've missed coffee...the Kiowa don't drink it." I giggled to myself, remembering how I, too, had missed it, even during our short stay with Red Bear. I brought over the basket of muffins and he gratefully took out two and made short work of them.

"Cody better watch out today!" I laughed. "He's got competition." Buck just chuckled around his last mouthful.

"I guess I got my appetite back" he said with a grin; I nodded with him, knowing how he felt. I wanted to speak, but something held me back. Buck seemed to sense this.

"What is it, nah mahyehn?" he asked quietly. I bit my lip and hesitated before I was brave enough to speak.

"We're gonna be okay...aren't we?" I whispered. Buck stood and held my hands.

"Don't ever doubt it, Lou" he whispered, drawing me to my feet. "I love you with all my heart, and we're going to have a good life together."

I hugged him tight, burying my head in his chest. He kissed my hair, and he lifted my chin with his fingertips. Then his lips were on mine, on my neck, on my ear; I gave myself over to his devastating kisses and sighed.

At length he, too, sighed and hugged me. "There's nothing I'd like more than to take you somewhere so we could be alone...but there's something I'd like to do first."

"What's that?" I asked, my curiousity piqued. He smiled mischievously.

"There's - uh, someone I'd like you to meet." He looked at the floor and scratched his nose. "What do you say - do you want to meet them?"

"Them?" My eyebrows rose.

"Mmm-hmm...Not too far from here. C'mon, I'll help you saddle Lightning. He must miss you."

"I've missed him so much!" I was thoroughly intrigued by Buck's mysterious invitation and happy, so happy, at the thought of a good ride again on my Lightning. I ran upstairs and changed into a brown riding skirt then met Buck in the barn, where he was saddling Spirit. I had Lightning brushed down, hooves cleaned, and saddled up in no time; he whickered eagerly as I led him out of the barn and mounted up.

"Where is it that we're going?" I raised my voice above the sounds of the horses' cantering hooves.

"You'll see soon enough" Buck called out with a crooked grin. I would have gone anywhere with him right about then, but I soon knew exactly where it was that we were going as we cantered out of town. In no time at all we arrived at Emily's homestead where we were greeted by her, dressed in a man's britches and shirt, and Ike, who gave a broad smile in greeting.

"Hey" Emily said as I tied Lightning to the hitching rail, "how are you? You look like you're feeling really well again."

"I am" I said. "I am so glad Buck's home." I hugged her. "You and Ike have a lot to do with it, too - I don't think I could have gotten through all that happened without either of you."

"I'm just glad you're all right, Lou" Emily said softly. "How is Buck?"

I looked over to where Buck was asking Ike something, and Ike signing in reply. "He seems all right, I think...I hadn't realized how hard it hit him. But we're talking, and that's good."

"It is" Emily agreed. "Ah - I think he wants you for something."

I looked over and sure enough, Buck was gesturing for me to come. Curious, I joined him and Ike.

"Close your eyes, Lou." I could hear the excitement in Buck's voice and saw Ike give Emily a knowing wink. My curiousity grew by the second.

I made only a token protest, then obediently closed my eyes. Buck took one arm, Ike the other, and together they led me away. I heard Emily stifle a giggle as we rounded the corner of the house, and walked a little ways further. Just then, I heard the neighing of two horses; I didn't recognize them as I did all of our Express horses. My heartbeat quickened and I gave a small gasp.

"Open your eyes, Lou" came from Buck on my left. I did as I was told, and -

"Buck, they are _beautiful_!" I exclaimed, drawing my hands to my mouth. And they were: a paint stallion, brown and white with black in his mane and tail, perhaps two years old. A young red mare, more red even than Spirit, no more than four years old and gently rounded with foal. Both were tall, as tall as Sundance, and regarded us keenly, unafraid of their surroundings.

"So this is the stallion from Green River?" I asked, venturing over to the paddock fence. Both mare and stallion approached me; the stallion was first to sniff as much of me as he could, then gave a deep rumbling sound from his chest - it reminded me a little of a contented Buck. I was curious to see how he would react to me; I reached not for his head but his strongly muscled shoulder and rubbed my hand there.

He _was_ like Buck when I rubbed his shoulders: perfectly content.

"This is the one I told you about" Buck said with satisfaction. "Red Bear told me the band of bachelor stallions had been sighted regularly near the Kiowa village; he thought that maybe they were going to try and steal some of the Kiowa's mares and make off with them. This fellow managed to capture Khoam here when she was already with foal." He rubbed the red mare's shoulder, and she rubbed her head on his shirtsleeve.

"Khoam?" I asked, letting the tall red mare sniff me.

" 'Khoam' is Kiowa for friend. She belonged to Dark Horse's husband before this fellow" he scratched the stallion's ears "lured her away."

"How is it that he let you keep her, if you recaptured her?" I asked, as Khoam nuzzled my cheek. I laughed; her whiskers tickled and I scratched her chin.

"Ah" Buck said with a smile. "Tall Tree remembers you, Heart of A Warrior, and sends you Khoam and her foal to be yours - with his blessing. He hasn't forgotten the part you played in the birth of his grandson Running Bear. It is a great honour to have a Kiowa warrior willingly give you his horse - the bond between warrior and horse is very strong."

I looked at the magnificent animal standing quiet before me; I was beyond words. Khoam no doubt had been bred to a fine Kiowa stallion, and the foal was likely to be a beautiful example of the Kiowa's best horseflesh.

"Our breeding stock is coming together for us" I said to Buck. "It's almost as though this was meant to happen."

"I believe it was" Buck said quietly. "And later on I will tell you why. "

I laughed and shook my head in wonderment. "If that don't beat all" I said softly. We watched the mare and stallion rub their chins along each other's backs like two old friends. "What shall we call him?" I asked presently. Buck thought for a moment.

"Why not call him what he is?" he asked.

"What d'you mean?" I asked, frowning.

"Hane may. He is, after all, a very handsome animal" Buck said simply.

He was named Handsome right on the spot.

Emily called us to the house then; there was a pot of tea steeping and a large plate of sandwiches ready and waiting on the table. "Lunches are pretty informal around here" she smiled, "but I still say a blessing. Lou, would you do the honours?"

I folded my hands and bowed my head. "Dear Lord, thank you for the wealth of blessings you have given us: bringing Buck home safe; the two new members of our family outside; the friends who stand by us always; and the sorrows from which we learn wisdom. Bless this food and the hands that prepared it, in Your name. Amen."

"Amen" said Emily - and Buck, who squeezed my hand.

We had plenty to talk about over lunch; Buck and Ike worked out how they would strengthen the remaining fences that Ike hadn't gotten to, and repairing the stable to make it withstand Handsome, should he become rebellious. We agreed to let the two horses stay out at grass for the time being; it was, after all, how they had always lived, and precious hay could be saved for the depths of winter. As Emily served up a plate of cookies, I felt a smile steal over my face. When she rejoined us at the table I turned to her.

"Emily, I got a favour I need from you" I began. Buck and Ike looked at each other and shrugged, then turned to me.

"Anything, Lou, you know that" Emily said warmly. "What is it?"

"Well - ya know the twenty-fourth of October ain't that far off now" I began, and she nodded in agreement. "What I want to know is, will you stand up for me as my maid of honour?" I turned to Buck. "Are you all right with that?"

"Absolutely" Buck said with a crooked grin. "This is a good time for me to ask the same thing. Ike, will you stand up for me, as my best friend and my best man?"

Ike's face split with an enormous smile; he stood and half-hugged Buck across the table. *I will, buddy. And - * he hesitated for a split second, *I'm sorry. You know.*

Buck reached out a hand and Ike clasped it, then shook it. Emily turned to me, radiant.

"Lou, nothing in the world could keep me from standing up for you. Thank you for asking me."

"Can you come to the way station for supper tonight?" I asked eagerly. "I'm cooking up two big chickens _and_ a chocolate cake. That is" I grinned, "if you're not afraid to do battle with Cody. Or Buck" I added, thinking of his appetite earlier.

"Cody doesn't scare me" Emily laughed. "I wouldn't be afraid to turn him over my knee if I had to!" She looked at Buck appraisingly. "I'll leave Buck up to you, Lou" she said with a saucy grin.

I caught Ike's signing out of the corner of my eye. *Don't tell Cody that - he would enjoy it far too much!* Buck roared with laughter and Emily and I giggled like little girls. Why, I could even picture her doing just such a thing, she was that direct. Buck waggled his eyebrows at me - I think he liked the idea of me taking him to task as well. I know I did.

"So you'll come, then?" I grinned wickedly.

"Unless Doc needs me for something. If I'm not there in time to help dish up, I won't be coming." Emily walked the three of us to the door and we thanked her for her hospitality.

We arrived back at the way station to find Jimmy and Noah gone - something about an emergency run to Big Sandy. This meant Buck and Ike got to do their barn and cleaning chores; I went on ahead to see about starting supper. Rachel, I saw, had killed and dressed both chickens, meaning I could put them in the oven once it was hot enough. I made an extra-large chocolate cake, everybody's favourite, and prepared roast squash and baked potatoes as well.

It was unseasonably warm for October, and the kitchen soon turned into an inferno. I rolled up my sleeves and loosened the collar of my blouse - only propriety kept me from taking the darned thing off. That and my pantaloons as well. A gentle throbbing began behind my eyes, a troublesome tightness in my shoulders. It did nothing to improve my mood when I saw that Rachel was going to be late and Emily had gotten called away on an emergency. Teaspoon's absence meant that Cody had free rein for his antics - which, for once, I didn't find amusing.

With a whole lot of difficulty, I managed to keep my mouth shut - after all, Cody was just being Cody. He always did try to get my goat. But when a huge splatter of butternut squash landed on my neck and oozed down between my breasts, my good intentions flew out the window.

"_Dang _it all to hell, Cody! Look what you've done!" I fumed. The silver locket that Buck had given me was buried under a great glob of orange goo, and I did the last thing everyone, myself included, expected: I burst into tears.

"Damn it, Cody! Would you grow up, for gosh sakes!" Buck hollered as I ran out the bunkhouse door. I ran straight into the privy and turned the thumb bolt behind me; sitting on the splintery wooden seat, I proceeded to cry my eyes out.

A gentle knocking came at the door. "Lou, honey? Are you all right?" It was Buck, of course.

I slowly got to my feet and dried my eyes on my sleeve, then turned the thumb bolt open; I knew that Buck wouldn't go away until I'd at least shown my face. "I'm all right, Buck. Just - _pissed_ - is all."

Buck wiped away the remaining tears with his thumbs and drew me into a hug. "No, don't pull away from me, Lou. This shirt needs washing anyway." He kissed the top of my head and rocked me gently in his arms. I could feel myself begin to calm. "Ike and Kid are seeing to Mr. Cody, don't worry. The washing up'll be done before you know it. Here, take off the locket. You're not going to clean it."

I looked up at him and he nodded; I unhooked the slender chain and handed it to him. "I'll be right back" he grinned at me. I walked over to the barn and stepped inside the cool dimness. All was quiet save for the sounds of the horses munching on their hay and the sleepy coos of the pigeons far above me in the rafters. I wandered down the main aisle until I reached Lightning's stall; he whickered companionably and nuzzled my cheek. I reached up and scratched his ears.

"I've missed you, big fella" I said quietly. He began to chew on the collar of my blouse and I just laughed; the squash stains would probably never come out anyway. I rubbed his shoulder.

"Lou? You in here?" Buck had returned.

"Right here, Buck - just talkin ta Lightnin." I heard Buck's light footsteps approaching; from the next stall Spirit heard them too and neighed eagerly. Buck smiled and scratched her ears.

"Sorry, girl, I don't plan to go out riding this late. Have to wait until tomorrow." He scratched between her eyes and she rumbled contentedly. Turning to me, he lifted me up and set me on top of Lightning's stall door. "What would you say to that, Lou?" His deep brown eyes probed mine in the low light.

"I would say - ohhh - " he nipped my neck and soothed the sting with a swipe of his warm wet tongue. "I would go anywhere with you, Buck Cross" I breathed in his ear. I eagerly wrapped my legs around his hips and my arms around his shoulders; when I had pulled him in close I twined my fingers in his long silky hair. Holding me steady, he brought his body flush with mine.

"Do ya think we should be startin somethin we might not be able to finish?" I whispered a split second before his lips claimed mine in a scorching kiss. He took his time answering, preferring to conduct a thorough investigation of my mouth with his tongue - not that I minded, of course.

"We have all the time in the world, sweetheart" he murmured, nuzzling my neck. I let my head fall back; while Buck set to work unbuttoning my befouled blouse, Lightning nuzzled my forehead.

I got a very different look at my horse from upside down and began to roar with laughter; I couldn't help it. Lightning was affectionate, as horses went, but wasn't usually this cuddly. Buck stepped back, clearly affronted.

"What the - ?" he growled. "I swear he's doing this on purpose!"

Still laughing, I hopped down off of the stall door. While Buck stared at my horse, Lightning stood proud and tall and promptly blew his nostrils hard all over Buck's shirt. Buck pointed and let loose with an oath in Kiowa, while Lightning, clearly unimpressed, turned tail and pointed his rump at Buck.

I didn't wait to see what happened next. Still giggling, I collected water buckets to fill for the night. I heard the sound of stomping and guessed that Buck had gotten as far as the ladder to the hayloft. Sure enough, when I reentered the barn, a big heap of hay lay on the barn floor and Buck was forking it into the different stalls.

At least he had forgiven Lightning enough to feed him.

And at least Lightning hadn't turned tail and passed wind right in Buck's face.

With a final sigh of laughter, I filled the last of the buckets and hung them in the stalls. Buck joined me and together we left the barn. A first-quarter moon lit the sky and the air was still unseasonably warm. We turned to each other and said "Do you want - "

I giggled; Buck laughed heartily. "I guess that means we both want to go for a walk."

"Is this a good time?" I asked practically. "Aren't you worried that Rachel will come home to a mess?"

"No, I'm not" Buck said easily. "You and I have done up the barn chores; the others can work out who does what between them. And if Rachel does come home to a mess, well - they're big boys now, aren't they?"

"True enough" I murmured. Buck put his arm about my waist and we walked along in a comfortable silence. At length, I decided to ask him a difficult question. I held my breath before taking the plunge.

"What did the man of dreams say, Buck, when you spoke with him?"

I kept my voice very quiet and even; I didn't know what my asking would stir up inside of Buck. The last thing I wanted to do was to make him feel upset all over again.

"He told me many things, Lou" Buck answered just as quietly. "He told me when and where to find the horses, and sent Gray Wolf with me to help capture them. The boy had just endured his first vision quest, and he will help the master of horses tame and train their new stock. But Eagle Who Flies Far saw other things as well; he saw me fighting with Ike, and knew I would come to him for answers. He requested that I fast and pray to the rising sun before undertaking a vision quest of my own." He fell silent, but I decided not to press him to go on.

We walked along in silence until we came to the picnic rock. Buck sat and drew me into his arms.

"I told you that both Eagle Who Flies Far and Red Bear chastised me for my behavior" he said finally. "They reminded me that the loss of our baby was both our losses, not just mine or yours. I began to doubt my ability to even be a father to any children we may have - and finally I asked both of them: how do you know when you're ready to be a father?"

"And what was their answer?" I asked, the tiniest of smiles tugging at the corners of my mouth.

"They answered: you'll know you are ready for fatherhood when your wife is carrying your child" Buck said with a small smile. "I know that their answer means more than that, don't worry."

"Does this mean-?" I held my breath.

"It does" Buck said proudly. "We will have at least one son, and perhaps more children to come. The man of dreams told me that nothing in life happens without purpose, that the Great Spirit decides our path and guides us always. The loss of our first child may have happened whether Camille had come or not. We will never know that."

"No. We never are told what would have happened, are we?" I asked, and Buck shook his head .

"Perhaps it is better that way" he said with finality, and I couldn't help but agree with watched the stars come out and listened to the sounds of the night creatures as they prowled about in the growing dark. I knew we had to get back to the station but there was one more thing I needed to know while we were still alone.

"How do you feel about things, Buck, now that they're soon goin to be reality? I mean, gettin married. Actually running a ranch, and with you and me and Ike bein responsible for all of those animals' needs, all the time. It'll be at least a couple of years before we even make any money, too." I drew in a breath and let it out slowly. "Please - don't get me wrong, Buck - I don't doubt you or me or Ike, or Emily for that matter. It's just that - all of this seems kind of _huge_ somehow right now. It's all a big unknown, like we're untested. And me - " I chuffed out a soft laugh. "I don't want to ever let you down. I couldn't live with myself."

"I do know what you mean, Lou. And you haven't hurt my feelings by asking me this - I ask myself these same things every day. Truth is, sometimes I am just plain scared." Buck laughed softly in my ear and I squeezed the hands he had clasped beneath my breasts. "I don't ever want to let anyone down, but most of all not you. Look at what we just came through." I nodded, understanding what he meant. The miscarriage had been a trial by fire, and we had coped the best we could. With the help of family and friends, and faith and love in each other, we had come out on the other side and now loved and cherished each other even more than before.

"Oh, I know it ain't goin to be easy." I turned and, smiling, kissed the tip of Buck's nose. "I guess what it comes down to is faith in ourselves and each other, and bein humble enough to ask people like Teaspoon fer help when we need it."

"Yeah. I never understood why the white men spoke in their religion of the sin of pride - I had a really different idea of what they meant."

"What do the Kiowa say of pride, Buck?" I asked, curious.

"Honestly? The same thing. Just in different words. At first I was too proud myself to listen to much of anything white men had to say" Buck admitted somewhat sheepishly. "I've learned a lot since I came to the Pony Express."

"Me too" I murmured. "I think I learned of trust. And faith. And love."

I shifted around and cupped Buck's face in my hands and kissed him the way I loved to be kissed. Then I stood and drew him to his feet.

"You're right - it's time we were getting back." We walked back to the station hand in hand; I listened to the rumbles of thunder off to the west.

"Storm comin up" I breathed. Buck stopped for a moment and, lifting his head, listened for a good moment. He turned to me.

"We'll get some thunder and lightning, and some rain, but it shouldn't be a violent storm." I nodded, relieved, thinking of Handsome and Khoam over at Emily's.

Rachel and Teaspoon had returned in our absence; both were pleased to find the bunkhouse and kitchen clean, swept, and neat as a pin. Buck winked at me and I giggled. "Come on inside the bunkhouse for a minute" Buck urged. I followed him inside; the fellas were playing cards at the big table, Rachel was mending clothes, and Teaspoon was finishing off his dessert.

"Mighty fine chocolate cake, Lou" he drawled. "Had to wrestle it away from Cody here."Cody mumbled softly under his breath and Teaspoon said "Well, speak up boy! What'd ya say?"

Cody decided to play nice; he cleared his throat and said "Uh, I got sump'in here fer Lou." He beckoned to me, and I walked over to where he was seated at the table. He stood and drew the locket on its chain out of his pocket. I turned and held up my hair so he could do up the clasp. "I'm sorry, Lou" he said quietly. "It won't happen again."

"Thanks, Cody" I said softly and kissed him on the cheek. He blushed and hurriedly sat down again, picking up his cards again.

"Best quit while yer ahead" I whispered in his ear. "Ike's full house beats yer pair o' deuces."

"Ah, nuts!" he exclaimed, throwing down his cards in disgust. "Some days ya just cain't make a buck! Who wants ta go fer a sasparilla?"

To my surprise, the whole group headed off for the saloon. "Guess we should get cleaned up, huh?" I laughed to Buck. Rachel's eyebrows had shot up to the middle of her forehead when she first saw me and Buck; I'd forgotten all about the sorry state of our respective clothing.

"Come on" Buck chuckled. "I'll wash your back if you'll wash mine."

"You're on." I put a large kettle of water on to boil and got towels, a nightgown for myself, and clean longjohns for Buck. I filled the large tub with hot and cool water; we both climbed in and hurriedly scrubbed down, not knowing how long we'd have privacy. I hung the damp towels up to dry while Buck emptied the tub, then we climbed the stairs to the bedroom.

"Tired?" Buck asked me with a grin as I stripped off the nightgown I had put on only for the sake of propriety. His longjohns followed suit.

"Yeah...kinda. I'm sorry I got so weepy earlier. I don't know what got into me." I snuggled into Buck's arms.

"It's what my people would call the phase of the moon, Lou" Buck said, kissing my forehead.

I felt my face flare red, as did my temper, but I hurriedly shut my mouth before I blurted out something I'd regret. "Maybe I'm changing" I said instead.

"Maybe you are" Buck said, calm as always. He kissed the tip of my nose and cradled a breast in his warm hand. "Are you too tired to make love?" he breathed in my ear.

"Nope." I lay down on top of him; he didn't seem to mind in the least. I rasped my thumb over one of his tiny man's nipples, something I'd never done for fear of what he'd think. I need not have worried - he groaned and his manhood twitched. I smiled to myself, daring to move my head down and take his nipple between my lips, suckling gently and rasping with my tongue. He gasped with pleasure and closed his eyes, and I was glad to have been so bold. I kissed my way over the smooth skin of his chest, tasting the salt of his skin and breathing deep of his clean male smell.

I moved my body down farther, kissing his flat stomach, nuzzling his navel then sticking the tip of my tongue inside. He laughed when I did that.

"It really does tickle" he chuckled. I nuzzled down the line of hair to the the thick patch of dark hair surrounding his manhood. It lay flat along his belly, long and proud and thick; I smiled and reached a hand up to grasp him and slowly move my hand up and down. I moved artfully; I knew just how to please him. I loved this man, and there was nothing I wouldn't do for him. I hoped he knew that.

Whether he did or not, at that moment he decided I was going to get as good as I gave: he turned so we lay facing each other, stroked my hair away from my face, began to kiss me starting with my eyelids. His lips and tongue worked their magic down the column of my neck, along my collarbones; one hand stroked a breast, caressing the sensitive skin on the underside. I gasped with pleasure as his mouth kneaded a nipple while a skilled hand slipped between my legs, moving with just the right pressure, the right speed. The bud of my womanhood grew engorged under his touch and I arched my head back, humming with delight.

I had no qualms at all about marrying Buck - in fact, I felt that if I couldn't marry him there was no one out there to whom I would be so well-suited. I thought once again of Fort Laramie, of all he had told me of his despairing of ever finding love, and the meaning of his words hit me like a blow to the face. I slipped my hands around to his back and pulled him in to me and whispered in his ear, "I love you, now and forever. Take me, Buck, make love to me...please, love me..."

Oh, but he was a generous man...a generous lover. He was only too happy to oblige and buried himself in me to the hilt. We moved as one being, no longer separate from the other...

...moving in the power of muscle and strength and sweat...and I matched him thrust for thrust, gasp for gasp... borne away on wind and sea, fire and tide, we fell asleep in each other's arms.

I dreamt of the golden sun, its generous warmth...brilliant leaves, and the smell of warm summer and cool autumn mingled in a heady perfume of a perfect day not yet come.

**A/N: We're headed for a wedding here and, as Lou would say: y'all are invited! Any ideas for a bachelor party for Buck and a bachelorette party for Lou? The ladies should definitely be allowed some wine, I think! You know by now that I welcome any and all suggestions, ideas, comments, reviews, anything and everything at all times! You are a very special group of people, so loving and supportive. I honestly believe you've helped me to heal from a long year of illness; the tide has turned in my favor. Hugs to you all! ML ((((((HUGS))))))**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Young Riders - just borrowing them for a bit of fun!**

September quickly became October. Gone were the warm, hazy days harking back to summer; October meant business, with sunny brisk days and cool nights. The leaves flamed in earnest now, reminding us that the season was short and we had a wedding just one week away.

Buck and I had it easier than most engaged couples, this was true - we weren't moving away to a different house or a new town. We were staying on in the station house, and we would be a family within the larger family. Buck would continue to help out around the station, caring for the horses and the buildings while I likewise helped Rachel. It wasn't exactly exciting work but I got a deep sense of satisfaction knowing I was caring for a family - our family. I finally had the stability I had longed for ever since I could remember. And once the ranch was established and we were breeding and training our own horses, I would be helping with that also.

Jimmy and Noah had returned from Big Sandy with a wedding present of an unusual sort: a mare and her yearling son. They were a gift from all of our Express brothers, who had thought long and hard to figure out exactly what Buck and I needed. Since we would be living in the station house, we wouldn't be needing housewares and such like most newlyweds. Instead, they had thought to pool their resources and get an investment for our future - all of our futures, really. The horses, to our delight, came from Tom Southem's stock, and as promised he wouldn't part with Twitch but he did sell us her older sister Storm, dappled iron-grey, and Snap, deep dappled-grey. Like Twitch and Blink they were smart, quick and dependable.

Buck and I were beyond thrilled - we already had sound breeding stock with which to start the ranch. Handsome was untested, true, but Emily reported that his temperament was pleasing for a stallion - inquisitive, friendly, and quiet. We knew that that most likely would change in spring when the mares began to come into season regularly, but for time being it was a blessing, not having to constantly worry about him. Buster was a huge help also; having been at Emily's the longest, the other horses looked to him as the herd boss. He fit right into the role of big brother and leader.

Rachel approached me and Buck one day, asking us who we'd invited to the wedding. We exchanged a startled glance: we'd only thought of our family at the station. Buck put into words what we were both thinking.

"Do you really think anyone would want to come?" he asked bluntly.

Rachel replied "You'd be surprised, Buck - more folks in this town respect you than you know. Why don't you ask around?"

So we did just that; when we were in Tompkins' store, we asked him - and he replied he wouldn't miss it for the world. Heartened by his warm response, we asked more people, and then more. Mrs. Carswell said both she and her husband would be there; Jerry the blacksmith; Barnett of course; and the list began to grow. No one had refused to come; I was glad we'd followed Rachel's advice. I was especially glad for Buck's sake, given the looks he had gotten when Camille had screamed at me in the street. I had been so afraid of backlash, of Buck being hurt yet again, but it appeared that someone or several someones had defended him.

I was very glad and very grateful to have such good friends and family.

Buck had our ceremonial garments in his trunk, which we moved into the house from the bunkhouse. Ike would wear his suit, string tie, and his burgundy bandana. Emily, I discovered, was busy making a deep-green calico dress - she said the wedding was the perfect reason to make something nice for herself. I couldn't have agreed with her more. She and Rachel were going to do my hair, putting it up and weaving through it a wreath of autumn wildflowers and berries. Emily's hair would be done the same way, I decided. I made a dress for myself also, the colour of autumn berries, to wear after the wedding at the dinner. We decided that since so many people from Rock Creek were coming to the wedding, we'd put on a big supper afterwards in the town hall. It was going to be so much fun, I just knew it.

The week before the wedding, my monthly returned; true, it was a sad reminder but it also meant a fresh start of sorts. Buck and I had agreed to spend the week apart, too, with me staying in the house while he once again slept in the bunkhouse. The fellas teased him good-naturedly - I heard Kid ask him if I'd had second thoughts and kicked him out. Noah wondered out loud how Buck could stand being separated from me, even for a few days. Buck was quick to reply.

"I hate this - but we've got the rest of our lives to make up for it."

Noah stayed quiet after that.

The night before the wedding, the fellas treated Buck to something called a "stag" - kind of a farewell to bachelorhood. They all camped out in the bunkhouse with a whole lot of food and, I thought, probably a bottle or two of whiskey. Tompkins and Barnett had been invited and Teaspoon bribed one of the other deputies to cover for him so he could pass on the wisdom he'd garnered over six marriages to Buck. I chuckled aloud at that, wondering how many times he could make Buck blush. It was probably a good indication of how things would go for Ike, too, if he ever got around to popping the question to Emily.

Rachel, Emily and I had our own little party of sorts in the kitchen of the house. They were, after all, the two women I was closest to in the world. I thought at first it was going to be a nice little glorified tea party, with us sitting around talking about what Buck and I should name our babies and trading recipes.

I really should've known better - this was Rachel and Emily, who knew all of my deepest darkest secrets. When Emily produced a bottle of wine and poured glasses for herself and me, I got a feeling of what our little party was _really_ going to be like.

All things considered, it went rather well; the wine only made us giddy and inclined to talk way too much. But that was all right - if I couldn't do that once in my life with my best friends, well, then life wasn't worth much. Rachel, I discovered, was even more of a smoking hot pistol than any of us had guessed. She taught us how to dance like saloon girls, and soon had us kicking up our heels on the kitchen floor. This, of course, made us thirsty, so more wine was in order. I drank lots of water - nothing was going to spoil my wedding day - then she taught us bawdy songs, such as she'd learned while dealing poker hands on the big paddle-wheel boats. And soon we were absolutely roaring with laughter loud enough to rival the bunkhouse full of men. At one point, Teaspoon poked his head out the door and hollered that if we couldn't keep it down, he'd arrest us himself for disturbing the peace.

Of course, this only made us laugh harder. And louder.

The wine finished, Emily produced another bottle. I smiled, holding out my glass; when her own glass had been filled and Rachel had a fresh cup of tea, she proposed a toast to bride and groom.

"To Running Buck and Louise: may your corral be full of horses and your house full of children!" she proclaimed. We agreed enthusiastically and drank heartily.

Truthfully, we were exhausted from the dancing followed by the singing. That's when Rachel suggested that a nice, quiet game was in order. Emily and I agreed to something she'd learned as a girl called Truth or Dare. "Since I suggested it, I'll go first, all right?" she asked, and we agreed.

"The bride-to-be gets to go first" she announced happily; Emily giggled and I groaned "Oh Lord - I sure am glad the fellas ain't here."

"So, Lou - do you want truth or dare?" Rachel queried with a sweet smile.

"Ummm..." I looked at Emily; she shrugged her shoulders. "I'll take - truth."

"All right - Lou, who was the first boy to ever kiss you?" Rachel asked with a big grin.

I laughed out loud. "His name was Tommy Turcotte, and we were both in the orphanage in St. Joe's. We were ten years old, and on my birthday he gave me a flower, kissed me _real_ quick-like on the lips, and ran away. " I giggled. "That was my first kiss."

"Awww...that's so sweet" the others laughed. I sat up straight.

"I get to go now, right?" I asked Rachel, and she nodded, smiling. "Emily - truth or dare?"

"Oh-oh" she muttered, and Rachel laughed behind her hand. "Truth?" she suggested tentatively, and I chuckled.

"Emily: what is one thing about you that no one else knows except for Ike?"

She muttered an expletive under her breath, sat up, and looked me straight in the eye. "No one except for Ike knows that I have freckles on both of my breasts."

Rachel and I burst into hearty laughter; after a moment, a red-faced Emily joined us. "That's so embarrassing!" she gasped, wiping her eyes. When she had regained control of her laughter, she turned to Rachel. I don't mind saying I was looking forward to this. "All right, Rachel Dunne: truth or dare?" Emily demanded, smiling.

Rachel looked from me to Emily and said "I think I'd better take the dare!"

"Make it a good one" I whispered to Emily.

"Rachel: I dare you to sneak over to the bunkhouse, eavesdrop on the fellas for one whole minute, and come back and tell us what you overheard."

Rachel was definitely up for the challenge. She scooted across the path, tiptoed up the bunkhouse steps as quiet as Buck could've, and stationed her ear on level with the keyhole. We timed her, and signalled to her when the minute was up. She ran across the path and burst through the door like a hunted animal.

"Well?" we demanded.

"They're talking about us" she laughed.

"_What_ - about us?" we asked breathlessly.

"Oh my Lord" she laughed. "Promise not to get mad?" We nodded impatiently.

"Emily, Ike says you've got the best - um, caboose. No, he said that! They had to translate out loud for Barnett and Tompkins!"

Emily looked both pleased and fit to be tied.

"Lou - Buck says you've got the best - you know," she gestured, "breasts."

"Why would he say that?" I asked, puzzled. "I've hardly got _any_."

"He says more than a handful's a waste, honey" she concluded.

I smiled, blushing. "And what about you?" I demanded.

"Teaspoon says I'm the - how did he put it? - the curviest." Rachel chuckled. "It could be worse!"

Oh, it could have been.

"All right, Louise - my turn again. Truth or dare?" Rachel asked with a giggle.

"I think I'll take dare this time" I said. "I can't take truth twice in a row, can I?" Rachel shook her head no.

"Louise soon-to-be-Cross: I dare you to go out on the porch right now and shout out loud that you love Buck!" Rachel said.

"You're sure that's all you want me to do?" I asked innocently. Emily, sensing something was up, leaned forward expectantly.

"That's it, Lou" Rachel said, bemused.

"Okay" I said cheerfully. I got to my feet, swaying just the tiniest bit, opened the kitchen door, and stood on the top porch step. Checking to see that the others had followed, I took a deep, deep breath. And promptly burst out laughing. I held onto the porch railing and laughed some more, then filled my lungs again. And burst out laughing again.

"Lou, are you gonna do this?" Emily asked, laughing.

"Okay...okay. Third time's the charm" I giggled. I took a deep breath, held onto the railing for dear life, and shouted at the top of my lungs.

"I love you, Running Buck Cross! I love you, Buck, and I cain't wait ta marry you tomorrow! Hell, let's get married _right now_ - what d'you say? You up for it, Buck? Why, you're _always_ up - "

Rachel and Emily dragged me inside before I let the world know he was always up for it whenever I was feeling frisky.

"Louise McLeod!' Rachel gasped out, laughing and crying. "What on _earth - ?"_

Emily collapsed into a chair and snorted, her eyes streaming. I landed in a chair - barely - and took a swig of wine from the bottle. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and looked at my two friends.

"What?" I asked innocently. They roared.

"Okay, okay. It's my turn." I set my elbows on the table and fixed Emily with an eagle eye. Only, there were now two of her. Damn, it was hard to focus. Deep breath.

"Em - " I hiccupped. "Emily , troof or dare?"

"_Dare_ me!" she challenged.

"Okey dokey. Emily Metcalfe, I dare you to march inside that bunkhouse, climb up on the table, and give all those fellas a saloon girl-type dance they'll _never_ forget!" I said with satisfaction.

"Hell, what're we waitin for?" Emily laughed, throwing the kitchen door open and running across the path. Hand on the doorknob to the bunkhouse, she waited impatiently for us. "Come on!" she said. "I can't wait to do this!"

"Wait!" I said. "I got me an idea!" I whispered to my two partners in crime and they nodded enthusiastically. "Ready?" I said excitedly. "Let's get 'em!"

With that, Emily threw open the door and the three of us ran inside, pushed aside various male bodies, and hopped up onto the card-strewn table. From the corner of my eye I caught Ike staring, slack-jawed; Buck with raised eyebrows and an expectant smile; and Teaspoon's broad grin. The three of us linked arms; Rachel began to sing, and we all began to dance a French can-can.

The fellas, while clearly unprepared for us, still weren't about to let a good deed go unthanked. When, flushed and panting with exertion, we bent over and hoisted our skirts as a grand finale, they clapped, cheered and whistled most appreciatively. As I swayed and was about to tumble off the table head-first Buck, bless his heart, caught me and slung me over his shoulder like a noisy sack of potatoes. On either side I saw Ike and Teaspoon follow suit with Emily and Rachel. We were hoisted up and carted away into the main street of town - and straight into the marshal's office, where we were dumped unceremoniously onto the jail floor. The cell door shut with a _clang!_ behind us.

When I realized where we were, I opened my mouth to protest - noisily. Teaspoon, however, held up his hand.

"Louise" he said, very quietly, "not a word now. _Not" _he repeated sternly, "a word."

The three of us stared at each other glumly. "Guess we went too far, huh?" I said in a low voice to the others.

"Hell, no!" Emily exclaimed. "We was jus' havin a little fu-" she hiccupped, "fu-" she hiccupped again, "fun, thass all! We gived 'em a _great_ dance, an' thiss izza thangs we ged for id!" she pouted.

"You're right, you know" Rachel said to the two of us. "Teaspoon, why exactly are we locked up?"

"You are, as you put it, _locked up_ because of public drunkenness and, I might add, disturbin the peace!" Teaspoon said with a big smile - he was enjoying every second of this, the rat, as were all the other fellas. "Why, you all was carryin on so loud the ladies over to the church havin their Ladies' Aid meetin could hear you laughin an' carryin on! 'Course, what they was _really_ complainin about was the singin - some o' them old biddies just don't appreciate a good chorus of "Roll Me Over in the Clover". Rachel, you have got one amazin singin voice, don't she fellas?"

"She sure does - but Lou and Emily can hold their own pretty well, too!" Buck added, Ike agreeing with him enthusiastically.

Rachel laughed and shook her head, holding it in her hands. "I can see I'm going to need to have a little chat with Mamie Carswell, Teaspoon" she said ruefully. "If she's still speaking to me, that is."

"Shucks, Rachel" Teaspoon laughed, taking off his hat and smoothing back his long silver hair. "Don't you worry none 'bout _her_ - it was Mrs. Doc Barnes and her cronies what demanded you be locked up. Why, Mamie was the one tryin' ta _keep_ me from lockin' y'all up here!"

""I thinks I _juuust_ might haff ta thank 'er" I whispered boozily to Emily, who was crying and hiccupping on my shoulder. "Hey, Ike - does y'all have a spare handkechief? I thinks Emily might need it. Thags, Ike honey." I handed the handkerchief to Emily, who wiped her eyes and noisily blew her nose.

"Thags - " hiccup "Ike - " hiccup "honey." She handed the soggy mass back to him. He smiled, shook his head, and stuffed it in his back pocket.

*Come here, sweetie* he signed to her. She got to her feet - with a lot of help - and stumbled over to the cell door. Ike reached through the bars and smoothed her mussed-up hair from her face. *Don't worry, Emmy - Teaspoon'll let you out real soon. You were just having some fun, was all*

Emily opened her mouth to speak - and promptly hiccupped. "You - " hiccup - "you mean y'all don't hate me?" Hiccup. Sniffle.

*No! I could never hate you! I _love _you, Emily Metcalfe - I love you so much I want to marry you. If you'd have me, that is* Ike added.

Buck cheered. "Way to go, Ike!"

Rachel cooed, "That's so _sweet_! Here we are, locked up in jail, and he proposed to you! How many women get proposed to in jail?"

I prodded Emily with the toe of my boot. "Well?" I demanded.

"Well - " hiccup - "what?" she answered.

"Y'all gonna marry the poor guy or not?" I crossed my arms and tapped my foot impatiently. "We're waitin!"

Emily began crying afresh. "Of - " hiccup "course I'll marry you, Ike!" Hiccup. "I wanna marry you and - " hiccup "have" hiccup "lots of" hiccup "babies with you!"

Hiccup.

We all clapped and cheered - and there was quite a little crowd in the small office. All of my brothers, and Buck; Teaspoon, Rachel, and Emily; Tompkins and Barnett; and Mrs. Carswell, who had come to persuade Teaspoon to let us out.

He did that promptly. "I want to kiss the bride!" he announced, hugging and kissing first me then Emily. Buck clapped Ike on the back, as did our other brothers. I hugged Emily and patted her on the back, and a miracle happened.

She stopped hiccupping and we all cheered with relief.

While everyone was talking and laughing, I took Mrs. Carswell aside. "I jus' wanna thank y'all, ma'am - ah guess we all kinda got carried away. You mus' think we're nothin but a no-good buncha heathens."

True to form Mrs. Carswell laughed. "My dear girl, don't be so hard on yourself - you're only young once, you know. Those sour old maids never had any fun in their lives at all, and it shows. I can't wait to see you and Buck get married. It's going to be just beautiful, I know!"

"Thank you, ma'am" I whispered. "You're very kind."

"Not at all. And Louise?" I nodded. "You have a terrible singing voice." I shook with laughter and she bade us all goodnight.

"Well, folks - time ta call it a night - we got quite a day ahead of us again tomorrow" Teaspoon announced, ushering all of us outside. I hugged Rachel and Emily.

"You are the best friends I could ever have and I love you both! Thank you for such an unforgettable night."

The three of us hugged; Buck and Ike worked their way amongst us. *Thanks for the dance, ladies!* Ike signed cheekily. *I'll never forget that as long as I live!*

"Me neither" Buck added, pausing to kiss me on the lips. "Something tells me it was your idea" he said, tickling me in the side. I shrieked and wriggled in his grasp.

"Save it for the honeymoon, you two!" Jimmy called out to us. We just laughed and watched Ike and Emily, lost in their own little world.

"I'm so happy for them, Buck" I whispered. He put his arms around me and kissed my hair, my ear, my neck.

"Me too" he whispered back. "But I can't wait til it's this time tomorrow, and we're alone together. I've missed you so much!"

"Mmm-hmm" I murmured, lost in his kisses.

Alone upstairs in our bed, I watched him walk to the bunkhouse, alone for the last time ever.

**A/N: Sorry for the wait, folks! Real life has been moderately crazy lately. But it looks as though the wedding is a go - thank you, my dear Sarah and Jenna, for your wonderful input...hehehe...they DID land in jail after all! I tried to keep the bachelorette party in the time period - but the little vixens got away on me! No surprise there...**

**On to the wedding (and the wedding night...) ;) ML**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: just the usual not-mine-and-never-will-be.**

On the morning of October twenty-fourth, my birthday, my wedding day, I awoke at dawn. I slipped into ordinary clothes just as though it was any other day and hurried downstairs to put the coffee on to brew. While I waited, I whipped up a batch of biscuits and a couple dozen muffins - we did, after all, have to eat and we needed extra for the wedding supper later.

I drained my coffee cup and gobbled down a marmalade muffin, then hurried to the chicken coop to gather breakfast eggs. As the hens clucked sleepily, I smiled to myself, thinking that the next time I did this I would be Mrs. Buck Cross. Forever and ever. I wondered if Buck was awake in the bunkhouse, wondered if something similar was going through his mind. I had missed him so much this last week; it had seemed like an eternity since we had been together, but tonight all that would change. Once we departed from the wedding supper, we would be alone together again.

I wanted the day to pass by quickly so I kept as busy as possible. The wedding wasn't until three o'clock, with the supper to follow at four- thirty. I knew there was more baking to be done; I planned on making a big chocolate cake and a black walnut-spice cake, as well as baked beans and ham to cut up. I also planned on taking a hot bath after lunch.

I had saved rose petals from wild roses in the summer and dried them, keeping them in a special jar on the dresser and to be used in my bath water on my wedding day. I pulled the stopper from the jar every day; their smell took me back to the Kiowa camp and the cleansing bath before the vision quest. I remembered the beautiful beaded ceremonial doeskin dress; I remembered Buck, breathtakingly handsome in his buckskin pants and the shirt with the elaborate quillwork, his dark hair gleaming, his eyes warm pools of brown velvet. A shiver ran down my spine thinking of him.

And suddenly I was in his arms; while I daydreamed away at the stove, he had let himself in the kitchen door. He came up behind me and took me in his arms and I was wrapped in his strength and his warmth. The very smell of him drove me wild; I turned in his arms and his mouth claimed mine in a deep, deep kiss. I pulled back and looked deep into his eyes, almost black and smouldering with passion.

We kissed in the kitchen by dawn's early light until we both ran out of air. We held each other, panting.

"Good morning to you, too" I said breathlessly, smiling into his eyes. He kissed me on the mouth.

"I know we're not supposed to see each other, but I couldn't stay away any longer" he whispered, holding me close to him. He had missed me, I could feel his fierce arousal pressing into me. I pressed into him harder.

"I missed you more" I whispered back with a mischievous smile. He groaned softly.

"This afternoon seems like a lifetime away" he complained. I squeezed his hand.

"I know" I said quietly. I poured him a cup of coffee and handed him a muffin. "Let's sneak out and go for a walk before everyone's up and telling us we shouldn't see each other til the wedding."

Buck grabbed me by the hand and together we snuck out the kitchen door. On the porch, he drank down his coffee and set the empty cup on the top step. He ate the muffin while we walked out of town towards the picnic rock. Once his hands were free, we held hands as we walked along together.

At the picnic rock we sat down as one. I looked at him, his handsome beloved face, as he regarded me with love shining in his eyes.

"There's still time to call it off if you're of a mind to" he said quietly, playing with the fingers of my hand. I snorted derisively.

"Why on earth would I go and do that?" I asked him as he stared down at the rock. He looked up at me, squinting against the bright sun.

"Things haven't magically changed, Lou" he said matter-of-factly. "There will always be those who see me as nothing but a half-breed bastard, and they'll be right - it's what I am. And if you're married to me, you'll be seen as a breed's whore."

His words were stark and heartbreaking, but I knew what he said was right. I reached for his hands.

"I love you, Running Buck Cross" I said softly. "I think I've always loved you, even when I didn't know it yet. Those stupid ignorant people aren't going to keep us apart. I know it ain't always goin to be easy - but I love you and I want to spend my life with you here in Rock Creek with our family. I made my mind up about that the very night you asked me to marry you. And I ain't changed my mind since then, either."

I held his gaze with my own, brown eyes locked on brown, for a long moment. Finally he spoke.

"Then I guess we are getting married today after all" he said with a smile.

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away from you, Buck Cross." I leaned over and kissed his cheek. "There's somethin I've been wantin to ask you, just I've been waitin for the right time." He raised his eyebrows inquiringly. "Buck, when Ike and I went on that run to Platte Bridge, I bought something special. Something for the two of us."

Buck nodded at me to go on. "I know you don't hold with white men's traditions, but there is one I'd like us to observe." I paused and looked into his brown eyes.

"It sounds like something that matters to you, Lou" he said encouragingly, and I felt relieved.

"I got us a pair of rings, Buck. They're silver and completely plain. What they mean to me is the circle that has no beginning and no end. The same way our love has no beginning and no end."

Buck considered this. "I'd like that very much, Louise" he said quietly. ""Maybe we can tell Teaspoon we'd like to put the rings on after we say our vows."

"Thank you" I whispered joyfully. I kissed Buck full on the lips and damned if I didn't want to do a whole lot more than that, but it would have to wait. He seemed to feel this, too, and contented himself with holding me close and stroking my hair.

"I've waited my whole life for this day to come, Lou, and it's finally here" he said quietly. "I thought it would never get here."

"I didn't think I'd ever get married at all" I replied. "I didn't think anyone would want me - not after Wicks-" My voice faltered.

"That part of your life is over, Lou" Buck said, kissing my hair. "It's time to close the book on Wicks, and the orphanage, and anything that ever hurt you. We're both starting fresh today. We've got our whole lives ahead of us."

"Then we'd better get back before Rachel and Teaspoon think we've gone and eloped" I laughed. "Not that it hasn't crossed my mind from time to time."

"If we had, they'd be the first to up and shoot us for pulling a stunt like that" Buck snorted and I laughed with him. We got to our feet, but before we started the walk back to Rock Creek Buck pulled me in close to him. He tipped up my chin with his gentle fingers and kissed me deeply, thoroughly.

"That's to hold us over until tonight" he whispered.

Rachel was just dishing up fried eggs and flapjacks when we walked inside the bunkhouse. She smiled at us like a benign angel.

"Just in time" she said, heaping flapjacks onto Buck's plate and mine. "It's a beautiful day for a wedding, you two." We nodded enthusiastically, mouths full.

"You mean you're really goin through with it, Lou? You're really gonna marry this guy?" Noah teased with a twinkle in his eye. Once I'd swallowed what was in my mouth I stuck my tongue out at him.

"How's that bettin pool comin, Cody?" I asked cheerfully and Buck choked on a mouthful of fried egg. Ike obligingly pounded him on the back.

"Real good, Lou" Cody replied just as cheerfully. "Someone sure does stand to make a lot of money."

"Is that so?" I asked, intrigued. "How much money's in the pool?"

"Close to thirty dollars, last I checked" he answered, and it was my turn to choke. Buck whacked me on the back until I could breathe again.

"Thanks" I murmured and winked at him almost imperceptibly. He gave me a tiny, conspiratorial smile in return.

"Eat up, everyone! Lots to do before this afternoon!" Rachel hurried everyone through breakfast but no one went hungry. Afterwards, Buck and Ike did the washing-up and I dove headfirst into the beans and baking. The morning just flew by, I was that busy, and first thing I knew Rachel summoned everyone for a lunch of sandwiches and cookies and fruit. Oh, there was grumbling and long faces but the fellas were reminded that supper promised to be huge, probably more than even Cody could handle.

Kid and Noah had dish duty after lunch, and I managed to squeeze in a moment alone with Buck. I hurriedly whispered into his ear a plan that had been brewing in my head all morning. He chuckled quietly, and promised me he'd trump up an excuse to leave the station for a few minutes before it was time to get ready for the ceremony. Watching him depart, I giggled to myself - someone was going to enjoy a hearty helping of crow along with the rest of their dinner tonight.

After that, my mind seemed to lapse into a kind of fog - it finally dawned on me that I was getting married to Buck today, _for real,_ and I would be known as Louise Cross, forever and ever til the end of my days. Luckily Rachel and Emily were there to steer me in the right direction, otherwise I don't know what I would have done other than gotten married in my oldest, most worn-out skirt and blouse.

Rachel put water on to heat and I got my beautiful doeskin dress out of Buck's trunk in our bedroom. He had already gotten out his buckskins, I saw, and I hurried through my rosewater bath so he would have time also to bathe. Once I was done, Emily, in her lovely new deep-green dress, ushered me upstairs so that Buck could bathe in peace in the downstairs bedroom. I grumbled - I would gladly have stayed and washed his back - but I knew I could do that for the rest of our lives after today.

My two friends gasped outright when I slipped into the long white doeskin dress with its intricate beadwork. They then proceeded to go to work on my hair, which now grazed the tops of my shoulders. Emily braided and Rachel wove autumn flowers and Solomon's seal berries throughout. Rachel and I then put up Emily's hair in the same manner. Finally, I slipped on the white doeskin mocassins and was allowed to stand in front of the tall cheval mirror. I stared at my reflection in the glass.

"Heart of a Warrior" I murmured, smiling and putting my palm to the glass.

My skin was deeply tanned from the hours I'd spent working outside in the summer months. With my black eyebrows and deep brown eyes, I looked more Indian than white. And that was all right with me - I would gladly and proudly be known as Running Buck's wife Heart of a Warrior.

My cheeks glowed with anticipation; I wore a crown of the rich fruits of the season. I felt - almost - beautiful.

Emily and Rachel came up behind me. Rachel slid the slender silver chain around my neck and fastened the clasp. The locket Buck had given me as a betrothal gift hung down the front of the beaded dress.

I was ready - there was only one thing missing.

I went to the chest of drawers and, opening the top drawer, took out a black velvet pouch. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I shook out the two rings into my palm.

"They're gorgeous, Lou" Rachel said reverently.

"They're so beautiful" Emily said, smiling but with tears in her eyes. "Ike told me you got them in Platte Bridge."

"I took a chance when I got them" I said, remembering, "but Buck believes in the same thing. The circle with no beginning or end."

We burst into tears and hugged and cried.

Rachel departed to help set up at the town hall and then to change into her good clothes, leaving me alone with just Emily. I was glad of this; I'd been hoping for a chance to talk to her and we'd been so busy lately.

We sat sprawled on the big double bed like a couple of young girls. First thing she asked me was "Well? How does it _feel_?"

I laughed and shook my head at her usual forthright manner. I rolled over onto my back, careful not to mess up my hair, and sighed.

"I know it's real" I said thoughtfully, "but it's going to take a while before it _really_ seems real. But I'll tell you something - I am so happy! I love Buck so much! I just cannot imagine my life without him in it now. It's like all of this was meant to happen, and it did. Just like you and Ike are meant to be together."

She regarded me with a small smile and tears in her eyes once again. "I do love him so, Lou" she whispered, sniffling a little. She smiled then for real and laughed. "I can't imagine my life without Ike in it, either! He is the sweetest, most gentle man there is - and I can't wait to get married to him."

"Have you got a date in mind?" I asked, rolling over carefully onto my stomach.

"I've been thinking about it - just I haven't had a chance to talk about it with Ike yet." I raised my eyebrows and nodded encouragingly.

"So - ?" I asked impatiently.

"_"So -_ " she said, imitating my impatience, "I was thinking of December twenty-fourth. I know it's Christmas Eve, but it's also my birthday."

"I hope Ike says yes to that, cause it would be so beautiful! A Christmas wedding! Can you imagine - ?"

We looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"I guess I should get married first, huh?" I asked sheepishly. Emily snorted.

"Maybe. Look - there goes Ike and Buck. It's our turn next."

I slipped hurriedly into a set of pantaloons for propriety's sake - after all, I would be riding astride in a dress - and giving the pouch with the rings in it to Emily, made my way down the stairs. Outside, we found Rachel leading Lightning out of the barn, already saddled, and Buster, also saddled and tied to the hitching rail. Rachel beamed at us.

"I'm going ahead now with Teaspoon" she said happily. "Follow along in about five minutes, all right?" She threw her arms around me and hugged me tight.

"I love you, Louise" she whispered. "I am so happy for you and Buck. He is a good, good man and he loves you to pieces, I can see it in the way he looks at you."

"I love you, Rachel" I whispered tearfully. "Thank you - for everything."

She handed me a handkerchief and I wiped my eyes. I watched as she mounted Cloud and headed towards the marshal's office. Teaspoon emerged and mounted Mustard; he and Rachel turned and waved, then cantered off out of Rock Creek.

The silence around us didn't seem real - the town had never been this quiet. I was glad to mount Lightning and ride beside Emily out of town towards the picnic rock. We were still a little distance away when I heard a shout.

"Look - here they come!"

Emily and I looked at each other and laughed. We rode on and soon came to the clearing. All around us, the trees flamed red, yellow, and orange; the sun shone brightly from a cloudless sky.

Teaspoon stood in the center of the picnic rock. Rachel stood over to his right at the very front. Two large groups of people stood, one on the left and one on the right. Buck and Ike stood beside Teaspoon on his left; our Pony Express family of brothers stood just a little ways back. The folks of Rock Creek - and there were a lot of them - stood to either side, leaving an aisle up the middle. Emily went on ahead of me and turned left at the front; Barnett took her horse and tied him to a tree branch.

Finally, I rode Lightning up the center of the aisle, and listened to the collective sigh of "Oooh!" from those assembled. When I reached Teaspoon, I dismounted and handed Lightning to Barnett, who tipped his hat at me.

Emily handed me the pouch containing the rings and I shook them out with steady hands. I handed Buck's ring to her to hold for me, and when Teaspoon summoned me and Buck to approach I handed my ring to Buck, who handed it to Ike. I turned and faced Teaspoon, Buck standing to my right. Teaspoon cleared his throat and slipped on his spectacles.

"Friends, family...We are gathered here today to celebrate the joining of Running Buck and Louise in the bonds of marriage." He beamed at us. "This young man and woman began their journey as strangers, orphans brought together by the Pony Express. They have worked, ridden, and fought side by side through thin and flush...and grown in friendship, and then in love. I, personally, have never seen two people more suited to each other. Unless, of course, that would be Ike and Emily here - have the two of you set a date yet? No? Well, you'd best get busy then."

Beside me Buck chuckled, and for the first time I allowed myself to look at him. And oh my Lord in heaven, but he was a sight! I darn near swooned right off of my mocassined feet, cause I had never seen anything more beautiful.

Like the Kiowa warrior he was, he stood broad-shouldered, proud and tall, spine straight, his eyes almost black, his dark hair gleaming in the sun with a braid wrapped in fur by his left ear. He stood quiet and steady, and when he turned to look at me, I felt myself drowning in the dark velvet pools of his eyes. I nearly didn't hear Teaspoon speak.

He cleared his throat as the laughter of the crowd died down from his last remark. He adjusted his spectacles. "Now - if there be anyone here who objects to this woman being joined with this man - and I dang well hope there ain't - let them speak now, or forever hold their peace."

He peered over the tops of his spectacles. "No? Good! Now then...Buck, Louise - I believe you've written your own marriage vows? Buck, if you'd like to begin..."

A hush fell over the assembled crowd as Buck and I turned to face each other. Buck took my hands, gave them a reassuring squeeze, and began to speak.

"With every breath in my body, with every beat of my heart:

In joy and in sorrow, in health and in sickness;

I will love you and cherish you, Louise,

I will trust you and respect you.

As we grow to know each other yet more deeply, I will be at your side now and always,

In this life and in the land behind the sun,

_Nah khoam:_ my friend,

_Nah ah tah-day:_ my wife,

_Nah tane kope day:_ my heart.

_Tday, naw tane doe aim own p'ayle doe:_ I love you with all my heart."

He spoke loudly enough to be heard by all, but he was speaking only to me. He held my gaze with his brown eyes, dark and full of love. When he had finished speaking, Ike stepped forward and handed him my ring, pausing just long enough to smile at Buck and wink at me.

I couldn't help but smile, and then Buck slipped the smaller silver ring onto my finger. He spoke once again.

"The circle which has no beginning and no end; our love, which has no beginning and no end."

Tears of happiness filled my eyes. I took Buck's hands in mine and began to speak, softly at first then growing in strength and confidence.

"My dearest love:

You have captured my heart and my soul is bound to yours.

I will stay at your side throughout our life's journey and beyond,

And I will love you, trust you, honour you, and obey you

Every day as I grow to know you more.

You are gentle in your strength, and fierce in your caring,

You showed me the meaning of compassion,

You taught me how to hope,

And my love for you is endless.

_Nah khoam:_ my friend,

_Nah ah-kxee-day: _my husband,

_Nah tane kope day:_ my heart,

_Tday, naw tane doe aim own p'ayle doe:_ I love you with all my heart."

I turned to Emily, who handed me Buck's ring with tears in her eyes. I slid the ring onto the third finger of Buck's left hand, and he smiled a breathtaking, joyful smile. I spoke one last time:

"The circle which has no beginning and no end; our love, which has no beginning and no end."

The crowd gave a large, contented sigh; we glanced up at Teaspoon, who was hurriedly wiping his eyes. He cleared his throat and returned to the business at hand.

"Running Buck, Louise...I now pronounce you man and wife. Son," he smiled at Buck, "you may kiss the bride!"

The crowd cheered and clapped as Buck laughed with joy and kissed me long and deep. We were pelted with flowers thrown by our friends and family; when we finally came up for air, we were hugged and kissed by darn near every person there starting with Teaspoon, Rachel, and our brothers. All were beaming except for Cody.

"What's with the long face, Billy?" I heard Rachel ask him. He looked at her, his expression glum.

"Mrs. Reverend Carswell won the betting pool - she was the only person brave enough to think that Lou would actually say she'll obey Buck!"

Buck and I cracked up as we were handed our horses' reins. We mounted up and cantered the mile back into Rock Creek. Upon our arrival, young Deputy Watson hurried up to Teaspoon, who dismounted from Mustard and threw Kid the reins.

"Marshal Hunter, there's been a shooting in your absence" the young deputy said worriedly. "I don't know the woman who was shot."

"Where's the body, son?" Teaspoon asked quietly. Deputy Watson pointed to a wagon parked just outside the undertaker's. "Well," he said heavily, "best take a look."

Our assembled family walked across the street to the wagon with heavy hearts and expecting the worst. With a sigh, Teaspoon drew the sheet down to expose her face."Anyone know who she is?" he asked.

I gazed at her white face, her dark hair...She was young...I had seen her somewhere before...Then Kid spoke.

"That's Rosemary Burke" he said quietly. "Isaiah Burke's wife; Jimmy and I met up with her in Kansas in the summer. Who shot her, Watson?" he asked.

"A man named Pearson it was" Watson answered. " 'Pears he got wind that she was headed up this way and followed her, and when he and his gang caught up with her, he shot her."

"What was she doing heading to -?" Teaspoon began, then looked at me and Buck. We exchanged a long glance, and Buck silently nodded. "Don't imagine she has any family left."

"She only had Isaiah until he was killed." Jimmy hadn't spoken until then; his face was white with shock. "We should at least give her a proper burial."

"We will, son" Teaspoon said quietly, setting a hand on Jimmy's shoulder. "But not today. "

"We got a wedding celebration tonight, don't forget" Rachel said, and Jimmy smiled at us and nodded.

Back at the house, I changed out of my wedding dress and into the russet-coloured dress I had made for this occasion. I helped Buck change out of his buckskin suit into his best trousers, shirt, and jacket. We looked at each other and burst into hearty laughter. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

"I love you, Mr. Cross" I whispered joyfully into Buck's ear as he hugged me tight.

"I love you, Mrs. Cross" he whispered into my hair. "I can't wait to dance with my wife" he said mischievously.

"Be careful what you wish for, Mr. Cross, cause I just might wear you out" I said teasingly, waggling my eyebrows at him.

"I can't wait" he said happily, a blush creeping over his face just like when we first fell in love. "Let's go have some dinner and then we can dance all night long."

"Mmmm...sounds like you're up for it" I teased.

"You'd better believe it" he whispered. I darn near dragged him out the bedroom door and down the stairs.

When we stepped inside the packed town hall, Teaspoon was waiting for us.

"I present to you: Mr. and Mrs. Running Buck Cross! A long and happy life to you!"

The townsfolk cheered and clapped, and a small band began to play a slow waltz. Buck bowed to me and I curtsied to him, then I was swept away in his arms on the dance floor.

We danced and danced; I danced with Teaspoon and Ike and every one of my brothers. Buck danced with Rachel and Emily, and Mrs. Reverend Carswell. I saw her whisper something into his ear and a large grin spread across his face. When at last we danced together again, I asked him what she had said. He threw his head back and laughed heartily.

"You know that Mrs. Carswell foiled Cody and won the betting pool" he began. I nodded my head, a slow grin spreading across my face.

"You want to know what she's doing with the money?" Buck asked.

"Sending Cody to charm school?" I suggested.

"That's not a bad idea...but no, not that." Buck chuckled, shaking his head.

"What, then?" I raised my eyebrows.

"She's given the money to Otis over at the Rock Creek Hotel, and paid for a room for us. We can stay there for a week, if we've a mind to" Buck said, kissing me on the lips. I laughed happily.

"Buck, I'd never even thought about a honeymoon! How wonderful!" I exclaimed.

"It gets better" Buck went on. "Rachel, Emily, and Ike packed bags for both of us so we can go straight there when we're done here!" he finished triumphantly.

"Let's hurry up and eat" I suggested. Buck wasted no time filling our plates.

The supper was everything I'd hoped for, and more. Almost everyone from Rock Creek was there at least long enough to congratulate us; some, like Tompkins, had to return to their places of business, and farmers had to hurry home to feed livestock. But most folks stayed long enough to dance and enjoy the wonderful supper the ladies had put together.

At long last, though, it was time for us to leave; Buck and I just looked at each other and nodded. We made our way over to Teaspoon. He stood up and hugged us both.

"Godspeed, Buck...Louise" he said quietly. "I know, it sounds like I'm sayin goodbye...but I ain't. I'm wishin you Godspeed as you start on your journey together as husband and wife."

"Thank you, sir" Buck said quietly, shaking his hand. I threw my arms around Teaspoon and hugged him hard.

"You're the only father I've ever known" I said tearfully, "and the best father there ever was. Thank you" I said, wiping my eyes on his sleeve.

"Now, Lou...don't take on so" Teaspoon said soothingly. "I'll always be here for ya. Someone's got ta help ya get started on that ranch of yours. Me ' n' Rachel an' the other boys'll be here to help, always."

Rachel hugged me, then Buck, and then Jimmy, Kid, Ike, Emily, Noah, and Cody came to say their goodbyes.

"Thank you, everyone" I said. "We couldn't have done this without your help, you know."

"Sure you could've" Kid laughed. "You really didn't need our help!" I swatted him good-naturedly.

*Make him put stockings on if his feet are too cold* Ike signed cheekily, and I giggled.

"That's good advice" I murmured, and hugged him.

"It was a beautiful wedding, Lou" Emily said, her eyes shining. "Thank you for asking me to stand up for you."

"I'm so glad you were there." I kissed her cheek. "Now just you and Ike have to set a date!"

"We'll start working on it tonight" she laughed, and Ike hugged her.

"Kick him out of bed if he snores too loud, Lou" Jimmy suggested.

"Not a chance!" I muttered.

"Yeah...you gotta start workin on that big family you're gonna have" Noah said slyly.

Finally it was just us and Cody. I stuck my hand out for him to shake. "Cody...it's been good knowin ya" I said. He shoved my hand away and wrapped me in a bearhug.

"Lou...Buck...that was a beautiful wedding" he said reverently. "You two are just right for each other."

"Thanks, Cody" Buck smiled, shaking his hand and pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry you lost the betting pool."

"Aw, heck...maybe the next wedding, who knows?" He considered us appraisingly. "You two want some advice?"

"Sure" Buck and I said together. "What is it?"

"Don't break the bed. Otis gets awful cranky when the furniture gets broke."

Bearing Cody's advice in mind, Buck and I walked down the street to the Rock Creek Hotel. Otis was working behind the desk and he greeted us with a broad smile.

"Congratulations, Buck...Louise! I've been expecting you." He beamed as Buck signed the register. "You'll be in room two-twelve, on the right and at the end of the hall. The maid will be up in just a moment."

We thanked him, and he handed Buck the key to the room. "I wonder why the maid's coming up?" I wondered aloud as we climbed the stairs.

"I don't know...maybe they forgot something" Buck replied. When we reached the room Buck unlocked the door, then picked me up and carried me over the threshold. Before setting me back down, i looped my arms around his neck and we kissed long and slow and deep.

I was breathless when he finally set me on my feet again. Just then Sally, the chambermaid, knocked discreetly at the door. "Come in!" we both called and she stepped inside, setting a covered tray and a vase of flowers on the table beside the fireplace.

"The Reverend and Mrs. Carswell send their regards" the young, freckle-faced girl said cheerfully. "And the flowers are from Mr. Tompkins over to the mercantile. Congratulations!" she said mischievously before departing, closing the door behind her.

"How lovely!" I exclaimed, burying my nose in the large bouquet of roses and breathing deeply. "Who says an old leopard can't change his spots?"

Buck laughed heartily and handed me a note that had been sitting on the tray. "Read this" he said, still laughing.

I unfolded a sheet of deckle-edged paper and began reading.

_My dear Buck and Louise,_

_I have attended many weddings over the years, but I have never witnessed one as uniquely beautiful and as heartfeltedly honest as yours today. Buck, your pride in your Kiowa heritage is humbling and inspiring. Louise, you were a most lovely bride and your Kiowa wedding dress was so absolutely beautiful. You both are so fortunate to have a spouse who shares in your particular beliefs. _

_My husband and I have sent you a wedding toast of champagne. Just one glass, Louise, we don't want to get you singing again!_

_May you have a long and joy-filled life together._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Mamie Catharine Carswell_

"Oh, that dear, sweet woman" I whispered, my eyes misting over. "How can we ever thank her?"

"By honouring the bonds of marriage and having a happy life together." Buck walked over to the door and locked it, then took a glass of champagne from the tray. "To Louise: my best friend, my beautiful wife...the mother of the children we will have. My dearest love."

We carefully clinked our glasses together and sipped the fizzy, pale wine. I giggled.

"The bubbles tickle my nose" I explained. I then raised my own glass.

"To Running Buck: the bravest man I know...my best friend, my husband...the father of the children we will have. My dearest love."

Once again we clinked glasses, then drank down the cold wine. Buck put his arms around me tenderly.

"I love you, Louise Cross" he whispered, kissing my hair and rocking me gently in his arms. "And right now, I just want to show you how much I love you...if you'll let me, that is."

He looked down at me with such love shining in his eyes...I reached up and slid his jacket off of his shoulders and down his arms, set it over the back of a chair. "I'd like to show you a thing or two as well, Buck Cross...like how much I love you...how much I need you and want you...if you'll let me..."

Buck made an inarticulate sound like a strangled moan, and proceeded to begin unbuttoning my dress. He soon had me out of my dress, leaving just the camisole top and pantaloons. I laughed self-consciously.

"I know...I look so beautiful." I felt my cheeks flush. Buck ran his warm hands over my shoulders, down my sides.

"You are so lovely." He nuzzled my neck with his lips and I threw my head back. He kissed and nibbled his way down my neck to my shoulder, then I lifted my head and began to unbutton his shirt.

"I think we should get out of these pesky clothes" I said breathlessly. He made a noise of assent, and I sat on the edge of the bed to unlace my boots and peel off my stockings; beside me, Buck did the same. At last, I drew Buck's shirt off; he lifted my camisole top up and over my head, letting it fall to the floor.

We stood as one...I drew the covers down. Buck came in close and reached for me, removing the flowers and berries from my braided hair and setting them on the bedside table. And when he was done he lifted me up with his strong arms and kissed me deeply and set me down on the bed.

We lay together side by side, not needing words to express the love we felt for each other. I closed my eyes as Buck's hands and lips began to roam over my body touching and tasting, caressing and stroking...I twined my fingers in his long silky hair as his mouth reached my breast and I sighed with delight...moaned as his lips and tongue suckled and rasped over the nipple. I slid my hand down to grasp his manhood with my hand, feeling the hardness and the heat...the clear droplets that leaked from the head of him...and I moved my hand up and over the velvety moist head and down again. He thrust and bucked up, hard, into my hand and whispered "I won't last if you keep that up."

I laughed breathily..."We've got all the time in the world" I whispered into the shell of his ear. He growled at that and nuzzled the soft skin of my belly, moving ever lower, pausing to dip his tongue into the dimple of my navel, laughing when I giggled at that as always. I wasn't giggling when he moved my legs apart and kissed the insides of my thighs...I bent my legs at the knees, anticipating what he would do next.

And he didn't disappoint. His warm breath stirred the dark curls covering my woman's parts; he spread me open with gentle fingers and I cried out softly as he placed an open-mouthed kiss on the place where I wanted him, needed him the most. My fisted hands grabbed blindly at the sheets as he tasted the rich juices flowing from me; firm and gentle hands held my hips as he suckled and stroked with lips and tongue...

...and held me tight as I came undone beneath him, shattering to pieces and soaring through the air. I babbled nonsense words, and he stroked my hair and kissed me, letting me taste myself on him.

"Love me, Buck" I whispered then. "Take me...love me, and I'll love you..."

He was on top of me, inside of me, moving slowly at first...and then moving with more speed and more power. He thrust and I rocked in the rhythm we had made for ourselves, the rhythm of our love, and at last he thrust up hard and cried out, spilling his seed in me and I clutched him inside and out, panting...

He held me in his arms afterwards; he stroked my sweaty hair from my forehead and I kissed his chest. "It's been quite a day, hasn't it" I whispered, stroking his leg with my foot. He groaned and smiled.

"Only the best day of my life" he whispered back. "The best day ever."

I slipped out of bed and poured a glass of water and handed it to Buck. "You might want to drink this now" I said with a sly grin. He leaned up on one elbow and took the glass, draining the water in one long swallow. He handed the glass back to me with a smile.

"I suggest you do the same" he said. "I plan on keeping you busy for most of the night."

I laughed outright at that but I did follow his advice and drank down a full glass of water. And then I was right back in bed beside my beloved husband...right where I wanted to be.

**A/N: Well, they did it - and the wedding went off without a hitch! (No pun intended.) Hope you like; I got a little teary-eyed, myself, as they said their vows. Speaking of which: many, MANY thanks to my darling and amazing Jenna, who gave me pointers and suggestions and input for the vows. My dear, THANK YOU! So much!**

**I don't know 'bout you, but I need a cold shower. These two are so sweet and they just are not shy at all, are they? I'd say the money from the betting pool was wisely and thoughtfully spent - let's hope they don't keep all the hotel guests awake with their luvvin...! ;)**

**And yes, there is more to come :) ML**


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